1st Trimester

Anyone "fire" your OB/GYN? Is it me? (long)

I have spent the whole day thinking back on my dr.s appt yesterday.  And the more that I think of it, the more I am upset about it. Although I had good news, I left feeling rushed, manhandled and stupid. 

I think I've always was a bit dissatisfied (saw him for routine annuals and BC scripts for like 10 years but never needed him to counsel or be nurturing- it was always uneventful) but now that a baby's involved, it changes everything.

Some highlights from yesterday:

I asked my doctor about the CVS test (like I dutifully read in WTEWYAE).  He said that the test is antiquated and he doesn't know of anyone who does it anymore.  I said really?  I just read about it and my sister had one.  He said the book WTEWYAE is outdated.  "It was written before you were born".  Really?  I have the 4th ed.  Is this true?  Why am I reading so much about it?

I asked if he can give me info on my hormone levels, is everything progressing normally etc?  He said everything is fine.  He said I don't need to worry about those types of questions since I am further along. Huh? 

I asked if he can give me info on the baby's heartbeat.  Like how many beats per minute.  He said no.  It was too soon to tell.  Really, is it? :(

I wanted a copy of the U/S and the nurse made a very poor quality photo copy on 8X11 paper.  I made the nurse give me the pic and gave her the photocopy.

Finally (Warning this is jarring), the nurse ends up chatting me up and telling me that pg women very often have bladders that fall out of their vaginas and look like lemons coming out of there.  WTF?!? This is horrible.  This can't be true, I've never heard my mom or grandma talk about this and NO ONE is taking about this on the bump.  OMG, like I need something else to worry about.  Seriously, I couldn't make this stuff up.

Okay, I'm not crazed pg woman right? This is unacceptable, right? I feel so stupid, and so angry that he ruined the moment for me and my DH.  We saw the baby for the first time and also saw "his" HB, but I felt so awkward, I held my tears back.  My DH and I looked at each other so confused and robbed of the moment.

I guess my real question (after ALL that)is  what is the ettiquette?  Do I inform him of the change? I am a firm believer in avoidance.  I practice it often.  Do I HAVE to say anything?

I already have an appointment with another ob/gyn, who comes highly recommended.  She is young and just had her first baby.  I hope she works out.

Why am I stressed out about this?!?!  Sorry for the hormonal rant, I can't help it. Crying



Re: Anyone "fire" your OB/GYN? Is it me? (long)

  • I left my OB/GYN right before finding out I was PG. ?I did not tell her. ?When I switched, I stayed in the same hospital, and it turns out my docs and she work together and sometimes she's their on call doc. ?Still, I will not tell her, and will just hope that she is never the one to answer the phone ;) ?I would definitely switch - it's SO important to find someone you're comfortable with. ?Good luck, and don't let the idiot doc ruin your good news!!
  • I completely agree, and if it was me I would do the whole avoidance thing too - but maybe fill out a comment sheet online (if he has one) to let him know why you're leaving. How insensitive! I mean, sure he sees this all the time, but this is YOUR pregnancy, and while it may not be special to him, he ought to act like the precious event it is to you.

  • Okay, I would def 100% find a new doctor that you are more comfortable with.  You do not need to inform him you are going somewhere else.  Just get some recommendations from people you know, and go.  If the office calls to follow up at some point, tell them you have decided to go with a different doctor.
  • If you don't feel comfortable with him, you should find a new OB.

    I ended up with my current OB by chance and that's because my regular Dr. didn't have any available appts when I needed to be seen for my 1st pg. I decided to stay with that OB and not go back to my original Dr. because I ended up m/c and he was so kind and compassionate. Overall, I had a great experience with him through a difficult time. You are still early in you pregnancy to make a change.

    Good Luck!

  • Awe, that's awful I am sorry! Switch for sure, you don't have to fire him or break up with him, just don't go to him again. Luckily we don't have to sign a contract to stay with anyone through the pregnancy. :)
  • I'm sorry you had such a bad experience! If I were you I'd try some different dr's, you want someone you feel comfortable with for such an exciting event!

    And I'm in the middle of ob/gyn at school and unfortunately we just spent the day discussing cystocele/rectoceles! Your bladder, rectum, or small intestine can prolapse and press on the vaginal wall, even protruding through the introitus (vaginal opening) most women say it feels like sitting on a ball. BUT it's much more common after a hysterectomy, we didn't learn anything about this happening in pregnancy. So I wouldn't worry about it yet and it doesn't happen to everyone who has had a hysterectomy anyway!

    Hope you like the new doc better!

  • No hun, I'm doing the same thing.

    My OB/GYN doc missed the fact that I have PCOS.  My ovaries are twice the size they should be, and she apparently can't feel them when she feels my ovaries at my exams.  Scary.

     So, I am also switching to a completely different practice.

    I don't have any intentions on telling her.  She probably won't even notice because she see's so many people.  Probably when the secretaries call me to schedule my annual exam and I tell them I'm seeing someone else...they may tell her then.

    Be comfortable with who you're dealing with.  These are the ppl that are delivering your baby.  Don't settle.



    TTC # 1 Since 6/08, Dx PCOS/Annovulary 9/08, Multiple infertility treatments, 4 ovulations with 3 m/c, 6th rd. 200mg clomid with dex = BFP beta 11/23 = 218! at 14 dpo, beta #2 11/25 = 577!! at 16 dpo
    beta #3 11/27 = 1656!!! at 18dpo,1st u/s 12/8 at 6w1d = HB 118!!!!
    2nd u/s 12/21 at 8w = HB 170!!!!!Matthew born 7/27/10! TTC#2 8/12 more clomid and dex, 3rd rd 200mg clomid with dex 10/4 = BFP but lost heartbeat at 9w2d, D&E 12/12/12

    The Infertility Diaries
  • I definitely had issues with my first doctor's office (never could get a call back, when they scheduled me with High Risk OB for NT scan they had due date completely wrong and I was too late, etc.).  I switched doctors and when they got the records transfer request, they called me to ask why.  I told them that I was extremely upset, etc. as their mistake cost me the testing I specifically sought out (it wasn't offered, and I am adopted so I don't have my full history). 

    They seemed surprised but I stood firm.  Go with your gut and make the switch.  G/L!

    3/22/09 - Lily Grace, born at 33 weeks, 2 days
    9/12/14 - M/C @ 7 weeks, 1 day (ectopic)

  • Honestly, you don't need to justify changing docs. If you feel uncomfortable with the doc, even if you don't have an real "reason" you should switch now. You have to see this person every month and they will presumably be there when you welcome your child into the world. You should have a good realtionship with them!


    Now, do I think you've got a good reason to switch (bearing in my mind that my opinion doesn't matter) - YES! I would be so outta there! I interviewed docs and nurses by phone before selecting my doc and then my DH and I spent almost 2 hours with our nurse and doc at the first appt getting answers to our questions and making sure they were right for us. You might do the phone interview as you hunt for new docs. Good luck in your search!

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  • No you don't need to tell him.  Your new OB may need records, but you can get those from his office staff.
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  • Honestly? I think you're making a big deal out of nothing. You asked questions and were given his opinion. But if you don't like his bedside manner than switch.
    image Don't argue with idiots, they bring you down to their level then beat you with experience. - Mrs. G
  • The one point I agree with your OB on, is that WTEWYE is a pretty awful book. Definitely antiquated- the entire series is sucky. The diet section makes me laugh- you can make a bagel a special weekly treat! LOL! Don't even get me started on their BFing or sleep training ideas.

    It absolutely sounds like he's not a good fit for you, though- and you don't owe him an explanation. BUT- it IS nice to express your displeasure sometimes, maybe good practice for you. :)

    I LOVE my OB- really, just love her. I had my first appointment today for this pregnancy and it was a blast! Her staff is awesome and I always leave laughing. I hope you're able to find a better match for you.

  • I don't think you even need a reason this big to change doctors. I went for my first appointment and found out that the doctor doesn't accept any birthing plans. Every person who goes into labor is given pitocin immediately and an epidural. No question. So I'm changing. I'm not going to tell them, or explain why, I'm just interviewing other places so that I can find someone who allows me to have a say over how I give birth.

    It's your body, your baby and your choice. You don't need any reason to switch other than not feeling comfortable...

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  • Thanks for all the support.  Sometimes all you need to do is vent, then next step seems crystal clear.  Geeked

  • I fired my OB/GYN before I even went to see him for my pregnancy.  I have seen him for year for my normal paps, but his nurse is an evil beech and must not have a vagina that is utilized as she is HORRIBLE.  When I called she never asked how I was feeling, how far along I was, if I was having any issues, etc.  I felt really uncomfortable about the talk, and decided to try my sister's doctor in the next town.  Complete NIGHT AND DAY, they were nice they asked the standard questions and got me in that next week.  The nurse was so wonderful, that when I called regarding abdominal pain she moved my appointment up just to help me to not worry.

    If you don't feel good about how you were handled and treated you should FIRE them!  


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  • I love my OB, she's fabulous. I actually found out I was pregnant the day before my annual well woman exam. She was so happy for me and she arranged to have an ultrasound done that day. I know her usual routine is that her 1st OB appointment with a patient is an hour long. She goes over everything. She doesn't handle me like her normal patients, probably because I'm a nurse and I teach OB clinicals, but she's so supportive. I can't imagine another MD I would want to take me through this. Her partners have a variety of personalities but hopefully she'll be on the day I deliver.


    So fire away, you're the one who has to carry the baby for 9 months, if you're unhappy it just ruins it!?

  • I had a bad first experience with an OB when I got pregnant and had a m/c in October.  I left her immediately followed by a long letter to the practice explaining my dissatifaction, got a referral (actually three!) for the doc I'm with now.  I feel MUCH more comfortable.  It's never too late to switch docs...you need to feel good with who you choose to be involved in this process.

    I would talk to people who have had good doc experiences in your area (ask your local board even) and get a referral and do some "shopping" around before committing.  Every doc is different but you should feel good about the information they are giving you.

    ::HUGS:: and good luck.

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