2nd Trimester

Baby Shower hostess...GRR-venting

So my friend #1 said she was goin to throw me a baby shower, make me a tres leches cake for it cause thats what Im craving and then do this and that and the other. After talking to another friend #2 it was agreed to have it at her house since I have no parking and I dont want my guests getting parking tickets thanks to the city's stupid no parking signs. Well I threw up an invite on FB just so I could get names and addresses for the official invites. Then me and my DH's roommate (friend #3) went looking for what kind of decorations/theme I wanted.

But so far #1 has yet to come to my house to work on the invites, which we were waiting on cause I wanted the 3D u/s pic on them, but Ive had the pics since the 8th now. I dont think #1 has even went looking for decorations let alone I dont know if she realizes she has to buy the decor or what!? at least #3 is goin to buy some of the food for me to cook. (yes I said I am cooking, even not being PG I am SEVERELY anal about food being served ...and with it being a certain type of food I dont want it messed up by Yankees! lol no offense Yanks!)  

DH even stopped by #1's work and said that I had been waiting for her to come over for help with the invites and she told him she didnt know I wanted her to come over!  I told him "uhhh You heard me tell her at least once to come over before work, and then that following day I told her again to come by and I thought she was goin too". On top of that she has called me 2 times concerning someone wanting to buy one of our husky pups (anyone in the NE area that wants a husky??) and not once mentioned a THING about the baby shower.

Maybe Im over reacting, but the shower is the 13th of March. I figure that my guests should be getting there official invites by now so that we have time for an official RSVP count. Plus any out of state family and friends need their invites mailed like a week ago in my opinion. And my DH wont openly freak out, but I KNOW he has been stressing cause we had some unforeseen financial problems right after we found out I was pg, and all the money we had saved up for the baby has went away. And as much as I dont like "begging" for gifts or asking for help, he and I are really counting on this shower to help us with stuff for Little Turtle. And friends #2 & 3 cant afford to do it....

I know its an old school faux pas to throw your own shower, but what do I do? any suggestions? 

Re: Baby Shower hostess...GRR-venting

  • I would be up front about it with her and just ask are you doing this or did you change your mind? Cuz you need to know. And personally I don't give a crap about ppl throwing their own if they have to. Even if it is thrown by someone else a shower is still about getting gifts and celebrating baby. GL!
  • Sounds like you have pretty much taken charge. At this point why don't you just go ahead and send out the invitations?
  • Sounds like you've taken over with the planning, maybe your hostess doesn't see a point anymore. 
  • From what you have written I have to say you sound like a very difficult person to throw a shower for- and I am not flaming- just letting you know that perhaps she is a bit overwhelmed.

    You say you picked out decorations and she has to pay for them but perhaps you didn't think about what her budget is or what she had in mind for you.  And although it is kind of you to offer to help cook food it doesn't mean she may decide she would rather put some nice finger foods together.

    I understand what you mean about hoping that a shower can help you guys out, but if you are going go ahead and throw yourself a shower I would have to say that is tacky, but then again I grew up with the southern traditions.

    If I were in your shoes I would maybe call up the friend that offered to throw it and say "Hey, I realize I have been a bit of a pill with the shower stuff and I apologize, I am really scared that we won't have anything for the baby and my type A personality is coming out with wanting everything to be perfect.  What can I do to HELP you with the shower as I realize I am a little over my head right now!".

    Something like that.  I've hosted four bridal showers and three baby showers (and countless bachelorette parties) and all of my friends and I picked out food together and put together games but ultimately I did the food and decorations because it was based on what I could afford and how much time I wanted to put in to it.

    Jusy my 2 cents.

    image Momma to Ms. C age 16 months and Mr. C age 3 months!
  • I must agree with the other girls...sounds like you are controlling every aspect of your shower aside from paying for it. Maybe #1 felt pushed aside cause it seemed like you and #2 were stepping on her toes. She probably figures you both have it handeled now and she would just get in the way?

     

  • Oh geesh nooo...ok i see how y'all would get that from my post. but no im not trying to be controlling, hell if it wasnt for #1 even suggesting i have a baby shower i wouldnt have thought of having one. especially since im about 4 states away from what lil family i have.#1 had been the one to suggest we find a different theme than the standard rubber ducky, pink/bue jazz. so me and #3 pow wowed on it and came up with the theme idea, #1 loved it. when me and #3 looked at the themed decor, it was only cause we were driving past Nobbies and stopped in. we then informed #1 of the prices at that store, saying that the stuff was really stinking cheap. a LOT cheaper than reg baby shower stuffs.... and thats bout all I have done. I mean right now im trying to photoshop the u/s pics so they can go on the invites. and yes im goin to cook the food (which I forgot to mention #1 said she is going to make a couple dips as well as the cake and also had suggested things for me to make)...idk but i asked my DH and #3 if i was wrong in being so concerned and venting; and just in case i was, was i being controlling or acting like im overtaking the planning. they both told me no, and that since #1 said she didnt believe in the conventional baby shower style, me putting my 2 cents in was fine....so im sorry if y'all take it that im being a royal b*tch Im not, I realllllllly try not to be. I tend to go with the flow of things and let others tell me whats what. 
  • oh and to add on, i am completely clueless about baby showers, only been to like 2 in my life. up until I read on here about the whole, "your not supposed to throw your own shower, thats tacky" thing, i thought i was supposed to take care of everything......so forgive me, I lack the knowledge of social etiquette that some other females have, i wasnt involved with many gatherings growing up. most i know how to do is throw a bbq for a bunch of military guys....not all that hard to do.
  • image Snugglez:

    Oh geesh nooo...ok i see how y'all would get that from my post. but no im not trying to be controlling, hell if it wasnt for #1 even suggesting i have a baby shower i wouldnt have thought of having one. especially since im about 4 states away from what lil family i have.

    #1 had been the one to suggest we find a different theme than the standard rubber ducky, pink/bue jazz. so me and #3 pow wowed on it and came up with the theme idea, #1 loved it. when me and #3 looked at the themed decor, it was only cause we were driving past Nobbies and stopped in. we then informed #1 of the prices at that store, saying that the stuff was really stinking cheap. a LOT cheaper than reg baby shower stuffs.... and thats bout all I have done. I mean right now im trying to photoshop the u/s pics so they can go on the invites. and yes im goin to cook the food (which I forgot to mention #1 said she is going to make a couple dips as well as the cake and also had suggested things for me to make)...

    idk but i asked my DH and #3 if i was wrong in being so concerned and venting; and just in case i was, was i being controlling or acting like im overtaking the planning. they both told me no, and that since #1 said she didnt believe in the conventional baby shower style, me putting my 2 cents in was fine....

    so im sorry if y'all take it that im being a royal b*tch Im not, I realllllllly try not to be. I tend to go with the flow of things and let others tell me whats what. 


     

     She had "some suggestions" of things for you to make?!?!  Ummmm.......I don't think so!   All you have to do is show up and enjoy yourself.  Does she want you there early to help decorate also?? lol

  • ummm lol as far as i knew I was goin to be helping.....once again dumber than a box of rocks....
  • image Snugglez:
    Oh geesh nooo...ok i see how y'all would get that from my post. but no im not trying to be controlling, hell if it wasnt for #1 even suggesting i have a baby shower i wouldnt have thought of having one. especially since im about 4 states away from what lil family i have.#1 had been the one to suggest we find a different theme than the standard rubber ducky, pink/bue jazz. so me and #3 pow wowed on it and came up with the theme idea, #1 loved it. when me and #3 looked at the themed decor, it was only cause we were driving past Nobbies and stopped in. we then informed #1 of the prices at that store, saying that the stuff was really stinking cheap. a LOT cheaper than reg baby shower stuffs.... and thats bout all I have done. I mean right now im trying to photoshop the u/s pics so they can go on the invites. and yes im goin to cook the food (which I forgot to mention #1 said she is going to make a couple dips as well as the cake and also had suggested things for me to make)...idk but i asked my DH and #3 if i was wrong in being so concerned and venting; and just in case i was, was i being controlling or acting like im overtaking the planning. they both told me no, and that since #1 said she didnt believe in the conventional baby shower style, me putting my 2 cents in was fine....so im sorry if y'all take it that im being a royal b*tch Im not, I realllllllly try not to be. I tend to go with the flow of things and let others tell me whats what. 

    I think that this is kind of the point. Outside of choosing what games to play (if any) - you've already done everything. Basically you and #3 decided everything, and just told #1 what you decided. Why not take a step back and tell #1 and #3 to get together and finish planning (and if you're offering to help, then let them know that and just to tell you what to do)?

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  • image Snugglez:
    ummm lol as far as i knew I was goin to be helping.....once again dumber than a box of rocks....

     

    Don't beat yourself up about this....let them worry about it and you just enjoy it:) 

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