Parenting after a Loss

Pretty sad about buying formula

(let me preface this post by saying that I by no means intend to insult anyone with this post, I am a million bajillion times more critical of myself than I would ever be of anyone else)

I know I've read it a hundred times and said it a hundred times-happy momma=happy baby etc. BUT I bought a can of formula today. I feel very disappointed in myself. I've been bf'ing at home and pumping at work for most of DS's life (tried some formula when he was very young) I work long shifts and have to pump in the car or in the back of the ambulance with my (very male) partner sitting up front 3 times per day. I work as a paramedic and given the nature of the job I can't really predict my pumping times. I can't keep up with him anymore. I only have 2 or 3 days worth of BM in the freezer. I am the only Mommy at my job that has even attempted to pump and BF this long but I still feel rotten about it. I feel lazy, like if I tried harder I could make it work. I feel like I'm not doing right by DS, that he'll miss out on the benefits of BF'ing.

I still intend (if I'm able) to BF as often as possible at home and pump some at work but supplement with formula. I just don't think he's getting enough right now. He wakes at night a lot to eat. He's a big baby but he dropped from 98% to 75% between 4 and 6 months.

Argh I just hate this. Please remind me that I am not the monster that I am making myself out to be.

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missed m/c 5/1/08 d&c 5/2/08

~An angel wrote in the book of life, my baby's date of birth.
Then whispered as she closed the book "Too beautiful for earth."~ (author unknown)

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Re: Pretty sad about buying formula

  • You are in NO way a monster! Sounds to me like you made the right choice for your DS! AND that is what is important!! Your a good mommy! :)
  • You are NOT a monster, you are a momma feeding her baby.... there is no shame in that!
  • I think it's awesome that you've been able to BF this long - you are definitely not a monster!  I really wanted to BF but physically between DD and I, we could not make it work.  I was devastated so I can sympathize about the disappointment and guilt.  However, he's gotten a TON from your efforts and it's not laziness at all on your part.  You've got a difficult arrangement and you deserve credit for making it work for so long!
  • I'm impressed that you've been able to keep it up as long as you have given your work circumstances!  You are definitely not a monster and you are doing what you have to do.  I totally feel you - I've been supplementing with formula from the beginning.  DS gets mostly breast milk, but I EP and usually pump enough just to make it to the next feeding - I have ZERO freezer stash.  I hope I can make it to 6 months like you have!
    BFP #1: 10/22/07; 12/12/07 - Missed m/c discovered, 12/13/07 - d&c
    BFP #2: 9/25/08; 10/27/08 - Blighted ovum discovered, 11/5/08 - b/o confirmed
    BFP #3: 1/19/09 - Chemical Pregnancy
    BFP #4: 2/12/09; EDD 10/26/09 - Richie born on 9/4/09 at 4 pounds, 10 ounces
    BFP #5: 5/27/11; EDD 2/4/12 - Sylvia is on her way!
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  • You are a great mom!!  I have a ton of respect for you being able to keep going and pumping with your work environment.  I don't think I could do that. 

    6 months of EBF is amazing, and you'll probably be able to keep providing some BM for a while longer, which is still giving him great benefits.  Don't beat yourself up, you've done an awesome job!! :)

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  • You're amazing for having lasted this long! I EBFed DS for a year, but that's only because I had a year of mat leave. I always say that I don't know how pumping/working moms do it - I would've quit a long time ago! There is nothing fun about pumping, and it's even harder in a work environment like yours. You deserve a TON of credit - your DS got all the benefits of BM for 6 months and that will likely continue. Adding some formula in won't change that! And I know you know this, but you're probably just mourning the loss of the EBFing relationship rather than being upset about buying formula. You'll have that feeling of "loss" whether you cut sessions/wean at 6 months or 6 years (lol).
  • Thanks for all of your support ladies. It really means the world to me. I tried to talk to DH about it and he said "just do whatever makes you feel better" which is nice but not exactly what I needed to hear. I almost wanted him to say no to formula and encourage me to keep going with the pumping but he's never really been terribly encouraging about it. He just says its my choice. I'm probably still going to keep at the pumping routine for a few more weeks just to get some into the freezer but it takes some stress off knowing that I don't have to get x amount of ounces if I'm not able.

    Again thank you! And thank you for acknowledging how difficult it has been. It helps me to feel less whimpy and whiney about it.

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    missed m/c 5/1/08 d&c 5/2/08

    ~An angel wrote in the book of life, my baby's date of birth.
    Then whispered as she closed the book "Too beautiful for earth."~ (author unknown)

    baby development

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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  • I just got done crying because I have to do the same thing.  I have a big boy and he has finally eaten my supply, I know it is right but I am really not ready to buy formula.

    BTW what formula have you choosen, I have no clue what to get!

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