3rd Trimester

When you come home from the hospital...

At Christmas my MIL announced she plans on heading to our city as soon as she hears we're in labor "I'm just telling work I'll be gone for a few days." Oh...wow...thanks for waiting for the invite!  As nice as she is, for some reason I'm just stressed out about having her come stay with us. She is a sweet person and has never been remotely unkind to me, but I'm just imagining feeling weird about having clean towels and entertaining her while all I want to do is enjoy my baby and rest.

Still, when I mentioned this to a good friend and my own mom, they said "You'll want someone else there, you are going to be so tired" Really? What do you think? Is someone planning to come stay with you? Would you be annoyed at having an uninvited houseguest?

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Re: When you come home from the hospital...

  • I know I would have hated having someone around besides DH those first days home.  Yes, you are tired but you want to figure things out on your own and not worry about playing hostess too. 
  • DH will be home with me for a wk but my mom will most def. be here to help us. If she will stay (she only lives 20 mins away) I am not sure but she will be here for at least the first few days to help us. I am sure my MIL will here too but I made it clear I was not having her stay right off the bat-that was reserved for my own mother. Having somebody stay with you to do the laundry, cook meals, etc. only makes it more possible for you and baby to rest.
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  • My mom is coming to stay w/ us. For a couple days anyway. But my parents and MIL only live half hour away, so they'll be around to help out whenever. Mom will stay the night after the first week a couple nights too because DH works graveyard and that way she'll be there to help. I anticipate MIL being at the house quite a lot as well...
  • My mom is coming for a few weeks. I can't wait!

  • I dont want anyone there the first couple of weeks -- I want to figure out a schedule with me, dh, and the baby....plus get our dog used to him. And figuring out breastfeeding. THat combined with entertaining would be too much.
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  • I was tired, but DH was enough since he took a week off. I wouldn't want someone staying with me but I love my privacy.




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  • If you do let her stay with you, she should be helping you. You should not be entertaining her and providing her with services. Yours and DH's primary activities should be baby, she should be cooking and cleaning and running errands.
  • If this is your first baby, you are going to want help.  If you are planning on BFing, you will want to nap and have someone else care for him while you try to rest.  

     We are having my MIL come stay with us for a week and then a few days later my cousin is coming in to help. 

     My cousin just had a baby, and was so thankful for all the help.

     Just lay down the law and tell her you are not entertaining and you'd love any help.

     Personally - I'm not comfortable with a newborn, it's scary! Anyone that wants to help... come on over! 


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  • Um... I think it is great that she has never been mean to you. I wish I had that luxury, but try not worry about clean towels and entertaining her. Either make it DH's job or do your best to get past it. (As I am typing this I feel it is kind of empty, because I feel the same way you do.) But I think we will be so tired that we won't have the energy to worry about those types of things ne ways. We are having people come, but not stay in our house. Well, my mom is coming for 3 days and staying with us. I welcome that. My grandparents are bringing their RV and staying near by. Then later MIL is possibly coming, but I really hope she stays in a hotel!!!!! We have four of five hotels two streets over from where we live. Good Luck just remember open communication with DH.
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  • All of our relatives are close by, but my DH and I both agree no one is staying the night with us once we come home from the hospital.  I think between the two of us we can handle things just fine.  I've also told him I'm setting a curfew if I get overwhelmed with people staying for long amounts of time.  I see this happening more with his family then mine since it's the first grandkid on his side.  He said he won't enforce my curfew and people can stay as long as they want, but I know my hubby and he will get annoyed and kick people out.
  • My DH will be home for the first month.  He will take a week of vacation, but he works from home and will not be travelling at all for 30 days after the baby arrives.  I am already freezing meals to have after we get home from the hospital and DH will be responsible for most of the housework that first  month as well.  While I am getting to know my baby and learning how to breastfeed I do not want anyone around other than my DH.  We have already told MIL that she can come after the first month once we have things slightly under control.  I will have my mom or a friend come stay with me the first time DH travels, too. 

    If I were you, I would have your DH tell MIL she needs to wait til you are ready for houseguests. 

  • I didn't/wouldn't have minded it.  But I don't consider my mom and MIL needing entertaining. 

    We all live in the same area, and we're only in a 2 bed condo, so no one had to stay, but when my mom was here during the day she did dishes, washed bottles, took my dog out, etc.  It was great!!

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  • image SandyGirl424:

    If this is your first baby, you are going to want help.  If you are planning on BFing, you will want to nap and have someone else care for him while you try to rest.  

     We are having my MIL come stay with us for a week and then a few days later my cousin is coming in to help. 

     My cousin just had a baby, and was so thankful for all the help.

     Just lay down the law and tell her you are not entertaining and you'd love any help.

     Personally - I'm not comfortable with a newborn, it's scary! Anyone that wants to help... come on over! 

    This is not true for everyone.  Even with my first I felt strongly that those first days/week should be just me and DH.  To me it's family bonding time and something special that was just for the three of us.  And DH was more than enough help.  Of course, he was able to take a week off.  It might have been different if I was totally on my own.

  • Am I tired? Yes.

    Do I want anyone else here right now? Hell no. And we have a great family.

    DH and I are doing fine and I'm so glad we're being given space to adjust as a new family. We love people swinging by for visits (especially if they bring food!), but everyone has been great for keeping them short.


    image Lucy, 12/27/2009
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  • After DD1 was born, we were alone for our first night home, but my mom came the next night and stayed for a week. She offered to do the same this time. At first I was uncomfortable because I felt like I was putting her out since she insisted on doing our laundry and making my meals, but DH pointed out that she was there because she wanted to help. I was happy to have her there so I only had to worry about taking care of myself and DD. Certainly I could have managed doing everything myself -- thankfully, I only had a minor tear -- but it was nice having an extra set of hands and some company after DH went back to work. And I never had to worry about entertaining her or any other visitors since the baby took care of that. ;)

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  • The only person I wanted around after I had our sons was my husband.  I think that it's rude for people to assume that you will want them at your house after you get home from the hospital.  If she still wants to come and visit maybe she can stay in a hotel so that there is less stress on you.  But to invite herself to come and stay at your house, that's rude.  Not all new moms "need" someone there cooking and cleaning and such...and what's to say she'll even be doing any of that stuff. 
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  • My mom and I are SUPER close.  She's not really a guest when she comes over.  She's also been there enough that she knows where things are.  She'll be staying with us and helping.  I asked her to.  I also know I can throw her out if I want to.

    MIL and I are not close.  She's only been to our house twice.  I told her she was welcome to come, but could not stay with us.

  • image SandyGirl424:

    If this is your first baby, you are going to want help.  If you are planning on BFing, you will want to nap and have someone else care for him while you try to rest.  

     We are having my MIL come stay with us for a week and then a few days later my cousin is coming in to help. 

     My cousin just had a baby, and was so thankful for all the help.

     Just lay down the law and tell her you are not entertaining and you'd love any help.

     Personally - I'm not comfortable with a newborn, it's scary! Anyone that wants to help... come on over! 

    I felt the same way. Honestly, the best way to get over those feelings is to jump right in and be responsible for your baby's care, imo.

     

    image Lucy, 12/27/2009
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  • I'm in the same boat you are... not anxious to be having my MIL (pr my mother for that matter) here right away after baby. It's important to my DH so it will likely happen, but I wish we could have a couple weeks to ourself first.
  • uninvited, yes, I'd be peeved. My mom asked it we wanted help and I jumped at the opportunity to have her here. Mostly because I know that she will be very helpful with getting food prepared and taking care of tidying up the house so DH and I can focus on our LO. I think it will be nice to have her here to help out because I know I won't want to do much.
  • The only houseguest you should have after the delivery is someone who you truly feel comfortable with.  If you do not feel that way about your MIL, then ask your dh to have her stay at a hotel or hold off on visiting until you get your feet on the ground.

    Dh's mother would not be someone who would be helpful to me or someone who I would be comfortable having as a houseguest immediately after the birth.  I asked dh to please give me 6 weeks to get my feet on the ground, and then we will find a time for her to visit.  Dh will need to take some vacation days to handle his mother when she visits.

  • My mom and MIl will both come when the baby is born...but neither will stay with us. They will help without being houseguests.

  • no house guests!  she can stay in a hotel nearby.  you may want the help, but you don't want to be playing host.  it will stress you out.  and the funny thing is, people who want to come "help" when the baby is born, really just want to hold the baby. lol.  and that's all you'll want to be doing.
  • I would be annoyed at having a guest. My mom is coming, but not as a guest. She's coming to work.
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  • I have the same problem! MIL said that she plans to come out the week after the baby is born and stay with us. I like my MIL, but she's not the most helpful type (would never volunteer to make dinner, etc), so it would be just like having a houseguest :( Not to mention there is no room because we have a 2 bedroom house and LO will be sleeping in the 2nd room/nursery.
    I told DH that no way is she staying with us, I am going to be too tired and overwhelmed to play hostess. He's afraid of hurting her feelings, but I don't care.
  • No way, no how would I have let anyone stay with me (besides DH). I won't this time either. I want to spend time with my family. DH's mom plans on coming into town as soon as Lily is born and he's already told her we don't want anyone staying with us. I want to be able to spend time alone with my daughter. My mom lives two doors down from me and she's been given the same instructions.
  • We had my mom here for 10 days afterwards and my MIL another week after that.  It totally depends on the person but I loved having the help.  Neither one of them expected clean towels and entertainment.  They came prepared to cook, clean, run errands so DH & I could bond with the baby.  They helped out with him when I needed to nap or was just feeling overwhelmed.  I would not allow someone who wouldn't be helpful to come for any length of time, though.  Again, some people like their privacy, some people like the help.  I am a big proponent of having help!
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  • First day me and DH only was wonderful!  But after that, we wanted help so we could sleep.
  • image Carmela752:
    If you do let her stay with you, she should be helping you. You should not be entertaining her and providing her with services. Yours and DH's primary activities should be baby, she should be cooking and cleaning and running errands.

    This exactly. My mom is flying in but she is coming to work and help out.  



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  • With DD, we had non-stop house guests for about two weeks before she came and three weeks after. It was difficult. It was stressful because not only was I trying to balance keeping my ILs happy and entertained, but I was also trying to learn how to properly care for my child and dealing with the hormonal let down that comes after birth.

     Needless to say, I am VERY happy it will just be our family this time around. Of course, I have an over-bearing MIL, so it may not be the same for everyone!

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