New Here (Introductions!!)

GirlOnFire

Hi All! I'm new to this message board (obviously). My DH and I have been married for 11 year next month. I'm 29, he's 33....And I can feel all of you doing the math on that one! Yes, we were young and in love, and despite what everyone suspected...not pregnant! We have been TTC on for about 6 years now. About 5 years ago we learned my DH was functionally sterile. He has been hesitant up until recently to try anything beyond OTC supplements to do anything about it. Despite having no religious objections to it, he's been firmly against IUI or IVF. I think it's a money thing, he is afraid of putting us into debt and it not working.

But last October I found a male infertility clinical trial for a study medication in our area through the local University. We were accepted and he started the medication in December. If we aren't pregnant by March, the study will pay for 3 rounds of IUI! So far we've only told our 2 closest friends about it, who are husband and wife, and childfree by choice. We haven't figured out how to discuss it with our families yet. I'm worried it is only going to make them even more nosy, and they are going to be asking about it all the time. Every time we see them they ask when we are going to have kids, which hurts, because they know we've been trying. And it seems like everyone else we know is pregnant or just had their first baby, or is pregnant with baby # 2 or 3 or 4! despite being together for waaaaayyy less time than my DH and I. We were the first out of our group of friends to get married, and we'll be the last to have kids... if we can. I know that I haven't been through the rigger of all the possible fertility treatments (yet), but 6 years of wanting a baby and not having one, while watching everyone else start and finish having their families, has been draining on me. Has anyone else dealt with a reluctant partner/family that can't take a hint?

rainbowwishes5

Welcome! My first reaction is you are young! You have time! But I know how frustrating it is. Sorry you find yourself here and gl on your IUIs!

JamieH2000

Hi and welcome!! I am also 29 and have been with my husband for 11 years (only married for 3.5 though). We have only been trying for 1.5 years, but I can't imagine how bad you want this after 6 years! Its so hard to be this age when all our peers seem to get pregnant so easily! My DH isn't necessarily reluctant with treatment, but is not a fan of the cost either (though we are lucky and have some insurance, but with high deducibles and OOP max). We just had to have a hard conversation about kids and while he doesn't like spending the money on treatments, he realizes that having kids is something I can't compromise on and this is the only way it will work (since I have DOR). I am so glad you were able to get into the IUI test! Hopefully those work and you won't need to spend anything else. Can I ask if you have also done a full fertility work up? Has he had a repeat SA to retest and see if the OTC supplements have helped? Unfortunately if his numbers are still really low, IUI likely won't work (the success rates are only 10-15% with no issues). However, IVF is generally very successful for MFI, but I know its expensive. Best wishes!

GirlOnFire

Hi JamieH2000! Yes, we've both had full workups. So far, its only male factor infertility that we're dealing with, so I guess we're lucky in that regard. We both, finally, have insurance that would cover some of the costs of treatment which is awesome. I imagine that will help get him over some of his hesitations. But I think he might be worried IVF would work too well, and we'd end up with sextuplets or something! lol. We haven't tried Clomid or HCG shots for him yet to bring up his count, so we've got some options left before IVF. 

JamieH2000

That's great you have insurance to cover some stuff and you still have some options to try!! You are actually at a higher risk foof multiples with IUI because most generally don't cancel if there are two or three follicles. With IVF, most REs strongly encourage only 1 embryo if they are high quality and usually will not allow more than 2 unless you are of a certain age. Keep us posted on how it goes!

hibiscus118

Hi and welcome!  My DH and I have been together over 12 years and married for 6.  We didn't start trying until 2 years ago, I would imagine 6 would be very hard.  Our diagnosis is MFI also.  Hubby had varicoceles and had surgery to repair but we moved straight to IVF after that.  We just finished our first round of IVF in Nov/Dec.  It was not successful so we are on to FET soon.  But I can assure you that most doctors only recommend transferring 1 embryo, possibly 2 depending on age and diagnosis.   Good luck with everything! 

funkykey

@GirlOnFire - welcome! So cool that you found a male infertility clinic trial! Sounds like you are resourceful! 

I don't think you need to discuss TTC with your families. I mean, I don't know what they're like, but I think you're well within your rights to tell them to mind their own business. Or to lie outright. For real: I actually read it once in the ethicist column in the New York Times. (Not that the NYT is always fact, but...) Someone wrote in about an employer asking an employee if they were planning to have children, and the ethicist was like: "feel free to lie: they have no right to ask that question." I have carried that with me since, and found it very liberating. (I mean, I've never actually used it - but no one has asked me that question (yet), and it helps to have boundaries.)

6 years sounds like a lot of trying - holy cow. That would be tough. I mean, on the one hand, you are lucky to have met your DH so young. (I sometimes worry that my DH and I aren't going to have enough time - we met so late! How do I know that we will grow old together? I am always cooking kale in an attempt to prolong our lives.) But on the other hand, watching all these other couples start their families - and live with them - since you have been trying would be draining! I'm pretty sure my friends are all going to start announcing their baby #2s soon, and I am just going to stay home and cry.

FX for you! I hope this new trial medication works wonders! Let us know if it is a wonder drug!

MariaBend25

Hi, I am sorry you are on this board but welcome! I hope the drug works or that the IUI later on can help. But, depending on his SA, a doc might want to go straight to IVF if his counts are low or abnormal enough to make IUI not really effective. I'm in a similar boat and will probably attempt IUI but only because I don't want to do IVF...I just can't get my hopes up because it will probably not work. 

As as for family, if there is someone you can share with then that at least gives you some support. But if there aren't any family members who would keep their mouth shut about it or would annoy you with questions you definitely don't owe anyone an explanation. If the stupid "so when are YOU going to have a baby" question gets thrown your way you can always come back with non answers like "when did YOU decide it was appropriate to ask about someone else's procreation habits" lol

daisy222-2

Hi and welcome!
Going into our first fertility clinic appointment last year, I don't think my husband would have agreed to do IVF, it just sounded "too serious". But then we did the three IUIs (unsuccessfully) and I think it was a slippery slope in a way.... after that, IVF didn't seem as big of a step (I mean, it is a huge step in many respects, and we haven't even started really, but we are going ahead with it soon). But my point is that I wouldn't be surprised if your husband adjusts his opinion towards IUI as you go through the trial and then (maybe) IVF as you go through the IUIs. But hopefully the trial is successful and it doesn't come to any of that!

Also, we are not telling our families about any of the TTC process, and certainly not about the procedures. Don't feel like you need to! I don't want to deal with the comments (they are all religious and also like to make comments), and the thought of a bunch of people wondering about the status of my uterus....ugh. Some people really appreciate and need the support of their families, but for me the nosiness/comments/questions would be worse than any potential support. It is much more peaceful for me to keep this to myself. We have so little control over infertility and related procedures that any I appreciate the control I have over who knows my business!