3rd Trimester

Asking for help with baby items....

Okay so I do not want to sound greedy at all, but I have a question/though that id like some feedback on.

 

This is DH and I's first baby and our families are both really excited and happy. My parents bought us a carseat stroller combo and his bought us some sippy cups, bib's, and a few other little things.. We are kinda frustrated because there are a few bigger things that we could really use some help with and wish that DH's parents would help out a little more.

We know that my DH's older brother got a really nice jogging stroller at their baby shower like a year ago.

We do not want to be greedy and ask for anything, and my MIL keeps asking what we still need but has not offered to help out with buying anything.

So, should we just let it go.. Should we ask them if they would be willing to help us out and buy a xxxx. Etc.. 

Thanks for your thoughts and advice

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Re: Asking for help with baby items....

  • Well, you're getting to the point where you need to start purchasing whatever you don't have.  Maybe you could invite your MIL to come shopping with you?  If she's asking what you need still then it sounds like she'd like to buy some things, maybe she just doesn't know exactly what you want.
    image

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  • If they're asking, tell them what you need.  If they choose not to buy it, you're probably on your own. 
  • Next time your MIL asks what you need tell her.  Maybe she will get it.

  • well you probably won't like what i'm going to say but i'm saying it anyway. your IL's aren't obligated to buy you anything at all, and it's pretty rude and selfish for you even assume that they would or should. This is YOUR child, not theirs. If you can't afford the items that you need, you shouldn't have gotten pregnant.

    if they are asking you what you need point them in the direction of the registry and let them make their own decision.

  • image lisswastaken:

    well you probably won't like what i'm going to say but i'm saying it anyway. your IL's aren't obligated to buy you anything at all, and it's pretty rude and selfish for you even assume that they would or should. This is YOUR child, not theirs. If you can't afford the items that you need, you shouldn't have gotten pregnant.

    if they are asking you what you need point them in the direction of the registry and let them make their own decision.

    Ditto

  • I put it in my mind early on that we were going to be responsible for purchasing everything; that helped me be twice as grateful when my parents purchased the crib, the dresser, the carseat, this, that, etc.

    My MIL and her husband have been helping some, but squeezing money out of my FIL is like getting water from a dry well.  As rude as this sounds, I've even come out and ASKED him to purchase this or that to no avail.  While its frustrating to me that he's not willing to help with his youngest son's first child, I've come to the realization that I can't EXPECT anything from him.. this is OUR child and no one is responsible for providing for him but us.  I think thats the mindset you need to incorporate in order to get out of this funk that your in-laws won't buy you what you need.

  • I agree with the PP...my MIL has been saying for 7 months that she was going to buy us whatever we needed...well, she hasn't bought one single thing yet. If you need it, go buy it, that's what we did. I'm not waiting around for someone to buy all our baby supplies, even if they DID say they would help. It just sounds rude to ask for stuff, ya know?
    --Coral

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  • image Chuppathingy:
    image lisswastaken:

    well you probably won't like what i'm going to say but i'm saying it anyway. your IL's aren't obligated to buy you anything at all, and it's pretty rude and selfish for you even assume that they would or should. This is YOUR child, not theirs. If you can't afford the items that you need, you shouldn't have gotten pregnant.

    if they are asking you what you need point them in the direction of the registry and let them make their own decision.

    Ditto

    this is what we did when MIL asked us what we wanted for the baby.

    BFP #1 4/6/09; EDD 12/6/09; miscarriage 4/10/09..............BFP #2 5/3/09; DD born 1/9/10........BFP #3 12/15/12, EDD 8/31/13; baby stopped growing at 5w3d; natural miscarriage..........BFP #4 2/8/13, EDD 10/20/13; missed miscarriage discovered 9w2d; d/c.......BFP #5 10/22/13, EDD 7/8/13; miscarriage 10/28/13..... BFP #6 11/19/13; DS born 7/29/14 {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252 {\fonttbl\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 Helvetica;} {\colortbl;\red255\green255\blue255;\red51\green51\blue51;\red255\green255\blue255;} \deftab720 \pard\pardeftab720\sl280\partightenfactor0 \f0\fs22 \cf2 \cb3 \expnd0\expndtw0\kerning0 \outl0\strokewidth0 \strokec2 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker} {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252 {\fonttbl\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 Helvetica;} {\colortbl;\red255\green255\blue255;\red51\green51\blue51;\red255\green255\blue255;} \deftab720 \pard\pardeftab720\sl280\partightenfactor0 \f0\fs22 \cf2 \cb3 \expnd0\expndtw0\kerning0 \outl0\strokewidth0 \strokec2 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker}
  • image lisswastaken:

    well you probably won't like what i'm going to say but i'm saying it anyway. your IL's aren't obligated to buy you anything at all, and it's pretty rude and selfish for you even assume that they would or should. This is YOUR child, not theirs. If you can't afford the items that you need, you shouldn't have gotten pregnant.

    if they are asking you what you need point them in the direction of the registry and let them make their own decision.

    This.

  • She has asked several times, and I keep mentioning things but shes not buying anything.

     

    We can afford to buy things and will if it comes down to it, it just seems frustrating that she asks, never offers,  and we know she has bought the other siblings nice gifts.. Maybe I just needed to vent?

     

    I don't think I am being rude or selfish assuming that they would buy stuff, I think its totally normal especially since I know the relationship we have with them, and that they have with their other grandchildren and children.

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  • image shannon059:

    I don't think I am being rude or selfish assuming that they would buy stuff, I think its totally normal especially since I know the relationship we have with them, and that they have with their other grandchildren and children.

    really? I think it's very rude to assume people will buy you everything. Maybe that's just me, I don't expect anything.  Hell, my MIL didn't even get us a shower gift, although she did pay for the invitations and the food (for 15 people). Probably cost her about $150.

    --Coral

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    image
  • I don't think you are being rude, because of your particular situation and what she has done for other family members I think it is reasonable to think she would help out some, but at this point in your pregnancy I wouldn't wait for her to get you anything you really need either.  And if she isn't going to get around to it, I wouldn't make a big deal about it or bring it up with her.  It is her descision, but I can see how you could feel disapointed.     
  • image Such-a-girl:
    image lisswastaken:

    well you probably won't like what i'm going to say but i'm saying it anyway. your IL's aren't obligated to buy you anything at all, and it's pretty rude and selfish for you even assume that they would or should. This is YOUR child, not theirs. If you can't afford the items that you need, you shouldn't have gotten pregnant.

    if they are asking you what you need point them in the direction of the registry and let them make their own decision.

    This.

    Thritto.

    Seriously: why do so many people seem to expect others to pick up their tab? This is YOUR baby. If people want to give a gift, they will.

     

    image Lucy, 12/27/2009
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  • You aren't entitled to a "comparable" gift to what she has given anyone else. Tongue Tied
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  • I'm sorry, but I wasn't aware that our parents were obligated to buy big ticket items...Confused

    DH's parents have bought us nothing more than a few onesies. And you know what? It never occurred to me to whine about it, because it was OUR choice to have this baby, and we're more than willing to make any and all purchases necessary. Do we appreciate the gifts that we've received? Helll yes. Are we complaining that certain people haven't bought us more? Of course not.

    And when your MIL asks what you need, TELL HER. She's not psychic.

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  • I may come across rude sorry thats not my intention however I can be very blunt.

    You and your husband decided to make a baby.  It is your obligation to support this baby in every way possible including all big ticket items. It is no ones obligation to help you purchase or purchase anything at all regardless if they bought another family member an expensive gift.

    If someone comes out and says Let me buy xyz for you then that is a blessing. However, waiting on someone to offer or simply buy it is a little pathetic in my opinion.

    Buy what you need, Save the reciepts. If someone buys you what you need then return what you got and save either the money or get a credit for future baby items like diapers formula etc.

    We bought every big ticket item from Crib to bouncey seat.  Everything else we got as a gift was a bonus. I did not want my friends or family feel obligated to spend a lot of money especially in this economy. I find great satisfaction knowing that everything our daughter needs we got ourselves. After all we did decided to create her.

     

     

     

  • Are you in laws Jewish by chance? I know some Jews won't buy anything until after the baby is born.

    Anyway I do get where you're coming from. While I am prepared to buy everything we need for our LO it would be odd if the in-laws didn't get us something. Nothing to hold a grudge over, just unexpected given how things typically are within the family. I wouldn't ask for assistance though. Next time you talk to them you can mention you plan to shopping on X date to get all your remaining items. If they don't say anything then move on and assume they aren't going to get you anything. They might surprise you later but best not to silently seethe over it if they don't. Perhapes there is something else going on that they haven't explained to you.

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  • Have you had your shower yet and if so what did they get you then?

    I agree that you should not "expect" a certain priced gift just because they gave the other brother one. BUT if my mom got my sister something expensive and not me, I am close enough to her that I would feel comfortable asking her what is up with that? Can't your DH ask them? There could be a reason, financial or otherwise.

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