I had told DH before we even started trying that in no uncertain terms would anyone but him be allowed in the room with me. I don't need other people around when I'm screaming /swearing/pushing a baby out of my lower end. That's very private,IMO. I don't have an issue with them being at the hospital, but will be waiting until we are all...mainly me.. ready to accept visitors. I don't want guests when I'm making my first attempt at breastfeeding. Once things are settled then the nurse will be allowed to let them in. After all, the nurses we spoke with said it is about the mom and baby. It's important for us to be as stress free as possible. Having all these all people milling about would just get on my nerves and I"d probably just end up telling them off. it's better and safer all around for me at least to keep them out. If they wanna sit in the waiting room, so what. I won't know they are there. It's not like they have a camera in while I'm giving birth they can watch. They are stuck away from us until the go ahead is given.
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I have tried to convince my DH not to even call anyone until either baby was born or we were in the hospital desperate for company. ?I don't know if I've been successful, though. ?I just don't want to feel like I have to entertain anyone or worry about them and I know that I will if they are there and feel bad if they're just sitting around waiting. ?
I think we've reached a compromise where we'll wait and see what time of day it is. ?If it's overnight, we won't call until morning. ?Otherwise we may call right away, but give them jobs (going to the house to feed the animals, etc.). ? We both know that labor is unpredictable, so we don't want any hard and fast plans. ?
I think, though that DH understands that I'm uncomfortable with a lot of visitors, especially before delivery and I understand that he's an eager beaver that will want to tell the whole world the second I have my first contraction. ??
Good luck working it all out!?
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Our beautiful daughter was born in October 2009. Turns out she was quite the miracle. After two years of TTC, diagnosed with DOR. A couple of failed treatment cycles later, we decided to let go of our hope for more biological children and explore adoption.
My cousin in law gave birth last year and the entire family 20+ people waited the entire time. Then we took turns 6 at a time going in and out of the room. I was actually in her recovery room when she saw the baby for the first time. (C section and taken to nursery right away). She seemed okay with it but I realized that I would HATE this personally. I want a chance to bond with the baby and learn to breastfeed for the first time without my DHs family in the room. I think you should make a compromise with your husband because this day is really about you, your H and your baby. The family can see the baby soon, but they dont need to bombard you when you are exausted and want to spend time with your brand new baby
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I agree with you completely. I told my DH the same thing, he was upset at first but I just said i didnt need the added pressure of family there and his mother tellling me "when I was in labor we didnt have all these fancy gagets" like she likes to tell us all the time now. My parents live far away so I also used that as a reason, how much I would want my mom to be there and how frustrating it would be to have his mom instead. Our way of dealing with it is that no one is getting a "we're in labor" call, everyone will get the "its a boy and everyone is healthy" call instead. No belly aching to be had as they dont even know its coming.
I can understand if you don't want anyone in the room with you.... but they can't at least be in the waiting room area. I think that is a bit selfish.... but then again... it's your choice in the end.
Our immediate family was in the waiting room patiently waiting for the arrival. I delivered at 3 30 AM , so some of them left before hand. I had my mother, and the father in the room. After I had the baby, while I couldn't even hold her b/c they were stitching me up my sister, dad and grandmother came in to see the baby. After that, everyone left and the father and I moved to the recovery room with the baby and we had all the time we needed to bond alone.
I am very close to my immediate family and wouldn't have dreamed of them not viewing their first grandchild asap (my side)
This time, sis will be taking my mama's place since she went to heaven last year :-(
I totally agree with you!! I dont want to be in labor that my entire family is waiting for me to pop out a kid! No thank you...I'd like to have a shower and little time alone before seeing guests.
What timing, I just brought this topic up at work today and got weird looks. Our families are at most 45 minutes away and depending on what day of the week it is, within walking distance to the hospital so I am in no rush to call them. My plan is to tell all of the grandparents (first grandbaby on both sides) that I will not want for visitors for a few hours after the baby is born. If they would like a call we are in labor to clear their schedules or prepare in some way, so be it. If they want to sit in the waiting room for who knows how long, so be it. I think if I am clear that they will be just in the waiting room no one will try showing up too early as it would be boring to sit in a waiting room (especially for my parents who have an apt near our hospital). As this is my first baby, I have no idea how I will feel, when I can start breastfeeding, etc and I don't want an audience during our what could be frustrating physical struggles.
On a semi-related note, I am a very modest person. I know I will have to swallow a lot of embarassment just to get through this. This is partially why I also don't want people in the room during or right after the birth. The last thing I need is my in-laws or even my own family to see me topless (or bottomless :-)). What bothers me the most is when people say "oh you'll get over that real quick" or some other statement about how these feelings of mine will magical disappear. Maybe in the moment they might but I have a feeling I will remember them later and feel a little sick to my stomach. Sorry for the rant but I feel that those feelings sometimes aren't respected by others and then they don't understand the concept of you not wanting them to be in the delivery room with you.
There is NO reason to add anymore stress to a delivery then there already is. I think that this is an important event for you as a family of your own.... that's what having a child is all about. The reality is you are a family of your own now and your needs come first THEN other people who are apart of your extended family.( as in not primary anymore!!!)
My older cousin is the last in my family to have a child and she didn't call ANYONE (accept the friend who was watching her daughter during delivery) to tell them that she even went into labor. They had the baby and then slept, ate, got cleaned up then, they started to make the calls. It was her second child and she said it was the BEST idea she ever had!!!
If it was just them wanting to be there, and neither you or your dh wanted them there, then no. I don't think you're being selfish, but, if your dh wants them there for him... then, yes, I think you are denying your dh something that he feels he needs. I think you have every right to ask them to wait till you get cleaned up, but, I don't think they'll let you shower for a while after delivery, until they make sure you are closing ok and everything. It is his baby too, and if he wants to show off the baby to his family right away, he should have that right too, even if they take the baby to the nursery while you are 'nap/shower/make-up/food/whatever' and his family sees the baby there.
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There is absolutely nothing wrong with you not wanting everyone there until after the baby is born, BUT your husband will need someone to support him so he can support you. With that said, either allow him to choose someone that can be at the hospital for him to talk to (things can get intense) and maybe to relieve him if he needs to step out for a while. OR You can look into finding a doula. I'm a doula and the role of a doula is to mother you and help dad be a part of the whole process without feeling overwhelmed.
We will be having this one #4 at home with possibly my mom here. With all 3 of my births no one was there, #1 my husband was deployed so my mom was there, #2 just me and DH, #3 DH was driving me to the hospital-she was born in the car going 80mph up I-75. We're military so we don't have the luxery of having family there, but I don't think I would change it too much if we were around our family, the only person that I really want to have at this delivery aside from my DH is my BFF but she's getting married in October and I don't think she wants to miss their 1st Christmas together just to see her god daughter born.
I actually do think it is a little selfish of you not to even "allow" them at the hospital when your H wants his family there for support. It's his baby too. What about his feelings?
I see this side of it. I guess I just feel like since I'm the one who will be going through all the physical stuff I should get my way on this. Also, like I said before, his mom would make it all about her and we wouldn't get any time just us and the baby.
You are absolutely right. Your husband is there solely to support you. Yes, he is the father but anything he wants that is counter to what you need, does not count. Yes, you try to accommodate if you can, but your needs and the baby's needs comes first.
You will be at your most vulnerable physically and emotionally as you will at any point in your life. This is completely and utterly about you and quite frankly, if having him there did not support you than even he wouldn't get to be there, father or not. Yes, it's harsh but again, this is about you, not him.
It's not a matter of being selfish, I consider this part of the planning for your labor and delivery AND recouperation. I was in soo much pain, I didnt notice or care who was there when I was at the hospital. I do wish that we didnt have everyone visiting non-stop. I didnt get to rest at all! I was soo tired. You do need at least a day alone to bond as a family and rest while you are in the hospital cause once you are home... its all over!!!!
I think every woman needs to come to grips with what she is comfortable with. Quite honestly, because of the fact that we are the ones pushing this child into the world, we should be allowed to ask that our opinions are respected. I know that I look forward to talking with my husband about my thoughts. I think you need to let him know in a more logical fashion that you're asking kindly that people not see you in a certain state that you're not comfortable with.
?I think that the family will survive if they come once you've had your private time - maybe they can plan to get together at someone's home and wait for the phone call or something...
I think that you should try to do what is best for you-and get your husband on board. ?
I understand where you're coming from. I don't want everyone seein me while I'm all splayed out and exposed- not to mention the birthing faces! Unfortunately, either my mother or mother-in-law will be in the room because my husband's going to be serving at that time and won't be able to be there. Sure, your husband is there to support you, at the same time, he wants to be able to share his immediate joy with his mother as well. I'd say let them come to the hospital and be there to congratulate you and your husband but don't let em be in there. That's just way more than anyone should see of there extended family member. Let him go talk to his family- that's the more time you get to spend with your new baby by yourself
Nowmrsbinkc- No you are not being selfish. I am due to deliver any time now as i'm overdue. I have already had the discussion with my husband and he understands that I don't want people in the room when I am in Labor.....period!!!!
Honestly...during labor you and your husband are the only ones that need to be in the delivery room. Otherwise it is too stressful and why do people need to be there bugging you when you are in pain, uncomfortable, exposed, enduring invasive checks, etc.
You could always let them wait around in the waiting room if he needs to go out periodically to get moral support.
But be clear that you don't want anyone to visit you or the baby until the next day.
The first few days are so important for you and the baby to bond and especially if you are breastfeeding. You don't need the stress of having to ask people to leave, etc etc.
I am all for family involvement. But YOUR family comes first. You, your husband and your baby!
Unfortunately, even though you are the one going through labor and pain and discomfort... this baby really is a new member to all family members including his. ?Maybe you can find a compromise.
I think you're being selfish. Your husband said he wants the support. They don't have to come into the room to see you.
My family would be hurt if I asked them to stay away. If they want to sit in a waiting room, let them. When my best friend had her baby, her husband carried the baby out to show all the waiting friends and family. You could tell that was the best moment of his life; I don't want to cheat my husband out of that.
"Cool as Hell like e-mail, but still timeless like a letter."
I definitely don't think it's selfish that you don't want anyone with you except your husband. However, I do think it is selfish of you to not even make a compromise. Why would it matter if they are in the waiting room? You won't have to deal with them then. And if your husband needs support from his family, then you should be supportive of that. It's a big deal to him, too. And you shouldn't assume that your husband is going to be by your side every second- what if your labor is eighteen hours or something? He's going to need food, etc. and if he stops by the waiting room to update his family, what's the big deal?
I completely agree with you!!!!! I know for sure when I have my baby I only want my hubby and maybe my mom in there with me. After the baby is born I want some time maybe and hour or so for just my husband and I to enjoy our baby and take in the moment.. then depending on how I feel we can then invite people in...I know what you mean about your hubby's mom.. mine is the same and she would feel like she is totally entitled to the baby and will act like it is hers... so you just have to remember that it is YOUR baby and as long as your husband will understand you and explain to others waiting that they need to wait till your comfortable and ready then I think things should be fine.
You're not being selfish. It's YOUR family time with your husband and new baby. A lot of women do this and it's fine. I have a friend who doesn't want anyone to even come over until 2 weeks after the baby is born....they want to do some bonding and figuring it out on their own for a little bit before everything gets crazy. It's not about his family...it's about the family he has with you.
I understand you want some time to bond with your new family; I'm a private person myself and I agree with you. However, your request for perfect make-up before anyone sees you is hysterical... maybe you should be praying for a healthy child and a safe delivery... and who really cares about the rest? (Well, you do, I guess). And telling your Husband that he has to "get over it" and denying him the support of his family is absolutely ridiculous.
The day that was all about you was called your wedding day, so I think you need to "get over it" ~ or this is going to be one long pregnancy.
Not at all! I'm not even pregnant yet and his sister is telling me that she is standing at my head at labor time. haha yea right, who are you?! I have the same problem with everything turning to be about them, not just my MIL but my SIL.
I think you should reconsider your plan. Having had a little girl 18 months ago and a little boy due in 3 weeks, my and DH's family will be there. Although I may be on the other extreme side, I believe having the entire family there is a beautiful thing, so much love is felt for you, I understand not wanting everyone in the room with you. Just set limitatiolns, only allow people to come back for a few minutes to say hi maybe. And then be as strict as you want on who's in the room during the actual pushing and delivery. I can tell you that depending on what time you have your baby, getting all of those things accomplished you want to before seeing anyone (eating, showering, makeup) may not happen until you wake up the next morning. I had my little girl at 3pm and was moved to our sleeping room around 7pm and then was so tired, went straight to sleep. So, you may not get to see anyone until the next day. You just may not feel up to doing all of those things until the next day, you're going to be very tired.
just a few things to think about, but it is ultimately your decision and something both your DH and you should be comfortable wtih.
No, you are not selfish. If you wanted them there, that's not selfish either. YOU are having this baby, and YOU get to control the environment. I had a couple invited people drop in/be there for the birth of our kid because that's what I wanted (and my delivery did become all about my mother - It caused a huge issue between her and my husband for several months.) It's not a wedding, It's delivering a baby. You are NOT being selfish!
We paln on doing the same thing. They are more than welcome to wait in the waiting room, as far as we're concerned. We want it to just be us and the baby for about an hour or so after. My hubby was the same way at first, but we talked about it and he decided he didnt want be (unintentionaly) screaming at anyone else but him!
I personally don't think it's selfish to not want anyone in the room before or immediately after -or- to want your DH by your side and not sitting with his whining manipulative mother. You don't know how long your labor will last so maybe compromise by agreeing that his family can sit in the waiting room. I can see where it might be a concern that DH will be sitting out with his mom or she will want him to come and "update" her every 15 min so I would just lay some ground rules first. Yes it's his baby...but YOU are HAVING the baby! He is there to support you! IMHO he is being selfish!
RIght now I don't think I want anyone in the room with me besides DH. My friend just had a baby and her mom was in the room...until she became hysterical and overbearing and negative and her husband bascially had to kick his wife's mom out of the room. I can understand why you don't want any drama! Tell him you guys can revisit the issue closer to the due date and that plans can be fluid on D-Day.
Good luck!
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I don't see this as selfish at all. I feel the same way (and believe me, I am one of the most supportive and unselfish spouses out there - my DH says this to people all the time). I don't want anyone at the hospital except for DH. All family and friends can wait. DH and I waited seven years for a viable pregnancy, and so we're going to savour at least a day alone before people come stampeding in.
I feel the same way...DH mother is very much a drama person. I solved it by saying that I don't want visitors in the hospital but if people want to come see the baby in the nursery fine. But I will not be open to recieving visitors while in the hospital.
No. You're not being selfish. This is my fourth baby and I've experienced a bit of everything. With my first I had my mom, with the second, I had my husband and we had a bit of time to regroup, eat, and whatnot, and then had his parents visit. With the fourth, his WHOLE family showed up in the delivery room while they were still cleaning off the baby and I was half naked! This time, and we're having a hard time breaking the news (well, he is) but I just want my husband around for the first day. I know this our last and I just need some peace and quiet. Like someone said, they waited nine months, what's another day?
I don't think you are being selfish. You are the one that will be giving birth. I am the same way except I want just my mom with me and my husband (my husband gets grossed out pretty easily). From what my friends have given me advice on, you do feel crappy afterwards. You need time to adjust and have fun being a mommy. Try talking to other friends that have had babies recently and see what you have done. I have never gone to the hospital to see a friends baby the day they have given birth. They need time.
Because of your tone/phrasing - yes, you sound selfish regarding blowing off the fact your DH may need support.
I am hoping people will be at the hospital to support my DH. He's a strong man and is always there for me but a the same time he hates it when I so much have a cramp or stub my toe - so it should be interesting to see him react to labor pain.
I would prefer only DH and mom (maybe my sister) in the room for hard labor, but the rest of the time be for and after - right now (naturally reserve the right to change my mind at anytime) I couldn't care less who was at the hospital or is stopping up to say hello. I am hoping to make it to labor for one. For another, I want a healthy baby. Finally, we've been waiting for four years for this with many ups and downs so I want to share the joy as soon as possible.
TTC since 2005.
DS via IVF - 02/10
Baby #2 - due 10/16/11
I honestly dont see the harm with them being in the waiting room and to be there before you give birth. Its not like the father is going to be sitting in the waiting room playing cards while your doing all the work, hes going to be there with you, they cut the cord on him and his mother a long time ago. You want him to be as comfortable as possible as well, having immediate family involved, not directly, doesnt change the situation at hand. He wants to share this with his family, I say give him that opportunity.
So, in general I suppose it is selfish. But, if momma aint happy, nobodys happy. Or so ive heard.
I think it is pretty selfish... then again, I have only been pregnant for 12 weeks and I have already gotten really sick of the entire "it is all about you and your baby and no one else matters" stuff- there are a lot of other people invested and involved when a baby is born. Yes, it is a special time for you and bringing a child into the world is a life-changing experience- but your husband matters too! His life is going to be changing as well and if he is going to be there to support you through the entire 40 weeks, labor, delivery, and then raising your child--- it really wouldn't harm you or the baby to show him a little bit of support, appreciation and understanding as well. It just bothers me to read thread after thread of women acting as if men do not matter at all throughout the entire process. No wonder men often check out and have a hard time connecting with their children.
Besides, labor often takes HOURS- I have already told my husband I have no problem with him bringing movies and a game system to the hospital- if he leaves occasionally to update family and friends who are waiting in the waiting room, grab something to eat, or just get some fresh air, no one is going to let him miss anything important. Families do not want to be there to make you uncomfortable- they are excited and want to a part of this amazing event. It just causes unneccessary drama to try not even allow them in the hospital. (Although it could be impossible to keep them out- most hospitals don't check with the mother to see who she wants in the waiting room- it is pretty open)
Re: Am I selfish?
I have tried to convince my DH not to even call anyone until either baby was born or we were in the hospital desperate for company. ?I don't know if I've been successful, though. ?I just don't want to feel like I have to entertain anyone or worry about them and I know that I will if they are there and feel bad if they're just sitting around waiting. ?
I think we've reached a compromise where we'll wait and see what time of day it is. ?If it's overnight, we won't call until morning. ?Otherwise we may call right away, but give them jobs (going to the house to feed the animals, etc.). ? We both know that labor is unpredictable, so we don't want any hard and fast plans. ?
I think, though that DH understands that I'm uncomfortable with a lot of visitors, especially before delivery and I understand that he's an eager beaver that will want to tell the whole world the second I have my first contraction. ??
Good luck working it all out!?
I agree with you completely. I told my DH the same thing, he was upset at first but I just said i didnt need the added pressure of family there and his mother tellling me "when I was in labor we didnt have all these fancy gagets" like she likes to tell us all the time now. My parents live far away so I also used that as a reason, how much I would want my mom to be there and how frustrating it would be to have his mom instead. Our way of dealing with it is that no one is getting a "we're in labor" call, everyone will get the "its a boy and everyone is healthy" call instead. No belly aching to be had as they dont even know its coming.
I can understand if you don't want anyone in the room with you.... but they can't at least be in the waiting room area. I think that is a bit selfish.... but then again... it's your choice in the end.
Our immediate family was in the waiting room patiently waiting for the arrival. I delivered at 3 30 AM , so some of them left before hand. I had my mother, and the father in the room. After I had the baby, while I couldn't even hold her b/c they were stitching me up my sister, dad and grandmother came in to see the baby. After that, everyone left and the father and I moved to the recovery room with the baby and we had all the time we needed to bond alone.
I am very close to my immediate family and wouldn't have dreamed of them not viewing their first grandchild asap (my side)
This time, sis will be taking my mama's place since she went to heaven last year :-(
I'm allowing anyone in the room. They can sit outside all they want but I don't want anyone in there while I'm laboring.
What timing, I just brought this topic up at work today and got weird looks. Our families are at most 45 minutes away and depending on what day of the week it is, within walking distance to the hospital so I am in no rush to call them. My plan is to tell all of the grandparents (first grandbaby on both sides) that I will not want for visitors for a few hours after the baby is born. If they would like a call we are in labor to clear their schedules or prepare in some way, so be it. If they want to sit in the waiting room for who knows how long, so be it. I think if I am clear that they will be just in the waiting room no one will try showing up too early as it would be boring to sit in a waiting room (especially for my parents who have an apt near our hospital). As this is my first baby, I have no idea how I will feel, when I can start breastfeeding, etc and I don't want an audience during our what could be frustrating physical struggles.
On a semi-related note, I am a very modest person. I know I will have to swallow a lot of embarassment just to get through this. This is partially why I also don't want people in the room during or right after the birth. The last thing I need is my in-laws or even my own family to see me topless (or bottomless :-)). What bothers me the most is when people say "oh you'll get over that real quick" or some other statement about how these feelings of mine will magical disappear. Maybe in the moment they might but I have a feeling I will remember them later and feel a little sick to my stomach. Sorry for the rant but I feel that those feelings sometimes aren't respected by others and then they don't understand the concept of you not wanting them to be in the delivery room with you.
No that is no selfish AT ALL!!!!!!!
There is NO reason to add anymore stress to a delivery then there already is. I think that this is an important event for you as a family of your own.... that's what having a child is all about. The reality is you are a family of your own now and your needs come first THEN other people who are apart of your extended family.( as in not primary anymore!!!)
My older cousin is the last in my family to have a child and she didn't call ANYONE (accept the friend who was watching her daughter during delivery) to tell them that she even went into labor. They had the baby and then slept, ate, got cleaned up then, they started to make the calls. It was her second child and she said it was the BEST idea she ever had!!!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you not wanting everyone there until after the baby is born, BUT your husband will need someone to support him so he can support you. With that said, either allow him to choose someone that can be at the hospital for him to talk to (things can get intense) and maybe to relieve him if he needs to step out for a while. OR You can look into finding a doula. I'm a doula and the role of a doula is to mother you and help dad be a part of the whole process without feeling overwhelmed.
We will be having this one #4 at home with possibly my mom here. With all 3 of my births no one was there, #1 my husband was deployed so my mom was there, #2 just me and DH, #3 DH was driving me to the hospital-she was born in the car going 80mph up I-75. We're military so we don't have the luxery of having family there, but I don't think I would change it too much if we were around our family, the only person that I really want to have at this delivery aside from my DH is my BFF but she's getting married in October and I don't think she wants to miss their 1st Christmas together just to see her god daughter born.
You are absolutely right. Your husband is there solely to support you. Yes, he is the father but anything he wants that is counter to what you need, does not count. Yes, you try to accommodate if you can, but your needs and the baby's needs comes first.
You will be at your most vulnerable physically and emotionally as you will at any point in your life. This is completely and utterly about you and quite frankly, if having him there did not support you than even he wouldn't get to be there, father or not. Yes, it's harsh but again, this is about you, not him.
I don't think you're being selfish at all!
?I think that the family will survive if they come once you've had your private time - maybe they can plan to get together at someone's home and wait for the phone call or something...
I think that you should try to do what is best for you-and get your husband on board. ?
Good Luck.?
I understand where you're coming from. I don't want everyone seein me while I'm all splayed out and exposed- not to mention the birthing faces! Unfortunately, either my mother or mother-in-law will be in the room because my husband's going to be serving at that time and won't be able to be there. Sure, your husband is there to support you, at the same time, he wants to be able to share his immediate joy with his mother as well. I'd say let them come to the hospital and be there to congratulate you and your husband but don't let em be in there. That's just way more than anyone should see of there extended family member. Let him go talk to his family- that's the more time you get to spend with your new baby by yourself
Nowmrsbinkc- No you are not being selfish. I am due to deliver any time now as i'm overdue. I have already had the discussion with my husband and he understands that I don't want people in the room when I am in Labor.....period!!!!
Honestly...during labor you and your husband are the only ones that need to be in the delivery room. Otherwise it is too stressful and why do people need to be there bugging you when you are in pain, uncomfortable, exposed, enduring invasive checks, etc.
You could always let them wait around in the waiting room if he needs to go out periodically to get moral support.
But be clear that you don't want anyone to visit you or the baby until the next day.
The first few days are so important for you and the baby to bond and especially if you are breastfeeding. You don't need the stress of having to ask people to leave, etc etc.
I am all for family involvement. But YOUR family comes first. You, your husband and your baby!
DS 1- 2010, DS 2- 2013
I think you're being selfish. Your husband said he wants the support. They don't have to come into the room to see you.
My family would be hurt if I asked them to stay away. If they want to sit in a waiting room, let them. When my best friend had her baby, her husband carried the baby out to show all the waiting friends and family. You could tell that was the best moment of his life; I don't want to cheat my husband out of that.
YES ~ YOU ARE SELFISH.
I understand you want some time to bond with your new family; I'm a private person myself and I agree with you. However, your request for perfect make-up before anyone sees you is hysterical... maybe you should be praying for a healthy child and a safe delivery... and who really cares about the rest? (Well, you do, I guess). And telling your Husband that he has to "get over it" and denying him the support of his family is absolutely ridiculous.
The day that was all about you was called your wedding day, so I think you need to "get over it" ~ or this is going to be one long pregnancy.
I think you should reconsider your plan. Having had a little girl 18 months ago and a little boy due in 3 weeks, my and DH's family will be there. Although I may be on the other extreme side, I believe having the entire family there is a beautiful thing, so much love is felt for you, I understand not wanting everyone in the room with you. Just set limitatiolns, only allow people to come back for a few minutes to say hi maybe. And then be as strict as you want on who's in the room during the actual pushing and delivery. I can tell you that depending on what time you have your baby, getting all of those things accomplished you want to before seeing anyone (eating, showering, makeup) may not happen until you wake up the next morning. I had my little girl at 3pm and was moved to our sleeping room around 7pm and then was so tired, went straight to sleep. So, you may not get to see anyone until the next day. You just may not feel up to doing all of those things until the next day, you're going to be very tired.
just a few things to think about, but it is ultimately your decision and something both your DH and you should be comfortable wtih.
good luck!
Selfish for wanting your delivery a specific way- nope, not in the least.
Selfish for completely discounting your husbands needs and requests without being willing to consider a compromise- YES, very much so!
I personally don't think it's selfish to not want anyone in the room before or immediately after -or- to want your DH by your side and not sitting with his whining manipulative mother. You don't know how long your labor will last so maybe compromise by agreeing that his family can sit in the waiting room. I can see where it might be a concern that DH will be sitting out with his mom or she will want him to come and "update" her every 15 min so I would just lay some ground rules first. Yes it's his baby...but YOU are HAVING the baby! He is there to support you! IMHO he is being selfish!
RIght now I don't think I want anyone in the room with me besides DH. My friend just had a baby and her mom was in the room...until she became hysterical and overbearing and negative and her husband bascially had to kick his wife's mom out of the room. I can understand why you don't want any drama! Tell him you guys can revisit the issue closer to the due date and that plans can be fluid on D-Day.
Good luck!
I don't think you are being selfish. You are the one that will be giving birth. I am the same way except I want just my mom with me and my husband (my husband gets grossed out pretty easily). From what my friends have given me advice on, you do feel crappy afterwards. You need time to adjust and have fun being a mommy. Try talking to other friends that have had babies recently and see what you have done. I have never gone to the hospital to see a friends baby the day they have given birth. They need time.
Because of your tone/phrasing - yes, you sound selfish regarding blowing off the fact your DH may need support.
I am hoping people will be at the hospital to support my DH. He's a strong man and is always there for me but a the same time he hates it when I so much have a cramp or stub my toe - so it should be interesting to see him react to labor pain.
I would prefer only DH and mom (maybe my sister) in the room for hard labor, but the rest of the time be for and after - right now (naturally reserve the right to change my mind at anytime) I couldn't care less who was at the hospital or is stopping up to say hello. I am hoping to make it to labor for one. For another, I want a healthy baby. Finally, we've been waiting for four years for this with many ups and downs so I want to share the joy as soon as possible.
I honestly dont see the harm with them being in the waiting room and to be there before you give birth. Its not like the father is going to be sitting in the waiting room playing cards while your doing all the work, hes going to be there with you, they cut the cord on him and his mother a long time ago. You want him to be as comfortable as possible as well, having immediate family involved, not directly, doesnt change the situation at hand. He wants to share this with his family, I say give him that opportunity.
So, in general I suppose it is selfish. But, if momma aint happy, nobodys happy. Or so ive heard.
I think it is pretty selfish... then again, I have only been pregnant for 12 weeks and I have already gotten really sick of the entire "it is all about you and your baby and no one else matters" stuff- there are a lot of other people invested and involved when a baby is born. Yes, it is a special time for you and bringing a child into the world is a life-changing experience- but your husband matters too! His life is going to be changing as well and if he is going to be there to support you through the entire 40 weeks, labor, delivery, and then raising your child--- it really wouldn't harm you or the baby to show him a little bit of support, appreciation and understanding as well. It just bothers me to read thread after thread of women acting as if men do not matter at all throughout the entire process. No wonder men often check out and have a hard time connecting with their children.
Besides, labor often takes HOURS- I have already told my husband I have no problem with him bringing movies and a game system to the hospital- if he leaves occasionally to update family and friends who are waiting in the waiting room, grab something to eat, or just get some fresh air, no one is going to let him miss anything important. Families do not want to be there to make you uncomfortable- they are excited and want to a part of this amazing event. It just causes unneccessary drama to try not even allow them in the hospital. (Although it could be impossible to keep them out- most hospitals don't check with the mother to see who she wants in the waiting room- it is pretty open)