Secondary IF

IF- what makes you strong?

IF is very hard to deal with as we all know but what makes you strong? What makes you not give up hope and just sit in a corner and feel sorry for yourself?

When we were TTC with baby#2, I was diagnosed with SIF. I was devastated and became totally obsessed with wanting to get pregnant. People were all getting pregnant around me and it hurt more than I would like to admit. I cried ALOT but thankfully I already had one beautiful miracle to keep me going.

Now we are trying again and while I wish I wouldn't have to go through all I go through to get pregnant but again, my kids keep me strong.

One of my best friends also suffers from SIF. She tried for over 18 months and just never got pregnant. Finally, on New Years I got a text from her that red "BFP!!!! (she is also on message boards-lol)" and I was SO excited for her. At 8 weeks, she went for her appointement saw a healthy baby and we couldn't be happier for her. We all cried. THen at 12 weeks, she went back for a check up and the baby had passed shortly after the 8 week u/s, it was devastating. I cried so much because I was hurting for her but she kept strong and a few months later got pregnant again. Her bay boy is now 6 months old and has got to be one of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen. He smiles all the time and is such a delight. When I look at him, I remember how many tears we shed together before he finally made his appearance and what a beautiful miracle he is today.

So each time AF shows up or gets so sad because it's taking so long to get pregnant, I think of Chase (that's the baby's name) and that God had a plan and eventough we didn't understand it at the time, his plan was pure perfection and ABSOLUTELY worth the wait and tears shed.

 

 

Re: IF- what makes you strong?

  • With me it's the determination to not let this beat me. I'm competitive and strong willed and the thought of letting something outside my control be the thing that breaks me is not something I'm okay with. I just have to remind myself that this is going to happen and if it doesn't it will be because i was ready to stop trying and because i made the decision I was ready to stop. For me the visualization of having a baby and feeling that feeling of winning out over this condition is worth it all. Now let's just hope in the delivery room I don't yell out "That's right B I T C H!!!!" 
  • It makes me appreciate my kids I think more than had I not gone through these two battles.  It took a lot to get pregnant, and all I had to stay pregnant both times.
    Mom to Harmon 1/17/08 and twins Rachel & Callum 8/28/09 Photobucket 29o0v13.jpg
  • This made me cry.  It's so true.
    image

    Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickersLilypie Third Birthday tickers

  • I really try to not let myself think about the negative.  I just focus on the what I can control (making appts, ordering meds, etc.).  I feel like IF changed me so much when TTC my DS, that I am determined to not let it be so dramatic this time around.  I am also so incredibly grateful for my son.  He is the best thing that has ever happened to us and I know that I am so lucky to have him.  However, I REALLY want to give him a sibling and I do have bad days. I just really truly believe that it will happen for us and I pray every day that it happens soon!! 

  • I also have good days and bad days, and my DD is who usually gets me through.  I am so grateful that I have been given the chance to be a mother, even if it's just to one, and there are many things I pray for above and beyond #2, such as safe keeping and health for the family I do have.  But, the bad days can be pretty bad... I would also like to stop obsessing, but every time I try the subject gets thrown up in my face again.  I can only ignore my true feelings for so long... 

     

    Dori image
    "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."

    Miracle DD born 12.2005
    TTC #2 since Dec 2008 w/ PCOS
    ***P/SAIF Always Welcome***

    Keep it Natural, Baby!
  • I remember that this time around, this is not just about DH & me. This is about a family. I have a daughter who looks to me everyday and with her increasing interaction and smarts kickin' in - I keep myself in HUGE check. I know that I'm teaching her (especially as the same sex parent) how to be a partner, friend, sister, citizen, daughter, community member, woman, adult, etc.

    She's learning everyday, she's observing and taking in everything. I must remember that I need to teach her that nothing is devistating enough to crush me. I never want her to grow up to think that she's defeatable. I'm teaching her that its okay to grieve, feel small, but then pick yourself up, brush yourself off and know that tomorrow will be better and you are a strong, willing, able, and resiliant person who this world is testing but is not ever able to take hold and defeat you.

    I won't say that SHE makes me strong because that's giving her a "job" and no kid should be born with a job. I make me strong and when I feel weak, I know that there are REASONS for me to be strong.

    We all grow and we start out completely dependant, we grow into adolescence and early adulthood where we are extremely self centered and then we must evolve into a more worldly, more fully understanding, responsible, aware adult...I feel that IF has helped me really appreciate this stage of my life and embrace what I have been soooooooooooooooooo blessed with!
  • I just had to remember that I was so lucky to have one beautiful daughter.  Sometimes it was a huge struggle to not get so caught up in the fertility treatments to the point I wasn't appreciating what I already had.

     We went though so many rounds of clomid, then 3 IUS,  injectibles and finally IVF, all for nothing.  After that I said I was done.  I just couldn't spend any more time obsessed with the process, and it was so emotional, like a roller coaster every day.

     We stopped fertility treatments almost 2 years ago and I've just been focusing on the sweet little girl that is in my life.   She started kindergarten last month and on her first day of school I found out I was pregnant.   Totally amazing and goes to show miracles can, and do, happen.  

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