Pregnancy Jitters

ca17ra

I can't tell if maybe I am borderline depressed, or just experiencing normal pregnancy stress and jitters.  Just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat.  This pregnancy was planned.  We were trying last year, and then put it on pause after we miscarried.  When we decided to start trying again, we got pregnant right away.  When I saw the pregnancy test turn positive I was giddy, but now that reality is sinking in, I keep thinking about how much another baby is going to change everything and I am having a hard time feeling excited or happy about it.  I feel like a horrible and ungrateful person for feeling this way.  Every time someone congratulates me or talks about how excited they are for me, I want to cry.  My sister thinks it is some form of self preservation, since I have had a stillborn and a miscarriage before.  I've been trying to act really happy and positive, kind of a "fake it till you make it" approach.  I'm sure it doesn't help that I am really sick all of the time.  I think that might be wearing on me more than I realize.

pinnerk

I feel like I had my feelings and you just put them down on here. 
I'm right here with you. 
I feel so incredibly similar to you. I feel like everything I do is going to jinx this pregnancy. After two miscarriages I have no idea how to feel happy/excited about this one. 
I'm so sorry for you for how you're feeling. I think with everything you've personally gone through your feelings are justified. 

a2003tiger

I'm with you both. As a PGAL mom, it's so hard to be carefree and excited. Other's excitement bothers me. I do get excited some, but it's rare and then I freak myself out. 

ColoradoHiker

This sounds like a normal reactions for someone who is PGAL.  I really encourage you to reach out to your OB/ midwife and discuss it with them, they may be able to find a way to help relieve your stress, whether it's through simply talking, being referred to a counselor, or possibly medication.  

ca17ra

@pinnerk and @a2003tiger Thank you for commenting and not letting me feel completely alone with this!! And hopefully I helped you feel a little better too, knowing someone else relates to you!  Feel free to message me anytime you need someone to talk to/vent to!

@ColoradoHiker thanks!  I am definitely bringing it up with my OB at my appointment tomorrow.