Stay at Home Moms

SAHM's I have a Question

I have always dreamed about being a SAHM when I had children. My husband and I are married over 4 years. We both work full time and we have been trying for a baby for over a year. My husbad works really hard but doesn't bring home enough to support us. If we use our savings and HELOC to pay for home owners insurance, property taxes, car insurance then I could stay at home for a year or two. This would be a very tight budget still. Any of you SAHM's giving up a lot to stay with your baby?
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Re: SAHM's I have a Question

  • Why would you deplete your savings and use a HELOC to stay home??! How is that beneficial for your baby's future financially? No savings? No way.

    Either find a way to make money from home, adjust your expenses to just needs, or go back to work. But don't take such drastic measures.

  • Ditto So Long Astoria. 

    Staying home is nice, but not at the expense of your future.


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  • Sure, we gave up luxuries, but don't jeopordize your future!  Can you do sometime PT?  Watch a child at home?  Work nights or weekends?  WAH?  Maybe consider cutting some expenses?
  • don't do that. that is ridiculously irresponsible. if anything- start taking as much as your salary possible and bank it for supplimental income when/if you stay home.

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  • I agree with all the other posters, if you can't make it work on your DH's income then you'll need to work PT or don't SAH.  Having a baby is stressful enough, you don't need to compound it by creating a stressful financial situation.
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  • I commend you for trying hard to find ways to make your baby a priority in your life. I would recommend cutting expenses instead. Consider downgrading your home, car or other large expenses. Skip vacations, eating out, and buying new clothes.

    My point is that you should look at how you are spending your money and try to find the extra income there, instead of going into debt.

  • Yeah I thought I wanted to be A SAHM too. I also thought I wanted 4 kids.?

    Wait until you have one, you will WANT to go back to work! Staying home with a baby is no fun. It is hard long hours with no breaks. It is boring. Until they can walk and talk they aren't much fun. You will be utterly exhausted and barely functional if you get a baby that doesn't sleep much (like most of them).

    I wouldn't be so quick to leave a job without knowing was real parenting is like, especially in this climate. You say you can afford it for 2 years, how will you find a job when you NEED to go back? It looks like the job climate is going to get a lot worse before it gets better. You could easily be out of work for 5 years. Unless you can afford that I wouldn't be leaving any job I could lay my hands on.

    ?As I think you'll find out, real parenting is not much like the TV shows and magazines. It is not really like the older kids or other peoples kids. Wait until you try it before being so sure of yourself.

  • image Craylo:

    I commend you for trying hard to find ways to make your baby a priority in your life. I would recommend cutting expenses instead. Consider downgrading your home, car or other large expenses. Skip vacations, eating out, and buying new clothes.

    My point is that you should look at how you are spending your money and try to find the extra income there, instead of going into debt.

    This is good advice. Make a budget, see if you can cut back anywhere (cable, cell phone plans, clothes, shopping, entertainment...)and see what you would save staying home as well (gas, clothing, drycleaning, lunch, etc.) Also look into what you will get from TDI and maternity leave. Maybe after that you could do something part time on some nights or weekends if you really want to be home w/ your baby. Good luck! If you can do it, it is very hard in the beginning for most people, but for me and every one I know, it so worth it. DS is 13 months now and it has been the best year of my life. (And I've had a pretty fun life! lol)

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  • Some families start to live as if they were already on one budget, and put the remaining money in savings for when the baby arrives.  Maybe you could both find a second p-t job or a way to bring in some extra cash (eBay, for instance - clear out space for a baby), and add that to the pot.  But everyone's right, do not risk your financial futures, you'll kick yourself later, and so will your children.
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  • We gave up the big house for me to be able to do this but now way would we have gone into debt or depleted savings for it.  If you have to do that you can't afford it.  Try to look at your budget and see what you can cut and work on a plan to maybe let you stay home down the line but right now it sounds like you need to work.  I'm sorry!  :(
  • image marrymemylove:

    Yeah I thought I wanted to be A SAHM too. I also thought I wanted 4 kids. 

    Wait until you have one, you will WANT to go back to work! Staying home with a baby is no fun. It is hard long hours with no breaks. It is boring. Until they can walk and talk they aren't much fun. You will be utterly exhausted and barely functional if you get a baby that doesn't sleep much (like most of them).

    I wouldn't be so quick to leave a job without knowing was real parenting is like, especially in this climate. You say you can afford it for 2 years, how will you find a job when you NEED to go back? It looks like the job climate is going to get a lot worse before it gets better. You could easily be out of work for 5 years. Unless you can afford that I wouldn't be leaving any job I could lay my hands on.

     As I think you'll find out, real parenting is not much like the TV shows and magazines. It is not really like the older kids or other peoples kids. Wait until you try it before being so sure of yourself.

    Would you give it up already?  Clearly many, many women LOVE SAH.  I find it hilarious that you can't see past your own miserable experience.

  • image So Long Astoria:

    Why would you deplete your savings and use a HELOC to stay home??! How is that beneficial for your baby's future financially? No savings? No way.

    Either find a way to make money from home, adjust your expenses to just needs, or go back to work. But don't take such drastic measures.

     

    I agree. Do NOT take drastic measures.

    DH and I had a "system" before baby #1 was born. I had left my full-time job for various reasons. I was in the midst of looking for a job. The question for us was, can we afford to live on one income? We had that question answered during the months I was pregnant. I had a part-time job, which we used strictly to buy baby things.

    We found that on one income, we were doing just fine. We weren't suffering at all, and could even still afford some little things (and we're not rich by any means, dh is a cop! lol) We found we didn't need to scale back a whole bunch either (the biggest scale back was going out to eat so regularly, which we shouldn't have been doing so much anyway!)

    When my son was born we did fine. We even bought our first home on 1 income. If it ever came down to needing a HELOC or dipping into savings, I would absolutely go back to work.

    See what kind of budget you can come up with, and how much you can live on and still live rather comfortably (not worry about getting bills paid, etc). If you cannot make it on one income, then staying home is really not a good idea, unless you are able to work from home.

  • I agree with pps, that does not sound like a good idea.  Can you start saving money now that you could rely on while staying home?  Start living on a strict budget, pay down as much debt as you possibly can while also saving a lot. 

    We saved 4 months worth of expenses (should we both be completely out of work), and knew that our shortfall was only $500/month initially if I didn't work at all.  I found a PT job from home (tutoring online) to make up the difference, and we continue to live on a strict budget and save.  We agreed to revisit me staying at home each Spring to evaluate our finances.  At this time, I only need to bring in $275/month due to adjusted w/h and refinancing our mortgage.  And this number will continue to go down each Sept as DH gets a rasie (works in a school).  So it looks like I won't go back until our youngest is in school.

    We would have lived off savings for only 1 year if we were bringing in less than needed.  I could not have jeapordized our family's future by staying home any longer.  Perhaps you need to wait a little longer to have kids if it's truly important for you to SAH?  Or maybe you can work PT at night or on weekends to bring in extra $.

  • I think you've probably gotten the point that the HELOC idea is insane. Having to use some savings to stay afloat isn't quite as crazy, but you have to plan to leave yourself a decent emergency fund and financial cushion.

    Plus, you're talking about this like you'll go back to work ina year or two... but you say you want "children", so won't it likely be longer than just  two years?

    MMML obviously has some issues, but she has one good point - SAH is not for everyone, even for people who think it's what they want. But you'll most likely have 3mo of maternity leave to figure that out, so it's not really a worry.

    Personally, I work PT to help us get by without having to cut back. My boss was willing to let me job share with another woman who has kids and wants to work part time (I had been there 3 years, my friend joined just for this opportunity). Definitely explore PT options, you never know what might be possible.

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  • I'm sure that after reading the comments you realize that the majority if not all of the respondents answered no, that we're not giving up a lot to stay home with our babies. I would advise banking as much as possible before you have children. Preparing for them is a large expense, when they're here, well, even more expenses. I have a "special needs" child and medical bills were expenses I've never thought I would have.  What would happen is you depended on savings that was wiped out almost instantly because of a medical emergency or because your DH was unexpectedly laid off?  Pregnancy can lead to unexpected events - just ask mothers of multiples...

    Before you can even be ready for the future, you must ensure your current situation is on solid ground.  You owe it to yourself, you husband, and especially to any future offspring. Good luck!

     

  • SAHM was a priority for me and DH.  We chose to rent, we are in a just big enough apt.  We make do with one car.  We don't have cable- just internet.  That said- we put away to our savings every month.  image
  • Well, I would share with you that we personally chose not only for me to be a SAHM and live off DH income (though it's not enough) AND ?intentionally went through the majority of our savings knowing we are very driven and conscience people and that when the need?arises?I will pick up PT work (which I have). It's unnerving since I was always the breadwinner with a salary double my DH. But ultimately we have always trusted and manifested what we need from the Universe/Creator/God and things always work out for us. Keep at the for-front of your mind what you truly want and you will figure out a way to make it happen. Still, I will agree with everyone that this option is scary and stressful. Also, as a SAHM I really do MISS going to work and getting a break. The times that I have it really clears my head, gives me some of myself back, and makes me a more balanced momma. So you'll have to honestly wait and see how you feel.?
  • we don't have enough for much extra, but we have enough to get by fine, sometimes it's stressful but it's worth it to be with DD and be there for all the moments in the beginning of her life- I love it
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