3rd Trimester

Is this a faux pas or am I just too Southern? (NBR)

Let me preface this by saying that this isn't a vent and I'm not upset about this at all--I'm just trying to figure out whether my social etiquette barometer has been thrown off by being raised by generations of etiquette-nazi Southern women!

So DH has a friend we've both known for years and years (we all went to high school together) who still holds a weird little grudge against me ever since our wedding (two years ago).  In a nutshell, DH and I had mutually decided to just have a best man/maid of honor and not a big wedding party, since we wanted a very small, simple ceremony.  The friend decided this was all my evil plan to prevent DH from having him as a groomsman, and still makes comments about it under his breath every time he sees me.  Whatever, not really my problem.

Anyway, this friend is having a birthday party this week.  His friends and their wives, his family members, etc. are going, and the friend's wife will be there.  He called DH a few days ago and invited him--just him, not me.  DH very pointedly said, "I can drop in for one drink, but I'm not going to leave my pregnant wife at home alone all night."  Friend either didn't get the hint or ignored it.  So the invitation to his party stands for just DH.

I'm not going to throw a fit or tell DH he can't go or anything like that, just wondering if this is legitimately rude (to invite someone but not their spouse when other spouses are invited) or if it's fairly normal and my instincts are just being overly influenced by my Great-Gramma's manners lessons Stick out tongue.  WDYT?     

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Re: Is this a faux pas or am I just too Southern? (NBR)

  • I could see being excluded if it was a guys-only party...but since there are other wives invited I find it pretty darn rude!
    Bianca image.
  • I think it's rude.

    But I was raised by small town, east coast ettiquette-nazis.

    You invite all or none.

  • SOOOOO Totally rude! I think if that happened with us, my DH might refuse to go. SOunds like yours has that idea too but doesn't want to hurt his friend's feelings.
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  • No...that is incredibly rude. I would be pissed if someone made a point to invite my husband but not me. So, clearly, you're handling it better than I would.
  • Well I think it's incredibly rude, but I'm Southern too, so I don't know how much that helps! Lol.
  • Umm...no that's rude and really immature. I mean come on, it's clear why he's doing it. I'm from northern Minnesota...so I'm not up on my southern etiquette...but that's ridiculous and I'm really glad your DH stood up for you like that.
  • What an a$$hole. I would be pissed. I would love it if my husband stood up and stated he would come if I was invited as well, and didn't understand why the invite would be only for him. Put this douche on the spot.
  • It's incredibly rude of him not to invite you, you and your H are a social unit. Unless it's a boys night out type of thing I'd be pretty offended if I was excluded.
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  • Um, thats rude, I don't care where you're from.

  • image Bianca42:
    I could see being excluded if it was a guys-only party...but since there are other wives invited I find it pretty darn rude!

    I'd be peeved. Just talk to DH about it. Maybe he just won't go at all to stand on principle that you should have been invited. OR... you both go and really piss off the friend.

  • Yeah... I'd say rude under the circumstances too.  Now if you had a habit of going to his house and being reckless and breaking things, that's another story.
  • no, thats just rude.  i would be really PO'd if DH went.  but im a east coast biotch. lol.

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  • I can see inviting spouses if the wives are friends with him and hang out often.  Maybe your friend is close to the spouses, but not that close to you so didn't feel the need to include you.  I'm close to the spouses of some of my friends, but not others.
  • It is extremely rude to exlude a spouse.  A husband and wife are one. I would never only invite one half of a couple regardless of whether I liked the spouse or not. It is poor etiquette on the part of your husband's friend.

    To be quite honest I would be upset if my husband chose to attend without me. I would consider it him playing into the grudge and allowing it to continue. Your husband should put his foot down and say enough is enough. Obviously his friend needs to be reminded that the two of you are married.

  • You are not wrong....that is very rude of the friend. I can see if this were a 'no-spouse' party but clearly it is not. You don't go and explicitly invite one half of a couple in this situation, even if you don't know them. As far as I'm concerned, your DH shouldn't be attending if you aren't invited and I would expect the same of mine. I certainly wouldn't go somewhere that my DH wasn't invited when other DH's were in attendance.
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  • Rude! (And i'm not even close to being Southern).

  • RUDE!!!!  And I know you said you're over it but, I'm still pissed about him being upset over the wedding you chose to have.  Who the heck does he think he is to try to dictate your wedding day.  It's your day not his!  Grow the heck up!
  • image shortyred919:

    image Bianca42:
    I could see being excluded if it was a guys-only party...but since there are other wives invited I find it pretty darn rude!

    I'd be peeved. Just talk to DH about it. Maybe he just won't go at all to stand on principle that you should have been invited. OR... you both go and really piss off the friend.

    This.

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  • Thanks ladies, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought it seemed a little (or a lot) rude!  DH is most likely not going at this point--if anything he'll drop in for one beer on his way home from work.  We keep having issues like this with this particular friend (he addressed his wedding invitation to us as "[DH's name] +1" instead of "Mr. & Mrs."), but he lives hours away now and only visits rarely, so luckily it's not that big of a deal (yet). 
  • image cabinwife:
    Thanks ladies, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought it seemed a little (or a lot) rude!  DH is most likely not going at this point--if anything he'll drop in for one beer on his way home from work.  We keep having issues like this with this particular friend (he addressed his wedding invitation to us as "[DH's name] +1" instead of "Mr. & Mrs."), but he lives hours away now and only visits rarely, so luckily it's not that big of a deal (yet). 

    What an A$$. DH needs to put him in his place or cut him as a friend.

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers image
  • Extremely rude and this guy is being a baby.  He needs to get over it and respect the fact that both you and your DH made the decision for a small wedding party.
  • RUDE RUDE RUDE and IMMATURE!!

    coming from another southern gal

  • image NELCORP:

    image cabinwife:
    Thanks ladies, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought it seemed a little (or a lot) rude!  DH is most likely not going at this point--if anything he'll drop in for one beer on his way home from work.  We keep having issues like this with this particular friend (he addressed his wedding invitation to us as "[DH's name] +1" instead of "Mr. & Mrs."), but he lives hours away now and only visits rarely, so luckily it's not that big of a deal (yet). 

    What an A$$. DH needs to put him in his place or cut him as a friend.

    This.

    Especially considering he can't let it go that he wasn't in your wedding.

    What a douchebag. 

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  • Definitiely poor etiquette.  You invite both spouses or neither unless it is a gender specific party (ex. baby shower for ladies only)

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  • image Bianca42:
    I could see being excluded if it was a guys-only party...but since there are other wives invited I find it pretty darn rude!

    This.

    And I'm definitely not up on Southern etiquette.

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  • image cabinwife:
    Thanks ladies, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought it seemed a little (or a lot) rude!  DH is most likely not going at this point--if anything he'll drop in for one beer on his way home from work.  We keep having issues like this with this particular friend (he addressed his wedding invitation to us as "[DH's name] +1" instead of "Mr. & Mrs."), but he lives hours away now and only visits rarely, so luckily it's not that big of a deal (yet). 

     

    This guy is a loser.  It makes me wonder how good his own marriage is if he can't grasp the concept of you and your DH being a package deal...

  • image Bianca42:
    I could see being excluded if it was a guys-only party...but since there are other wives invited I find it pretty darn rude!

    Ditto.  Rude!!

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  • image Bianca42:
    I could see being excluded if it was a guys-only party...but since there are other wives invited I find it pretty darn rude!

     

    This!

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