2nd Trimester

To spank or not to spank?

2

Re: To spank or not to spank?

  • I'm sure we will butt-swat when it's necessary, but I'm not going to really lay into her physically.  I have no problem with spanking within reason, though I don't think I would allow anyone at a school to spank her. 
  • imaget.bird:

    if our child's actions/behavior warrants a spanking, a spanking s/he shall recieve.

    ditto

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  • We will spank, both DH and I were and we turned out fine. Parents are too lax. anymore when it comes to discipline.
  • imageKatieTheMagnificent:

    Hell no.  No no no no no.

    Gentle discipline will be the ONLY discipline in our household.  Google it if you want more information.

    My parents were spankers.  I hated them for it.  It did nothing but embarrass me - it never taught me a lesson.  I always sat there and wondered why on earth they were hitting me and why they wanted to humiliate me so much.

    For some reason I have a little trouble believing that you felt humiliated. But ok..

    I am not against spanking but I will also not use it as the first form of punishment. I got spanked as a child and I grew up as a somewhat stable adult. I don't hold it against my mother or my father. I probably deserved it.
     

  • I won't say never, but I'm definitely not planning to do anything more than tooshy taps to get my kid's attention (when they're still too young to understand).  I was spanked severely as a child with the belt, up until I was in 8th grade.  At that point, I ran away to a friend's house and told my parents if they ever laid a hand on me again, I would call CPS.  I think my parent's were mortified that another family knew how they had "disciplined" me.  That said, my parents were not child abusers or anything like that, and I love them to death.  They just didn't know the best way to parent me.  I specifically remember telling my parents to go ahead and spank me because all they were doing was teaching me violence was the best way to deal with problems.
  • t.birdt.bird member
    imageKatieTheMagnificent:

    I'm so sad to read some of these responses.

    Please remember that there are many other ways to discipline your child and encourage appropriate behavior other than spanking.  

    i'm betting that no one, who plans on utilizing this form of discipline if needed, cares how sad you are about it.

  • imageLeelaH:

    I don't agree with "pre-meditated" spanking.  Like when my mom would call my dad and tell him we did something and he would spank us when he got home from work.  But "butt-swats" (as Taelir put it) are totally different and I am sure they will happen from time to time.

    I think that the pre-meditated spanking has it's good points.  Sometimes the dreading is worse than the actual deed and you remember it better.

    Mc 6/2/08 at 6w2d * CP 11/22/08 * CP 1/21/09 - Dx compound heterozygous MTHFR 3/23/09 - BFP 3/24/09
  • imageKellyM5904:
    We will spank, both DH and I were and we turned out fine. Parents are too lax. anymore when it comes to discipline.

    I'm not judging others' positions on this in this thread, so I'll thank you not to do the same.  I HATE when people equate not spanking with lax discipline.

  • imagermcrae:

    Now everything was going fine until you brought your judgement into what others believe.

    Shame, shame.

    Now, if I had said, "FOR SHAME all of you women, you're going to eff up your children!" I can understand your comment.  However, all I did was suggest looking into alternative discipline choices before you get to that point.  I believe in doing my research, from multiple points of view, before I'm dead-set on doing anything. 


  • I think that there are different levels of spanking. We will spank but nothing to the point where our kid will feel humiliated or abused. It's not going to be our first or only form of punishment but I'm not opposed to it. 

    My niece was a hitter. Whatever dicipline they were doing wasn't working. BIL spanked her one day. She stopped hitting. She hasn't been spanked since. I don't think it's going to scar her for life. She's fine. She still loves her dad. 

  • imageKatieTheMagnificent:

    I'm so sad to read some of these responses.

    Please remember that there are many other ways to discipline your child and encourage appropriate behavior other than spanking.  

    The thread was going well until you chose to start judging.

    Then again, I shouldn't be surprised given the topic at hand.

  • DH is all for it. I on the other hand believe more in very light butt taps and a time out according to DC's age. My sister did the light butt taps for my nephew until he was 2 and he maybe got them a handful of times because he didn't want them. It was more the symbolic act that scared him and he was never hurt, never skin to skin, never pants pulled down, etc. He learned fast. My niece on the other hand, had severe dicipline issues and the combination of light swat, time out and toys taken away finally worked for her. It was tough (I was the babysitter after Sister divorced). I'm also hoping to not do butt swats past  a certain age and it will only be if the situation warrents it.
  • Growing up, I was exposed occasionally to butt swats (over the clothing), being grabbed by the arm very roughly (which with my mom involved getting scratched by her nails), and getting lightly popped on the mouth for talking back. These were all spontaneous things done in the heat of the moment by my parents in response to an exceptionally out of line behavior...not for the usual, common, day to day "acting up" that kids do. I was never exposed to premediated spankings, never asked to pull my pants down to get my butt spanked, and never hit with any items (belts, rods, hairbrushes, etc.)

    These are guidelines that worked for me and this is what we will likely be using with our kids. I couldn't feel comfortable doing anything to my kids that wasn't done to me. DH is even more against the butt swats than I am because his parents never got physical with him on any level, but he is not opposed to me doing it from time to time if I think it's necessary and the situation calls for it (for example, I think someone mentioned a child about to run into the street...I think a firm, rough arm-grab and butt swat is perfectly acceptable in that situation).

  • imagejesstibb:

    I think that there are different levels of spanking. We will spank but nothing to the point where our kid will feel humiliated or abused. It's not going to be our first or only form of punishment but I'm not opposed to it. 

    My niece was a hitter. Whatever dicipline they were doing wasn't working. BIL spanked her one day. She stopped hitting. She hasn't been spanked since. I don't think it's going to scar her for life. She's fine. She still loves her dad. 

    Good point.

    What does everyone think about biting a child back after they have bitten you?

    Nothing like continuing the drama!

  • imagejennybeams:

    imagejennabee13:
    image

     

    That's horrible...God doesn't punish!

     

     

    DID YOU NOT READ ABOUT THE ARK???

     

    How about bit about the bears and children, where god punished kids making fun of Elisha by being EATEN BY BEARS! Or, oh, um, Sodom and Gommorah, and Lot's poor wife?

  • imagespiffy:
    imagejennybeams:

    imagejennabee13:
    image

     

    That's horrible...God doesn't punish!

     

     

    DID YOU NOT READ ABOUT THE ARK???

     

    How about bit about the bears and children, where god punished kids making fun of Elisha by being EATEN BY BEARS! Or, oh, um, Sodom and Gommorah, and Lot's poor wife?

     

    The entertainment provided by my PIPing this image is priceless.

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  • imagermcrae:
    imagejesstibb:

    I think that there are different levels of spanking. We will spank but nothing to the point where our kid will feel humiliated or abused. It's not going to be our first or only form of punishment but I'm not opposed to it. 

    My niece was a hitter. Whatever dicipline they were doing wasn't working. BIL spanked her one day. She stopped hitting. She hasn't been spanked since. I don't think it's going to scar her for life. She's fine. She still loves her dad. 

    Good point.

    What does everyone think about biting a child back after they have bitten you?

    Nothing like continuing the drama!

    We had to do this with my sister.  She would bite the tar out of me and my Mom would spank her and she didn't care.  Same for time outs, loss of toys/privilages and anything else they could come up with.  When we started the biting back, she quit fast.

    Mc 6/2/08 at 6w2d * CP 11/22/08 * CP 1/21/09 - Dx compound heterozygous MTHFR 3/23/09 - BFP 3/24/09
  • And yes, me and DH discussed this while we were dating.  "swift and severe punishment" is what my Dad likes to call it. Lol, I don't think we will be severe, my dad never actually spanked me, it was always mom, and they KNOW that a child doesn't want to get hurt, and will therefore do what they are told.  We will be spankers.  And our kids will probably be angry at the time.  They will get over it and one day spank their children.

    At least you acknowledge that you are prepetuating the cycle.

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  • imagemlwurster:

    And yes, me and DH discussed this while we were dating.  "swift and severe punishment" is what my Dad likes to call it. Lol, I don't think we will be severe, my dad never actually spanked me, it was always mom, and they KNOW that a child doesn't want to get hurt, and will therefore do what they are told.  We will be spankers.  And our kids will probably be angry at the time.  They will get over it and one day spank their children.

    At least you acknowledge that you are prepetuating the cycle.

    I'm pretty sure if she is going to spank, she doesn't mind perpetuating a cycle she feels will work.

  • I think I can count on one hand the number of times I was spanked, and the last time was probably around when I was 6. It was a VERY rare form of punishment and I knew that I had done something seriously wrong when it happened. As a common/frequent punishment I don't like it. Butt swats to toddlers to get the point across (like the running out in the street example) are fine with me. I don't LIKE spanking, I think that time-outs and other things are far better. I also won't spank kids past a certain age (5ish).

    ?On a related note, have any of you seen the Saturday Night Live skit where Tracy Jordan spanks Shaquille O'Neal for breaking curfew? Damn funny.?

  • imagejennabee13:
    ::grabs popcorn::

    ROFL!   

    I have only spanked my DD once or twice and it was just b/c she was out of control and I needed to get her attention....and I warned her that it was coming if she didn't straighten up.  I don't make it a habit and I hate doing it.  All I have had to do now is say "do you want a spanking?" and it straightens her right out b/c she knows I've done it and it's not an empty threat.

  • it all depends where and the situation. Everyone in my family and my inlaw family has spanked. Everyone turned out fine.

    I've also learned that when watching my niece along side with her friends that arent spanked...my neice is an angel. SHe just knows her boundries. I have a friend that refuses to spank her kids...her child is a nightmare! She tries to talk to the child instead..but the kids never listens. Now...not saying spanking is right for every one, but jeeze...if talking isnt working...you gotta figure something out. hahaha

    I am not pro or con against it...its all just up to you. A smack on the hand is good. I see we're all of pretty good age and aware of how to raise our kids...so im sure we'll all be fine if we decided to or decided not to spank our kids.

     

    **oh..i remember my niece was throwing the biggest tantrum (she's 2 1/2) and my MIL said "ok...its time for a time out for you upstairs". My niece smacked her right in the face! with out hesitation my MIL popped her right in the mouth and took her straight to her room. About 30 minutes later...the little one came down stairs and went to Grandma and said "Sorry Gamma". She's never hit anyone since. ever!

  • imagejennybeams:

    imagejennabee13:
    image

     

    That's horrible...God doesn't punish!

     

     

    DID YOU NOT READ ABOUT THE ARK???

     

    I seriously almost just peed myself.

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  • imageMrsSandro:
    imageKatieTheMagnificent:

    Hell no.  No no no no no.

    Gentle discipline will be the ONLY discipline in our household.  Google it if you want more information.

    My parents were spankers.  I hated them for it.  It did nothing but embarrass me - it never taught me a lesson.  I always sat there and wondered why on earth they were hitting me and why they wanted to humiliate me so much.

    For some reason I have a little trouble believing that you felt humiliated. But ok..

    I am not against spanking but I will also not use it as the first form of punishment. I got spanked as a child and I grew up as a somewhat stable adult. I don't hold it against my mother or my father. I probably deserved it.
     

    I'm confused, Katie- were you spanked in public?

    And to the OP, yes we will but it will not be our first disciplinary action taken. To each her own...

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    After multiple m/c's, a MTHFR diagnosis and the Lord calling both of our hearts in the same direction, we're adopting!
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  • I will never EVER spank my children.  When I was little I was spanked to the point where it would be considered beating.  My dad would take down my pants, lay me on the bed and spank me over and over and over again.  It felt like it never stopped.  Most often I would have bruises on my butt and not be comfortable sitting for a few days afterwards.  Then my Dad would deny that he hurt me.  I don't know if he didn't realize how many times he hit me or what, but whenever I told him that it hurts when he does that, he would say, "Oh, I didn't hurt you." and tell me that I was exagerating.  I couldn't get through to him that not only did it hurt me physically, but it hurt me emotionally as well.  My Dad and I have a horrible relationship now.  I don't love him.  It's not all based on the spanking, but I'm sure that it's a big part of it.

    I know that's not what most people consider "spanking" but I was so humiliated from that experience that I vowed I would never hit my child and I know I never ever will.

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  • I'm a full believer in the swat. Like all the other girls said - not on the bare skin and not in the heat of the moment, but if the punishment isn't that bad the kid is going to walk all over you. oh, and never in public either...how embarrassing and awkward for everyone around you!!
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  • imagePizzaBride:

    I will never EVER spank my children.  When I was little I was spanked to the point where it would be considered beating.  My dad would take down my pants, lay me on the bed and spank me over and over and over again.  It felt like it never stopped.  Most often I would have bruises on my butt and not be comfortable sitting for a few days afterwards.  Then my Dad would deny that he hurt me.  I don't know if he didn't realize how many times he hit me or what, but whenever I told him that it hurts when he does that, he would say, "Oh, I didn't hurt you." and tell me that I was exagerating.  I couldn't get through to him that not only did it hurt me physically, but it hurt me emotionally as well.  My Dad and I have a horrible relationship now.  I don't love him.  It's not all based on the spanking, but I'm sure that it's a big part of it.

    I know that's not what most people consider "spanking" but I was so humiliated from that experience that I vowed I would never hit my child and I know I never ever will.

    I'm very sorry this happened to you. This is exactly what I mean about there being different levels of spanking. I can see why you won't. While I'm not against "spanking" I am against what happened to you. I would consider that abuse. 

  • imagePizzaBride:

    I will never EVER spank my children.  When I was little I was spanked to the point where it would be considered beating.  My dad would take down my pants, lay me on the bed and spank me over and over and over again.  It felt like it never stopped.  Most often I would have bruises on my butt and not be comfortable sitting for a few days afterwards.  Then my Dad would deny that he hurt me.  I don't know if he didn't realize how many times he hit me or what, but whenever I told him that it hurts when he does that, he would say, "Oh, I didn't hurt you." and tell me that I was exagerating.  I couldn't get through to him that not only did it hurt me physically, but it hurt me emotionally as well.  My Dad and I have a horrible relationship now.  I don't love him.  It's not all based on the spanking, but I'm sure that it's a big part of it.

    I know that's not what most people consider "spanking" but I was so humiliated from that experience that I vowed I would never hit my child and I know I never ever will.

    AND I was spanked until I was old.  Like probably grade 8 or older.

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  • For those of you pregnant with your first child, I'd wait until your kid turns 2, 3, 4 and then remember this post. Many of your parenting practices will not match what you've posted here. You have no idea what sort of temperment your child will have. 

    Both my dh and I were spanked and slapped in the face by our parents growing up and it was a humiliating, hurtful experience. I resent my parents to this day for the physical punishments they inflicted upon me as a child and I won't ever do the same to mine. 

    For the record, we use timeouts and take away favorite toys/activities. I've only ever given one butt swat to my almost 4 year old and it was pretty effective. Certainly won't be making a habit of it, but won't ever rule it out again.

     

  • teeah22teeah22 member

    I was spanked as a child, not much but I remember it.  We had a paddle called "Heat for the Seat."  It was like a wooden frat paddle with that phrase wood burned into it, with a picture of a little kid with a red butt.  I think my mom got it at a craft show.  It's actually kind of hilarious when I think about it, I mean you would never see anything like that anywhere now!

    I think I only had it used on my once or twice but that scared the living daylights out of me.  All she had to say was "Heat for the Seat" and I stopped whatever I was doing. 

    I don't plan on using stuff like that on my kids but spanking is not a bad thing IMO.  I see so many kids in my office every day that are such brats it's ridiculous.  Absolutely out of control.  And then they're even worse when they're older because they have no respect for anyone.

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  • We spank. We never do it while we are angry though, and we always explain why we spanked. We also use timeouts but those don't seem to phase my son at all. Our youngest we don't feel is ready for spankings yet. We do smack his hand if he throws something or bites, but usually a firm "No" does the trick. Each child will be different, what works for one, doesn't always for the other.
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  • I will use whatever form of discipline my child best responds to.  When they are small, taking away a toy, or turning off the tv doesn't usually help- nor does "re-directing," so I plan on using butt and hand swatts when they are too young to use reasoning.  Every child is different, and so we will tailor the primary punishment to fit the child, and if that means spanking, then that is what we will do.

    For those of you who are spanking, remember to NEVER spank in anger. Always explain the behavior, and comfort the child afterward so that he is reassured that you love him, and that you have forgiven him, and then pray with them to ask God's forgiveness for the behavior.

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  • imagejennybeams:

    imagejennabee13:
    image

     

    That's horrible...God doesn't punish!

     

     

    DID YOU NOT READ ABOUT THE ARK???

     

    Or the story of Jobe? God does punish...

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  • imagebeachykeen1723:

    I will use whatever form of discipline my child best responds to.  When they are small, taking away a toy, or turning off the tv doesn't usually help- nor does "re-directing," so I plan on using butt and hand swatts when they are too young to use reasoning.  Every child is different, and so we will tailor the primary punishment to fit the child, and if that means spanking, then that is what we will do.

    For those of you who are spanking, remember to NEVER spank in anger. Always explain the behavior, and comfort the child afterward so that he is reassured that you love him, and that you have forgiven him, and then pray with them to ask God's forgiveness for the behavior.

    Indifferent   I barely know where to start here...but how about this?  If the kid is too young to reason with, WTF is he going to learn from you smacking him?  What understanding will the tiny little person get from that?  What lesson?

  • How do children learn not too touch the stove, or what "hot" means?  By experiencing the negative feeling associated with it.

    So if the child is climbing something, or doing something that they shouldn't be doing, the most effective way to teach them not to do that is to create a negative association with the behavior.

    For example, when my neice was around 9 months old, she started getting really fussy and squirming and hitting when my SIL would try to change her diaper. You cannot explain to a child that young that she is misbehaving, or give a time out, and so my SIL would give her a light tap on the butt- it barely hurt, but it was enough to teach her that she needed to stay still while her diaper was changed.

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  • We spank in our house. Not very often now that I think of it, but it happens and it works for us.
  • I always said I never would......I do now, not right away.  and it did not start until this late stage of the 2'sssss.  He got some little swats and some hand spanks which did the job.  Now it is time outs and if that doesn't work count to three and he is hiding his butt because he knows what will come next.  It is not the point that it hurts because it doesnt, it is barely hard enough to hurt a fly.  It is just knowing it is coming.  Also, someone mentioned calling dad and dad doing the psanking when he got home.  If he is not listening all i have to say is i am going to call dad and he is saying no and does what he is told.  Time outs are starting to be a joke to him so we are going to be moving to corners.  This is what happened when my brother and I were little. this is how i am going to keep it.  You can say no no no no all you want until they are sitting there not listening to you and you don't know what else to do. 
  • I was never spanked as a child.  I was the type of kid where you would just say my name in a stern tone and I'd stop what I was doing.  My brother was a little more out of control and my mom only spanked him a couple times...I think mostly out of frustration and she said that it made her feel horrible afterwards. 

    I don't believe I'm going to be a spanker and I'm going to strive not to be...get back to me in a few years though!

  • OMFG, Jennabee.  Where did you get that?  That is f*cking hilarious!!!  Hahahahaha.

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