2nd Trimester

So, is it bad/tacky/selfish if I 50% plan my own shower?

My mom and one of my sisters and I are not currently speaking. I'm sure they will be coming to my shower, but probably not very involved. My other sister is planning a wedding around the same time and she has never been very reliable when it comes to planning things (no biggie, some people just aren't). Anyway, that leaves me with MIL who I LOVE :) I told her that I, in no way, expect someone else to pay for everything and plan everything for me (that's just me.. and I'm not even a control freak. I just want to help out as much as possible).

So I am planning on MIL and I planning this shower together. I get the feeling that I'm not supposed to be that involved, but 1. I want to be.. I'm so damn excited. 2. I don't wanna make MIL try to plan everything on her own.. she had 2 boys and this is the first grandbaby so she's never done this before.. I trust her, I just don't want to overwhelm her. Are people gonna give me a bunch of *** for being so involved in my own shower? I mean, really.. if I had no one, I'd throw myself a shower. Everyone deserves one, I think.

Re: So, is it bad/tacky/selfish if I 50% plan my own shower?

  • If your MIL doesn't mind the help, go for it.  How would people even know that you are helping with the planning anyway.  As far as your guests go...they get an invitation and show up.  No one knows or cares about what goes on behind the scenes.
  • I dont think its bad/tacky/selfish at all! In fact, I am going to at least 50% plan my shower, too!  My best friend is going to be the hostess on the invites and take care of handling the RSVPs and stuff for me.  And I'm sure she will go pick out favors and food and that stuff.  But, I am going to completely pay for everything myself ---mainly because she just got laid off, but I would help pay anyway.

    I am soooo excited too, and I definitely want to have a hand in my shower. Its too fun not to be involved!!



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  • Personally I don't care. I think it's nice of you to not leave your mil with the "burden" for lack of better words, and I could totally see how this could be exciting for you.  On the other hand, I'm sure the edicate (sp) po-po would not agree that anyone should throw themself a shower. 
  • As long as the invite comes from her, no one needs to know you were involved!

    But, please don't throw your own shower. That would be tacky.

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  • I am planning my shower with my mom. I don't think there is anything wrong with it, as long as you want to help. My aunts are helping out too but they live in different towns so it's easier for me to help her out.
  • I think go for it and have fun. Tell the ettiquette police to shove it if they don't like it :)

  • Apparently a lot of people are sensitive towards the subject, so know that you will raise some eyebrows. If that doesn't affect you, just go on with your own thing.
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  • if you MIL is throwing you the shower then no one else but the two of you have to be the wiser at your involvement! And as long as MIL doesnt mind no biggie!
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  • Each situation is unique so I can't judge whether it's tacky, bad or selfish. However, IMHO a shower is given by others so the guest of honor simply enjoys the day. To plan the event is a bit too much for me even if lets say the hosts take an approach that is totally not my style.

  • I think that is wonderful that you want to help out! And I think you're MIL would love the help as well. There are some women on this website who LOVE to call people tacky when they don't know or care to understand the situation. I have defended many ladies who want to be involved with planning their shower. I was involved in all my bridal showers, bachelorette parties and even the showers now. It is not tacky at all, it's being involved. Give a lending hand, since when did that become so against etiquette and tacky?
  • I don't think it is tacky at all. Since when is wanting to help out? My mom is unreliable and all my other relatives live in different cities, except for my MIL, who offered to throw us a family shower. (We are having a separate co-ed "celebration" for our friends.

    Then my MIL was diagnosed with breast cancer and she was going to plan a shower all by herself. I am helping her out because she has enough on her plate without the added pressure of baby shower stuff. I am hoping that it will take her mind off the treatments too! 


    Either way, no one will know that I helped her out except her and I!

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