Blended Families

New Boyfriend/Girlfriend

If your Ex started dating someone new, and it is serious enough that your child has met them, what information do you think you would be privy to?  Such as name ( first and last), any kids, type of work...?

What if this new BF/GF is spending the night, or has children and thier children are around your child?

I feel as though my DH should have basic information about another man that is spending time with his child, and we had no issue discussing things about me with BM when I first started dating my DH.  I just wanted to see if we were off-base or not.

 Thanks for any opinions!

 

Re: New Boyfriend/Girlfriend

  • I think it is important if your child is spending time with the SO of a parent that the other parent should meet them too. I know with us, BM met me fairly soon after SS did, and we met BM's SO soon after SS met him, though I don't think she thought she would introduce him so soon. I don't think I would get too detailed unless you wanted to cause issues. It's her life and as long as your SC is happy and healthy and I'm sure that your SC would tell you if there was something up with the SO.
    Proud Step Mom to Zachary 10-26-98
    Loving Wife to Billy 04-28-07
    Proud mom to Jeremy 08-15-08

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  • I think you should be able to ask questions and get to meet the new bf/gf.  I spoke with BM on the phone when she first reappeared in my SSs lives.  We were living together and she said she wanted to talk with the woman who was helping care for her kids.  I thought it was a very reasonable request.
    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
  • I think you should be able to meet the SO, but the reality is that you really have no right to.  And I absolutely don't agree with SO spending the night when the child is there.  There were a handful of times when DH spent the night but he slept on the couch.  That may sound old fashioned, but that's how we handled it.
  • Sounds like you have a BM like I do. She wants to know anything and everything about me(which we gladly tell her)  yet she refuses to meet me in person and talk to me, she only glares at me when we go to get SD. And then refuses to tell DH anything about her boyfriend b/c "it's her personally life, and he might follow her around" (ugh!) 

    I think your DH has a right to know who is around his child. Unless they are living together a court isn't really going to make her tell him anything b/c it's her time and she can bring whoever she wants around.

  • I met BM not too long after metting the kids. We met during an exchange of the kids. It was quick and painless. DH had already told her over the phone my name and what I did for a living, age etc....

    And I did not spend the night when the kids were at his house!

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  • When FI and I got engaged, BM said she wanted to meet me so she could get to know me.  Instead of getting to know me, she spent the whole lunch batting her eyelashes at FI, calling him by his high school nickname, and doing "ohhh remember the time...?"  LOL so I guess I coulda been an axe murderer and she wouldn't be the wiser!  She still doesn't know my last name or what I do for a living, she hasn't asked.

    We met her "friend", after they'd been seeing each other about a month.  We got his first and last name and found out the rest on google Yes.

    I'm not sure what BM and her BF do with regards to staying the night, but FI got out of the military about the same time I graduated college and when the CO was finalized. So by the time he had his first summer visit we were living together.  Yes we slept in the same room & in the same bed.  We'd been together 2 years already...it didn't seem inappropriate at the time.  We've just started allowing kidlets in the bed with us in the morning though.  It seemed weird when I was just the girlfriend.

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  • BM did some internet stalking on me, when we were first dating. And when we had SS for the summer months, she THOUGHT she was privy to everything... my parents phone numbers, my sister's, etc, my WORK address (wth?). She tried telling us it was court ordered (DH and BM had a custody hearing two days before DH brought him up here for the summer, so we knew that was just plain foolish).

    What she ended up with: our numbers (which she had), our new address (we moved 2 weeks into summer), our babysitter's number (for EMERGENCIES - she never used it), and any other day-to-day pertinent info.  

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  • YES - it is absolutely ok to ask questions if a new bf/gf is starting to spend time with the kids.  When I started dating DH - BM asked a lot of questions - and DH had no problem answering any of them.  Awhile back BM was dating a guy and BM wouldn't really say to much about him.  We knew his frist name, where he lived (and it was several hours away) and then we found out from SD what his last name was.  Lo and behold - check this guy out and he was listed as a sexual predator - so we will NEVER be relaxed when asking information about a guy BM is dating.  We went to court and had it documented that SD have no contact with this creep.  BM was ticked because "he was innocent".  If a person has nothing to hide - the BF/BM won't have an issue about answering questions.....
  • I think that within reason, if a biological parent wants to know about a new bf/gf, the parent needs to be forthcoming.

    I told my ex early on about my now husband, and he didn't ask anything, so I didn't offer anything. 

    If, however, my ex got remarried or had someone around my son, I'd ask a lot of questions. His World of Warcraft girlfriend that was more important than his family HATED children and I don't at all trust his judgment about who he'd bring into my kid's life. 

    Specifically, I'd want to know her name, what she does, their living situation, how she felt about children, what she knew about my son,  how my ex planned to handle the meeting and what both of their expectations of the relationship (with Munchkin) was.  I think I'd want to meet her and speak to her briefly if she was going to spend more than a weekend with Munchkin. All that said, if she was a normal human being, I'd feel more comfortable with my kid staying with the ex than I would if the ex was alone.

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  • this is a area that can truly help me right now, I do not know all the terms, can someone direct me to where we learn these?

    I have been with the bump for MONTHS but nobody really replies to me and I would love to understand the bm/so/ etc etc....

    I think I understand DH is divorced Husband?


    I know this is off topic yet, I would love to be on topic if I could understand fully!

    thank you if anyone feels like taking the time.

    Bri~

  • im so sorry, I just found a glossary! DH (S) SORRY) dear Husband NOT divorced! sorry to interrupt the topic!
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