January - Introduce yourself

SaphireSweetie88

If you're new to the boards and / or have been lurking for a while, please introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about you so we can get to know you! No judgement here regardless of which group you would fall into (adopted / adopting / fostered / fostering / placed a child, etc).

Alyeena

Hi! 

I was lurking a little and figured I could introduce myself! I'm Alyeena and I am 30 years old, my husband is 34! Our first sweet little baby Luciano was born September 3rd 2016 (he is sleeping on me right now).

We have been thinking about adoption for years, we decided we want to adopt from Haiti a sibling group of two maybe three kids. We have to be married for five years to start the process, so in August 2019. It took us a long time to conceive our first baby and we have to do IVF, we still have frozen embryos but not sure if we will try to have another little one before we adopt or no.

I don't know how active this board is? But it sure would be wonderful to connect with others who plan to adopt or have adopted or even been adopted! Any advice is very welcome! 

SaphireSweetie88

@Alyeena

Welcome! I have no experience adopting but I was adopted just before my 7th birthday

britters314

@Alyeena  Hello! I think you're the first person posting recently that will be doing international adoption, but I'm sure much of the process is the same as domestic adoption and foster care, so you'll still hopefully be able to get some tips from the rest of us! 

Alyeena

Thanks for the welcome! I guess maybe these boards are not very active? Seems to me like the bump in general has had a big decline in activity...

SaphireSweetie88

@Alyeena

This board isn't too active but we're trying to change that by making these monthly check in posts to see if that helps. 

From what I have noticed, most of the other boards are pretty active but then again I stay mainly to TTGP / my BMB / 1st Tri / etc

lilyaster

Hi, I'm new and we're just starting to think about fostering or adopting.  We have three wonderful kids and have been trying for one more, but keep miscarrying after 11-12 weeks.  It has been heartbreaking for the whole family but I still want something good to come out of this in the end.  We are interested in learning more about foster/adoption as well as domestic adoption.  I look forward to chatting with you all. 

SaphireSweetie88

@lilyaster

Welcome! I am sorry to hear about your loss  Can't wait to get to know you more

lizerspitz

I'll introduce myself too. My husband and I are in our early thirties and expecting our first child in June. We think that this will be a "one in done" in a way because we want to adopt the rest of our children. I've been doing some reading the past year, and anticipate if all goes well with this child we are growing now, that we might want to begin the physical process of national adoption in about three years. I am of the mind that more preparation is helpful, and we are moving slowly through the steps of understanding what is possible for us locally.

I am glad to see @Alyeena is also looking more long term.

I also want to say that I've been lurking since a loss in April 2015 and this board has become so much more active and intentional. Way to go at making this a place that people can actually meet, even if once a month or once in a while. I think you're doing a great job.

SaphireSweetie88

lizerspitz said:

I'll introduce myself too. My husband and I are in our early thirties and expecting our first child in June. We think that this will be a "one in done" in a way because we want to adopt the rest of our children. I've been doing some reading the past year, and anticipate if all goes well with this child we are growing now, that we might want to begin the physical process of national adoption in about three years. I am of the mind that more preparation is helpful, and we are moving slowly through the steps of understanding what is possible for us locally.

I am glad to see @Alyeena is also looking more long term.

I also want to say that I've been lurking since a loss in April 2015 and this board has become so much more active and intentional. Way to go at making this a place that people can actually meet, even if once a month or once in a while. I think you're doing a great job.

@lizerspitz

Congrats on expecting your first child. You and your husband sound a lot like myself and mine. We're expecting our first in July and plan on adopting after that since I was adopted. We don't know if we will have another biological but we know we for sure are having 1 biological and 1 adopted.

To the bold - Thank you. @britters314 and I are happy to see more activity - even if it's just a little.

SaphireSweetie88

I did my intro a while ago, but I will post it again in case some haven't seen it yet.

I was born to a teenage mother who was (and still is) a raging alcoholic who was (and probably still is) in and out of jail. Due to her drinking issues (including while pregnant) I was born with a hole in my heart. A local church helped raise money for my surgery but she spent most of it on alcohol and who knows what else.

She was not a good mother (harsh I know) but I don't know if the blame can be placed 100% on her because the support system she had was not much a support system. At some point, she moved in with a guy and his father. They were really the only support she had. I grew up under the assumption this guy was my biological father (found out at 18 he wasn't). This guy was worse she was - in and out of prison. He also sexually assaulted me when I was younger (before I was adopted) as well.

While my mother was "working" with the courts to learn how to be a good mother, social services was called on her a number of times for missing appointments, me being severely sick and her not bringing me to the doctor / follow-up doctor appointments, etc

Before I was adopted, I was placed in foster care at 18 months old. The courts tried to help my birth mother a couple times to see if she was capable of being a mother. The courts eventually determined she wasn't capable of being a fit mother and eventually she lost all parental rights.

I met my birth mother again when I was 18 (the only change she made was getting worse). The only good thing that came out of meeting her was I no longer wondered "what if" when it came to her. I asked about my biological father and after some convincing she admitted the guy I assumed it was, wasn't my father and so she told me who my biological father was (he's no better than her).

I didn't contact my biological father for a few years after that because he is in prison for sexual assault of a child (his 2nd offense) and that hit home a little too hard for me. I did start writing him to get some information for medical records and things but we don't really talk about much of anything. He knows I'm married, etc but that's it. He has mentioned multiple times that he would like me and my husband to come visit him but I haven't visited so far.

I was sent to several potential families and sent back to foster care for one reason or another before finally being adopted just before my 7th birthday.

There's more I could mention but I am sure anyone reading this gets the idea. I am willing to answer any questions you may have.

Alyeena

@SaphireSweetie88 I'm so so sorry I don't really what else to say other than thank you so much for sharing your story with us.
If I may ask, what was your experience like after you got adopted? Did things get better? Was there some things that your adoptive parents did that you wish they would of done different?

@lizerspitz Good to know someone else is in a similar situation as us. Congrats on your pregnancy Hope everything goes well for you!
What kind of adoption are you planning on? Domestic or International? If international what country(countries) are you thinking about?

SaphireSweetie88

Alyeena said:

@SaphireSweetie88 I'm so so sorry I don't really what else to say other than thank you so much for sharing your story with us.
If I may ask, what was your experience like after you got adopted? Did things get better? Was there some things that your adoptive parents did that you wish they would of done different?

@lizerspitz Good to know someone else is in a similar situation as us. Congrats on your pregnancy Hope everything goes well for you!
What kind of adoption are you planning on? Domestic or International? If international what country(countries) are you thinking about?

@Alyeena

Once I was adopted it was a difference of night and day. It was a MUCH better life and definitely provided me with opportunities I would not have had otherwise. Because I was older (7) when I got adopted it was hard to adjust to a new family. My brother and sister (from my adoptive dad's first marriage) are 10 and 12 years older than me so it wasn't until the past 10 years or so that I really connected with them. If I am being 100% honest, it took me a good couple years to really connect with my adoptive parents but once I did, it was amazing. They understood it was going to take a while and was part of the process so they were totally patient and understanding and let me take charge of the situation in terms of how much affections (hugs, kisses, etc) I was open to and wanted. 

One thing they did that I wish they didn't is that they took pictures of my biological mother away when I was 10 years old. I understand their reasoning for it but it made moving on that much harder because at the time, it felt like they were trying to erase that part of my life and therefore erasing that part of me and who I am. Obviously now I know that was no where close to why they did it but at the time it felt like it. They took them away because I was still struggling with wanting to "go home" aka be with my biological mother even though I hadn't been in her care since for so many years at that time. Note: they did give the pictures back when I was around 16.

One thing I liked that they did is when I turned 18 I told them I wanted to meet my biological mother. They made sure I was prepared for what she could be like if she had changed and also if she hadn't. They came with me when I met her and treated her like they would treat their sister. They did everything they could to make her feel comfortable and for a while (during the visit), it was like we had all known each other since I was born. The sad part is that my biological mother didn't change for the better at all - that was the elephant in the room the whole time.

Other than that, I have no complaints (although I am sure teenage me may have said otherwise lol). They were amazing parents and I am blessed and thankful that they cared enough to open their hearts and home to me.

Alyeena

@SaphireSweetie88 Thank you so much for sharing  

SaphireSweetie88

@Alyeena - You're welcome