2nd Trimester

MY Birth Plan... I know you're just DYING to know!

It involves pushing the kid out as fast as possible, with as little pain as possible and then immediately consuming as much Salmon Sashimi from OMI Sushi here in Toronto, as is humanely possible.

It may also involve downing ?a bottle of either Clare Leasingham Bin 61 Shiraz 2001 from Australia or 2006 Thirty Bench Chardonnay with a delightful vanilla undertone that will compliment the sushi.

There is also a strict, no mirrors, no photographs, no video taping during before during and immediately following labour. Hair and makeup need to be done prior to said photographic evidence being collected. No chin shots or unflattering angles may be used at any time. Nor shall anyone suggest or direct me to reach down and feel the baby's head prior to it being birthed entirely from my body.

All guests in the delivery room must sign a confidentiality waiver and agree to never discuss with me any bodily fluids or solids that leave my body before after or during the birthing process. They must also agree to never discuss it with anyone else.

I would prefer fresh peonies in shades of blush in the room, non-scented white candles and shaved Arctic glacier ice chips in the room. Musical selections are to be made by me and only me and at any time, fast forwarding through a song may be required and must be attended to with no questions asked.?

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