3rd Trimester

DH is a lying sack of sh!t (long)

Sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense. I am so mad right now I can't even see straight.  Long story short, last summer DH's ex went through a "rough patch" and dealt with it by latching on to DH.  She was texting him day and night, starting out using their sons as an excuse, but then getting into inappropriate personal things that she had no business texting an ex.  Not excusing the fact that his lame ass went along with it because he didn't want to "upset her" any more.  So, as of last August we agreed that there would be no more texting between them.  If they needed to discuss an issue concerning the boys they could talk on the phone. My ex and I do not text and we coparent very effectively. It is not necessary.

Fast forward to saturday. DH's phone buzzes. He looks at it and says "oh, my phone is dying", not realizing that I can see he just got a text. I call him on it. He does his best to hide if from me but come to find out, it is from her.  He swears up and down he has no idea why she is texting him out of the blue...they NEVER text. Riiiiight.  I had a bad feeling about it then, but I gave him every opportunity to tell me then if he was still texting her.  I told him that if it was nothing, they were texting about the boys or whatever, then there was no reason to lie to me about it.  I also told him straight up that I was going to call Verizon and get the detail from the bill and that if he was lying to me I was done. Yes, I have issues, he knew that when he married me. Nothing on earth makes me more crazy than being lied to.

So as you might have guessed, when I called verizon today they confirmed that there has been a significant increase in texts between him and her since Oct 16th...right about the time we found out that she is pregnant. I've had an "off" feeling since about that time but we were in the process of moving, DH was interviewing for his new job, new baby on the way...lots of changes so I put it out of my mind. Silly me.

I don't know what I want to do at this point. The only thing I have proof of is the texting, but the lying makes me madder than anything.  I am due to have a baby in 3 days and I am so mad I could honestly kick him out of the house a barely bat an eye.

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Re: DH is a lying sack of sh!t (long)

  • I'm really sorry you have to deal with this right before having a baby. I hope everything works out for you. 
  • Oh man :( Laying is not ok in a relationship!! Do you think there's any feelings still there? Ugh why do men lie and then think we are stupid?? I'm so sorry about this. You need to tell him straight up you will NOT put up with this.
  • You don't think he got her pregnant do you?  I hate lying as well.  It makes me more mad than anything else.  I'm sorry you have to deal with this right now.
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  • eek! I am SO sorry--you should NOT have to be dealing with that kind of stuff now.  I know how hard it is to trust someone, especially if they lie and lie again to cover a lie--makes you wonder what else they've been lying about.  The only thing I could say that might POSSIBLY explain his behavior is maybe he just didn't want to upset you too much this close to the end of your pregnancy by telling you he'd been in contact with her again? It's not a good excuse by any means, but its the only thing that could come to my mind...
  • Oh wow. What a horrible situation to be put into right when you are about to have a baby. I agree that if he was only texting regarding parenting issues, there would be no reason to hide it. And the fact that texts have increased so much since she found out she is pregnant would definitely make me wary. I'm sorry you are going through this.
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  • Just so you know I certainly don't think you are crazy for contacting Verizon. I totally would have. I despise being lied to! Best wishes with everything. I hope he gets his act together :(
  • I totally get why you're mad. I think that since you delivered an ultimatum - if you're lying, we're done - you're now obligated to follow through, because if you don't, you're going to send him a clear message that you're going to keep putting up with this no matter how angry it makes you. 

    If you're not ready for divorce, I think you need to insist on marriage counseling starting immediately.  

  • image MrsC17:
    you should NOT have to be dealing with that kind of stuff now.  I know how hard it is to trust someone, especially if they lie and lie again to cover a lie--makes you wonder what else they've been lying about. ...
  • So sorry you are going through this.  I would be very concerned why there was an increase in texts when you guys found out she was pregnant.
  • By saying that she's pregnant and you've had an "off" feeling since then do you think he's been having an affair with her? Not sure what you were getting at with that.

    That being said, I'm sorry you are going through this! I think you can get a print out of the actual text messages. My parents were able to get that when my sister was being stalked and they were able to secure a restraining order against the scumbag with proof of the text messages. If you're concerned, I would look  into it.

    And if I were in your situation I'd be handing DH his balls in a jar. Just sayin!

  • I do NOT tolerate lying, either.  Since you've caught him in a lie you have every right to go by any means necessary to get to the bottom of the issue.  Forget privacy, he gave that up when he lied to you.  I hope you can get him to come clean...there is nothing worse than that time between finding out and them finally realizing you're not an idiot and confessing.  Men are idiots, and will lie lie lie even when caught red handed.  GL!
  • image curlilocks1207:

     I also told him straight up that I was going to call Verizon and get the detail from the bill and that if he was lying to me I was done. Yes, I have issues, he knew that when he married me. Nothing on earth makes me more crazy than being lied to.

    I must have issues too because lying is huge to me. This is something I would have done and said. I hate being lied to!

    I don't really have any kind of advice.Just wanted to say I'm sorry your having to deal with this, especially so close to your due date. I'd be mad as hell too if I were you. 

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  • I would be upset and suspicous and I'm not one to normally be suspicous without good cause. Lies are a big no-no, how would he feel if you lied to him about communication with your ex?

  • Oh wow, I'm really sorry you're going through this right now. As if being 9 months pregnant isn't stressful enough. I can relate, because it really irks me when my DH talks to his daughter's mother about non-child-related things. Like seriously, lady, make a friend or something. I'm just wondering, though, are you thinking HE might have gotten her pregnant?????
  • I would be devastated! Lying is completely unacceptable...especially when it comes to matters of the heart. He needs to fix this once & for all. However, sorry to say...you will probably never trust him the way you would like to.
  • image bananasmomma:
    So sorry you are going through this.  I would be very concerned why there was an increase in texts when you guys found out she was pregnant.

    THIS!! I'm insane when it comes to stuff like this. I would be going NUTS. I would be calling her or even going to see her to see what was up. I don't fvck around with stuff like that. I'm getting pissed just thinking about it! 

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  • image ibis:

    I totally get why you're mad. I think that since you delivered an ultimatum - if you're lying, we're done - you're now obligated to follow through, because if you don't, you're going to send him a clear message that you're going to keep putting up with this no matter how angry it makes you. 

    If you're not ready for divorce, I think you need to insist on marriage counseling starting immediately.  

    I completely agree with Ibis.  And I must ask as well if you think he might be the father of her child?

    I'm so sorry for what you are going through.  honestly I would throw him out of the house at least because he needs to realize you are serious and what he did will not be tolerated.  I'm so so sorry!  I feel horrible for you and your family! :(

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  • image bananasmomma:
    So sorry you are going through this.  I would be very concerned why there was an increase in texts when you guys found out she was pregnant.

    This.

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  • Oh and I would try to get the records of text!  I would be very curious as to what they are texting.  Lieing is HUGE and totaly wrong, but it would be way worse if there is inappropriate conversations going on...and would make me kicking him to the curb easier.  (I don't know what you meant by them being inapropriate before...that might make it super easy on me)
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  • image planeNsimple:
    image ibis:

    I totally get why you're mad. I think that since you delivered an ultimatum - if you're lying, we're done - you're now obligated to follow through, because if you don't, you're going to send him a clear message that you're going to keep putting up with this no matter how angry it makes you. 

    If you're not ready for divorce, I think you need to insist on marriage counseling starting immediately.  

    I completely agree with Ibis.  And I must ask as well if you think he might be the father of her child?

    I'm so sorry for what you are going through.  honestly I would throw him out of the house at least because he needs to realize you are serious and what he did will not be tolerated.  I'm so so sorry!  I feel horrible for you and your family! :(

    The thought didn't really cross my mind until today when I got the detail from verizon and realized that is when they started texting like crazy. I'm not sure exactly when I started feeling things were strange, there has just been a lot going on lately, so I really wasn't suspicious.  Now it seems like pieces are falling into place and I am thinking the worst.

    I feel like I am obligated to hold up the ultimatum too.  If it wasn't for my DD I would have done it the instant I knew he was lying.  I feel like a total failure for bringing him into her life and letting her get attached to him.

  • Can you insist on seeing the texts or does he delete them? Do they communicate via email?

    Whether you toss him out of the house or not, it's on him to prove his innocence and to fix what's broken. 

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  • image curlilocks1207:
    image planeNsimple:
    image ibis:

    I totally get why you're mad. I think that since you delivered an ultimatum - if you're lying, we're done - you're now obligated to follow through, because if you don't, you're going to send him a clear message that you're going to keep putting up with this no matter how angry it makes you. 

    If you're not ready for divorce, I think you need to insist on marriage counseling starting immediately.  

    I completely agree with Ibis.  And I must ask as well if you think he might be the father of her child?

    I'm so sorry for what you are going through.  honestly I would throw him out of the house at least because he needs to realize you are serious and what he did will not be tolerated.  I'm so so sorry!  I feel horrible for you and your family! :(

    The thought didn't really cross my mind until today when I got the detail from verizon and realized that is when they started texting like crazy. I'm not sure exactly when I started feeling things were strange, there has just been a lot going on lately, so I really wasn't suspicious.  Now it seems like pieces are falling into place and I am thinking the worst.

    I feel like I am obligated to hold up the ultimatum too.  If it wasn't for my DD I would have done it the instant I knew he was lying.  I feel like a total failure for bringing him into her life and letting her get attached to him.

    You are NOT a failure.  YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!  You repeat that to yourself over and over again.  It isn't your fault that he lied to you!  How you react to this situation is what will show your daughter what an amazing Mom you are!  Your daughter doesn't need to know about all of this right now either.  You can just say that he is going to be "helping a friend" so we won't be staying at the house.  White lies are ok in this situation if you ask me.  I know it is so much easier said then done, but be strong.  You will make it through this.  Like i said before, I would at least kick him out of the house and get the text message records to see what they say.  Then I would take some time to think it over before jumping one way or the other.  Talk to a close friend, fill her in on the situation and she how she can help out.  Because you will need help both with the children and for your mental health.  We are here for you too!  I'm so sorry!

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  • image AMYfromKY:
    You don't think he got her pregnant do you?  I hate lying as well.  It makes me more mad than anything else.  I'm sorry you have to deal with this right now.

    First thing that popped into my mind too for him to be suddenly so involved when she finds out she's PG. Wow, IDK what to even say to that except I'm sorry and hopefully it all works out for the best no matter what happens!

  • I don't know what to say that is a rough situation and I hope it works out favorably.  I guess the first thing to do would be focus on getting the baby here healthy and safely then work on marriage counseling next?

    Good luck with everything!!



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  • image ibis:

    I totally get why you're mad. I think that since you delivered an ultimatum - if you're lying, we're done - you're now obligated to follow through, because if you don't, you're going to send him a clear message that you're going to keep putting up with this no matter how angry it makes you. 

    If you're not ready for divorce, I think you need to insist on marriage counseling starting immediately.  

    I agree 100%.  Do you think you could start with counseling?

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  • image curlilocks1207:

    I feel like I am obligated to hold up the ultimatum too.  If it wasn't for my DD I would have done it the instant I knew he was lying.  I feel like a total failure for bringing him into her life and letting her get attached to him.

    You didn't fvck up, he did! Don't take the blame on... I'm sure he would be only too happy to put it there, but that's not where it belongs. This was HIS mistake, not yours. 

  • Wow - just the stress you DON"T need right now... Are you positive it's not his baby? I hate to say that, but my paranoid, pregnant mind goes right to that... Sorry.
  • I'm just here to second the pp who said, "YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!"  I've read your posts on Blended Families before, and you seem to be the kind of woman who went into this marriage with caution and foresight and good will.  You are not responsible for his actions.  It would be one thing if he was lying, cheating, etc before you got married and you went ahead and married him anyways, but I'm pretty certain this wasn't the case, right?  So, you went into it expecting him to act like a man and treat you with respect and it's NOT YOUR FAULT that he let you down!

    FWIW, this would also be a HUGE deal to me.  Contacting Verizon is not crazy---texting your ex about anything other than co-parenting issues when you are re-married is the crazy part! 

    I also agree with pp who said you should immediately demand counseling.  Making the decision to get divorced 3 days before your due date would be so stressful for you, but you just need to do whatever you feel a peace about.  I would probably just kick him out until he agrees to counseling, if I were in your shoes, but of course we don't know the whole story.

    I'll say a prayer for you and your family!  You can do this, for you and DD and LO---you will be happy with your babies!

  • I would have busted that phone up.   Sorry you are dealing with that.  There isn't any way that baby is his, is there?
  • 1.  Throat punch him for lying to you!

    2.  I wouldnt hesitate to call her and tell her to stop.  If your name is on the bill too, you legally can file harrassment charges as long as she has been told to stop...that might scare her into leaving him alone.

    3.  Could be worse...BM went through a phase where she liked to "accidently" send inappropriate pic messages to DH. 

    OH and FYI...you can go on verizon's website now and see who texts were incoming from AND outgoing to, so if its mostly her texting him maybe its less to worry about than you think.  If not...throat punch him again just for the hell of it!

     

    Sorry he's being a butt.  Hopefully he gets his head out of his rear!

    accordingtoabby.com" "From of suffering emerges the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars." Kahlil Gibran
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