Single Parents

i dont know if im doing the right thing!!

the father of my child lied to me threw our year long ralationship he even went to the extent of having his family flip the storys that i had heard and kept the things they should of told me from me. i had found out that he had be diagnosed with bipolar ...i never noteced anything weird....intell i got pregnant. he took my phone deleted all the male numbers out of it (including my family members) and sometimes even took it from me!! he started to pretty much throw fits if things dident go his was such as breaking my things (lap tops,dvds,my phone) one morning i had family members down to help go threw the last of my grandmothers things so my mother picked me up so we could all meet up at her house (my 9 year old niece, my cuzin, and her 2 god sons 12,13) where all waiting for me when i arived when he had gotten home that night from drinking with his friends i let him know what my plans where for that day and he got all over me i had veary bad morning sickniss and it was 3 in the morning we got in a fight. my mother picked me up as planed and took me to her house where everyone was waiting i got sick and was in the bathroom for a while and when i got out i had several missed calls from him thretening that he was coming to get me and that i wasent allowed to leave his house and that the kid isent his.i told him not to come that there where children around and i dident want my niece to witness something like this but he came anyway throwing things around and breaking glass around my bare feet i called his mother to come get him or i was going to call the cops. since then i have kept from talking to him i gave him a chance at first to ask about his child and how it was doing...never happened he would just beg for me to come back tell one day his sister let me know all of the secrits he kept from me...one just happened to be that he had molested her less then 3 years before!!!! i found out that i was having a lil girl myself and i refuse to let this happen to her.. his mother blames me for not letting her know whats going on but she has never asked me how i or the baby are doing..except he likes to block his number and call my phone and leave me creapy messages of him breathing at 2 am.....i have decided that i do not want him to be around my baby i havent seeked legal advice yet and im only 27 weeks but i dont want him showing up at the hospital when i go into labor and stressing me out or showing up after its born and causing trouble.....what should i do? forgot to mention he has a drug problem and smokes more then a 2 packs a day as does his mother and father in there home...someone tell me what should i do...

Re: i dont know if im doing the right thing!!

  • I really did try really hard to read this on the chance that it might not be mud.  This is what I came up with.

    Leave his ass.  Do not give him another chance.  Do not return his calls.  Document everything.  Make it clear that you do not want him to contact you any longer and if he does consult a local agency on how to request a restraining order.  I'm sure the local domestic violence hotline should be able to help you.  You may even want to consider changing your phone number if he keeps harassing you.

    Do not get legal advice over the internet.  Again a local domestic violence hotline should be able to give you information into resources for finding affordable legal advice.  Seek legal advice now and do not wait.

    As far as showing up while you are in labor, many hospitals have security.  Mine wouldn't let anyone back without my permission.  I would call the hospital you are going to deliver at and ask about their security policies.  You may want to talk to the social worker at the hospital.

  • I have to agree with the pp. Get out Now! Do not attempt to seem nice or fair. Let him know you do not want him around period!!!!! if you need to translate that to his parents/family as well then so be it. Everytime he comes call the cops and get a restraining order against him. This isn't about you anymore, it is about your unborn Daughter. Most of all be safe. Good Luck!
  • 1) Spell check, capital letters and paragraphs are your friend, and it makes it much easier for us to read your post and reply.  Help us help you.

    2) Run. This man is dangerous.  You should stay away from him at all costs.  It is your duty to your daughter to protect her and yourself.  Document EVERYTHING that is going on and get an order of protection against him.  Always keep the paperwork on you.  Be sure to let the hospital know that he is not allowed anywhere near you. 

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  • thank you for input and im sorry its so sloppy i get really worked up when it comes to this! i left him when i was 2 months pregnant and moved to my mothers he calles me every once in a while from a blocked number late at night. i answer it just so my phone company can track the number so i can have prof. im going to file for a protection order today since telling him that i dont want him calling me anymore hasent worked.

    i have one other question though his mother hasent asked me whats going on with the baby or me as i said, witch doesnt bother me since she saports him in this but she likes to send her 12 year old daughter over to my house. (without notice)  to be a "messenger" i try to say possitive things back and not sound like im trying to keep them from knowing. how do i get this to stop with out being rude to her, its not her falt.. im just so confused! no one around here has been threw this since its such a small town i just need someone to tell me i am in fact doing the right thing since his family keeps insisting that im not.

  • If possible, I wouldn't even speak of him in front of his sister.  If she comes over and says something, just change the subject, or tell her you don't want to discuss it.  You don't want to speak badly of her brother, and you don't want to lie either. 

    Side note - I wish you could get his sister to go to the police about him molesting her.  If he has done it to her, he will do it to another child (and probably already has).  Please don't let this man near your daughter.  He belongs in jail.

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  • image fauxshelley:

    I wish you could get his sister to go to the police about him molesting her.  If he has done it to her, he will do it to another child (and probably already has).  Please don't let this man near your daughter.  He belongs in jail.

    Word!


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