2nd Trimester

Seriously DH? (long vent - please help!)

So DH and I were just talking about some of the cleaning and chores that need to be done this weekend.  Our house is a mess right now because I haven't felt up to doing much (still battling m/s) but there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel so I would like to get some things done on Saturday.  DH commented on how we need to try harder to keep on top of the daily chores throughout the week so that our house stays clean.  That comment in itself is slightly annoying considering the reason I am sick and miserable is because I am carrying our child. 

I suggested that we draw up a chore chart to help divvy up the housework so that we can keep the house spic and span since I am a total neat freak and the mess really bothers me.  DH seemed so excited about this so he volunteered to draw one up.  Here's how it was broke down: 

My chores - cook dinner, dishes, load and empty dishwasher, laundry, dusting, vaccuuming, clean bathrooms except for showers.

His chores - scrub showers, pick up after himself, put dirty clothes in laundry hamper, house projects.

 Ummm...wtf are house projects?  I understand that there will always be things to get done around the house that take a little bit of extra time, but I always help him if I am home and able to help.  And to be technical I pick up after myself on a regular basis and put my dirty clothes in the hamper when I take them off!  So the only things he wants to be responsible for are the showers and 'house projects'?  Seriously?!?!

Am I overreacting here?  I don't mind doing most of the things he listed out for me but it would be nice if some of these things could be a shared responsibility - like both of us doing the dishes after dinner so that one of us isn't stuck in the kitchen alone while the other one relaxes.  Any suggestions or words of wisdom are welcome!

Sorry so long..I didn't realize I was so worked up!

Re: Seriously DH? (long vent - please help!)

  • Give him the bathrooms and call it a deal. I'm guessing house projects would mean mowing the lawn and taking care of the yard too.
  • I suck at cooking so bad my DH seriously took cooking away from me one day after we moved in together. I do the laundry because he sorts things by shape not by color, shirts in one pile, socks in another...its kind of funny. I do dishes since he makes the dinner its only fair and whoever happens to be home when the dishwasher is done unloads it. Perhaps he can take over the whole bathrooms as he will be scrubbing the showers he'll be in there anyway.
    Your little hands wrapped around my finger and its so quiet in the world tonight Your little eye lids flutter cause your dreamin so I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light To you everything's funny, you've got nothing to regret I'd give all I have hunny, if you could stay like that Oh darling dont you ever grow up, dont you ever grow up, just stay this little Oh darling dont you ever grow up dont you ever grow up, it could stay this simple I wont let nobody hurt you, wont let no one break your heart, no one will desert you Just try to never grow up imageimage Pregnancy Ticker Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • I think you have every right to be worked up, if there was ever a time for him to take on a little more than his fair share it is now... and that list is not even. I mean... you are doing all the every day chores and his only daily duty is picking up after himself... that should go unsaid!  I mean, showers are a pain, but you dont have to do it every day like cooking dinner and the dishes... I would make him do dishes if you are cooking or vice versa.
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  • My hubbs and I have worked out a deal. If I made dinner he does dishes, it works out great.

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  • it does seem a little unbalanced. 
  • I've heard - and consciously have not checked that this is true - that you're not supposed to use bleach when preggers or breast feeding.  So you really CAN'T do the bathrooms!  Give it on over! 

    My DH and I split up so that I do the cooking, he does the dishes, and I usually end up unloading the dishwasher later. Although I usually do dishes along the way, it's nice not to think about it after making dinner.  Maybe he could get on board with that too.

    You could also always draw up your own chart, put everything on his side, and add to yours only "bearing your child."  See if he gets the hint....


  • My DH and I are in the exact same situation regarding the house. At the same time, I just read him your chore list and even he thought it was absurd. So, yes, you have every right to be annoyed! 

    Can you maybe alternate days for each chore? I understand you don't mind doing the chores, but if you are anything like me, there is no way to get the energy to get half of them done and he needs to help out.

    Just to show you that all boys are the same. My DH has been complaining about laundry not getting done and how much laundry he is always doing. The other day I went through the huge box of laundry it took him all week to do (b/c he put it in a box instead of folding any of it) and realized there was one pair of my underwear. All of his complaining was about his own clothes, none of which was my fault.  

  • i think it's unfairly divided up. I guess the difference for me though is I've always rented and never have to really worry about "house projects." But honestly, if I was still having morning sickness and unable to get the energy together during the week to keep up the chores then its sure not gonna happen all over the weekend either. I would definitely bring it up to him and talk through the chores, including the time and effort going into each one (i.e. laundry can be folded while lounging on the couch but all the kitchen chores are on your feet), and also as you get further along that he's going to have to take on more for you both to keep up. Good luck! 

    PS: Feel free to threaten him with a frying pan to the head from me. My fiance knows this what he would get if he tried putting all those chores on me, even before the pregnancy and we ended up in two different cities ;) 

  • I think some of the problem is that I have just sucked it up in the past instead of putting on my big girl panties and dealing with the issue directly.  When we first moved in together the agreement was that I would be doing more of the housework than him because at the time he was working 2 jobs and was not home very much.  He has changed jobs since then and actually spends more waking hours at home than I do, but instead of him picking up more of the daily work he has managed to wiggle out of most of it in favor of mowing grass and these other mysterious projects.  I assumed it was common for everybody that enjoyed eating the meal to pitch in with clean up and dishes and judging from everybody's response I am pretty spot on with that one.  Looks like it's time for a frank discussion about what is common courtesy and thus expected from both of us versus what needs to be done to contribute to the household.

    Thanks ladies!

  • If he's remodeling a bathroom by himself 'house projects' can count, but changing a light bulb does not make that an even split.  He's crazy!
  • I think it depends on your DH.  Mine will never be a cook or do-the-dishes kind of guy.  That's who I married and I've accepted it!  He sticks to yard work, house projects, taking out the garbage, etc (stuff I NEVER want to do).

    I will never try to make it 50/50 - that just won't work.  I'm happy cooking, doing the dishes, laundry if it means I don't have to mow and edge the yard.


  • Have you sat him down to tell him exactly what's going on with you physically and how crappy you frequently feel because of the pregnancy?  Sometimes they just don't get it, or assume it's all really minor, until you spell it out for them.

    I started out trying to maintain all the cleaning/chores myself (I'm used to doing most of it not because DH is lazy but because I am a craaaaazy lady and actually enjoy it) and it did not work out.  I got horrible backaches and was wrecked for the rest of the day.  So maybe try to make him understand that if he wants to "stay on top of things," he needs to step up and stay on top of it himself, because you can't do it all.  

  • image kate930:

    Just to show you that all boys are the same. My DH has been complaining about laundry not getting done and how much laundry he is always doing. The other day I went through the huge box of laundry it took him all week to do (b/c he put it in a box instead of folding any of it) and realized there was one pair of my underwear. All of his complaining was about his own clothes, none of which was my fault.  

    Haha, I agree!  Case in point:  last night he was complaining about the dog hair that seems to be stuck EVERYWHERE and how there seems to be a dog smell that has never been here before.  Yes DH, I concur - the dog is disgusting and she is making a big mess even worse, but the fact remains that she is YOUR dog that YOU brought with you when we moved into this house.  I did not ask for her, and accordingly will not be vaccuming up all the fur between my bouts of throwing up.

  • Hahaha, I'm sorry, but I read this and just had to laugh, "wtf are house projects?" :)

    No matter what advice you get, you have to consider your relationship with your DH. You're allowed to be annoyed. Read the list out-loud to him and ask if this is seriously his brilliant plan ;) 

    My husband and I have an awesome relationship, but ALWAYS irritate each other when it comes to house cleaning, organization, "projects", etc. 

    Stinkin' men! 

  • Here's an easy way to see if he truly thinks it's evenly split.  Tell him you prefer the items on his list and want to switch.
  • The way I counted it, you have 7 major chores and he has one.  I don't count picking up after himself or putting clothes in the hamper as a contribution towards housework.  I'd bet you do those things, too, even shen they are not on your list.  He needs to take up more of the load.
  • I think your DH should definatly take up more work...a good way to put it would be..I'm making a baby today, what did you do?  When I first got preg, DH took up all chores that used cleaning chemicals...all bathrooms and mopping.  Since 14wks I've been on restricted activity and DH does every single chore, all cooking, cleaning and laundry as well as the shopping.  Let your DH know that it could be worse and he should step up a bit..  Good luck and stay strong!
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