In-laws refuse to get a hotel room (vent)
sunshinegirl75
member
My in-laws live about 3 hours away. We want them to come down after the baby is born, but feel it would be best for them not to stay in our house. We only have 3 bedrooms. My ss and sd will be here. We want to try to not have their routines turned upside down. I feel it is very important for my 6 year old ss to be able to sleep in his own bed and not have gma and gpa make him sleep on the couch. He will have enough going on with the new baby.
This was all explained to them. There solution was to wait a few weeks. A few weeks? It just irks me. I just don't see what the big deal is and why they can't stay in a hotel for a night or two. lt's not like they are never welcomed here. I just want some time to bond with our new family. Am I being unreasonable?
Re: In-laws refuse to get a hotel room (vent)
You are NOT being unreasonable.
I would call a hotel and make reservations for them. Seriously.
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I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, and I would be irked, too. DH and I don't have any kids yet, and we are keeping our home off limits to overnight guests because we think it would be too much for us. Do your in-laws have any other family or friends in your area they could stay with for a night or two? If not, I would think they could manage a day trip-- 6 hours of driving in 1 day is a lot, but if they want to see the baby, they definitely can (unless there are health restrictions on travelling that much).
All in all, though, don't stress about it because it is their choice to wait if they want to-- you have to do what is best for your family, and there is nothing wrong with your plan at all.
I even offered to pay for half of it if they took the kids there the first night so we could get settled. I thought it would be fun for them to go swimming etc.
Money is not the issue. They travel all the time. They are just the type of people that always stay at other people's houses. When they went on family vacations when their kids were little they always stayed at various relatives houses. I just do not operate that way I guess.
We really don't have a lot of room down there. It could be done, but our house just isn't that big.
Wow....that makes it even harder. That is so incredibly insensitive of them. You are bringing home a newborn - you don't need EXTRA stress of houseguests. I hope you can find a way to convince them not to stay at your house.
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It is nice to know that I am not being unreasonable. I am hoping they will listen to us and just not take offense. It is all complicated by some jewelry making class that my MIL signed up for and doesn't want to miss. It just goes on and on and on.
I like them...really I do. Just not today.
I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. My own parents are not coming for 3 weeks to see their own 1st grandchild and I know it has something to do with the fact that I was very blunt about no overnight visitors the first few weeks (I think my Mom is going to claim I said the first 2 weeks and try to stay with us in week 3 but truth is, I don't like her ever staying with us anyhow since she's nosy and overbearing!). I was still surprised that they are going to wait that long but whatever.
In your situation where your ILs are typically welcome to stay over but just not for this specific instance, I can see why you'd be bothered but it's not worth sacrificing your desire to bring LO home to a peaceful environment where the other kids feel comfortable, too. I guess you sort of have to take their reaction as part of your decision but I'd stick with my guns if I were you.
The rule is this:
The people with the newborn get to have all the conveniences that can be afforded them, afforded them. If that means others have to be inconvenienced so freakin be it.
I would say as plain as day - we would love to see you and have you meet the baby, but for the sake of our immediate family and our routines there is no room here. If you would like, we would be happy to get a blow up mattress bed for you and put you in the X room but the children will be in their rooms as per usual. Alternatively, if you feel you would be more comfortable in a hotel, we would be pleased to book you into one.
Again, we look forward to seeing you soon and having you meet the newest member of the family. We thank you for respecting our wishes.
If they can't abide by these - fVck 'em. Pardon my french.?
While it's totally your call, I don't see the big deal in making your ss sleep on the couch so your ILs can spend more time with their new grandchild. Maybe if they were insistent on coming RIGHT away, I would have more of an issue with it. But a few weeks is enough time for your ss to get a little bit comfortable with things, IMO. Especially since they are his own biological grandparents.
Maybe I'm just biased...my parents always booted me out of my room when we had guests and I never had a problem with it. I was a kid and that was how things worked.
In saying that, I really like the RV suggestion. That way they can 'be there' but have their own space too.
I cannot believe they are not will to stay in a hotel room the couch is no place for a child to sleep when there is a new baby in the house because they will be more likely to wake up. I would tell them they cannot come visit or they can only come for a day. I know 3 hours is a long drive but not so long that they cannot come for a day visit.
I think you are going to need to put your foot down. Good Luck
You would think that they would be, well, understanding, you know?
Aren't grandparents supposed to be that?
Ah, but what do I know, I had selfish grandparents myself who would regularly inconvenience/upset/piss off the grandkids and their own kids for their own selfish ideas.
Wow, I'm bitter. Point is, I agree with Red. Put your foot down! GL!
You are definitely not being unreasonable, but neither are they. It doesn't sound like they threw a fit or anything, right? They just want to wait a little longer so that they don't have to stay in hotel?
Some people aren't comfortable with hotels, some people don't want to spend the money (and it is their money to choose how to spend), some people might have interpreted your asking them to stay in a hotel as a sign that you really didn't want guests right away.
Having them wait a few weeks honestly sounds like a good compromise to me.
It's true that she can't force them to stay in a hotel but they can't force her to allow them to stay in their home right after having a new baby. And frankly it shouldn't even be on the table if they've told them no. They're the new parents and it's their house. They have the say not the grandparents.
I guess I just always thought that grandparents should come see their grandchild as soon as possible. I think it's strange that they would want to wait. The other thing is that they are supposed to bring sd down with them. If they don't, then we are going to have to try to find a way to go get her. Totally not fair to her to miss out on this special time.
And the saga continues:
MIL is insisting that I will need help and has offered to come alone and stay for as long as needed. I don't think that she is understanding that although her offer is much appreciated- we don't have room for her! Seriously. I am not going to uproot a 6 year old who has gone through a divorce, two re-marriages and now 2 babies (mom is expecting in Feb) all in the past 2 years. I am sorry he comes first.
I am just irritated.
I forgot to add, I live in a 1bdrm apt with husband/have a dog& cat and MIL will be staying with us for a week in the beginning. Our apt is 740 sqft (not even close to the size of a 3 bdrm) she just understands she will be sleeping on the couch or air mattress in the livingroom. If there's a will, there's a way.
If it's very important to you that they are there right away, then I think it's on you to accommodate them. If it's not then I think you should give them a break. I don't see waiting a few weeks as being all that strange.
I totally agree with you on this. With step-kids sometimes you have to go above and beyond what you would do for bio-kids, especially if they've experienced a lot of changes recently. You're doing the right thing.