December - I adopted and/or I foster

britters314

“I adopted!”

Have you adopted? Are you currently fostering? Are you through the process and now on the other side? If so, please tell us more about yourself and your experiences. 

-What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)?

-How long ago?

-What age was the child when adopted?

-What are parenting struggles you deal with?

-Any questions?

-Any tips?

SaphireSweetie88

Thanks for posting this. I didnt because it is so similar to the "I'm adopting I'm fostering one I posted" since the questions are basically the same!

britters314

Ah, I figured you didn't post it because no one who had already adopted/started fostering had been posting yet.

Binky1958

We have 2 biological children & 1 adopted. We were 32 years old; our oldest daughter was 10; and son was 8, when she arrived home. 

We aren't fostering children, but provide emergency childcare for families needing an hour's break or more, through our local pregnancy and education center. 

We adopted internationally from S. Korea, through Children's Home Society. We received our daughter's papers when she was 15 days old; 2 years after we began the process. We brought her home, at 4 1/2 months of age.

There were minor health challenges when she arrived, but she was mostly happy and healthy through all her early years. 

She was always strong willed, and this was not a problem, till she started school in our rural area. Though there were several Korean adopted children in our locality, but she was the only Asian attending her rural charter school, and was severely picked on. We had little knowledge of half the things she endured. It was not till she was much older, and we were all in Family counseling that some things came out. She held it inside and as her parents, we were clueless. 

Behavioral issues began to surface during grade school years, increasing through her teens. By then, we were desperate to find help, for raging outbursts of anger, depression, cutting, lying, stealing and promiscuous behavior. She became very manipulative, living a secret life. These and many other symptoms are deeply rooted in abandonment and bonding issues, which untreated, are devastating. This is a mysterious challenge for an adoptive parent, and as we could not find competent clinicians who knew how to counsel or treat the developing disorder in our daughter, it has been a dark road. Our daughter is bright, talented and beautiful, but can neither hold a job or manage her life. We are sad to see that we were unable to help her receive the counseling she and all of us needed, but we remain hopeful she will one day get the necessary counseling, as so much more about adoption is now known. We encourage adoptive parents to do regular evaluations and seek counseling early on, since children won't always say everything to their parents. This is certainly wise in the greater scheme of a child's well-being. We were always willing to talk about her adoption, her other mother, and frustrations she faced, but having an neutral outsider, would have been wiser. I wish someone would have understood how crucial it was and offered a qualified clinician, equipped to teach us about the challenges she faced. We saw tail tell signs, but we didn't know what to do. Counselors we visited misdiagnosed her with ADD or ADHD or as bipolar. She has a personality disorder, 'BPD' Borderline Personality Disorder, which is treatable, if the individual gets qualified treatment. 

Now, as an adult, our daughter lives in our small rural town, but has little, to no contact with her family. She is in her second marriage, though young; and this marriage appears to be hanging by a thread. She's started numerous jobs, but can't get along with people. She either gets laid of, quits, or is fired. The patterns of her life are not uncommon for Korean Adoptees struggling with personal identity issues, low self esteem, and abandonment and bonding. However, they can thrive, if well supported. 

We love our children very much. I can honestly say, we'd adopt all over again! We pray she seeks treatment for BPD, and will eventually have the life she deserves. But even if she doesn't, we cherish memories of parenting her! 

Best Wishes for a bright future with your child and their future. Children are a blessing, no matter how they enter a family!