3rd Trimester

I have a dilemma...WWYD

Backstory: My (i guess former) BFF and I have been friends since middle school.  She made some nasty comments about my stomach and u/s pictures and I just politely told her she shouldn't have a baby if those things "freak her out."  One of my friends from here (we live 3 hours away from my hometown) told her she was rude however and I guess she got mad at me for it.  I heard she was telling some of our mutual friends that we were in a fight.  I told them I wasn't aware we were, but she must've still been mad because she didn't show to my baby shower and hasn't talked to me for months. 

Here is my dilemma: She just started doing her own photography.  She is really artistic and I like her work.  She is only charging $25 right now and I would really like her to do Henry's newborn photos.  We don't have the budget to pay $400 for some photos so if she doesn't do them we'd have to go to JC Pennys or somewhere like that (not bad, just not as artistic of pictures).  

Should I ask her to do the photos?  Should I try to mend the friendship as well.  I don't really have anything against her other than she is a little immature, but I just usually ignore it.

I'm at a loss about what to do.   

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Re: I have a dilemma...WWYD

  • You clearly were not in the wrong, but I personally would try to mend the fence as best as possible first... and later see if she'd be up for doing the pictures. Wouldn't want to come across as if that's all you wanted from her. It would just be sad to let a friendship go, especially one you've had for so long, over something stupid. Sounds like it's just a misunderstanding.
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  • If I was wanting to patch up the relationship because I missed her as a friend, then I think a phone call to mend things over is advisable. However, if you want to patch things up just because you want her to do your photos, then go back to not liking each other, then I think you could do without.
  • That stinks that she is being so imature.  I would probably try to talk to her about her feelings and mend the relationship, and if successful, then ask her to do the photos.  You don't want her doing the pics if she is still mad at you at the time, that would just be awkward.  Good luck.
  • image YayMom:
    If I was wanting to patch up the relationship because I missed her as a friend, then I think a phone call to mend things over is advisable. However, if you want to patch things up just because you want her to do your photos, then go back to not liking each other, then I think you could do without.

    The thing is I've never disliked her.  I've just been keeping to myself because I figured she wanted it that way.   

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  • i would just explain to her that you never were aware you were in a fight with her - you had no control over what your other friend commented - and that you want to try to "mend" things and you would love it if she would do LO's photos
  • To be honest, she sounds like an immature drama queen - not a good friend. I went through a very similar situation a few years ago and ended up repairing the relationship. It was a waste of time, I should have just let it die.

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  • I don't think it would hurt to ask. 

    If she is as immature as she seems, it is likely that she will want to just pretend there was never an issue, and as long as you are okay with that, you can probably resume your friendship.

    FWIW- I have a similar situation with my middle school best friend- she got mad that my sister was a bridesmaid in my wedding, and she wasn't (when we hadn't been close sice before I met DH), and we didn't talk for a couple months.  Now we talk online, and we never discussed her weirdness. 

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  • Will it ruin the photos for you if she says something stupid? If so, don't go with her.

    I have a funny feeling she will.

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  • image AMYfromKY:

    Backstory: My (i guess former) BFF and I have been friends since middle school.  She made some nasty comments about my stomach and u/s pictures and I just politely told her she shouldn't have a baby if those things "freak her out."   

    I would've been pissed if I was told something like this.  Maybe she was expressing a few fears in a way that wasn't so tactful, not realizing she sounded nasty.  Then you tell her she shouldn't have kids if she's a little creeped out or worried about body changes?!  In the same way that you may have misread her "nasty" comments, she may have misread your "polite" advice that she shouldn't have a baby.  This sounds like a major misunderstanding and the two of you could probably patch this up with a little sit-down.  Good luck!

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  • image SLHurst11:
    image AMYfromKY:

    Backstory: My (i guess former) BFF and I have been friends since middle school.  She made some nasty comments about my stomach and u/s pictures and I just politely told her she shouldn't have a baby if those things "freak her out."   

    I would've been pissed if I was told something like this.  Maybe she was expressing a few fears in a way that wasn't so tactful, not realizing she sounded nasty.  Then you tell her she shouldn't have kids if she's a little creeped out or worried about body changes?!  In the same way that you may have misread her "nasty" comments, she may have misread your "polite" advice that she shouldn't have a baby.  This sounds like a major misunderstanding and the two of you could probably patch this up with a little sit-down.  Good luck!

    She's made it very clear she dislikes kids and doesn't want any.  When I said that she said "Well we all know that."  She got mad over my friend telling her it was rude.   

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  • Aaaahhh, I see.  Sounds like she was offended to have that pointed out, even though it seems pretty clear.  Maybe she gets crap about it from her family, or feels guilty about her dislike of children.  She might be feeling like you were "rubbing in" some fault of hers.  Sounds like a crappy situation, but fixable.
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  • image SLHurst11:
    Aaaahhh, I see.  Sounds like she was offended to have that pointed out, even though it seems pretty clear.  Maybe she gets crap about it from her family, or feels guilty about her dislike of children.  She might be feeling like you were "rubbing in" some fault of hers.  Sounds like a crappy situation, but fixable.

    Thanks!  I'll definitely talk to her.  Sometimes I wonder if she says "I won't say yes if my BF (of 6 years/living together for 4 years) proposes unless he gives me a 2 carat ring" or "I can't stand kids and would never want them" to protect herself since she doesn't have those things.   

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