Stay at Home Moms

People commenting on SAH

I think people are shocked I'm going to continue staying at home after a few months.  "You're educated, you have a graduate degree and license".  A few comments I've heard.  I have no plans to continue working at this time.  Maybe when the kids are in school I'll get out a few days a week and see clients.  But that's not for another 5 years or so.  And we may have another by then anyway (I hope at least).  How do you handle these comments?

This is our choice and something I've always wanted and known I'd do.  For me, I can't see it any other way.  But apparently because I've had a "career" people are shocked. 

Re: People commenting on SAH

  • I have learned it is easier to just ignore them after you tell them your plans.  All you can do is tell them your decision and the reasons why.  People are rude and clueless just ignore them.

    Kerri

  • Honestly, I've never gotten any negative comments.  When I quit my job to SAH everyone was happy for me.  When I meet people and tell them I SAH, nobody even raises an eyebrow. 

    I always hear stories on these boards about women getting comments about either working or SAH....and seriously nobody that I know cares.  Some working women have said, "I don't know how you do it, I'd lose my mind".  But I don't take that as an insult.


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  • I have one family member who insists I be "more than a mom," etc but I don't even pay it any mind.
  • I explain that it's a personal choice I've made. I graduate with my degree in May and I have no immediate plans to use it. People can't understand that in this new era of 2 income households and career driven women.

    I have no qualms about staying home and raising my daughter...it's something I feel is right for us. I'm glad I have an education as well, but I don't really feel bad about not having a big "career"

  • Astoria.... good to see you back!

    Thanks ladies for your insight.  I just need to turn my head the other way when the few people have comments.  I'm proud of deciding to be a SAHM. 

  • In your case, I'd ask them if they know the price of infant childcare for twins!
  • Yup, just push the mute button! lol!
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  • I've found that most people who think that way don't have kids.

    It's a fact that babies are better off w/ a parent, especially in the first year or so. Unfortunately, it's not possible for many in this country, and it's almost become mainstream to leave them during infancy-but that does not mean it's ideal.

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  • My primary doctor just moved, so I had to pick a new one.  I did some basic online research and just picked another one within my group, and when I met my new one, in conversation, he asked what I did for a job.  When I told him I was a SAHM, he said, "Oh, so you don't work?"  That's the last time I saw him.  :)  FWIW, I was a teacher before DS was born, so I have a bachelors and masters degree that I am "not using".  I do plan to go back to work when he is in school since we would have the same hours, but right now I am happy!
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  • I currently work and plan on quitting once I have my baby in 10 weeks.  I do get a lot of negative comments from people.  But I think people fail to see women in a feminine way anymore and just criticize those who want to dedicate more of their time to being SAHM.  People fail to understand that it is more of a full-time job than they expect.  My mom was a SAHM and I have such great memories of her always being around for us.  She didn't end up going back to teaching till the youngest out of the 4 of us was in middle school.  I believe the younger years of a child's life, including elementary years, are such an important time for raising.  I don't want to miss any of that, and I definitely don't want a daycare center raising my children.  It's my job.
  • Gosh I am so grateful that I have never heard these comments. Everyone I've told has been happy for me and they tell me how happy I will be to spend the time with my little one. I don't know how I'd react if someone tried to tell me how I should live like that.?
  • Another one in the minority here...

    I've never gotten anything other than very nice, almost-envious compliments about my privilege to SAH and part of it is because of the very high cost of living here... very few can afford to SAH here!  But, this is also a very Liberal part of the Country where people are very tolerate and accepting of everyone's choice so, I'd honestly be shocked to hear any negative comments of any kind!  :)

    I think it's downright rude and obnoxious for anyone to comment about your career choice, I just don't feel it's anyone's business!  I'm not sure what I'd say exactly but it would most likely be along the lines of; "We are so fortunate that I get to SAH and I feel blessed to have this opportunity" and then, I'd just walk away.

    Sorry for the flack you are getting, it's not even worth a reply on your part! 

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  • Don't let people make you feel bad about SAH. I've found that people who make negative comments about it either don't have children or are just jealous.
  • I've also never had the 'pleasure' of experiencing any of these comments.  I don't really live my life though caring what other people think so maybe I just don't hear it.  I've had people say things to me before and it didn't bother me and a friend will say something to the effect of "I can't believe she said that, that was so rude." and I won't even remember what she's talking about.  I value the opinions of only my closest friends and family and everyone else....well to quote Alicia Silverstone in Clueless, "What-evah"
  • What I find most obnoxious is when people ask, "so when are you returning to work?" and then I explain that I plan to SAH and it's like they never even thought of that as an option.  I would prefer people ask "what are your plans after baby arrives?"  But oh well, I just ignore the comments like the above posters.
  • I get the same comments. I always say "I'll go back when she stops being so cute." If they try to push it, I just smile and say "Are you saying she's not cute any more?"
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  • I've never received those types of comments.  I have received one comment from a working mom friend of mine...she said "you're not going back?", I said "No".

    A family member once asked "Are you going to give him formula when you go back to work?"  I told her that I wasn't going back to work.

    A prior co-worker called to check up on me some time ago and asked "Don't you miss your job?" and I said "I would miss my son more".

    If someone were to have ever asked me the questions they asked you, I would've said "You're right, I do have a graduate degree and now I'm a mother and it's never dawned on me to not be at home with my child when I had a child" and I would've left it at that. 

    Other than that, like the pp said, ignore them.  Don't they have a life of their own, those comments seem very personal and not their business.

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  • Unfortunately the only people who have felt the need to make these negative comments to me are my IL's. They simply do not get it at all that I want to be at home with DS and that we are willing to make financial sacrifices for that to happen. They have actually said things like "You are taking advantage of our son by staying home. You should be contributing financially" To which I tell them it was a joint decision and DH backs me up. It has been really ugly though. They are really "into" money and status and they pretty much see us as stupid for me being a SAHM. It's very, very sad and also difficult for us.

    On the other hand, everyone else has been nothing but supportive and wonderful. No one ever seems shocked, they usually say how great they think it is that we are doing it. I have got the comment though from people that they don't feel like they could ever afford it. But I feel that is different than people slamming SAHMs.

    Anyway hang in there, this is what you want and it is truly the best for your child, so don't let anyone get to you.

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