1st Trimester

Poll: Spankings

will you? won't you? any reason? also, do you & hour husband agree on how you're going to discipline?

my parents literally beat the crap out of us- i'm not saying they were trying to abuse us, but that's how they were raised & etc. same with my husband's parents. spare the rod spoil the child was their motto.

with that in mind, i do believe in spankings but not to the extent that our parents took it. i'll try to avoid spankings at all costs, but i think, depending on the child, that they are sometimes very necessary.

my husband & i are in about 95% agreement on disciplining practices. we've got a few things to iron out though.

 

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Re: Poll: Spankings

  • No, I don't believe they are ever necessary.
  • DH is pro-spanking and I am not. However, I think it depends on the child. Spanking was a deterrent for my sister and it worked on her, but it just made me act worse. So we will see when the time comes.
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  • Spanking as a last option for me. I will gently smack hands though if they grab things they shouldn't be or something like that.
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  • We will spank our child.  We both were spanked when we were growing up.  I dont think you need to spank for every little thing, but I will do it if it is necessary. 

     

  • No doubt.. I have had brooms, shoes and  more wooden spoons thrown at me than the average Bear... lol. My Dad didnt hit us as we got older but My Ma sure did.. haha

    I will def give a spanking when a spanking is due... No time outs for my kids. I can imagine how rowdy they will be already. LOL

  • Yeah, I do and will with #2 as well.

    There ARE times that it's necessary.  It's just a matter of using good judgement on when to do it.

  • I was spanked as a kid. I can remember exactly what I did wrong, everytime I got spanked, and I guarntee I never did it again. It worked for me. It truly depends on the child & their personality though. I don't see the point in spanking a kid, if the behavior isn't corrected..they obviously don't care & would need to be punished in a different way.
  • Love the pic of your doggies! I love dachshunds! Very cute! As for spankings.....I don't think that we will be using that method.  I myself wasn't spanked...and my husband was. However, my sister has two boys and she doesn't spank them. The naughty chair seems to work out very well. They have to go into time out and sit on the chair...and the time is determined by their age. So one is 4....so when he goes to the naughty chair he has to sit there for 4 minutes and then say he is sorry when he comes off of it.
  • I don't see anything wrong with a tap on the behind when it's warranted.  I certainly don't advocate "beating" your child kwim? I have a few pals that swear by time outs and honestly their kids are a little wild in my opinion (not to mention fresh as the day is long). I think time outs can work but they don't always - just my opinion.
  • DH and I grew up with no hitting, spanking, nothing and we agree we will do the same. I like the Super Nanny way with the quiet corner!
  • I think we will, but it will be a last resort. 
  • I agree with you. Noah is 2 1/2 and there are times when it's necessary. We mostly use time-outs, but occassionally he gets a little swat. It's just enough to get his attention and let him know we mean business. I will not be using a belt or spanking in anger. So far it has worked well for us.

    I think every child is different. Addie may never need to be spanked, perhaps just a firm voice will work on her. But if she needs it, she will get a swat too.

     Good luck!

  • yes, i believe in spanking. i think kids need to very slightly fear their parents.  my husband and i are pretty much in agreement. (also we were both spanked as kids)
  • Yes, I believe in it when it is used calmly & for discipline.  Three warnings, and the third warning says that you will be spanked if you do not stop the behavior.  This is how both of us were raised & Nate only received two spankings in his life -- I got one.

    However, I am more of a fan of the butt swat -- grab the arm & one pop on the butt to get their attention rather than putting a child over my knee & spanking them repeatedly.

    Nate & I are in complete agreement on discipline.

     

  • I definitely believe in spanking. I was spanked as a kid and it got the point across everytime. I won't make it my primary means of discipline but it will be used if necessary. My boyfriend is very lenient. He has 2 kids from a previous relatioship and he lets them get away with murder. Sorry but that's not going to fly in my house.
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  • I don't really believe in timeouts as well...

    Well @ least they never worked for me, I could have cared less if I had to sit in the corner for 5 minutes & when time was up, I was back at doing whatever got me in the corner in the first place.

    Not that spanking is the only form of appropiate discipline, but if your child is being destructive with a toy then I would take the toy for the remainder of the day. If the child won't pick up his room, he doesn't get to watch TV, etc etc. I think that works alot better than time outs. It also depends on the childs age.

    & I don't believe in punishment for things children don't understand. IF they are capable of knowing the diff. between right and wrong then they can be punished for the crime, but if they don't then I don't believe in punishing the child.

  • I believe in spankings and DH does not. He thinks you can "talk" to a child and tell them what was done wrong and what needs to be done to correct it. Doesn't work too well with his other 2 kids so I doubt it'll work with our child.

    Some kids need spankings,some kids need privelages took away. I think there is a certain age(12-14 and ^) where you quit spanking and start taking things away and not letting them do stuff. But at early ages(toddler), a soft pop on the hands is enough. It's the in between ages(6-11) that are tough. I do agree that it depends on the kid though and what type of punishment works best for what they have done wrong.

  • I believe a child should sometimes be spanked but with a self controlled adult that explains to to the child why they are spanking them. Many people at my church spank.?

    for example Johnny continues to run in the street and you?explain?not to run in the street. He does it again then you spank him and explain that he disobeyed his parents and that he?should?never run in the street. After the spanking then you hug the child and tell them you love them and you do not want them to get hurt. I have watched so many of friends at church do this and I have met the most well?behaved?loved children. I am?amazed?how?obedient?and?healthy?the kids are. My friends are?recommending?me to buy a booked called " Do no make me count to three".

    In some instances taking away toys etc. may do better than spanking. You will know your child. I think what is most?important?is that they are?taught?from mom and dad right and wrong and respect there adults. My brother and I were spanked and people would say we were well respected children and grew up to be outstanding adults that are giving to society in many good ways. You disciple if you love your child.

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  • I don't believe in it unless it is completely necessary (last resort).  DH is pro-spanking b/c his father did with him and his siblings. He keeps saying 'And look how good I turned out!'   I usually smack him upside the head after that....  obviously we need to work on this!! Wink
  • I do believe in spankings but not to the point that my dad did.  My brother and i were terrified of him growing up, because he was always cranky after working 13hour days and if we did had one little fuss over something he would get the belt.  I was never grounded, just beaten.  I believe it punishes the kid more if you take away their favorite things for a while. 
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  • image mckelvykr:

    & I don't believe in punishment for things children don't understand. IF they are capable of knowing the diff. between right and wrong then they can be punished for the crime, but if they don't then I don't believe in punishing the child.

     How do you think a child learns right from wrong if they're not disciplined? They do something wrong and there is a consequence for that action (whether it's a spanking or timeout or whatever). They learn what not to do. Children don't automatically know what's right and wrong they have to be taught it!

  • Yes, I do it with my son and will do it with the next child.  I don't have to spank my son often but when he really deserves it, that is the only thing that really gets through to him.
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  • Well obviously the action would be talked about. I just think if a two year old does something, that they couldn't possibly have understood was a wrong thing to do, because they are two. There shouldn't be a punishment. That doesn't mean in goes overlooked or nobody says anything to the child, there just wouldn't be a negative consequence THAT time.
  • My parents spanked/slapped me only when I got older like my teen years.  They used an extreme timeout policy where my brother and I would have to stand in the corner facing the corner with our arms straight up in the air, and let me tell u that is hard to do after a couple minutes.  i remember standing there for what seemed like hours and was probably only 15 minutes.   This worked much better than spanking... let me tell ya!

    DH came from an abusive father that he was scared of so I think we are going to use the timeout method more.  I don't oppose spanking but I think I will handle that though.  

  • image 2006bride*:
    No, I don't believe they are ever necessary.

     I agree 100%.  I work at a child care center and we do not spank the children and have no problems setting limits.

  • I don't plan to spank our children. I was spanked as a kid, and it didn't scare me for life or anything, so this opinion was formed later on.

    I just personally feel like I'll have a hard time teaching my child not to hit if I, in turn, am hitting them (even if it's for a good reason!)

    Not judging those who spank- again, I was spanked and it's fine - it's just my personal approach to teaching my kids to be nonviolent and not act out of anger.

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  • I don't believe in spanking and don't plan to do it to my kids.

    My husband's sisters spank their kids so much, I think it borders on abuse. It's the only discipline tactic they use. It really upsets me every time we visit them. They're very much in the "spare the rod and spoil the child" mindset.

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  • I'm not pro-spanking but I do think it depends somewhat on the child.  I remember when I was a kid acting out even more as a result of a spanking.

    I do think that spankings are generally not the most effective form of discipline and that they should only be used as an absolute last resort

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  • Both DH and I were spanked, but always calmly and we got the whole "this hurts me more than it hurts you" spiel (which I always thought was bs haha). I was never spanked out of anger- it was always like "go to your room and wait for me to come in for your spanking" that was the worst! You knew it was coming, you just didn't know when!

    My parents also used timeouts, though- they even sent me to time out when I was 17 and got a smart mouth with them. I felt like an idiot and never did it again. They still use it with my 13 year old brother too- he has to go sit on the stairs until he calms down and appologizes/earns the right to re-enter the conversation or meal.

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  • we were both spanked and I believe it was a great way of punishing us.  we think as long as it is not overly used that it is acceptable.  I think children need to learn that there are consequences to their actions ( something alot of children lack now) and sometimes spanking are the only way to get that point across.  My dad had a paddle that hung just to remind us that it could be used at any time. 
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