* TTCAL Check-In Week of 01/09/17 *

mylittleversailles · January 2017

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new):

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.):

3. Rants/Raves:

4. GTKY: Do you collect anything?

mylittleversailles · January 2017

1. Not new, but here's a recap: I'm Renee. MMC a year ago in January 2016. Diagnosed unexplained infertility after eleven failed cycles post miscarriage. Starting Clomid tomorrow, in hopes it will trigger strong, bigger eggs or multiple follicles for more of a chance of fertilization. Also doing weekly acupuncture.

2. WTO, CD 2. I get really confusing heavy spotting before my period, so I often think it's starting when it is not. I think the flow get stuck in my retroverted uterus, but that's just a guess because it's new post loss. Acupuncture helped with that last cycle, but he's been away on vacation until this week.

3. Had a nice weekend! Spent Saturday cooped up indoors doing domestic stuff with DH. Sunday we went to see MIL in a satellite city of Toronto. We had lunch, went thrifting. She gave us a gorgeous Le Creuset oval roaster, which is a French enamelled cast iron pan that has a lifetime guarantee. You can do anything to Le Creuset pans and they'll still be perfect. I love the ones I already have - so it's great to have another!!

4. DH and I both collect books. I have a fair size collection of Leonard Cohen first editions, almost every John Irving in firsts. We have hundreds of other books on varying subjects: particularly on women's studies, race studies, human sexuality, CanLit, poetry and pulp Sci-Fi. I also collect kitschy kitchenware in the shape of fruits and vegetables, hahaha.

vlagrl29 · January 2017

I'm not new but just had a CP almost 2 weeks ago. Started TTC #2 in June 2016. Had all fertility testing done in December - all came back good.

This month we aren't actively trying because I need a mental break so I guess I would say we are NTNP. There were 3 days last week where I bled red although it was not heavy. So all spotting and bleeding is going. We go for a follow up with OB tomorrow afternoon. I'd still like to get my progesterone tested during a normal cycle. I had it done when I was 4 weeks pregnant.

FIL and his wife came up for xmas this past weekend. Feels good that we are officially done with the holidays now. I'm so excited about that.

I'm not really a collector. When I was a kid I had parakeets and would collect their tail feathers as they molted them out. Gross I know.

Uhlease13 · January 2017

@reneeannemm le creuset are awesome! Fx that clomid does the trick!

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new): Recap as well: mmc at 11 weeks October 2015, mmc at 8 weeks October 2016, first full cycle post second loss

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): TWW, 10 dpo and holding out to test until tomorrow

3. Rants/Raves: rant-pretty sure I'm out I've had (a very small amount, but still there) of spotting since 7dpo. At first I was a little excited like maybe it's IB since I had that with my last bfp, but now that it hasn't really stopped, I'm feeling like it's more of an "af is coming" type of thing.

4. GTKY: Do you collect anything? Nope! I'm more of a get rid of stuff kind of person

Mack2342 · January 2017

@reneeannemm I hope all goes well with Clomid. My DH collects books. He is more of a reader than I. After grad school, I didn't want to pick up another book lol. I recently starting reading for pleasure again but don't get the chance that often.

AFM
1. Introduce yourself (if you're new): Not new.. I'm Jenn. *****TW-LC***** I have a 16 month old DS which I had no issues conceiving him. MC in august at 10 weeks, no heartbeat Have been TTC since. I'm 41 so time is of the essence

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): TWW I'm 13 DPO and had a BFN yesterday. I just started temping mid cycle this time. I had a drop yesterday and again today so I'm guessing AF will be here soon:(

3. Rants/Raves: Just wish I would get that BFP as we all do.

4. GTKY: Do you collect anything? I don't collect anything now. When i was younger I collected precious moments. I still have them but they are at my moms house. She has them displayed on a shelf. My DH would tell you I collect shoes and purses. I love them and buy new ones all the time

SoonToBeMommaHowe · January 2017

@reneeannemm those pans sound awesome, I may have to look into those!

1)Definitely not new, twin MC 5/15, TTC #1 since 8/15.

2)Benched for January and then Letrozole + Ovidrel + IUI in February.

3)Rant - I was hoping my RE would be one of those "We're gonna get you a baby, don't you worry" types. But instead she's all Clomid works for most, monitoring isn't necessary, you should be fine bc your healthy types. I feel like I have to dictate my treatment (which I'm pretty sure she doesn't love) and I just want someone to educate me/take care of me.

4)Not a collector, I'm a spring cleanup/throw it all away girl.

Uhlease13 · January 2017

@SoonToBeMommaHowe it definitely wouldn't hurt to get a second opinion/different RE. If you don't feel comfortable or taken care of, then it's not fair. I'm sorry!

laeberge3 · January 2017

1)Not new, but to recap: natural MC in Feb 2016 at 9/10 weeks (only measured 6w), CPs in October and December 2016. I've gone through fertility testing and waiting to meet with RE to discuss on 2/1

2)Status: just perpetually hanging out in WTO. Flashing smiley this morning on CBAD but I've been burned enough with those things that I'll wait to see how the wondfo looks later today.

3)Rants/Raves: I know it's just the first of the year hustle and bustle, but work is already killing me. Clients are nonresponsive and unreasonable and I already need a break. Rave: my sister found her wedding dress this weekend; it was so fun getting to see her try on dresses and go through this wedding planning process. Makes me miss it...a little.

4) I'm not much of a collector, but my mom thinks I collect owls (figurines) so she keeps buying them despite my insistence that I do not actually collect them. She collects cat figurines (the quintessential "crazy cat lady") so she thinks everyone needs some sort of collection.

@SoonToBeMommaHowe Sorry your RE isn't living up to your very reasonable expectations. Sounds like you'll need to dictate/be your own advocate, and I hear you on how much that sucks.

@Mack2342 My H would say I collect shoes and purses too!

@Uhlease13 Hope that AF stays away!

@vlagrl29 I agree about getting the holidays out of the way. As much as I love them, it's an exhausting time.

@reneeannemm I'm jealous of your book collection. Hope starting Clomid goes well!

amberruka · January 2017

@reneeannemm good luck with starting Clomid!

Heyyyo, WTO CD10. 5th cycle after 7 month bench due to Graves.

I'm on my way home sitting in El Paso airport. Great work weekend but I forgot my OPK's-doh! Guess we'll start that tonight...

We collect rocks from different locations for various uses around the house-bathroom, outside , etc.

babypi · January 2017

@SoonToBeMommaHowe If you don't feel comfortable with the treatment plan laid out by your RE, don't be shy standing up for what you do want. You deserve to be comfortable with your doctor and the care they are providing.

AFM:

1. Recap: *TW-LC* I'm 28, DH is 38, we have a DD born Dec 2015. Had two CPs prior to her, and MMC with D&C at 10 weeks in Dec 2016.

2. I'm in the TWW. Thought I ovulated 12/22, based on temps and OPKs, but it must not have happened right, since FF has adjusted my crosshairs to 1/5. So 3dpo I guess.

3. Rant: We are getting new carpet for our entire downstairs on Wednesday (open floor plan, it's all one room but also a living room, dining room, and study). Which means that we have to have all furniture and everything moved upstairs by Wednesday morning. Such a pain. We are in base housing and the carpet is super old, but we move in 3 months so they were going to wait, but then our kitchen sink flooded the dining room before Christmas, so now we have to deal with it. Ugh.

4. I used to collect Boyd's bears, but my collection is at my parents house because we move around too much. I sort of collect books, though not any particular kind. We have hundreds which is usually awesome... except when you're getting new carpet and the wall-to-wall bookshelves are sitting on the old carpet.

justsuzie · January 2017

@reneeannemm Hope the clomid helps you! I love thrifting. My house is so eclectic. It's fun to have collections although my husband thinks it's all junk!

@vlagrl29 Maybe a break will help you get back to your normal self. Regulating both mentally and physically are both tough after a loss.

@Uhlease13 Ugh, spotting for that long must suck. Hugs

@Mack2342 LOL's about the purses and shoes. My DH would say the same.

@SoonToBeMommaHowe Sorry the RE is less helpful than you want.

@laeberge3 Too funny about the owls...I swear my family is the same. My mom keeps getting me owls!

AFM

1. Not new but here's my recap: Ectopic 9/23. Just got AF on Friday after 108 days WOOHOO!!

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): WTO but benched one more cycle. That seems like nothing after the long AF wait. Getting giddy

3. Rants/Raves: Rant: I am sick which is a bummer and messing with my temps but it could be worse. I am trying to be positive. Rave: I decided to not go ahead with redoing my art studio in hopes that it might be a nursery soon. It just didn't make sense to completely do the room over and then possibly have to redo it the next year. Hoping it won't stay in flux too long.

4. GTKY: Do you collect anything?

I collect vintage lithographs and prints. I scour thrift stores to find original prints that are dated, numbered, and signed. I love animal prints. Hand pulled are the best. I think they make the bests gifts as well. Nothing beats handmade.

Luckyu317 · January 2017

Jumping in. Intro: **TW, kids mentioned** I'm 35 and DH is 33. I have 2 boys, 6&2. We struggled with secondary+ IF; We did IVF to conceive pregnancy #3 (twin girls) and at 15 weeks my water broke for baby A. 6 weeks ago, At 17 weeks, her cord prolapsed and we had to deliver both babies. **Status: benched for now while I wait for AF to show up. We're meeting with our new RE next Friday (our former RE retired last month, so we're transferring to her), as a formality. **rants/raves: I never though I'd be eagerly awaiting AFs arrival. I'm over Winter and so ready for Spring. **collections: purses and scarves.

RiverSong15 · January 2017

@reneeannemm GL on your first medicated cycle! Also, a Le Creuset roaster is on my dream kitchen gadget wish list. Jealous!

@vlagrl29 Sorry for your loss, but welcome to the board.

@Uhlease13 Sorry for the confusing spotting. Hopefully you're not out yet. Fx for you tomorrow.

@Mack2342 Sorry for the BFN.

@SoontobeMommaHowe Ugh, that sucks that you need to push your RE for the proper monitoring. Do you have any other clinic options? I'm sure it sucks to have to be your own advocate when this process is already stressful and confusing.

@justsuzie I know I said this before, but YAYAYAYAYAYAAY for AF!!!

@Luckyu317 I'm so sorry for your loss. Welcome to the board though. I hope your time on the bench isn't too long.

2. 13 DPO with huge temp drop and spotting after BFNs this weekend, so I didn't bother testing today. CD1 should be later today or tomorrow.

3. Rant: should be obvious - usual CD1 depression. This process sucks, and I'm bummed to be moving on to the next cycle. Just a bad day, and I can't even drown my sorrows in wine and chocolate because we're doing Dry January and avoiding added sugar.

Rave: we went to the Seahawks game on Saturday and it was a ton of fun. I'd never been to an NFL game before. Also, with our diet restrictions this month, I've already lost 8 pounds. I'm sure most of that was water retention from eating so poorly, but I'll take what positive things I can get today.

4. H and I save wine/champagne bottles that have significance for us when we celebrate special occasions. We'll splurge on really good bottles, rinse them out, and write in metallic ink on them what we celebrated. It's nice to look at them and remember that things have been pretty good for us.

SoonToBeMommaHowe · January 2017

@Luckyu317 so sorry for your loss. I also lost twins right around the same time (18wks) and had to deliver. If you ever need someone to vent to please msg me.

@RiverSong15 sorry about AF. CD1 is the pits

and you guys are right, searching for a new RE is a good idea, I feel like it can be such a pain though. I did look at a few places and there's 2 that are 30-35 minutes away so maybe I'll give those guys a call if I'm dissatisfied with the way this clinic handles our IUI.

Mack2342 · January 2017

@RiverSong15. I love your wine bottle idea.

Mack2342 · January 2017

@Luckyu317. So sorry for your loss. Welcome to the board. Great group of ladies. Hope you are not here long

vlagrl29 · January 2017

@justsuzie - I bet you are so excited for AF to have finally come! I'm excited for you.

TScalei · January 2017

@reneeannemm - GL with Clomid! I'm jealous of your Le Creuset pan!
@Uhlease13- GL with testing - hope you still get your BFP!
@Mack2342 - my DH would say I collect shoes and purses too - he doesn't understand it's a necessity! lol
@soontobemommahowe - I'm sorry about your RE - it's hard when you are not getting the support and guidance you want from your dr.
@laeberge3 -I'm sorry work is crazy. I'm glad you had fun wedding dress shopping with your sister. I'm going with my best friend next weekend and it will be a fun diversion!
@babyou - home projects can be such a pain sometimes!
@justsuzie - hope you feel better but still so glad you got AF - you should go out to dinner to celebrate that!
Im sorry to see you here @Luckyu317
@RiverSong15 - ugh I'm sorry for possible AF - it just sucks. I love your wine bottle collection idea. DH and I are saving a bottle of wine for toasting our rainbow baby whenever they get here so maybe I'll start my wine bottle collection with that.

AFM
1. MMC in March and another in August.

2. 6 or 7 DPO.

3. Rant - DH is still in the hospital with pancreatitis really hoping he can come home today but it might not be until tmrw. ): I've been disappointed by the (lack of) response from our friends to DH being in the hospital. DH put it on fb and people commented on there but only a couple texted to see how he was. Just kind of sucks. I know they say cut people like that out of your life but it's hard when you aren't left with many friends. Just a disappointment on top of a tough couple days.
Rave - Being in a hospital for a couple of days just really makes you thankful for your health. I'm glad that DH is making a full recovery and it isn't anything more serious.

4. I collect books. I mostly read on my nook but if it's a book I really love I want to add it to my collection. I love looking for favorite books, unique editions, first editions or autographed books at thrift stores and used bookstores - makes it more of a hunt!

SP128 · January 2017

@reneeannemm The Le Creuset roaster sounds amazing. I briefly looked at them but the price is a little out of my league right now : ) GL on the Clomid tomorrow.

@Uhlease13 GL testing tomorrow. We need some BFPs up in here. Positive thoughts your way : )

@Mack2342 Sorry for the BFN. I love shoes too. I find myself buying all these shoes but only end up wearing the same 4 pairs or so.

@justsuzie So fricken excited for you and AF still. March is not far off at all.

@Luckyu317 So sorry to hear about your losses. The ladies here are all so wonderful and supportive.

@RiverSong15 : ( to the BFN and temp drop. You feeling down for CD 1 is so understandable. Let yourself feel whatever it is you need, get back up, brush your shoulders off and one foot in front of another. **hugs**

@TScalei You may be my cycle buddy. I'm 6 DPO today. I find that the older I get, the less "friends" I seem to really have. Quality not quantity. I hear you on being thankful for your health. Sometimes I get really down on this whole TTAL process. When I am successful at this, I can step back and say that I have my health, the best DH, a good job and a nice house. Puts things in perspective sometimes. Hope DH gets to go home really soon.

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new): MMC 10/2016 with #1

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): 6DPO I'll be 10DPO on Friday. Not sure if I'll test that morning. I have the devil and angel on each shoulder. Angel: "It may be too early, and it would be unnecessary disappointment." Devil: "Do it, you have so many cheapies!!" My biggest drawer to testing on Friday would be that I would try to get a beta down that afternoon if I even see a hint of a line.

3. Rants/Raves: I have all this time to type this because my 4:30 pm appointment did not realize they had an appointment so I have an hour to kill : ( My second job is awesome for extra income but it stinks when people don't show up and I don't get paid.

4. GTKY: Do you collect anything? I'm not really a collector.

justsuzie · January 2017

@TScalei I really hope DH is able to heal at home soon! Some people are just not the compassionate type which doesn't mean they aren't great friends, just different types of friends. I also think people don't always understand that a little text can go a long way. Healing thoughts sent your way!

@SP128 Toughie about testing on Fridays. Can make or break your weekend. I say test...reason to celebrate the bfp or reason to party and get your mind off the bfn. FX for you.

justsuzie · January 2017

Questions ladies.... How soon before ttc did you take prenatals? I had to stop because of the ectopic and will only have been on them for about 2.5 months before ttc. Is that enough time? The internet is all over the place but because I was depleted all the way I wonder what you all thought.

SP128 · January 2017

@justsuzie I started my prenatals in March and TTC in May. I don't know where I got this info but I thought that I should be taking prenatals for a month before TTC.

vlagrl29 · January 2017

@justsuzie - I started taking them as soon as we TTC back in June and still taking them.

Hopefulmommy1980 · January 2017

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new): first loss in march 2016 (8 weeks) ectopic in June. Have been trying since April 2014

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): tww cd22/dpo11

3. Rants/Raves: we went to an re and they recommend genetic testing on both me and my husband. The doctors office preapproved it with the insurance company. After we get it the insurance company denied for my dh. I appealed it and now it got the statement again and it had another lab on it and they denied it again (over 2000 dollars in testing) they would not even cover the lab draw! I have been fighting with them since November!!!! We would not have had the testing done if it wasn't covered.

@Uhlease13 good luck testing.
@reneeannemm good luck with the Clomid
@justsuzie after my ectopic I started taking my prenatal vitamins about two weeks after the methotrexate and we started trying about three months after the shot.
@riversong15 sorry for the bfn

TScalei · January 2017

@SP128 - yay cycle buddies!! You are totally right - having a health scare with DH and seeing people who are truly fighting for their lives puts things in perspective. I hear ya on the testing - on one hand it could make for an awesome wknd or it could potentially ruin your weekend...ugh!

@justsuzie - ty for that- you are right not all people are compassionate or know the importance of a text and that is exactly what I needed to hear right now. ❤️

Tennis11785 · January 2017

@reneeannemm - I

my Le Creuset. I've been lucky enough to be gifted several pieces through the years. Although I'm a bit devastated that the enamel chipped in my giant stock pot (which I used frequently). Apparently you need to mail it back (and pay for shipping) and they will either give you a new pot or give you a discount if they determine you "abused" the pot. Hopefully they give me a new one!

@mack2342 - sorry it appears that AF is on its way...

@SoonToBeMommaHowe - eek. Sorry you didn't have a good experience with your dr.

@justsuzie - yay for AF coming back!

@Hopefulmommy1980 - That's really annoying about insurance. I feel like if they say they are gonna cover it, they need to cover it. If someone approved it by mistake, that's their bad.

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new): Not new but 31, trying for our first. Had a MMC in Feb and a Miscarriage in October.

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): Last benched cycle

3. Rants/Raves: We meet with the MFM this week to clear everything to start trying again.

4. GTKY: Do you collect anything? Not anymore. Growing up I collected beanie babies. I had a TON.

amberruka · January 2017

@justsuzie I think mobile ate my post yesterday since I can't find it, but I'm so, so happy you finally got AF!

@reneeannemm good luck with Clomid, great to see you back.

nalex420 · January 2017

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new):
Nicole from ny...this is the 2nd cycle for us since mc....we have a 21 month old daugter...had a mc in nov. @ 8 weeks

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.):two-cycle day 2...Af feels more normal this time than it was the 1st time after mc. hoping to get lucky this time...

3. Rants/Raves:rants this is the 1st cycle I have ever got a neg. we were lucky to get pregnant 1st try with our daughter. The when we decided to try again in sept. 2016 got lucky again on the 1st try. sadly we had a mc and this was our 1st cycle trying again and got a neg. I know many people go through trying for a long time...I give all of those ladies lots a credit...I was so disappointed and emotional the entire day....

4. GTKY: Do you collect anything? handbags...I love them

justsuzie · January 2017

@Hopefulmommy1980 Insurance companies are rude and disgusting. My insurance won't cover my weekly blood draws after my ectopic because they claim they were elective! A disgusting profit making business. Simply disgusting. SOrry you are dealing with that.

@Tennis11785 Yeah for last benched cycle! Good luck!

Hopefulmommy1980 · January 2017

@justsuzie and @tennis11785 I agree completely. They better decide to do something soon or my dh is going to call and he doesn't mind being an ass when we need to get something done.

splashmountain · January 2017

Hi everyone!!

**tw live child mentioned**

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new): I'm 29 DH is 33, we have an 18 month old DS, MC 12/25/16 at 9w2d

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): benched for now.

3. Rant-DS has strep throat

it caused him to break out in a horrible rash all over.

Rave-His pediatrician's office was amazing! We went in expecting to wait for urgent care, but they found some space in his doctor's schedule and squeezed him in. We barely had to wait at all and he took great care of him!

4. GTKY: Do you collect anything? As a child I collected trolls, I should have held on to them since trolls are so popular now! I don't really collect anything now, unless you count craft supplies from the various projects I've done, or mostly done

justsuzie · January 2017

@pumpkin0913 Everything 90's is back in style. I should have hung onto my babydoll dresses!

jen83mn · January 2017

Hi everyone!

*TW: LC Mentioned*
1. Introduce yourself (if you're new): I honestly can't remember if I've introduced myself yet (it's been a rough week!), but I'm new here and have been reading through this board for support this past week. I'll be 34 on Saturday, DH will be 35 in two weeks. We have a 16.5-month-old boy and an 11-year-old pup. MC (first loss, chemical pregnancy at 4 weeks 3 days) 1/4/17 ... still going through the process with next blood work tomorrow to count down HCG levels (at 46 this past Friday).

2. Status: Benched until next regular cycle, then choosing to wait until June before trying again (our original plan before I got too anxious and excited and wanted to try earlier).

3. Rant: This week has been the hardest thing I've ever dealt with, not physically, but emotionally. I'm still trying to process what just happened, and I know it will only get better with time. It honestly came as such a shock after having such an uneventful pregnancy with DS, other than some light spotting throughout that always had me freaked out. I know I'll never look at TTC and pregnancy the same again after this experience, but am very thankful for all of the amazing support I've received from my friends and family during this tough time. I'm hopeful that next time around will have a happier ending, and joining this board (and seeing some of the success stories) has really helped give me hope, so thank you!

Rave: My friends and family are amazing, and it's become very apparent to me this week how lucky I am to have them all in my life, especially during times like this

And, I'm very thankful to have found this board of lovely ladies who truly understand how heartbreaking this can be (although I wish none of us had to be here!).

4. Do you collect anything? I collect magnets from every place I've visited ... my fridge is pretty much full, but it's a fun momento

QUESTION: I'm struggling with finding a way to honor and commemorate this baby. I want to do something, but don't know what ... I've thought about jewelry, but honestly, I break down crying even looking at the options and think it would be too hard for me (at least this early on) to wear something as a daily reminder of what happened. I've thought about planting a tree in our backyard this spring (something we were planning to do anyways, but now it would have special meaning), but curious what others have done, if anything.

I'm also struggling with the fact that my MC happened so early on, before even a sac was developed ... I know it was still a pregnancy and still a baby that early on (and still heartbreaking!), but I feel like it shouldn't be hitting me as hard as it has (even though I know my feelings are totally warranted and natural and I should be grieving!). Any insight from others who have gone through something similar would be so appreciated.

Thank you all!

splashmountain · January 2017

@jen83mn DH and I are planning on getting a tattoo. I was planning on incorporating either the date of loss or the edd in the tattoo, but my sister said "instead of using the date of the worst day ever (loss) or the day you will never get (edd), maybe use the date that made you the happiest....the date of your bfp!" She worded it perfectly!

I can see how carrying around a constant reminder (tattoo or jewelry) can be hard, it's just what we've decided we want. I love your tree idea. Someone on another thread said they have a garden stone that honors their baby and they plan to plant beautiful flowers around it.

Good luck, I'm sure you'll come up with something special to honor your angel.

Eta to add it was @Mack2342 who was talking about the garden stone.

mylittleversailles · January 2017

@jen83mn I'm very sorry for your loss. I got a second wedding band with what would have been our baby's birthstone (peridot). I was only wearing a thin band previously - I'm not much for jewellery so it's really quite special for me. I have plans for a tattoo of goldenrod (a reference to Sufjan Steven's song Casimir Pulaski Day which is about death) in honour of everyone I've lost, which includes my baby and best friend. I'm sure the right thing will come to you.

amberruka · January 2017

@jen83mn don't worry about how you 'should' be feeling despite the loss being early. You were still pregnant and you had a loss. I don't have any live children, and I was too early as well to have an US or physical record besides hcg levels. Give it time to figure out how you will commemorate this, it will come to you. I started finding dimes all over the place afterwards (in really, really weird places) and I keep those in a box on my dresser with this quote inside: "maybe it was enough for the soul to know it was loved and needed. It glimpsed you, got what it needed, and floated away."

E2theB · January 2017

@jen83mn and @pumpkin0913 , I've been thinking of a tattoo to honor my loss too. I like the idea of using the date of the bfp - much happier of a memory. A memorial should remind you of the love you had, not the pain I think.
I've been contemplating two larger bird silhouettes and 1 small, resting on a tree branch (to represent myself and husband, and my stepdaughter) and one little bird flying away to represent the child we lost. I figure if there is ever a rainbow baby, we can add another bird to the branch, etc.

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): technically TWW but self-benched until my RE consult tomorrow

3. Rants/Raves:
Really nervous about my RE consult, but I'm not quite sure why. I really hope that she suggests proactive stuff - bloodwook and testing, checking to see if tubes are clear while continuing to track my cycles. I am hoping she doesn't just tell me to lose weight or 'make lifestyle changes.' If a year of adjusting my life to prepare for conception hasn't worked, a few more months probably won't help either. I mean, if I need to continue to work harder to take care of myself, fine - but at this point, there must be a deeper issue.

I'm hoping we also discuss/get DH scheduled for SA. I really am starting to think that could be our infertility factor. He has a living child, born when he was 18 though... he just turned 30. So I guess anything is possible.

4. GTKY: Do you collect anything?
I collect shot glasses from places I visit, amusement parks in particular. I also have a large button collection - those large round ones with phrases and logos and photos and band names, not shirt buttons lol.

vlagrl29 · January 2017

@jen83mn - I had an early loss too - CP at 5 weeks. I don't think it matters how you feel. We each grieve loss in different ways. The first 2 weeks were really hard for me but I feel I'm almost at the acceptance part. I never fully felt attached to this one because I felt something was off as soon as I started spotting 2 days after BFP so I never let myself think long term with this pregnancy. Maybe I'm weird for not feeling a need to remember this loss but I choose to not think that way and neither should you.

TScalei · January 2017

So sorry for your loss @jen83mn!

flowerintherain · January 2017

@jen83mn I'm so sorry for your loss. And yes, remember that your feelings are totally warranted. From the moment you got your bfp that became your baby and it's completely understandable to be taking your loss hard. Take your time grieving and getting through this. You are not alone.

**TW Child mentioned**

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new):
Well it looks like I'm jumping in. I'm 23 and experienced my first lost 1/9/17. I was supposed to have been 7 weeks 4 days and baby stopped growing a couple of weeks prior. I MC naturally. I'm fortunate to have an 11 month old DS.

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.):
Benched. After AF comes were going to NTNP until I wean DS off breast milk and our marriage is back in a good place. Then once everything feels right we'll actively ttc again.

3. Rants/Raves: Had my first doctors appointment today after ths MC a couple days ago. The confirmation US was hard. My emotions are all over thd place, and I'm still thinking of ways to preserve the baby's memory.

4. GTKY: Do you collect anything?
Not really. I used to collect Lisa Frank stuff as a kid, but that's it.

justsuzie · January 2017

@flowerintherain There hasn't been a lot of chatter about how losses have affected marriages. Our relationship was super hard the first month after the loss. I was sad and angry and was actually kind of selfish and didn't think about my DH's feelings. It took a while to build our relationship back up because we both are not the best communicators. Loss is a stress on some relationships. Good luck getting back into the "right" place.

@E2theB Why don't you be proactive and tell her your goals for the appointment too. I've found that you need to be a little pushy with some doctors. Good luck.

* TTCAL Check-In Week of 01/09/17 *

Re: * TTCAL Check-In Week of 01/09/17 *

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