3rd Trimester

When should we do a will?

DH and I were discussing this and we don't know if we should do one now or if we need to wait until she's here.  Do you have one?  If not, are you going to get one drawn up before or after baby arrives?  Also, how do you approach the "if something would happen to us, who should we will our child to" subject - I have a feeling DH and I may disagree on this point. 

Re: When should we do a will?

  • SO and I have discussed it a little. Our big thing is where will Connor go. I am pretty sure that is a big deal and needs to be discussed asap. Otherwise I am not worried about possesions or money to much...it doesn't help we have none.

    BrittAny Nicole
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  • image nowmrsbinkc:
    DH and I were discussing this and we don't know if we should do one now or if we need to wait until she's here.  Do you have one?  If not, are you going to get one drawn up before or after baby arrives?  Also, how do you approach the "if something would happen to us, who should we will our child to" subject - I have a feeling DH and I may disagree on this point. 

    Now, in case something happens to one of you before/during the labor.

    My DH and I whole-heartedly disagreed on who would raise our child in the event something happen to us both. It took about 2 months of screaming and crying to reach a decision. Then we had to ask said parties (our choice, and an alternative in the event our first choice is unable to fulfill request) if they were game. Once they accept, it can be written up. 

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  • image Erin0922:

    image nowmrsbinkc:
    DH and I were discussing this and we don't know if we should do one now or if we need to wait until she's here.  Do you have one?  If not, are you going to get one drawn up before or after baby arrives?  Also, how do you approach the "if something would happen to us, who should we will our child to" subject - I have a feeling DH and I may disagree on this point. 

    Now, in case something happens to one of you before/during the labor.

    My DH and I whole-heartedly disagreed on who would raise our child in the event something happen to us both. It took about 2 months of screaming and crying to reach a decision. Then we had to ask said parties (our choice, and an alternative in the event our first choice is unable to fulfill request) if they were game. Once they accept, it can be written up. 

    ]

    Is it some thing that needs to go through the court system or what would be the process. I am sure it is different in each state but what was it for you?


    BrittAny Nicole
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • We don't have a will and STILL can't agree on who we should ask to take care of the kids.
  • If you think you will disagree on who will raise your child, start discussing it now.  Then get the will done as soon as you figure that out.  That is really the most important part of your will if you have a child under age 18.  Get it done as soon as you can, because if you were in an accident on the way home from the hospital, the state would decide who would get custody of your child. 
  • image KickFace6:
    image Erin0922:

    image nowmrsbinkc:
    DH and I were discussing this and we don't know if we should do one now or if we need to wait until she's here.  Do you have one?  If not, are you going to get one drawn up before or after baby arrives?  Also, how do you approach the "if something would happen to us, who should we will our child to" subject - I have a feeling DH and I may disagree on this point. 

    Now, in case something happens to one of you before/during the labor.

    My DH and I whole-heartedly disagreed on who would raise our child in the event something happen to us both. It took about 2 months of screaming and crying to reach a decision. Then we had to ask said parties (our choice, and an alternative in the event our first choice is unable to fulfill request) if they were game. Once they accept, it can be written up. 

    ]

    Is it some thing that needs to go through the court system or what would be the process. I am sure it is different in each state but what was it for you?

    We had ours done by a lawyer and he filed it with the county after it was signed.  We filled out a questionnaire, and he wrote our will because ours was pretty standard (nothing really out of the ordinary).

  • image KickFace6:
    image Erin0922:

    image nowmrsbinkc:
    DH and I were discussing this and we don't know if we should do one now or if we need to wait until she's here.  Do you have one?  If not, are you going to get one drawn up before or after baby arrives?  Also, how do you approach the "if something would happen to us, who should we will our child to" subject - I have a feeling DH and I may disagree on this point. 

    Now, in case something happens to one of you before/during the labor.

    My DH and I whole-heartedly disagreed on who would raise our child in the event something happen to us both. It took about 2 months of screaming and crying to reach a decision. Then we had to ask said parties (our choice, and an alternative in the event our first choice is unable to fulfill request) if they were game. Once they accept, it can be written up. 

    ]

    Is it some thing that needs to go through the court system or what would be the process. I am sure it is different in each state but what was it for you?

    Actually no, you can even do it all online. When you have a will drawn up, just tell whoever does it that you need to make provisions/custodial arrangements for the care of a minor. 

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  • We did the will thing when DS was about 6 months old, but we probably should have done it sooner. It is worth the inconvenience to have peace of mind. We were able to mostly agree on who would take care of DS, and we did a backup, too. 

    We finally got around to purchasing life insurance when DS was about a year. It is an extra expense every month, but again, it does provide peace of mind, esp. b/c I've been a SAHM since he was born and would not be able to stay in our house if something god forbid happened to DH.  

  • If you can have one drawn up before, thats probably best. We've had the discussion and know it needs to get done but it honestly, probably won't happen until after the birth. All of our bank accts/assets are joint so if something were to happen to me durring labor I'm pretty sure everything would be his anyway (not that theres much). We totally agree that if something were to happen to both of us, at some point, LO would go to my parents, all assets would be liquidated and all money would go in to a trust fund for LO (again, not a huge trust fund but at least it's something). In the event that my parents were unable to care for LO...we have no idea...and that is where we are, at this point. DH's mother is, under no circumstances, to be left alone with the child (let alone given the opportunity to raise her). So, now we really need to come up with a plan B and that is where we are stuck...
  • Many attornies have standard wills that they just alter to fit your needs. And just to toss it out there, many states dont accept that "Legal Zoom" crud. I would do one as soon as you can because you can always amend a will as you go along in life.
    <5 Generations!<br>image
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  • Now is the time to really start looking into it and discussing placement in the event of... lets hope we avoid any events.

    My husband and I have had a will for a few years now, leaving to our god-children. It is a legal document that has to be whitnesses and notarized, it was part of our Pre-paid legal package. We do need to update it ASAP to change the beneficiary to our baby. But I need to find out if we can just write baby last name, because we are not finding out the sex and therefore can not give a name. As for who will raise our baby if tragity struck, we agreed it should be the god-parents to be. But these are definately legal documents that need to be in writing and notarized. I'm starting a "Baby" file so that all documents concerning our baby will be in one place.  

  • Yes you should do one. Not to be morbid but you and DH could be killed in a car accident on the way home from the hospital, leaving your LO alone and with no plan to care for them.  There is a greater statistical probability of that happening than there is of anything going wrong with your labor and delivery, and I'm sure like most of us you're afraid of that. 

    It will take about 2 hours of your time if you meet with an attorney, and another hour when you go back to sign and register everything.  You can also draft them yourselves using appropriate software, but I wouldn't recommend it since most people are not that familiar with local laws, and local laws do govern wills and estates. 

    On the who would take care of your child subject, DH and I did not end up choosing family ourselves.  The people in our families would either be 1) too elderly (parents in their late 60s and 70s), 2) too young (no home, job, students, etc.), or 3) are people who unfortunately we know would not be willing to raise our child in the way we want them to be raised.  My point is we all owe it to our LOs to not worry about a friend or family member's hurt feelings when we pick a guardian for this kind of scenario.  Its most important to consider who is physically and financially capable, and who would raise our LO in a way we would approve of. 

  • we have a will now but will have to amend once the baby is here - per our attorney you cannot set up clauses to cover an unborn child until the child physically exists that would really stand up in court. So the week LO is born we will amend our will and have him come by so we can sign the new one and get it notarized, file a copy on record and be all set.

  • image Lance&Becca:
    We don't have a will and STILL can't agree on who we should ask to take care of the kids.

    Indifferent

    I'm generally not an anxious, worry-ridden person, but your situation would probably make me worry ulcers into my belly.

    I can maybe understand getting wrapped up in a first pregnancy, getting to the end, and going "oh shoot, we need to take care of this."  But a second?  Whoa.

    Why can't you agree on guardian(s)?

    image
    Mucho likes purple nails and purple cupcakes
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