3rd Trimester

how to deal with il's in the delivery room

DH and I have decided that we just want the two of us in the delivery room, then have all the in-laws in after. If we change our mind mid-way, so be it. For the time being though, this is our plan.

However, we keep getting asked-well told really by certain people (MIL) that they will be there. Now, he is too much of a Momma's boy to say anything to her, and I have tried the "nice" approach, which she clearly isn't getting yet. As well as the straight forward approach of - we'll have just the two of us in the delivery room. I don't want to get nasty with her, however, I can't help but being a bit frustrated.

After hearing my frustration, my co-worker suggest that I put it to her simply - "You weren't there at the conception, don't assume you can watch the birth."

Can't help but laugh at that, although, I definetly won't be saying that to her either. Anyone else getting this?

Re: how to deal with il's in the delivery room

  • I love it! Just laugh afterward and maybe she'll get the point!
  • That's hilarious!  lol

    I don't think we'll have too much trouble with that part of it.  My MIL is kind of....I want to say 'modest' but it isn't really the right word.  I doubt she would push her way into the delivery room to look at my blown out vagina.  She's just not like that.  

    Just speak with the nurses and they'll make her leave, lol.

    image
  • If it is still an issue when you go into labor...all you have to do is say something to the nurses when you first get checked in and they will tell her to leave cause you need the rest or they will come up with something else. They are great and all they need is a look and everyone will be out. I love L&D nurses!
  • Who says you have to call and tell them your in labor anyway? Can't you just make the calls after you give birth. We plan to wait to make our calls as long as we can, we want a lot of alone time at first.
  • to me that is a very special time, adn possible one of the most uncomfortable in your life. Delivering a baby is not pretty, i dont think i would want everyone in there when i was pushing either. i would make sure that you tell your DH to tell his mom no way, adn tell the nurses and dr when your there that you do not want anyone in there until after LO is born and all is well. they will normally do as you wish. Its hard enough to deliver a baby but to have extra people around you wont be as comfy and it could make it more difficult.
  • With Ben, we just didn't tell ANYONE that I was in labor.  The relevant people got a call afterward, once we were ready for visitors.  I have heard too many stories of restless IL's in the waiting room, and didn't want to be bombarded with visitors for a few hours after Ben's birth. It worked out to be a great choice, although my mom is still pi$$ed about it.  This time we're planning on the same strategy.  You don't need to keep anyone out of the delivery room if they don't even know you're in the hospital!  Oh, and this time, my BFF is taking Ben when I go into labor and she will definitely keep her trap shut. :)
  • IMO, I don't care how much of a mama's boy your DH is ... it's HIS parents and HE gets to deal with them.  I would demand that he tell them that you both have decided that it will only be you two in the delivery room.  I wouldn't mention a thing about possibly changing your mind.  Don't get their hopes up.  I cannot believe they expected to be in there! 

    This is not your problem.  It is his responsibility to talk to them about this.  If that 100% won't happen, I would just say that after a lot of thought, you would rather they wait out in the waiting room ... with all the other grandparents.  Period.

  • Honestly, DH needs to grow a back bone and tell her no.

     

    Then inform the nurses that no one is allowed in.

  • I just DONT understand the family members that insist they can be there. That would be so infuriating.

    Anyway, your DH, mommas boy or not, needs to grow a pair and put his foot down. It's not fair for him to make you deal with her all alone; you have other things to think about, especially when you're in labor! If he wont dont it, then you will need to be firm with her. Dont give in just to keep the peace if its not what you want!

    And if all else fails, tell your drs and nurses that it's only the 2 of you in the room and they'll act on your behalf to keep people out. ?

    Pregnancy Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Definitely let the nurses know.  How many people do they allow in the room with you anyway?  We get 3 total including my hubby.  If you can't have a party in there you can always let her know since you can't have both sets of parents in the room you aren't going to have either.
  • Be clear and firm that no one will be in the delivery room except for you and DH.  Then make sure that all of the nurses are aware that no one is allowed in the delivery room except DH.  

    Our hospital strongly recommends not having anyone even come to the hospital until 2-3 hours after birth.  The lactation consultants prefer that you be able to initiate feeding without nutso family being a distraction.  Then they will need time to stitch you up and the nurse will help you clean yourself up.  Then you will finally get moved to the room you will be in for the remainder of your stay.  By the time all of that happens it has been at least a couple of hours, if not more.

  • Talk to your nurses. At my hospital, if you tell them you don't want anyone else in your room (you can even let them know ahead of time with your registration paperwork), they do the dirty work for you and tell those in the waiting room that they cannot come back. Because you know they certainly want YOU to be calm, so they'll do what they can for you. Love it!!
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
  • It is amazing how people think that it is their right to watch another person give birth. Watching someone else give birth is like wearing spandex, it is a privileged not a right.

    I say that you make sure the nurses know that you do not want anyone in the room unless you have said so. They are really good about that sort of thing. I would also continue to tell MIL very nicely "No but you are more than welcome to wait in the lobby ."

  • image ALG29:
    Definitely let the nurses know.  How many people do they allow in the room with you anyway?  We get 3 total including my hubby.  If you can't have a party in there you can always let her know since you can't have both sets of parents in the room you aren't going to have either.

    thats a good way to put it, blame it on the hopsital rules! im glad im having section so i dont have to deal with that cuz i would have the same problem.

  • I'm in the same boat. I was getting the "I'll cut the cord" from MIL since my DH said he didn't want to cut it - that the dr. has that job for a reason and that he would rather leave it to the proffesionals.

     We told her last time she was here that I have anxiety about labor and that we "think" we would rather it just be the two of us. That was to lay the ground work a little bit. We'll have to tell her, for sure it's just going to be us pretty soon. The thing is, she's not my mom (who can't be there) and your really exposed and there is so much going on. I'm not comforatable with her. Not to mention she has a really bad habbit of saying all the wrong things. Very unsupportive in all the wrong moments and I don't want the extra stress. If you come up with something that works please let me know. We're going to just stand our ground on it and remind ourselves that she had her pregnancy and labor and this is ours.

     Good Luck!

  • We told them not to show up until we called.  They respected our wishes but we also told the dr and nurses just in case.
  • image Dlabrecq:

    I'm in the same boat. I was getting the "I'll cut the cord" from MIL since my DH said he didn't want to cut it - that the dr. has that job for a reason and that he would rather leave it to the proffesionals.

    Thanks. I think I will tell her again, and then leave it to the nurses, then she won't be so surprised.

  • Don't call them until LO is there. I have IL's who are very similar, so even though we're looking at a scheduled c/s due to Baby A being breech, the only people who will know when that is happening is my mom who is 3000 miles away, and my BFF who is watching our animals. I trust BFF because she went through the IL circus and knows what I'm trying to avoid.

    TTC#1 since Mar 2008. Serious MFI due to cancer. 3 cancelled IUI's, just about every test in the book. IVF#1 - BFP! Twin girls arrived 2/5/10 at 35w2d. Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • No way in heck is my MIL gonna be in the delivery room! I agree.... She wasn't there for when you made the baby, she doesn't have to be there for when the baby is born.
  • First of all I would tell your H that he needs to grow a pair & tell mommy that this is about he & his wife & new child, and she will not be there.  He should be handling this.  But if he won't, all you can do is tell her that in the delivery room it will only be you & your H. End of story.  And then make sure the nurses know not to let anyone in your room. 

    And hey... if she shows up in the deliver room anyway, maybe the doc can cut the cord from her to your H while he's at it.  She needs to respect you & your husbands wishes.  You are adults & she should not assume that she is welcome at the birth of your child. 

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
  • That is hilarious! As for MIL, don't sweat it. Just keep saying the same thing every time it comes up. Then follow through with it. She can't just waltz into the L&D room, even if she thinks she can! 
  • image susie2242:
    Who says you have to call and tell them your in labor anyway? Can't you just make the calls after you give birth. We plan to wait to make our calls as long as we can, we want a lot of alone time at first.

    this!!!

    it's what we are doing

    image
    image
  • Awww honey, wait until you go into labor - you won't have a problem telling people to get the hell out of the room! Wink

    I would tell DH in advance that you don't want to let anyone know you are at the hospital until it's almost time for delivery - that way you have plenty of time alone with no one else to worry about.

    And don't underestimate the power of the nurses and doctors. It's their job to make sure you are comfortable, so all you have to do is let them know if you don't want certain people in the room with you and they will politely tell your MIL that you need time alone.

     

    Good Luck!!!

  • image evasecka:
    If it is still an issue when you go into labor...all you have to do is say something to the nurses when you first get checked in and they will tell her to leave cause you need the rest or they will come up with something else. They are great and all they need is a look and everyone will be out. I love L&D nurses!

    exactly.  You've told her straight out... she is just choosing not to believe you. Stand your ground and just keep telling her it will be just the 2 of you... your mom won't be in there either...  Other than that, leave it to the L&D nurses. They are used to being the enforcers and don't mind one bit!!  I used to help do that myself when I worked in L&D.  It's part of the job.  

     Best of luck! My MIL hasn't said anything, but I think she knows it will be just us... DH definitely knows it and my sister is the "backup". :)  

  • If you tried the nice approach and the honest approach then there is just one option left (before the nasty one) and that is the blunt approach.  You also have a list that you hand your Dr. of who is and is not aloud in the room, if you really don't want to get into it with them, just make sure to tell your Dr. and Nurse 'under no circumstances are IL aloud in the room!'  Think of the Nurses and the Dr.'s as your 'bouncers' and if they are not on the list they are not aloud into the club!
  • At our hospital we need to give that other person a pass..so that has to go through you first..if that person doesnt have  a pass they cant get past the security desk until the baby is born.  even then we are only allowed to have 2 people.  They are very strict because of the swine flu etc..no one under 17 can come in either.. i would make it very clear to them what you want..i knwo my mother in law is very pushy too but if i bring up the fact that she didnt have anyone in her room she has no choose to but understand, it's a private matter.

Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards