3rd Trimester

Mothers in for delivery?

So I just wanted to hear what other people are doing, I can't decide if I want my mom there for labor and delivery or not.  My DH will be there, but I feel like my mom might be a little better at knowing what I need when I'm in pain, plus I don't want to hurt her feelings by not inviting her in, but on the other hand, I want it to be a special time for DH and I.  I don't know what to do.  Is there some way to have her in for part of it?  Also, how have you approached talking to your mother about your plans.  We haven't talked about it at all.  I've been kind of avoiding it b/c I'm so undecided. 

Thanks for the input. 

Re: Mothers in for delivery?

  • It will only be DH and I...and thats all... My mom is understanding, and we are close, so it wasn't an issue. But I wouldnt feel bad about your decision..its your moment, and people should respect that. Also, after the baby is born, just call her, and allow her to be the first one to know, and see the baby (thats how I would make it special for her)... : )
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  • its just going to be my bf and i in there, my mom is allowed before and after just not during, she didnt expect to be in the first place but i just said i dont want his mom in there so its just easier to say its just going to be us.
  • My mom and MIL were with DH and I when DS was born.  This time I'll be delivering in an OR whether I have a c/s or not, but even if I was having a "normal" delivery, it would just be DH and I.  It's not that I regret having them in there with us, but I wanted it to just be the 2 of us this time.  If you wanted her in there for part of it, you could ask the nurses to have her leave when you're ready to start pushing (they won't mind being the bad guys) and you could have her in there for the pain/labor part.
  • I don't have a strong relationship w/ my mother.  I don't want her in there.  On the other hand, I have an amazing relationship w/ my dad.  I definitely don't want him in there!!! haha

    I think it's special for just DH and me.  We're both super excited to become parents together.  Maybe I'm selfish?!

  • I basically told everyone that unless you are part of the med staff or were there for conception. You can not come in! My mom would just stress me out more than anything and she likes to fancy herself an "expert" on EVERYthing she was telling my DH that she could deliver the baby at home for us, because she used to have goats and would deliver their babies. 

    Its up to you, I would suggest not inviting her in until you absolutely feel like you need that other person, because it is a special time for just you and DH.  

  • I am having DH, both moms and my cousin (to take pics/video after the delivery).  I have some reservations about it, but my mom really wants to be there, so I am including her.  We are actually closer w/ Dh's mom, so it follows she gets to be there too. 
  • With DS I just said nicely " DH and I would like to experience this moment alone, its really important to DH" Honestly no one complained or anything. This time I may have our mothers in if the dr allows. I had some serious complications last time and I kept thinking how badly I wish my mom could be holding my hand :( So I really would like her there incase it happens again. Im just not sure if my OB wants extra ppl since there will be extra help and hospital equiptment waiting to save me..........
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  • I told my mom it was only going to be DH and I, and she was actually relieved. She didn't really want to be in there. I'm so glad I didn't offend her or hurt her feelings.
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  • nope, it will just be myself and DH during the delivery of our LO. we want it to be a time to experience together, and have our own bonding time together afterwards as a family. we won't even have family in the waiting room. they will be called after we've had our time to spend together and can come and visit as they wish
  • DH and I asked my Mom to come in with us... first of all, my Mom has had 6 pregnancies and 4 daughters, and she has always wanted to see a baby be born so I wanted to give her that chance, and why not with her first grandchild?  Secondly, she is great with asking questions when things go awry, God forbid.  Thirdly, DH and I are both totally comfortable with her being there-- we know she will not be overbearing, and she will definitely let the delivery of our baby be a special time for me and DH... she is more likely to go out of her way NOT to be annoying than to ever make a fuss.  Because of all of these things, it was an easy answer, and we asked her in a card on Mother's Day.

    As for you, I would consider if you want her there based on how close you are, whether you want your Mom there for her sake, whether she wants to be there, whether she will be a positive presence in the room-- if you do, talk to DH and see how he feels.  Hopefully you two will be in agreement.  If you decide not to ask your Mom, I wouldn't stress about it; I would say most people do not ask people other than their DH/SO to come into the room with them, and just the fact that your Mom can come in to see the baby asap afterward or something should mean a lot.

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  • Thanks for all the advice.  I've just been getting a little stressed about it lately.  I want to make up my mind soon and be able to talk to her about it. 
  • My mom will be there. She is a midwife and so it's just natural for me to have her there.
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  • it will just be me and DH, no moms allowed. thats not my thing, they didn't even ask.
  • Just me and hubby.  We're going to call our family after the baby is born.  
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