3rd Trimester

I'm beginning to dislike the holidays..

Every year it's a constant battle with DH's family trying to get them to set up a time to have everyone over for T-giving, and X-mas. DH dad is remarried to a woman with two daughters that live about two hours away and it always seems like we have to go by their schedule, noone ever calls and asks us what we have going on! We don't have anything to do with my "real" MIL, so thankfully that is not an issue. This year, my mom and dad are having lunch at 1, I specifically told DH this and told him I want to eat with them this year because last year I made his family the entire dinner at our house. Whoevers family calls the time, that's usually how we all plan it, it's easier that way for all of us. He wants to eat with his family, and doesn't think it's fair he has to eat with my parents this year and then spend the REST of the day with his family, who BTW he can't stand half of them. I think it's only fair since last year was his turn and so was Christmas! Am I wrong? When I suggested we spend it seperate he got all pissy and upset. I don't know what to do. I am beginning to not like the Holidays at all, and used to Thanksgiving was my absolute favorite Holiday of the year, not anymore Sad

Re: I'm beginning to dislike the holidays..

  • for the same reasons you just described, we do not do thanksgiving in my house anymore, nor with either one of our families.

  • It's not like you are asking him to not see his family at all on that day.  I don't think he is being fair. Last year the holiday was spent with his family - this year you guys should get to eat with your family. He is saying that it's not fair - but his solution is not fair to you either. 

    Sorry you are upset... hopefully DH will come around.

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  • I think you are justified in wanting to spend the holidays with your parents.  For crying out loud..it's not the entire day.  Your DH needs to compromise or go solo...you're allowed to spend time with your family.
  • Sounds like you need to have a sit down with DH and talk about alternating holidays - like each year 1 family gets Thanksgiving Day and one gets Christmas, then switch the next year. I'd say it's your families turn but this is a negotiation you need to have with DH and set up a plan for the future, not just this year in order to minimize future arguments on the subject.
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  • Yea I think it's crappy of him that he isn't willing to alternate years between your family and his.  Last year (our first year married) was the first time in the 6 years we had been together that dh and I spent the entire holidays with each other previous to that we kind of ran around and did things with out families separately and met in the middle somewhere along the line.  Unfortunately for us both of our parents are divorced and all live in the same county (within 10 minutes of each other).......that's four different events for each holiday and is probably only going to get worse once this little one is here haha!
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  • we run into this too but we had decided when we first got married that we were going to switch back and forth between his family and my family. This year is with my family. We will spend thanksgiving and christmas eve with my family and christmas day and new years with his and then it will be the other way the next year.
  • I have the same problem. My DH always wants to go to his family and never to mine. Before we got married we always spent the holidays apart because I refused to back down. Last year we did Thanksgiving at his grandmother's house but then for Christmas I was sooo sick so we didn't go anywhere. I cooked and we stayed home.  We had said this year we were going to do Thanksgiving at his grandmother's house and Christmas or Christmas Eve at my family's house but now with the little one coming, I'm not sure what is going to go on for Christmas. I could be in the hospital for all I know. I have still yet to come up with a solution for this either. I'm hoping that once the baby is here we could just start doing holidays here. It just makes it easier. I say if you do thanksgiving at your house, you set a time for everyone to be there and don't let anyone bully you.  If you tell them to be there at 2 and they are late then they miss out on whatever they missed and that is just too bad.
  • That sucks! I remember when I had to spend my first Thanksgiving dinner away from my family! Was so upset! My fam is very close and so is DH's. Thankfully they live only 45 minutes apart. We do Thanksgiving dinner at one house and dessert at the other and alternate each year. Christmas is down to a science. Christmas Eve early with my Mom and Dad and Mom's side, Christmas eve late ( with church) with DH's family. Christmas morning/early afternoon with My fam and Dad's side and Christmas late afternoon with DH's side! Can't tell you how much easier it is when you have a plan for this stuff!
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  • I am sorry you guys are having such a hard time!  We have trouble too!  Thank God my MIL agreed to have Thanksgiving on Friday this year.  She never wants to have it with my mom, I am not quite sure why.  She makes a huge meal for DH, BIL and I.  Seems silly right?
  • We use to rotate each year.  Then the year we found out we were have DD, I said that would be my last time traveling (we live in the same town at my family, but 5 hrs from his).  I said they are more than welcome (not really..haha) to come visit us but I was not making trips with little kids there and not having a "real" chrismtas at our house.  So last year we stayed in our home town and did stuff with my family.  This year we decided we aren't even going to leave our house.  My parents and sis will probably come over to visit, but we are staying put.  I see us doing this for the next few years while the kids are small.   
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