1st Trimester

kicking out mil

ok so i have thought a lot about who i want in the room with me when i actually start pushing. i'm fine with dh, my mom, sister, sil, and my bff (who will also be the nurse.) but i have a mil who will undoubtably make this somehow about her -not to mention awkward. what do you guys think about saying no to her being in the room even if i have those other girls and dh? she would make me horribly uncomfortable but i just know she'll throw an olympic sized fit if the others stay. thoughts? ideas?
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Re: kicking out mil

  • Get over the competition with your mil. ?This is going to be a great day for you. ?You will have your bundle of joy. ?If you kick her out and others stay, she's going to think that you don't like her. ?That will make all future contact with her awkward.
  • I think it would be a bit hard to justify to her why sil in particular would be allowed and not her. DH, your mom and sister are your family which you can kinda argue, but with sil added it seems like a more intentional slight.
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  • I think you need to make it just DH and your mom (and nurse) when the time comes.  Make sure everyone knows in advance what your wishes are so they're not surprised when the time comes.
  • It may be easier not to have her if you don't have SIL.  That being said, it is your choice!  We are not even calling MIL to tell her we have had the baby until we have left the hospital.  She is bat sh!t crazy, and no way would I have her around!

    Good luck, you are in a sticky potision. 

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  • I agree that your MIL is going to look obviously slighted.  I would keep the guests at a minimum if you don't want her in the room. 
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  • I am gonna say when it comes time to push must people dont care who is in there just as long as the baby gets out.  i have 15 people all but 2 i didnt know, and I was so tired and wanted him out i didnt care.
  • I think it is going to look really bad and end with hurt feelings if you let everyone but MIL stay. If that's how you want to come across, that's fine, but know that it will likely impact your future relationship.

    I think the best thing to do in this scenario is kick everyone but your DH (and possibly your mom) out. I don't even see why you need all those people in there.

  • Omg... I have a MIL just like the MIL you are describing...I have already discussed with my husband that I want this not to be about her.. but it is a special time for him and I to enjoy and experience together. My husband totally agrees with me. We came to the decision together that when I deliver it will only be my huband and maybe my mom in the room with me.  My advise to you would be that if you really did want all those other people in their with you and not your MIL at least not have you SIL either cause then I think you MIL will better understand that you only want your hubby and your immediate family in the room with you.
  • I think you would look like a total brat if you just kicked outyour MIL and let everyone else stay. 
  • I think if you kick MIL out, you should also make SIL leave.  Mom and sister are one thing, but to keep one IL and not another? 
    Rachel

    Kylee 9/20/06 Elijah 10/13/07 Adleigh 12/9/09 Micah 12/17/11

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  • I think that if you're going to have all those other people in the room, she will get offended and it will just add to the drama you're already thinking she will create. I would think that your SIL (and possibly sister) would understand that it would help a lot with the drama level if they stayed out of the room and then your MIL won't feel like it's "just her." You'll still have the support you need and want and you won't have to deal with your MIL feeling singled out.

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  • It's your moment!  Do what you want...she already had her moment of giving birth.  Also...if you have to "lie"...tell her there is a limit on how many people you can have in the room (which most of the time there is one). 

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  • I think that having SIL in there would make MIL upset that you chose SIL but not her. My plan is to have DH, my mom, my sis, and my cousin. My cousin will be the one to direct people and make sure it is only them in theire during delivery. I already told DH that I was sorry but I am the one pushing the child out and I would feel as comfortable being so "exposed" and vulnerable with his family in there. Everyone else can wait in the hall.
  • good thoughts! i noticed lots thought the sil thing would look particularly bad. the reason i had wanted to include sil is that she has desperately been ttc since shes been married for almost 2 yrs now and i thought it would be nice to let her in on it too. but maybe in the interest of not causing drama i will rethink things.

    one more point though, is that i could go on and on about this crazy woman- they make movies about mil's like her. think more people would understand. i can't help but to give just one example just to get you to really have an idea. at our wedding rehearsal night dh thanked his parents for the dinner and all for coming and then went on to also thank my parents for the wedding they where mostly paying for. she remarked loudly enough to be heard by most "this night isn't about them!" meaning not about my parents- it was her night she informed dh earlier because she payed for rehearsal dinner! ok- just had to give you guys and idea of what i'de be dealing with!

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  • It sounds like the consensus is in!  It is ok with me whatever you decide.  We are just so excited for you, and it really seems like it was in God's plan for you to have this pregnancy on your first try!!!  This baby will be (and already is) a huge blessing.   I would definately tell our MIL that there is a maximum number that can be in there.  Because you know, no matter who is allowed in, she will think she deserves it more than anyone.  Anyway, just thought I would add my 2cents!!!
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