3rd Trimester

In addition to growing a baby...

I wish I could grow a backbone!!!

My SIL is really excited about this baby because she's finally old enough to get what's going on (she's 21 and this is the first baby in 16 years). Last week during my first induction (FAIL), she asked who was going to be in the delivery room. I told her that it was only going to be me and DH (and the doctors, of course). She asked if she could be there and I totally thought she was joking, so I laughed! Then she started crying...she was serious.

Well, I go in tomorrow for attempt #2 and after the goat rope it was last time, DH and I decided that we aren't going to call anyone until after LO is born. That way we have time to bond, I can get the breast feeding thing going, I can rest, get a snackie snack, all that stuff. SIL stopped by today to bring us a bassinet and started asking questions about tomorrow. I told her what the plan was and not to worry, we'll call with any news and all that. She asked AGAIN if she could be in the room during delivery and I again said no. "Well, I'll just sneak in if I have to then," was her response. Nervous laughter, eye rolls, "alright, whatever."

They (SIL and her bf) left our house about 45 minutes ago. I just got a call from one of the nurses at the hospital we're delivering at and apparently SIL called them to see if I really had the last say over who is in the room when and if DH and I really have the authority to kick people out/prohibit people from being in the room and limiting visiting time. We already have hospital security on call for other IL issues and they wanted to know what to do about SIL. I told them that the same rules apply to her as the rest of them: if we want people back there, DH will escort them to the room and they will have to leave when we say so.

I've stuck to my guns on issues with her before, but she holds grudges and lays guilt trips that would make my Catholic grandma proud. The last time she didn't get her way with us (I told her she couldn't move in with us), she FLIPPED OUT, locked herself in her room for a week and a half and she STILL brings it up sometimes.

Why can't I put on my big girl panties and tell her to suck it up, it's not her kid and that she doesn't get to make the decisions?!?!? Because I'm a total pushover and afraid of confrontation. Seriously, my friends call me Rex (like Rex from Toy Story) because I'm so ridiculous about this stuff. So, should I have DH deal with her since it's his sister and let him deal with the consequences, should I have the nurses and security deal with it or is it something that I need to tackle myself? What have you guys done in these situations?

Re: In addition to growing a baby...

  • omg, this is SO not what you should be dealing with at 40+ weeks pregnant! i am sorry. i think you did the right thing. i cannot believe she called the hospital!

    But tell your husband he needs to deal with her, if there are still issues. seriously, this is not your problem- its hers. you go have a healthy baby, and don't worry about her.

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  • That really sucks what you're going through but there's only room for one child in the delivery room, and it's your LO. She's acting way too immature and you need to concentrate on giving birth. Let her sulk and get pissed, but I would not cave. If she wants to ruin your relationship and risk not seeing your LO because of her actions, that's her problem.




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  • Eek, sounds like your SIL is a younger version of mine...

    I'd say this is the time to stand up for yourself, otherwise she will keep throwing tantrums to get her way.  Unfortunately, I've had the opposite problem of you where my SIL says I am "overconfident" and "too-opinionated." :)

    Good luck!

  • It's always a tough situation when the person you're dealing with just doesn't get it and doesn't leave it alone. I don't think I personally had any experience with somebody that difficult, well maybe but not in this kind of situation, so I don't know what to tell you. I'm a pushover too, don't feel bad. I would just tell her the reasons why its important to you that it's just you and DH in there. It's an intimate thing you two have together which she was no part of in helping create. Also you're probably going to be very irritated because labor isn't exactly the easiest and most pleasant thing to do! If she still proceeds to not listen, have security deal with it and then take it from there.

    Sorry she's such a pain in the ass! Don't let her ruin YOUR miracle being brought into the world though! Good Luck!

    imageNo one will ever understand the strength of love I have for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
  • I make DH deal with his relative and I deal with mine. That way we can do it in the ways that work best for our families. DH's family is more touchy feely, can't say something too much out of the way or else thay'll get offended, so if i was to open my mouth and be honest it wouldn't be good. On the other hand DH can't deal with my family properly because he can't open up and be honest enough with them and tell them to eff off when they need to, which is what works best.

    You have enough to deal with right now, so regardless of the fact that it HIS sister, I think he should be advocating for the both of you right now. GL with your induction! Hopefully it works this time :)

  • Indifferent  WOW!!! She's alot of crazy!!!!  Sorry you have to deal with someone like this at such a special time. Def. let DH handle it....you have a ton of hard work ahead of you in the next few days and need to put 120% of your concentration and energy into it. You will be surpised how quickly you will develop a back bone when it comes to your child. I, too, was known as "wishy-washy". Now, yeah, not-so-much!! I don't care who gets mad, sad, glad....I'm the mommy and I make the rules!  You, too, will find the strength to have this attitude!!   Good Luck with sending her back to Crazy Town and the best of luck with your induction!! health and happiness!!
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  • I agree with PP--have him deal with his family.  The hospital staff can back him up.  You have too much to deal with right now getting ready for baby to deal with another baby!  Plus, she needs to see that you and DH stand together to do what's best for your family.
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  • Thanks for all your encouragement, ladies, I really appreciate it! I was on here yesterday b*tching about my IL's (other ones...grr...) so I'm sure you are all sick of hearing about it. Embarrassed I really do appreciate the kind words and support. Hopefully you're right and mommyhood will grant me a spine. Big Smile Thanks again for all your advice and well wishes!
  • I can't believe she actually called the hospital to ask if you have the right to decide who is at your own delivery.

    You better believe my husband would be dealing with his crazy sister. No need for you to look like the big bad SIL.

  • My SIL will be 40 this November and tried to pull the same thing w/me. She's got one child and has tried for 10 years to have another w/ no luck. She refers to my child as her baby and a lot of people assume that She's pregnant. She wanted to be called as soon as I went to the hospital,be in there when I give birth, and keep my baby @ night after she gets off work. I on the other hand decided that was not happening,and my husband is backing me up! He is not calling her  untill our daughter is born and has even told his son bad things will happen if he calls his aunt. She suggested to Brian that she would watch our daughter at night, and he said what am I supposed to do twiddle my thumbs? What do you think I'm a deatbeat? You go honey! I was so proud of him.

    You set the boundaries and she'll either get mad or get over it. You need time just as I do, to bond with your child before everyone comes in.

  • WEIRD!!!  Do NOT call her or anybody until after the baby is born.  This sounds completely psychotic!  Who the hell would think they'd have a right to demand being present for such a private/personal event?!?!  The nerve!  I feel REALLY sorry for you!

    Seriously...nobody should know you're in the hospital.  NOBODY!  Then you won't have to deal with it.  But if you do feel like dealing with it, that should be on your husband's shoulders.

  • I can't believe she called the hospital. What did she think they would say??

    That is crazy!!

  • image New Mrs:

    I can't believe she called the hospital. What did she think they would say??

    That is crazy!!

    Pretty sure she thought I was lying about how DH and I have the final say and that it's really an "anyone who wants to be there has the right to be there" type situation. I don't know, my membership to crazy town expired awhile ago, so...

  • image tlquist:
    Indifferent  WOW!!! She's alot of crazy!!!! 

    I agree. This girl needs her head checked. Seriously?! She CALLED the hospital to see if she could sneak in? I wouldn't let her in AT ALL after that. Sorry, but I wouldn't. 

    Stop caring and worrying about what others think or feel about YOUR personal life and just tell her straight up to leave your family alone!

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  • Yeah, let your DH deal with "crazy" but make sure the hospital knows not to let any of them in until you say so.  That way, they can't get past the gatekeepers.

    My hospital provides 5 wrist bands that I can give out to whomever I want. The bands grant access to L&D and mother/infant rooms but the patient has the final say as to who comes into the rooms and when. Hopefully there's something similar at your hospital and you can avoid crazy SIL until you're ready.

  • image JungleJulia:

    My hospital provides 5 wrist bands that I can give out to whomever I want. The bands grant access to L&D and mother/infant rooms but the patient has the final say as to who comes into the rooms and when. Hopefully there's something similar at your hospital and you can avoid crazy SIL until you're ready.

    We have the wristband thing, too, kind of. It only applies to who has access to the baby if we decide to put him in the nursery or something like that. I wish I could do the wristband thing for visitors in general, that'd be awesome...

    We have on our birth plan that "visitors will be escorted to the room by Kai (my DH) and are NOT allowed to come to the room without him." Hopefully this will put a bit of a kibosh on the whole unwanted guests thing and I'm sure security will help too.

  • I definitely think that when you become a mom, it is much easier to put your foot down, especially where your child is concerned. That being said, she may be a candidate to not be allowed around at all. I agree that DH needs to be your bouncer. Make your desires known to him, and leave the rest to him. I am sorry you have to worry about this.
  • It's nice that the nurses called you. I wonder if the nurses/ DH could call her and tell her that the policy of the OB says that only DH is allowed in the delivery room. Maybe that would help make it look like someone else is the bad guy so you don't have to be the recipient of her melt down. Good luck!
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