Babies on the Brain

Anyone well versed in alcohol evaluations?

So my daughters father is a douchebag of massive proportions. We have been split up since 4/01, when I left after 6 years of terrible physical and emotional abuse.

In 3/05, he was arrested for child abuse when my daughter snuck the phone to tell me he was hurting her brother (not mine, I swear I'm not a Springer case). He was convicted and spent time in jail and didn't see her for two years.

Now, because of WA state and their insane swing towards fathers rights, he has visitation again. He's using every dirty trick in the book to get more time, and has accused me of being a drunk. I went through an evaluation which I was SURE I would pass with flying colors...I am a responsible mother with a great career and my drinking is limited to 1-2 times a month in social situations. Somehow their diagnosis was that I "abuse" alcohol. 

This is half vent and half asking for help if anyone has any information that could help me. I'm shocked that this is their diagnosis. I honestly drink less than most people I know. If you want to flame, please restrain yourself because I totally can't handle it right now.

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Re: Anyone well versed in alcohol evaluations?

  • If you failed with that, I am fukced when I do mine.

    Is there any possibility you can get a second opinion?

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  • I'm sorry that I have no advice for you. If you abuse alcohol by driinking 1-2 times a month, then I must be a full-blown alcoholic! Can you challenge their opinion and go for a 2nd?
  • Wow I don't even know what to say. Was it a question and answer format, or what was the eval? Especially being pregnant right now, I don't see how they can say you abuse alcohol. I would definately look into this again.
  • First, I'm going to assume you are NOT drinking at all right now and haven't for the past four weeks at least, right?

    Second, I want to know exactly how they did the evaluation.  Was it a Q&A or was there a blood test involved?  I'm just curious as to how they came to the conclusion that you abuse alcohol if you sincerely only drink 1-2 times a month in social situations.  I drink wine almost every night and I do not consider that abuse (I actually consider it medical).

    Third, if you they came to this conclusion they have to give you treatment options in most states if it's done as part of a child custody case.  Knowing exactly what they think your problem is could become obvious if you could let us know what treatment options they give you.  Remember, not all alcoholics are heavy drinkers.  It sounds weird, but you can also be labeled an alcoholic if you use it for emotional purposes.  So if you ever drink to cheer yourself up or if you drink more when you are under stress that's an indicator of alcohol abuse.  Basically, anytime you use booze for anything other then a good time when you're in a good mood. 

      

  • image MrsVanPelt:

     Remember, not all alcoholics are heavy drinkers.  It sounds weird, but you can also be labeled an alcoholic if you use it for emotional purposes.  So if you ever drink to cheer yourself up or if you drink more when you are under stress that's an indicator of alcohol abuse.  Basically, anytime you use booze for anything other then a good time when you're in a good mood. 

      

    Good point.

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  • She was very clear that she did NOT consider me an alcoholic and that I showed NO signs of dependence. She was not entirely forthcoming about the specific reasons for her diagnosis however she did say that having one drink in an evening and driving home is still drinking and driving.

    The evaluation was a number of questionaires I had to fill out, three hours of interviews, and conversations with my husband and my daughters lying a$$ father, plus reading through all of the HORRIBLE accusations he made on paper. 

    I drink when I have a planned get together with my friends, we have barbeques at our house or go out for someones birthday. It's just insane.

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  • image MrsVanPelt:

    First, I'm going to assume you are NOT drinking at all right now and haven't for the past four weeks at least, right?

    Second, I want to know exactly how they did the evaluation.  Was it a Q&A or was there a blood test involved?  I'm just curious as to how they came to the conclusion that you abuse alcohol if you sincerely only drink 1-2 times a month in social situations.  I drink wine almost every night and I do not consider that abuse (I actually consider it medical).

    Third, if you they came to this conclusion they have to give you treatment options in most states if it's done as part of a child custody case.  Knowing exactly what they think your problem is could become obvious if you could let us know what treatment options they give you.  Remember, not all alcoholics are heavy drinkers.  It sounds weird, but you can also be labeled an alcoholic if you use it for emotional purposes.  So if you ever drink to cheer yourself up or if you drink more when you are under stress that's an indicator of alcohol abuse.  Basically, anytime you use booze for anything other then a good time when you're in a good mood. 

      

    And the other answers - no, of course I haven't had a drop since I found out I was pregnant. Since like 2 weeks before actually. I passed my urine test, no traces found even thought I'd had one drink at a birthday party two days before and had returned from my honeymoon in MX the week before. As far as recommendations, it was for educational classes, no treatment.

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  • I think it also has to do with the number of drinks you have in each outing.  I remember being evaluated for depression in college and being asked how often I drank.  When I said three to five nights a week, the next question was "how many drinks per night"?  (FWIW, I was talking about a glass of wine with dinner or after a long day....they thought I meant boozing it up with my sorority sisters and not remembering where I woke up the next morning.)  I asked them to clarify and that's what they told me.  That part of alcohol dependence is not how often you drink, but also how much you drink when you do.

    So, if you said one to two times a month and 3 to five drinks/time, they could consider that an alcohol problem.  Even though realistically, it isn't.

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  • While the results may sound discouraging, from everything you've said I don't think it will affect any child custody issues.  If educational classes are the only thing they recommended it doesn't imply to me that they truly think you have a problem, just that you COULD have a problem.  If alcoholism runs in your family often times you are automatically assumed to be in danger of alcohol dependency.   So simply checking "Yes" to having an alcoholic in the family gets you put at a certain level.  If that's not the case I'm sure there's something somewhere that implied to them you might have a problem, but they couldn't determine for sure.

    I would consult a lawyer with these accusations your daughter's father is making.  If they are truly not true, this could be considered slander.  You could potentially use this against him in the future.  But be careful with this situation.  You don't want to make things worse!  And definitely don't say ANYTHING to your daughter's father!!!  If you even whisper the word "slander" around him or her (so she could say it to him) you risk opening up flood gates.  It's better to just quietly consult a lawyer and discuss your options.

  • There is family history, and it is pretty significant - which is part of why I don't drink. That's probably a lot of it.

    I don't think he will be able to get primary custody, I just want him to have as little access to her as possible. His prior physical abuse was really severe and he wasn't charged with most of it. I'm talking broken bones on his son. DDs counselor agreed with me that he most likely has a personality disorder, most likely Narcisstic and Borderline. He's not healthy for her. Plus, battling with him kills me.

    Thanks for listening and being helpful, I appreciate it. I have to go home now, but I'll be on later if you have any other thoughts.

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