Babies: 0 - 3 Months

MIL Vent -Long

Ok, I talked with DH about this but it still really bothers me! Tell me if I'm wrong to feel this way?!?!

Little background: My DH works days, and I work nights (3 pm-11pm) and we have worked out a system with my sister so that we dont have to take DD to daycare which is really nice! Anyway, my DH had to work late last night (arranged ahead of time) and my MIL came over to watch my DD around 4 to relieve my sister b/c she had prior plans.  Well, my MIL is a smoker....I find out this morning that while watching DD last night she was smoking out of the sliding glass door! (Like open with 1/2 her body hanging out the door to smoke 'outside'). Even before DD was born, we spoke with her about her habit and said that if she needed a cigarette while over at our place, that she was to go out the front door of our appt. complex to smoke! Not only does that smoke roll in when she smokes out the door, but then its on her clothes and everything else! I find 5 cig butts in an ashtray out on our deck.

This is not the end! I was in the kitchen this morning and notice that our 2 bottles of wine are gone! And there are red wine stains on my counter. Not only was she smoking while watching DD, she was drinking!!  And I know that my MIL left about 5 minutes after my DH got home b/c he got home so late, that there was no way that she waited to drink until after DD was asleep!  Now, I have been guilty of having a glass of wine or two once DD goes to bed, and since she is STTN, I figure that its ok. 

I talked to DH about it, and he said that he is greatful for him mom comming over to watch DD when we were it a tight spot and that I shouldnt complain, because she watched DD for like 5+ hours for us.  But smoking and drinking?!?!?! Really??!!??!!?  Should I be upset? Should I bring it up to her?

Thanks in advance for your opinions (sorry this is so long)

Re: MIL Vent -Long

  • This would greatly upset me!  It was very nice of her to come over and help you in a tight spot, but she should be following your rules.  I think you need to discuss it with your DH more and have HIM bring it up to her.  Maybe give him some information of the effects of second hand smoke. 
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  • My mom smokes too, and she's come over smellng like smoke. It bothers me, but I can't NOT have her see K, you know. She doesn't smoke while she's here though. While your MIL was disrespectful, I wouldn't be too upset over it.

    As for the drinking, I would never have her babysit, ever again. Two bottles of wine?? Seriously? I can't believe your DH doesn't have a problem with this. I've been shittay off a 1/2 bottle. Ask him if he'd ever care for his DD under the influence of that much alcohol...or if he'd let anyone else. If he doesn't see it, well, just make sure someone, anyone else watches your baby. I mean, that could've put her life in danger!

  • My MIL would never be left alone with my child again unless it was a dire emergency and no one else on earth was available.  Seriously.  My MIL doesn't drink and smoke and I still don't leave LO alone with her.  NOT ok, and you have every right to never put your child or yourself in that position again whether it ticks of your dh or not. 
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  • I would never have her watch your baby again - your husband needs to address this with her. ?I have issues with my MIL's drinking (thank god she lives thousands of miles away) and have told my husband that NO ONE drinks and watches the baby, especially her. ?Not even a measly sip of wine...because in his family, it is never a sip, it's always a bottle, or two, or three. ?

    If it were me, I'd put my foot down and have a serious discussion with her. ?It sucks that your schedules are tough, and it's great you have family around to help out - but just think if the baby needed something and she was too intoxicated to care for her properly? ?Did she drive home after this? Think of the other people on the road that she could have harmed if she drove home after having 2 bottles of wine. ?Sorry I just get really sensitive about this...it's unacceptable in my opinion...

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  • Wow. If that were my MIL, she would have officially kissed watching my son goodbye after behavior like that. 

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  • Skipper- I COULDNT agree more! His family has always been like this and you are absolutly right.  I just need to put my foot down and say never again.  I was FURIOUS when I found out this morning! It is SO not ok with me, and I wouldnt have thought that it would be ok with him either! Serious talks WILL be had!

    Thank you all for your input....*puts on the brave face of a mother* I will confront BOTH my DH and MIL.  Thanks ladies-

  • Yes I would be very upset and yes I would bring it up to her. Your DD isn't able to stick up for herself so you need to!!  I spoke with my pedi about my dad smoking and he told me that my DD should not be around him until he has showered and changed his clothes.  Speak with your pedi about the effects of second hand smoke.  It's scary!!  And I would be upset about the amount of drinking too.  I have had a drink or two around my DD but I know when I've had enough.  If MIL can't just have one drink then I would ask her to not drink at all around DD.  What if there was an emergency?  Would she have been in the right frame of mind to make good decisions?  Sorry you're in this tough spot!  Good luck!!
  • Does your MIL have a known history of problems with alcohol? Because to me -- this very clearly cries out alcohol problem. Let's say she only drank 1 bottle and saved the other to take with her for later. She still "stole" a whole bottle of wine and personally even just 1 bottle of wine is way too much to be drinking when you are watching your grandchild and then DRIVING home.

    So I agree- do not ever let her watch your son again by herself. But just as importantly, see if DH's family can start a dialogue with her about her drinking problem.

    ETA: ack, your daughter, not your son. I didn't dbl check til now :)

  • Not overreacting. A glass of wine is one thing, but two bottles? Um, no.  Sounds like she was driving home drunk, too. WTF?

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  • It would bother me a lot if someone was smoking around my DD but if someone was watching her getting tanked on two bottles of wine I think I would go postal.  You have every right to get upset. Of course I have had a glass or two of wine while my daughter is asleep but two bottles and I would be practically comatose and clearly unable to take care of a child...
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