Babies: 9 - 12 Months

My heart is breaking for DS

MIL just created another excuse not to spend time with DS.  I get that we live 2 hours away and that she doesn't have time to visit him.  Seriously though I am going to be near her house for a week and she is making no effort to see him.  She has another grandson a month older than DS that lives with her.  So she gets her baby fix, so there is no need for DS. 

I just know that this situation is going to break DS heart when his older.  Any ideas of how I can lessen the pain.  It hurts me knowing that DS grandparents can just brush him off. 

Re: My heart is breaking for DS

  • I don't have any advice I just wanted to say I'm sorry she's acting this way.
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  • I deal with the same thing with my ILs.  They have 2 older grandsons, and MIL has said that she doesn't like girls (I was blown away) so they don't have much desire to be a part of DDs life.  We still see them a lot, but they never really go out of their way with her, sometimes they don't even hold her when we are at their house.

    It used to hurt my feelings, and scare me for the future, but then I realized that the way they act will make DD not want to be around them, either.  She has my family, where she is the star, the princess, the baby, the pride and joy.  A friend of mine went through the same thing when she was little - and now only sees "those" grandparents on holidays, while she is very close to her other grandparents.  It will be okay!

  • My mom is like that too. The only thing you can do is just show them how much love they have at home.
  • My MIL is like that too. It helps me to remember that it is MIL's loss not getting to know my sweet boy.  He has grandparents that are always around and love him to pieces and they will be the ones that benefit from knowing him, not MIL.
  • My son very rarely sees his bio dad or that entire side of the family. I would like some advice as well. I am sorry you are having to deal with this.
  • image Crissyjo30:

    I deal with the same thing with my ILs.  They have 2 older grandsons, and MIL has said that she doesn't like girls (I was blown away) so they don't have much desire to be a part of DDs life.  We still see them a lot, but they never really go out of their way with her, sometimes they don't even hold her when we are at their house.

    It used to hurt my feelings, and scare me for the future, but then I realized that the way they act will make DD not want to be around them, either.  She has my family, where she is the star, the princess, the baby, the pride and joy.  A friend of mine went through the same thing when she was little - and now only sees "those" grandparents on holidays, while she is very close to her other grandparents.  It will be okay!

    My MIL doesn't like boys, she had 8 kids so she could hopefully have more girls.  She only got 2 and could care less about her 6 boys.

  • image jessisinlove:
    My son very rarely sees his bio dad or that entire side of the family. I would like some advice as well. I am sorry you are having to deal with this.

    I an awful dad as well. It took me years to get over how craptastic he was.  Sometimes I still get upset with him, but I know not to expect anything out him.  It also helps that I have an amazing step dad.

  • We are in a similar situation DS's grandfather, DH's dad, has never met DS who is almost 16 months old. He lives a few states away so I don't expect him to visit often but I would have thought he would at least make an effort at some point in the last 16 months. It may not be the most mature thing but I've come to the conclusion that he is going to put no effort into being a grandparent and frankly I don't need someone like that in my DS's life. In all honesty we've been more than fine without having him around so if that's the way things continue so be it. I realize that this opinion may not be favored by most but we have tried to include him we've however gotten nowhere. I am very grateful that my parents give DS enough love and attention to make up for any mean people in his life.

    I'm sorry that you have to deal with this, I know how much it hurts to know there is someone who has the chance to be in your LO's life and doesn't seem to want to be there. Maybe if you address that point you might get somewhere?

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  • I think it really will be okay. We are in a somewhat similar situation. My dad (who was not involved much at all in my life growing up) now lives 10 minutes from us. In the same town. He's actually the only family we have in this town. Yet my DS is 9 months old now and he has only seen him 5-6 times. DS doesn't know who he is really. The thing that kills me is my stepsister recently had a baby too, 4 months old now. My dad spent so much money on that baby. Like a whole set up to keep at his house- swing, pack n play, high chair, etc. Meanwhile., the only thing he has bought for my child is a lava lamp. Yes, a lava lamp! When I was in the hospital he thought it would be a nice surprise if he went to our house and plugged it in!  (He had a key at the time, since he was helping us with a lot of projects) Luckily DH went home shortly after and found it. I just don't get it. I don't want money or him to buy things for my son, but I can see DS won't be favored, or anything. He probably won't spend a lot of time with him.  I just figure my dad will be that grandpa that DS sees every now and then. DH is such an awesome dad and my brother is very very involved in our lives. He WILL have men in his life that will be worth looking up to. 
  • It'll be ok...we live thousands of miles away from any family, so DS has only met his grandparents one or two times.  He still hasn't met most of the family yet.

    Just do what you can and don't ever let him see you upset!  Even growing up we only saw our grandparents on holidays and special occasions and I am very close to both grandmothers and talk to them on the phone all the time.  People show love in different ways and it's ok!  Just do what you can and don't dwell over it.

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  • That really sucks, I am sorry.  But I am sure it will work out _ I too have GPs that suck and I turned out fine as long as you dont act like its a big deal it wont be to them hopefully.  Do you guys know anyone who are willing to step in an act as surrogate GPs?  That could be nice.
  • We are in the same boat here also. My IL's live 5 minutes away, and the last time they saw DD was 5 weeks ago. They can't even pick up the phone to call. It irritates me that they don't see DD, but they obviously don't care about their own son either.

    I just tell myself that DD has my parents who absolutely adore her and love her, and would give her the moon and the stars, and in the long run, she is probably better off not having to deal with the other set of self centered grandparents.

    My IL's are the ones who are missing out on her milestones and seeing her grow up, and they have no one to blame but themselves.

  • I totally understand.

    My ILs live an hour away, and BARELY make an effort.

    With DS they are always buying him things and fawning over him when we go over (but ONLY if we go over), but with DD... not so much.

    It took them THREE MONTHS to see her for the first time (keep in mind they live an HOUR away, that's it). They never buy her anything at all, Christmas was LOUSY for her but AWESOME for my DS. Oh, and they didn't even come to her first birthday party!

    I don't know how I'm going to explain that to my children. "Oh yes, DS, they love you more."???? 

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