2nd Trimester

JMO: A surprise at 20 weeks is NOT the same!

Regarding finding out the sex at 20 weeks versus at 40 weeks... Of course it is a surprise no matter when you find out.  But there is no question in my mind that it is a different KIND of surprise. 

To me, it's like finding out a month before your birthday that your husband is planning a surprise party for you.  Sure, it would be a surprise to learn that piece of information, but it's nothing like the surprise of actually opening the door and having 50 people jump out at you, yelling "SURPRISE!"

Or it's like finding out in October what your Christmas present is going to be.  Sure, it's still a surprise when you find out in October, but it's not the same kind of surprise as opening that box on December 25.

Some people want to know about a surprise party ahead of time so they can be sure to wear a cute outfit, have their hair done, etc.  Some people want to know what their Christmas present will be so they can make sure not to buy it for themselves and decide what kind of present to give the other person.  There's nothing wrong with that!  And I would never judge another person for their choice.  But I do think there is a qualitative difference in the kind of surprises we're talking about at those two different times.

Just my opinion.

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Re: JMO: A surprise at 20 weeks is NOT the same!

  • I hate surprises.
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  • image IselaCid:
    I hate surprises.

    ditto

  • Yep, JYO b/c I totally disagree.

    When you know you're finding out at 20 weeks it is torture getting to the 20 week point.  So I don't feel like I found out "early", i.e. a month before Christmas.  And now I'm bonding with my little girl, calling her by name, decorating her room, etc.  I would do it any other way...

  • I concur wholeheartedly. I used the surprise party analogy when people were trying to convince me to find out. I really don't care what other people do, but I LOVE surprises. DH is NOT good at surprising me (he always leaves my present lying around, I totally knew when he was going to propose, etc) so this is one he can't ruin. :)

    Edit: I also don't understand the bedroom issue. Its totally fine to want to go gender specific, but it is REALLY annoying when people tell me I should find out so I can do the room. We have had a rainforest theme idea since before we were pg, and its neutral. I also hate when people say that I should find out so that THEY can buy things for me. WTH? I'm not ruining my surprise so that you can buy a bunch of pink or blue crap.

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  • image IselaCid:
    I hate surprises.

    i agree

  • I don't do surprises either.  I read the last chapter of a book first because I hate surprises that much.

    Now, the surprise of the sex of your baby is totally different.  But I like to prepare and don't care for green/yellow too much.

    If it weren't for that, I would wait to find out. 

  • I found out with both at the 20 week mark so I can't compare to finding out at birth.  But I know that when I found out I was having a boy I was very surprised and cried as if I had just given birth and found out.  Now I won't stress about it the whole pregnancy and prepare for him beforehand.

  • We are waiting too. My Husband wants to findout just so we can buy clothes on Sale. This is our first and hopefully we will have more so i want to get yellow and green so we can use the clothes again. I love surprises and we had the ultrasound and I caught my husband looking but we still didn't find out. We will have to wait until July or Aug.
  • I agree!
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  • image mavilabride:

    But I like to prepare ....

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  • image HappyTXChick:

    Yep, JYO b/c I totally disagree.

    When you know you're finding out at 20 weeks it is torture getting to the 20 week point.  So I don't feel like I found out "early", i.e. a month before Christmas.  And now I'm bonding with my little girl, calling her by name, decorating her room, etc.  I would do it any other way...

    I couldn't agree more with HappyTXChick! Sorry, but I don't agree with the whole "the surprise isn't the same" but that's JMO.

  • image IselaCid:
    I hate surprises.

    I'm right there with you. 

  • I'm not waiting to find out - of course I would also like to know about the surprise party and Christmas/birthday presents... but I agree with this!  I think it is a totally different kind of surprise.  If I were patient enough and had the self-control I would totally wait... but I can't do it.
  • I also hate surprises. I told my mom way in advance of my bridal shower not to even attempt a surprise. Same thing for baby shower. Same thing for baby.
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  • Well it all depends on your perspective. If you have decided to find out at 20 weeks, then 20 weeks is that birthday or christmas present you have been waiting for. If you decide to wait, then 40 weeks is the marker.
  • I think finding out in a dark room with just DH and a stranger for an u/s tech is not glamorous enough for me, and finding out in the delivery room with a bunch of nurses and a doctor? and DH while I'm in pain/drugged up/sweaty/exhausted doesn't sound as exciting to me as it might be for DH.

    Finding out in a room filled with people I love that I'm going to have a boy or a girl, at the shower/'reveal' party my sister is planning.. That, IMO, sounds like the perfect surprise. I cannot wait for that moment!?
  • A suprise is a suprise, no matter IMO. I had to wait until 20 wks. to get my suprise, others choose to wait the whole time. I'd call it a choice.

    And now I get to bond with my baby girl, call her by name, etc. Everyone is different.

  • I disagree, it's still a surprise to me just as any surprise would be. And I would go nuts if my Dr. knew what it was and wasn't telling me.
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  • image annibes:
    I think finding out in a dark room with just DH and a stranger for an u/s tech is not glamorous enough for me, and finding out in the delivery room with a bunch of nurses and a doctor  and DH while I'm in pain/drugged up/sweaty/exhausted doesn't sound as exciting to me as it might be for DH.

    Finding out in a room filled with people I love that I'm going to have a boy or a girl, at the shower/'reveal' party my sister is planning.. That, IMO, sounds like the perfect surprise. I cannot wait for that moment! 

    Thats a cute idea

  • image bbin09:
    Well it all depends on your perspective. If you have decided to find out at 20 weeks, then 20 weeks is that birthday or christmas present you have been waiting for. If you decide to wait, then 40 weeks is the marker.

    You said it perfectly! Also, the other pp, about not wanting to find out with a bunch of strangers....me and DH thought the same thing. We went for a 3D u/s with our moms and sisters, the u/s screen was as big as the wall and when she said "BOY!" you should've heard the cheers from our family! That was the way we wanted to be "surprised"....with the ones we love!

  • A surprise is a surprise is a surprise.....they may be different types of surprises, but one is not better than the other.  There will also be other suprising and exciting things taking place the day the baby gets here. I will not be missing out b/c I chose to know what I was having. I will still be meeting my baby for the 1st time.

    I don't know why people care so much what others are doing.

  • I'm finding out because I want to know... not for any pink or blue clothes (and I prefer lavender anyway for a girl). I'm old. I've waited long enough. I want to know.
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  • I normally don't like surprises - this is the one time I do.  I think it will give me an even bigger incentive to push that baby out just to find out whether I have a daughter or a son!
  • I hate suprises... plus I really really need to be able to plan things.
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  • I respectfully disagree.  Learning the baby's gender is always a surprise, no matter when you find out!  Unless a mother has an inner psychic sense and *knows* the gender of her unborn child, it's a surprise when she finds out... whether it's at the big U/S or at the birth.

    That said, I have a lot of respect for people who wait to find out - I think it shows a lot of willpower, and I know I couldn't do it!  I've also heard that not knowing the baby's gender really helps during labor, as an extra incentive to push him/her out and find out!  I definitely think that would be really exciting.. dad walking out into the waiting room, having that "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!" moment.  Instead of just, "Baby Gavin is here!", etc.

    But, it's still technically a surprise, either way!

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  • How do you know this if you haven't had a baby yet?  I would think the only way to really know how they're different is to go one way with one kid and one with another--then maybe you'd be informed.  Comparing it to finding out about a surprise party a month before it happens or your Christmas presents in October seems pretty weird--that's a surprise being ruined, not one that's just happening at a different time.

    Plus not everyone focuses only on the surprise value.  For me this was not a motivating factor at all.  I found it incredibly meaningful to find out at the ultrasound (started crying when they told us), and it has made the pregnancy much more real and exciting.  

  • I agree. And, I have had it both ways. We didn't find out with Anakin and we have found out with the twins. It IS much more exciting and better (IMO) to find out at birth. If we have more children, I'm going back to not finding out until birth.

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