Baby Showers

How much input did you/do you have in your own baby shower?

My mom and I are throwing a shower for my SIL (due a little bit after me).  Since she and my brother live 12 hours away, I asked her what dates were good for her to come up, etc. for the shower (most of our family and her family live in our area) and also if she could send me a list of her local family/friends she would like to invite. 

Well, long story short, I have been the middleman in all of this planning business and I'm getting very frustrated.  SIL and mom both have different ideas of how they would like this shower, and I'm stuck in the middle playing referee to all of this.  From experience, I know what it's like to have MIL/shower drama so I've been trying to see SIL perspective - but I can now also see my mom's.  We are the ones who are trying to do something nice for SIL and brother and she's been acting really spoiled and ungrateful for the whole thing. 

Basically, I don't know what to do.  How much input are you having in your own shower:

Did you pick the invitations?

Did you pick the venue?

Did you pick the date?

Did you pick the theme?

Did you pick the menu?

Did you pick the games?

Did you pick the favors/no favors, etc?

This is totally and utterly ridonkourous and I'm sick of all of it.  Thanks in advance for your advice!

Re: How much input did you/do you have in your own baby shower?

  • Did you pick the invitations? Mom asked my input, but I let her pick.

    Did you pick the venue? Nope, let them choose what was most affordable for them.

    Did you pick the date? Sort of, we choose date based on an out of town very close family friend being in town, and availability of venue. It happens to be my birthday, but we're ignoring that for the shower.

    Did you pick the theme? I suggested the theme to coincide with my nursery theme (Noah's Ark) to give people an idea of what kinds of decorative items I would want, but they can chose something else if they really want to.

    Did you pick the menu? This I did want more input on since I still have food aversions and cravings, so I was more specific on what I would want.

    Did you pick the games? My mom doesn't really like games, but has coincided that they are necessary, so my best friend who can't afford to contribute financially is in charge of games, and must seek approval from my mom, not me.

    Did you pick the favors/no favors, etc? That 100% up to them.

     

    One thing to keep in mind if you're also inviting all her friends and such is what kind of people she associates with. My mother works in an upscale office and her coworkers are on the snobby side along with some of her friends, so she want's to make sure everything is more elegant and not cheesy. Where as I'm all for the cheese factor! But I'm not willing to cause stress on her worrying about what they think of the party to insist on a more relaxed atmosphere. I would find out in a non rude way what her view of a baby shower is, and see if you're coming from polar opposites. And she's lucky you're asking her anything at all! Lot's of women get surprise showers that they have NO say in at all!

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  • Did you pick the invitations? I helped my mom pick the poem and she pretty much picked out the invite.

    Did you pick the venue? My mom and sisters all live out of town so we had it at my house.

    Did you pick the date? Pretty much, we also had to see when would be a good time for them to come from oos

    Did you pick the theme? they picked the decorations and cake, I didn't want to have anything to do w/ that. I wanted it to be a surprise

    Did you pick the menu? Yes pretty much, DH and I told my mom things that we would like and she went from there.

    Did you pick the games? no

    Did you pick the favors/no favors, etc? no

  • IF I have a shower, I will have whatever input the host wants and NOTHING MORE. I think it's absolute crap when the guest of honor tries to sway the host into details beyond the invite list and date of the shower - unless the host ASKS her!!

    I just hosted a shower last weekend and the entire process was revolting with the way the guest of honor behaved - like an ungrateful spoiled brat! Sorry ladies, but unless YOU want to pay for and handle everything, you really need to leave the host alone ... unless, of course, you're asked to help.

  • Did you pick the invitations? Yes.....but if I didn't it would have been alright with me.  They asked me and I gave my input.

    Did you pick the venue? No. 

    Did you pick the date? Yes, but only because the first date they picked out, collided with DD starting school

    Did you pick the theme? Nope

    Did you pick the menu? I guess...I was asked what my favorite foods are.

    Did you pick the games? No but I did request that the games be kept at a minimum (I don't really like games)

    Did you pick the favors/no favors, etc? No

  • Did you pick the invitations?

    Did you pick the venue?

    Did you pick the date?

    Did you pick the theme?

    Did you pick the menu?

    Did you pick the games?

    Did you pick the favors/no favors, etc?

    None of the above except we did discuss the date - just to make sure I had it available. 

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  • My mom and sister ask for my input on everything, and I dont mind, I like being involved. GL
  • Did you pick the invitations?

    No. My mom asked for wording I liked but I would have never gotten involved if she hadn't asked.

    Did you pick the venue?

    I wanted the shower to be "somewhere in Manhattan". I live in Queens my sister lives in NJ, my mom does not live near here. I did make some suggestions since I know Manhattan and they used one of them but I would have been fine with any location that was in Manhattan since over half of the guests don't have cars.

    Did you pick the date?

    We picked the date together.

    Did you pick the theme?

    No theme. 

    Did you pick the menu?

    They ran the menu past me for thoughts. I mentioned that we'd need some special food for my husband's grandmother but that is about it.

    Did you pick the games?

    I hate shower games. We will not do them. 

    Did you pick the favors/no favors, etc?

    I haven't asked about favors. I doubt we're doing them but I don't really care one way or the other.

     

    I planned a shower for my friend's wedding. We picked the date together. She provides a guest list. The shower is in her home town, but I picked the actual location. A bridesmaid and me did all the other planning, though I ran stuff by her at times to be sure it was OK.

    I know some guests-of-honor have clear views about showers bordering on the crazy. Give her one chance to express what is important to her and take it from there. When she asked about it say "we have it under control". The more you tell the more she'll try to stay involved.

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  • The only thing I picked out was the date. Other than that, I just showed up and had a wonderful time.

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  • The only thing I was involved in was the date of the shower and food preferences.  Beyond that I had no input and that's fine with me.  I'm not the one hosting the party therefore I shouldn't be dictating and micromanaging.  If SIL is that much of a control-freak than she should plan her own shower.  But then that would be tacky.
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  • Did you pick the invitations?

    No.  However the girls asked me for my input after they picked and I was fine with it. 

    Did you pick the venue?

    Yes.  We have a large guest count (100+) so I helped find a location that was the cheapest and could hold that many people.  We are doing the shower at our community association (I went ahead and paid for the cost since I'm the contact for the association and want to keep it simple). 

    Did you pick the date?

    Yes.  Again, I had to work with the association to find the best date.  The girls had given me what dates they could do and I picked from there, but ran it by them first. 

    Did you pick the theme?

    Yes, somewhat.  Only because the girls asked for my input.  I kept it vague.  I said pinks/greens.  Maybe bird nest/birdie theme. 

    Did you pick the menu?

    Somewhat. The girls asked for my general input.  Since it's outdoor association, we are doing bbq and also to keep the cost down.  My parents are paying for the meats. 

    Did you pick the games?

    Nope.

    Did you pick the favors/no favors, etc?

    Nope.

  • Did you pick the invitations?  I sat down with some of my hostesses and we kinda all picked the same one.

    Did you pick the venue?  Yes, it was between 2 places and I picked the one I wanted.

    Did you pick the date?  Yes, I had to be available seeing as every other weekend this summer was booked up.

    Did you pick the theme?  Um, it's just pink. 

    Did you pick the menu?  Again, we all sat down and looked at the menu and cmae up with what sounded best.

    Did you pick the games?  Noooooo games

    Did you pick the favors/no favors, etc?  They left this up to me because they knew i'd come up with something they never would.  I'm always the event planner in my group of friends and family.  So when I came up with individual bags of cotton candy and feather boas, they elaborated on doing another candy buffet like we had at my wedding.

     When everybody decided they wanted to host my shower (family and friends) they all told me they would rather me just tell them what I want instead of them wasting time of crap I wouldn't like.  I've always done the same thing for anybody i've hosted a party/shower for. 

  • Did you pick the invitations? nope my host (very good friend) picked them

    Did you pick the venue? she had it at her house

    Did you pick the date? she asked which day was best for me either a certain saturday or sunday

    Did you pick the theme? she just had a 'its a girl' theme

    Did you pick the menu? nope she asked for my input though. she said subs or these little meat roll things

    Did you pick the games? she only had one game and that was baby bingo during the opening of the presents

    Did you pick the favors/no favors, etc? she didnt have favors but a prize for who ever won bingo i had a rather small shower

     *she pretty much offered to do a shower. i didnt think i needed on since this was my 3rd child and i had just had my 2nd last year. but since i was having a girl my friend really wanted to celebrate her. i thought it was thoughtful of her. turned out to be a good small shower. well more like a sprinkle*

  • Did you pick the invitations? My BFF showed me 3 and I gave input and we picked my fave.

    Did you pick the venue? She lives out of state so it is being held at my mom's house so she didn't have to rent a venue. So yes I picked that.

    Did you pick the date? Yes, I have a very busy work schedule where I only get one weekend off a month so I picked it based on when I would be available.

    Did you pick the theme? Not really. I don't think there is really a "theme" per say.

    Did you pick the menu? Sort of. I've given input when asked.

    Did you pick the games? I helped in the google search for games and gave input on a few of my faves.

    Did you pick the favors/no favors, etc? She kept toying around with what to do and had talked about candy and I gave her the idea of a candy buffet.

    I suppose how much the mom is contributing depends on how much the hostess is letting her. My friend has been talking to me for hours every night with questions, sending me links online etc. and I give my opinions. I would be happy with whatever she chose but since she is asking my opinion to help her out I am happy to do so.

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  • I did suggest the date..I have the hardest schedule to work around. I suggested a game because I was asked, and after begging and pleading I made the favors...because I love to bake.

    You have a TUFF situation. Good luck. I feel she has basically no say so. It is a gift to her.

  • Overall, I just told them to keep it simple and not to spend too much money on a restaurant and to keep it gender neutral and convenient for everyone (me + guests etc..). I like the color sage so maybe they'll incorporate that. Other than that, I'm leaving it all to them to surprise me and for them not to stress out.
  • image avbliss:

    One thing to keep in mind if you're also inviting all her friends and such is what kind of people she associates with. My mother works in an upscale office and her coworkers are on the snobby side along with some of her friends, so she want's to make sure everything is more elegant and not cheesy. Where as I'm all for the cheese factor! But I'm not willing to cause stress on her worrying about what they think of the party to insist on a more relaxed atmosphere. I would find out in a non rude way what her view of a baby shower is, and see if you're coming from polar opposites. And she's lucky you're asking her anything at all! Lot's of women get surprise showers that they have NO say in at all!

    I've thrown, co-hosted and attened lots of showers.  It is a tricky thing, I think, due to the expectations, time, and expense.  I've seen showers that have met everyone's expecations and I've seen showers that haven't and as a result friendships have been tested. 

    I think that the key is to have a balance.  The shower is in the mother/bride-to-be's honor, so I think that their needs and wants should be taken into consideration.  However, under no circumstances should the host have to be taxed finacially.  I think that this comes through clear communication, understanding and give and take for both sides. 

    To answer your questions, I have seen the guest of honor involved in one or more of these aspects but usually not all.  Most commonly they have been involved in picking a date that works well for them.

     

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  • I would just not let her (SIL) not take over. The shower is for her, not given by her. All the things you asked I had an input but I let them (the co-hosts) do what they wanted to do and I stayed flexible with what they wanted. Just either tell her or her husband that its time for her to back off and be grateful.
  • It's so much fun to TRULY have a shower planned and thrown FOR you. Provided that it's done by someone who knows you and is capable of throwing a party that will make you happy. While most showers are not surprises these days, I loved that the details of mine were a surprise.

    That being said, the only input I had was on the date. Oh and I requested that it be co-ed. That's it! :) 

  • I pretty much picked the date (b/c I was trying to make sure everyone from both sides could be there)....but other than that no one has asked for my input on anything so I haven't given any input.

     However, I do wish they had asked for my input on the invitation b/c my husband's family is throwing the shower, and we have very different tastes....Other than that I am perfectly happy with whatever they want to do.

  • I didnt know much of anything about my shower, except my friend knew I wanted a cupcake cake and bagel bites. 

    Did you pick the invitations? No

    Did you pick the venue? Well it was at my house so yes I guess

    Did you pick the date? Yes

    Did you pick the theme? Uhh no didnt even know it til the day of

    Did you pick the menu? a little

    Did you pick the games? no

    Did you pick the favors/no favors, etc? no

  • I asked for a co-ed and laid back thing, and that it be on a Sunday so hubby could come. Otherwise, no, I didn't pick anything.
  • Did you pick the invitations?  My aunt and cousin have full reign on this and we have very similar taste so I'm not worried

    Did you pick the venue? My aunt is picking the venue because she's footing the bill, and she offered to do so.

    Did you pick the date?  We worked out a date together.

    Did you pick the theme?  I don't have any themes for my nursery, so she asked what colors I wanted, and I don't even know what I'm having but we are using robin's egg blue and brown (my favorite colors and her suggestion)

    Did you pick the menu?  I'm letting my aunt and cousin decide. I'm not picky, and again their taste is impeccable.

    Did you pick the games?  She asked if I would mind games, I told her that they were fine because then I won't be the center of attention..haha.  I don't know what she will do though.

    Did you pick the favors/no favors, etc?  I will let them decide, if they ask my opinon I will offer my suggestions.

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