TTC After a Loss

TTCAL Check-In Week of 11-28

1.) Introduce yourself (if your new)

2.) Status - (Benched/ WTO/ TWW)

3.) Rants/ Raves -

4.) GTKY  - What's on your Christmas/holiday gift list this year? 
Me: 35     DH: 37
BFP: 1.6.16 | MC: 2.17.16
BFP: 10.3.16 | CP: 10.11.16
BFP: 12.14.16 | CP: 12.14.16
BFP:  1.23.17 | EDD 10.6.17 -- DS born 10.7.17 <3
BFP:  9.9.18 | EDD 5.23.19 -- DD born 5.24.19 <3
BFP: 9.1.21 | MC 10.1.21
BFP: 11.11.21 | EDD 7.24.22 

 

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Re: TTCAL Check-In Week of 11-28

  • 2.) Status - (Benched/ WTO/ TWW) CD49. I think I'm in the TWW, but unclear where exactly. 

    3.) Rants/ Raves - The long holiday weekend  went too fast.  I had a nice time visiting with family that I don't get to see often, but mostly the weekend was filled with bad news.  My SIL miscarried her baby on Friday at 16 weeks.  I'm devastated for them and now have to attend a burial service at the end of the week.  It's terrible of me, but I haven't gone to visit her yet.  I think I'm trying to guard my own heart and not be brought back to that dark place I was in following our MC.  But, she needs the support now, so of course I'll be there for her. We were to be the baby's godparents and they asked us to do the readings at the service on Friday which was very sweet.  Also found out that one of my cousin's marriage is falling apart after only a year and he's heartbroken.  This was definitely not a holiday to remember and further cements the sentiment that this has just been the worst year. 

    4.) GTKY  - What's on your Christmas/holiday gift list this year?  I had such a hard time coming up with gift ideas this year, so nothing exciting - an Instant pot, more pieces to by Dept 56 Christmas village, and new sheets.  H and I are going to DC in a few weeks so that's our gift to each other this year. 


    Me: 35     DH: 37
    BFP: 1.6.16 | MC: 2.17.16
    BFP: 10.3.16 | CP: 10.11.16
    BFP: 12.14.16 | CP: 12.14.16
    BFP:  1.23.17 | EDD 10.6.17 -- DS born 10.7.17 <3
    BFP:  9.9.18 | EDD 5.23.19 -- DD born 5.24.19 <3
    BFP: 9.1.21 | MC 10.1.21
    BFP: 11.11.21 | EDD 7.24.22 

     


  • 2.) Status - (Benched/ WTO/ TWW)

    WTO. CD12 

    3.) Rants/ Raves - long weekend flew by :( So 24 of my husbands family were supposed to come to dinner thanksgiving however on Wednesday his aunt bailed because they had been exposed to stomach bug then my SIL bailed bc nephew got sick then the rest of the family bailed because they didn't want to get sick.  DH was very mad but eventually talked to his mom so she was the only one of the 24 that came to dinner.  It actually turned out very nice...no chaos just 4 of us.  Then went to MI on Friday to hang with my family which was fun. 

    4.) GTKY  - What's on your Christmas/holiday gift list this year?  As for a gift...I don't really want or need anything.  I just want to get that BFP as I'm sure we all do!  

    @laeberge3. Glad you enjoyed your time with family but so sorry about SIL loss that's horrible.  Sounds like a rough year for your family. Hopefully the new year brings better times for everyone 
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  • Oh @laeberge3 I am so sorry for your SIL, and for you for having to relive all of that.  That is so devastating.  Take care of yourself.

    AFM - 

    2) TWW, I *think*.  My temps are being weird.  Low throughout WTO, around 97.2, then jumped up to 97.6 Sunday morning, the same morning I got strong LH surge readings on the OPKs.  And 97.6 again today.  Usually I don't get a temp rise for at least 48 hours after I get a positive OPK, so I don't know whether I should expect a higher rise tomorrow or if this jump to 97.6 is it for this month.  I haven't felt any O pains, so I'm in the dark.  Should be a super fun TWW.

    3) Rants/Raves - It was wonderful being home for the weekend.  But that made it really hard to come back to work today... especially because all I want to do is sit home and obsess over my chart.  If we don't get PG this month we are making an RE appointment.  For some reason I just have a feeling that this isn't our month, and that I'll have to go into the holidays still dealing with this.  I feel like this is going to be a hard couple of weeks.

    4)  Holiday gift list - I want a piano.  A used one off of Craigslist, because we don't have the space to take my parents' baby grand (which I called dibs on back when I was ten  :D ).  I miss playing.  DH is looking into it and making calls, so I need to figure out something special to give him in return.  He wants cordless ear buds but I know he's going to lose those the second day he has them so I'm trying to think of something else too!
  • 1.) Introduce yourself (if your new)

    TTC #1 on 9th cycle post loss. 

    2.) Status - (Benched/ WTO/ TWW)

    WTO - I'm not really tracking anything this cycle. I know my bodies usual O date so I'm just going to HIO like usual. I'm on CD 12 so I should O any day...no fertile cm though which is weird. 

    3.) Rants/ Raves - I'm so bummed to have to come back to work today. I want to stay in my house all season since we got our tree it's like a lovely Christmas wonderland. I have acupuncture again today...making it my third visit and I'm excited to go. 

    4.) GTKY  - What's on your Christmas/holiday gift list this year?  I want a baby dammit. Lol. It shouldn't be so hard! But realistically I want to get our fence finished so we can get a puppy! It would be nice to get our new pup when I have some extra time off work to be with him. 

    @laeberge3 I'm so sorry to hear about your SIL. I'm sure it's a huge trigger for you. Also my BIL and his wife are going through a divorce (have been for months but are still living together) and they have two little ones under 4. It's been hard on the whole family to varying degrees. 
    I also feel like 2016 was the worst year ever and I never say that. It has been so hard for so many reasons for so many different people in my life. I could make a huge list but it's just too depressing. 

    @Mack2342 sorry to hear that your thanksgiving plans got derailed...but at least you were still able to have a good time. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • RiverSong15RiverSong15 member
    edited November 2016
    @laeberge3 I'm so sorry for your SIL and the bad memories her MC brings. Hugs for you and your family. I'm right there with you on 2016 being probably the worst year. <3

    @Mack2342 That sucks that so many people cancelled on you! I'd be furious to have that much extra food sitting around. But I'm glad you enjoyed your holiday of 4!

    ETA:

    @migdala How long have you been trying? Am I remembering correctly that you got pregnant unexpectedly, MCd, and have been actively trying again? In any case, I'm sorry your chart is being unclear. Usually, things will become clearer the farther you are in the TWW, temp-wise. I'd keep having sex for 1-2 days after your last positive OPK to be on the safe side.

    @MooFish2364 Hopefully you O soon. I'm sorry to hear your family is having a hard year too. Looks like there are several of us that won't be sad to see the back of 2016.

    AFM: 

    2.) Status - (Benched/ WTO/ TWW)

    TWW, 1 or 2 DPO. For the first time since our last MC in April (well, first TWW since February, which is when I got pregnant last, if we're being technical). I've forgotten how much I feel anxiety physically during FW and the TWW.

    3.) Rants/ Raves - 

    Raves - I took last Wed off, so I had a lovely 5-day weekend "staycation". We were watching a friend's dog, but otherwise it was just H and I for the holiday and it was wonderful.

    Rant - MIL is pressuring H for money. FIL is not good at budgeting or spending wisely, and now that he's in his 70s, they're running out of money. She's just being so manipulative and using guilt on H. And she constantly disrespects his time/career. H told her to call around 8/8:30 to talk. She called at 6:30 this morning. H wanted to postpone the family call with his brother, but MIL said no.... Until BIL said he was "just too busy today". Then she cancelled it. WTF MIL? H may not be held to working a normal 8-5, but in academia, he usually ends up working 50-60 hours a week in a good week. His time is just as valuable as his brother's.

    On the TTC related side, we either hit -1/-2 or -2/-3, depending on whether I ovulated Saturday or Sunday. I was only using CM and OPKs this cycle, so there's no way to know. I'm wishing it was Saturday so we have better timing, but I'm not hopeful. I got an almost/maybe/possibly positive OPK Saturday afternoon, and a definitely positive OPK Sunday morning. So who knows? We'll see what the TWW brings. I'm already wishing I could fast forward 10 days. This will be a long two weeks...

    4.) GTKY  - What's on your Christmas/holiday gift list this year?  

    This is year has been so incredibly crappy that I honestly don't feel like celebrating at all. I haven't even thought about gifts, for me or H.
  • @laeberge3 I'm really really sorry about your SIL. I actually had the exact same thing happen in August and even though I've been through it my SIL will not talk to me about it so I haven't pushed at all. Totally stinks

    2) Waiting for AF. 14dpo, had BFN yesterday morning. Temps dropped a little this morning but are still well above cover line so I'm thinking the witch will be here tomorrow. 

    3)Rants - tonight is the night where I have to make cuts and divide my players onto JV and Varsity teams. So I know I'm gonna hurt a lot of feelings, blah
    Rave - hosting our first Thanksgiving was a huge success, I got tons of deals when I went out shopping with my sister on Black Friday and then DH and I got all three of our trees up on Saturday :D *Mini rant - we have one prelit tree that a section went out on and we cannot figure out which bulb is causing the outage!

    4)I didn't really ask for anything this year. New clothes maybe because I'm a size bigger than all my current clothes so getting dressed consists of leggings, sweats or other comfy/stretchy things. 
    DH - 34, Me - 32
    Married 7/13
    TTC #1 since 10/13
    BFP 2/4/15, MC twin boys at 18w3d 5/15
    IUI #1 2/25/16

  • @RiverSong15 You remember correctly!  We've been trying since August, this is my 5th cycle.  My midwives told us to try for 5 and then make an appointment since it usually takes a month to be seen and the recommendation is to try for 6 before consulting an RE.  My one and only post-MC ultrasound showed some weird tissue that one doctor called "remnants" and another insisted was just discarded uterine lining, and I know it's irrational but not getting closure on what that was has bothered me a little bit each time AF has showed up since.  So I will be following the midwives' advice and making an early RE appt to ensure we get seen around the 6 cycle mark.

    And I'm sorry about your MIL - mine can also be a nightmare so I commiserate.  I hope she turns her act around for you.
  • @laeberge3- Im so sorry about your SIL - that is devastating but I also understand how that could be a trigger for you.  I will be thinking of you and your family this week.
    @mack2342 - Im sorry about the changed Thanksgiving plans but glad everything worked out.
    @migdala - Im sorry you are not feeling confident this cycle -fx for you!  Seeing an RE led to some answers for me so I am a very pro doing that. I also thinking being proactive and having someone listen to you and take you seriously made me feel better.
    @Riversong15 - Im sorry for the MIL problems -that is very frustrating. Fingers crossed for you this cycle.
    @soontobemommahowe - Im glad your Thanksgiving dinner went well and you got some good Black Friday deals. That must be hard cutting people from the time - but the fact that you care shows what a good coach you must be!

    AFM

    2.) Im going to say 1 DPO - can't say I really got a clear sign of O- got some EWCM on Saturday and never really got 2 dark lines on wondfo but I usually O on CD 16-17 which would have been Saturday and Sunday and since I got EWCM I am just going to go with it.

    3.) Rant - I wish I was better at tracking my O I feel like I have been doing this so long and I still have problems. Im really hard on myself and i feel this just makes me like even more of a failure. Whomp Whomp.
    Rave- going to Disney on Thursday with my parents and DH. My mom and I planned this trip during my second mc and planning and looking forward to it really brightened some dark days. We are spending 4 days at Disney and 1 day at Universal to see all the Harry Potter attractions and Im so excited!

    4.) 2 weeks after we get back from Disney DH and I are getting a puppy so I feel like I don't need anything else ( a BFP would be nice). Dh still wants to exchange gifts though and hopefully he will get me a pandora charm for my bracelet.
  • @laeberge3 I'm so sorry about your SIL's loss. That's nice that they want you to be a part of the ceremony. Hopefully it won't bring you back to your dark place and you can be a source of comfort for them. Hugs. 

    @Mack2342 I'm glad your numbers went down for the amount of people you were going to be hosting! Yay for a less stressful holiday. 

    @migdala and @moofish2364 back to work after breaks are the worst! I feel ya today. 

    @RiverSong15 Fx for good timing this month!

    @SoonToBeMommaHowe  what sport do you coach? Either way, the players need to learn that's life- can't always get what you want (even though kids these days can't comprehend that...)

    AFM-

    2.) Status - (Benched/ WTO/ TWW)
    WTO- cd 12. Semi dark OPK this am, so should O in the next few days. Thankful that my DH has off and FX for good timing! Just had his SA this morning and won't hear about results till Friday which should stress me out all week. 

    3.) Rants/ Raves - Rant- with both of my sisters being pregnant again and it being the holidays/lots of family time, that's all my Mom wants to talk about. I feel rude removing myself from the convo but I really can't deal with that when all I'm thinking about is how I should have a 2 month old now to celebrate the holidays with. 
    Rave- I got custom made stockings that should be coming this week! Then my Xmas decorating will be done. That makes me feel happy. 

    4.) GTKY  - What's on your Christmas/holiday gift list this year?  A baby, duh. But for actual items, I asked DH for a gold watch since I have a silver one already. And by asked I mean sent him links for ones that I like so I don't have to make any returns  :D 
  • @SoonToBeMommaHowe I had the same problem with our prelit artificial tree...try changing the fuse in the plug (if yours has one). That worked for us!
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • RiverSong15RiverSong15 member
    edited November 2016
    @migdala I'd want to follow up on the "remnants" too. Hopefully it's nothing, and you get some answers.

    @TScalei Don't feel like a failure! Bodies like to do weird things all the time... Because they are jerks like that. Also, your Disney vacation sounds awesome! I'd love to go to HP World. Let us know what your favorite parts are when you get back!

    @szwill86 GL for your H's SA this week. Hopefully everything comes back normal! And hugs for the holiday triggers. I feel the same way, thinking "I should have..." Hopefully your mom can dial back the PG talk about your sisters a bit when you are around.
  • @laeberge3 So sorry your weekend was full of bad news. Thinking of you & your SIL.
    I think a trip away is a great idea for a "gift" with your husband! Hope you enjoy your time in DC

    @migdala Maybe it's a good thing to be back at work so you have something else to think about besides obsessing about your chart! I've had the past few weeks off before starting my new job and I feel like I've taken obsessing about everything to a new level with all my free time! Eek.

    @RiverSong15 Ugh, sorry about MIL. Money and family is always a tough situation.

    @SoonToBeMommaHowe Yay for Thanksgiving hosting & Black Friday success! We cut down our tree yesterday and put it up, just waiting to be decorated.


    AFM:

    1.) TTC #1, this is our first full cycle after MMC and D&C

    2.) WTO, CD10 today

    3.) Rants/ Raves - Rant (kind of): I had mentioned in another thread, found out on Thanksgiving that SIL is pregnant and our due dates would have been less than two months apart so just struggling with mixed emotions. I can't wait to be an aunt but I think I felt a little blindsided because I had no idea they were trying. I'm worried she's going to announce it at Christmas when the whole family is there and I don't know if I can deal with how excited everyone will be. I would have been 20 weeks at Christmas. My sister just got back from her honeymoon and I made her promise to tell me when she goes off her birth control (slightly psychotic?).

    Rave - I took a few weeks off between my old job and my new job; thought I was starting this week but HR has pushed back my start date to next week so I have another week off!! I'm enjoying being a stay at home wife, haha (although when I don't get a check on my usual pay day, I'm probably going to feel a little different about it...)

    4.) GTKY  - What's on your Christmas/holiday gift list this year? - I've told H I want an automatic car starter. New England winters are NOT my favorite. And of course, a BFP.

    We went away for a "adult night out" with two of our couple friends this past weekend. At dinner, someone asked what everyone wanted for Christmas and I blurted out "a baby". I think everyone felt awkward (they are aware of our MC, they both have two kids each). So glad I can come here and you all understand!
    BFP #1 9/2/16, MMC @ 8w5d, D&E 10/20/16
    BFP #2 12/17/16, EDD 8/26/17
    L born at 35+6 on 7/28/17 <3

  • @laeberge3  So sorry about everything going on with the family.  You seem like a very grounded and strong person so I have no doubt that you could be a great support system for your SIL.  Maybe you can give her the support you know you needed.  Best of luck.

    @Mack2342 As if holidays aren't stressful and hectic enough. Sucks that your family bailed but I actually prefer more intimate gatherings!

    @migdala I was just thinking today that this ttc business is overtaking my life.  I am seriously obsessing over it.  And the funny thing is, we weren't trying that hard before the loss.  My thoughts were, if it happens, it happens. Now, it seems like because it's not happening I want it more!!!

    @MooFish2364 We actually looked into fences, and geez they are EXPENSIVE!!!  We just got a puppy and my DH teases me that I treat it like a baby.  It's so damn cute, I can't help it!!!  

    @RiverSong15 Congrats on making it to tww!  That is my next milestone.  I hope that you can find a way to stay busy while you wait.  Money and family is never good.  I hope that works itself out with our putting pressure on you relationships. 

    @SoonToBeMommaHowe  I read a lot of your posts about coaching but never picked up on what sport you coach.  Whichever one it is, that's awesome.  I played volleyball in HS and wish that I had stuck with it in college.

    @TScalei Have fun in Disney.  Utilize the fast pass.  It totally saved our relationship!!!  We like Epcot the best.  It was an excellent way to spend vacation.  The food was also a lot better than I remember.  At Epcot we went to this natural food court and the actually had real vegan food! Last tip which you prob already know...download the app and it gives you great walking directions to each ride.

    @szwill86 I'm sure your fam doesn't think your rude.  It's tough to talk about and hear about babies and nobody really gets it  unless they have lived it.  I can't wait for the day when I don't think what could have been if the loss hadn't happened.  



    AFM

    Suzie, newish. Ectopic 9/23. Hcg currently somewhere under 25.

    Benched till February.  I will find out Friday if I can start taking prenatals again.  That has been a small milestone for em in this process.  I hate just waiting without being able to do anything. 

    Rave/Rant-Only 4 weeks until December break.  Can't wait for the holidays but at the same time dreading the "when are you going to have kids?" inquiries. Nobody outside of my immediate family know about the pregnancy/loss.  I wish that there was an easy way to tell people what has happened, but I don't feel like the holidays are a good time.  I don't want to bring anyone down. 

    Rant-Also, my best friend is pregnant and we had planned on having kids at the same time for years.  And we got pregnant within 2 weeks of each other.  I lost mine, and she didn't.  It's been so hard hanging out with her because I don't want her to have to hold any conversation back but at the same time I don't want to hear about anything.  I see her everyday because we use her doggy daycare for our dog.  I feel like I will fall apart after she has her baby if I'm not PG yet. 

    All I want for Christmas is to get my downstairs shower fixed! It only runs cold water.  Does Santa have plumbing experience?
  • @laeberge3 Talk about another hit for 2016.  It truly feels like to worst gift that won't stop getting worse!  My heart goes out to your SIL.  Hopefully, you will both be able to find some comfort in each other.

    @Mack2342  So sorry for all the family shenanigans.  It can feel so frustrating to gear up for a big night and then have everyone cancel.  Glad your H was able to talk to his mom about it and happy you had a lovely time, in the end.

    @migdala You and I can join the erratic, wonky temp club.  I had to discard one on FF this cycle to get an O and it's still just dashed.  It's just great not knowing what our bodies are doing!  And I'm also gearing up for the next step: RE.  I'll be looking for you over in the TWW and keeping my fingers crossed for you!

    @MooFish2364 Do you not track typically?  Or is this a recent thing?  The tracking and temping is stressing me out!  I don't think I can not track but I'm envious!

    @RiverSong15 The situation with your MIL sounds extremely challenging.  I hope your H is able to take her with a grain of salt and not get too worked up or upset.  Your TTC timing sounds not terrible either way, though.  I def got PG at -2.  Of course, now not so much...FX for you.

    @SoonToBeMommaHowe Cutting kids from the team has got to be a terrible feeling.  Not a fun way to start the week!  And sorry for the BFN.  Three trees???  I can't even manage one.  Mind you I live in the world's smallest apartment in New York and barely have room for a single branch never mind a tree!  I'll live vicariously (internet creep style) through your three!

    @TScalei What's with the ambiguous O's this month?  There have been a few.  Maybe the ovaries are calling it quits for 2016 just like I would like to do!  The trip to Disney sounds amazing!  

    @szwill86 It sounds like this we be a tough holiday season for you.  Taking some time away from baby talk is a totally acceptable thing to do.  Self-care is so important.  Hopefully, your family will exercise a bit of sensitivity and not go too overboard.  Sending lots of strength your way.  So good you'll have H home for some well timed BD!

    @oliveoil Ha! I can just imagine the awkward silence around the adult table!  They asked!!  Hopefully, your family time over the holidays isn't too triggering. It's so difficult trying not to think about would have been.  

    @justsuzie  I feel like your trip to 0 HCG has been epic!  I'm sure it's felt even more epic for you!! I can't imagine having to be confronted by my best friend's pregnancy every day.  You seem like a very strong person, though, so I'm sure you'll find a way to support her.  Hopefully, she'll also be understanding if there are moments when you aren't able to.

    AFM:

    Rhea, 39, TTC#1, MC 7/25

    TWW at 7DPO.  No symptoms so not feeling optimistic.  After this cycle, I'll be benched for several months.  Upside: I can drink ALL the wine at Christmas.

    Rave:  On Wednesday, my partner and I are relocating to Australia!  It's summer there and we'll be staying with her family who live at the beach.  Despite the frantic packing, I can't wait to skip winter this year!

    Rant:  On Wednesday, my partner and I are relocating to Australia.  If there's no BFP this month, we'll have to come up with a new plan for TTC.  Or I'll come back here alone in the spring and try for a few months, then go back there...rinse and repeat.

    My partner's family do a secret Santa thing so I asked for surf lessons, a month of yoga, pottery classes, or a gift certificate to a community centre where there a bunch of craft classes.  Of course, the BFP would be preferred!
  • These updates were such a great treat for me towards the end of the workday. It sounds like the holidays are making it extra hard to to deal with all the feelings that come up when we encounter baby talk/pregnant friends and family members.. It just sucks. 

    @laeberge3 I'm so sorry for you and your family. This sounds like a truly impossible, miserable situation and I'll be thinking of you. 

    @Mack2342 What did you do with the extra food?!? 

    @TScalei There are so many days when I start beating up on myself and feel like I'm being a failure on all fronts. I try to remind myself that this isn't rational thinking and isn't good for my mental health but I fall into the trap all the same. @RiverSong15 , as always, speaks the truth when she said that bodies are jerks sometimes and that none of this is your fault! 

    @kidria Does this mean that you and your partner are going to be separated because of the Australia move? Sorry if I just didn't understand... That definitely sounds like an annoying added challenge to TTC! FX for a BFP!

    AFM

    1. I'm newish so here's the backstory: MC Feb 2016 (10 weeks). Benched for several months because of Zika exposure in December. While on the bench, H and I got genetic carrier testing and found out that we are both carriers. TTC with great anxiety now since there is a 1 in 4 chance that any pregnancy will be affected and likely have to be TFMR. We looked into IVF with PGD and decided that TTC naturally with early testing was the better choice but I'm not sure there is a clear good choice in this situation.  I'm with the rest of you that 2016 was the WORST. Today, I'm not feeling too hopeful about 2017. 

    2. CD4. Looking forward to a glass of wine tonight! 

    3. Rant. Do any of you avoid buying clothes? I haven't purchased anything new (except staples like underwear and workout clothes) in over a year. What with TTC, being pregnant, having some weight from the pregnancy, and now TTC again, it hasn't seemed like a good idea. I guess this could be a rave for saving money but I'm starting to look shabby! 

    4. Christmas list? A healthy baby but since H can't pick that up on the internet, I guess I'll settle for new boots. Trying on a pair of Frye boots (!!) right now to see if they are winners! 




  • @kidria Are you relocating permanently? Sounds exciting.  I have never been a risk taker like that.  Best of luck to you and safe travels.  Hopefully that BFP is here and the symptoms are just lagging. 
  • @Wingless00 My partner and I will be heading to Australia. She's Australian so we're heading to her home! Sadly, her sperm reserves are 0 so we've been using a known donor. Who lives in the USA! Making TTC in Australia exceptionally difficult. 

    A new new plan will be devised, eventually. 

    @justsuzie I love an adventure as does my partner! We first bonded over travels and have convinced ourselves we'll be totally capable of toting a baby wherever we want to go! 
  • @kidria Ha! Got it! Good luck with the logistics - moving and ttc! When are you planning to test this cycle? A bfp would be such a nice home coming from present! 
  • 1. I will reintroduce. I'm Stephanie, if my user name didn't already give me away. I had a blighted ovum back in January 2016 and a MMC in June 2016. Both ended in DC with a third one for retained tissue in September.

    2. TWW..... CD 26, 12dpo. started spotting slightly yesterday afternoon, heavier setting this morning that has since lightened up. My trend in temps has been downward, however I did see my temp go up slightly today. Not much hope, probably see AF in the next day or two. Side note this is my longest LP since my D&C IN September.

    3. Rant to ensue** So this morning was not a good TTC day. Yesterday DH dragged me to his friend's baby's baptism, whom I have never met. Turns out there were 2 baptisms in that family that day. I have a hard time holding newborns because they are just too much of a reminder that I should have one that small. So I felt like a horrible person for declining to hold the babies. I think they thought I was defective. So after, at lunch, the friend's mom tells us that we should have had one too. I had to use every fiber in my being not to cry and to tell her off and let her in on my little secret that we indeed should except my body had other plans. So fast forward and a couple hours later I start spotting. Fast forward to this morning and my husband informs me that our good friends are pregnant and it's on Facebook, so glad that our friends were sensitive enough to give us a heads up *note sarcasm*. Needless to say I bawled all the way to work on my 45 minute commute and fought off tears til noon. 

    4. Christmas list? So like many of you a BFP would be awesome. Other than that I would like a new jacket, some Pandora charms, or a essential oil diffuser.

    I'm mobile bumping right now so hoping to post some responses tomorrow, tagging isn't working so great right now.

    *** TW ***
    Me 31, DH 30
    Married: 07/2014, TTC since 12/2015
    BFP #1: 1/1/16, MC 1/14/16 (6 weeks), D&C 2/5/16 (9 weeks)
    BFP #2: 5/25/16, MC 6/23/16 (8 weeks), D&C 6/24/16, 2nd D&C for retained tissue and fibroid removal 9/1/16
    BFP #3: 12/24/16  EDD 09/04/2017
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @laeberge3  My heart goes out to your sister in law.  Please take care of yourself this weekend.  I can't even imagine going to a burial service as someone who have never been through a loss, never mind someone who has  

    @Mack2342  24 down to 4???? First of all, congrats for even taking on the fete of feeding 24 people.  What did you do with all the extra food?  I would be so annoyed.  I'm glad that it turned out nice for you : )

    @SoonToBeMommaHowe 3 trees?!  The plan for DH and I are to get one this Sunday.  We will see if we even follow through with it.  I really wanted one last year as it was our first Christmas in our new house.  We didn't get unpacked in time for it to look decent and ran out of time (still not completely unpacked)  I'm so jealous that you have 3.  

    @kidria  Love your attitudes!!  It is going to be awesome.  I have a good feeling about this.  So exciting.  

    @justsuzie  The speech therapist and I just counted that there are 4 weeks until Christmas vacay.  It's going to be 4 looong weeks with crazy kids and crazy colleagues.  I hear ya on the baby inquiries.  My mother is the worst with this.  She whisper/yells.  Super rude.

    @TScalei Disney and a puppy?  Jealous.  Have a blast.  What kind of puppy are you getting?  They are the best.  My 8 year old puppy owns me.  

    1.) Introduce yourself (if your new) Diagnosed mmc 10/20  First pregnancy.  

    2.) Status - (Benched/ WTO/ TWW)  WTO - CD8

    3.) Rants/ Raves -   Rant- Like many other ladies, my chart is a mess.  97.5 today, 97.52 yesterday and during AF it was around 97.2.  WTF?  I don't know my normal since I temped in Aug. and got preg.  I woke up with a little sore throat the last two days so maybe why the temps are off?  

    DH has a stomach bug.  I'm very thankful that it is not during FW.  Hoping he feels better by this weekend so we can HIO.  I'm not fully trusting my body is back to "normal" considering I'm so new at OPK and temping that I don't really know what "normal" is.  

    4.) GTKY  - What's on your Christmas/holiday gift list this year?  
    A BFP with a healthy pregnancy would be lovely.  Sometimes it's so hard to think of Christmas since we were thinking of announcing then.  
    We just bought a TV for our living room last weekend.  We are planning on having it mounted.  That's a present we got for the both of us.  

    There's really not much I want this year.  The only idea I gave DH is some basic cake decorating classes at Michaels.  
    ***TW***
    Me: 36  DH:35
    Married: 7/10/2016
    TTC#1 - May 2016
    BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016  
    BFP 5/5/2017  - CP
    IVF #1 - June 2017  - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo.  7/9 Beta #1 - 161 
    <3 Adam <3 Born on 3/18/18




     
  • @szwill86 -don't feel bad about removing yourself from the situation - you have to take care of yourself.
    @oliveoil -your dinner confession made me smile. Sometimes the truth is the best even if it might make people a bit uncomfortable. And car starters are the best -I'm from Buffalo.
    @justsuzie - thanks for the Disney tips - definitely could use some Disney magic right about now.I'm glad your HCG levels are (finally) inching closer to 0. I hear you on not knowing how to tell people around the holidays. I don't mind telling people but in the middle of Thanksgiving w tons of people around just did not seem like the place. 
    @kidria -even though I'm jealous you are skipping winter this year your situation is tough and I'm sorry. It seems like you have a good attitude about it though.
    @stephann85 -oh I just want to give you a hug bec I've had so many ttc days like that and it just feels like the universe is against you and just sucks. I can't hold babies either -just too hard. I hate it when people suggest you should have kids or just make light of something that is so hard for you.
    @SP128 - mini golden doodle! What kind of dog do you have?

  • @sp128 hoping your DH is feeling better by this coming weekend. Don't worry about a few wonky charts after your MC. Might take some time to regulate. Also- can I be your bump SLP stand in for your real life co-worker SLP?  :# These next 4 wks are going to be tortureeeeee (for the kids, too!)
  • @Wingless00 and @SP128 It was annoying to have all that extra food.  We traveled to MI on Friday to see my family and packed the leftovers.  Went to football party on Saturday to want the OSU/ U of M game and got rid of most of them!  

    @Wingless00 so sorry to hear about your genetic testing.  Sounds like you and DH are coming up with a plan though. Hoping you do what's best for you. 

    @stephann85  sorry about having a hard time at the baptisms.  It is so hard and people say things when they have no idea what's going on with you.  It sucks 
  • @stephann85 Jesus, I'm sorry about the baptisms and your friend's mom's comments.  So triggering.  I went for what was supposed to be a nice, relaxing mani/pedi after work yesterday and the lady asked me if I was married and how many kids I have.  I tried to play it casual with an "oh, none yet" and she wouldn't let it go - asking me why no kids yet, telling me I should have kids.  I wanted to scream at her or say something completely inappropriate ("we prefer oral" was running through my head) to make her think twice about saying those things in the future.  People just don't think about loss unless they've had one, I guess.
  • RiverSong15RiverSong15 member
    edited November 2016
    @stephann85 I'm so sorry for the triggers. That just sucks. Hopefully your DH won't drag you to anymore of these functions. Hugs <3

    @migdala That is so inappropriate! I think because MC and IF is still such a taboo subject, nobody realizes how common it is. I read a Time article recently that summarized a survey where people thought MC happens in about 5-6% of pregnancies, when the real number is closer to 15-25%. People just don't think before they speak. I'd be tempted to tell off any strangers who make a comment too.

    @TScalei Doodles are such fun dogs! Such sweethearts. I'm happy and excited for you. I think we need to revive FurBaby Friday once you get your pup.

    @kidria GL with the move! That sounds exciting and terrifying all rolled into one!

    @Wingless00 Sorry for the genetic testing results, but I'm glad you and your H have a plan.
  • SP128SP128 member
    edited November 2016
    @szwill86. Only if you'll have me as your bump school psych

    @TScalei I have a lab/boxer mix with a huge forehead and underbite. Sometimes her lip gets stuck. You are going to have a blast. When she was a crazy baby girl I would freeze peanut butter kongs. I would also stick treats inside. That's how I got through grad school. Kept her occupied 
    ***TW***
    Me: 36  DH:35
    Married: 7/10/2016
    TTC#1 - May 2016
    BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016  
    BFP 5/5/2017  - CP
    IVF #1 - June 2017  - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo.  7/9 Beta #1 - 161 
    <3 Adam <3 Born on 3/18/18




     
  • @stephann85 I'm so sorry that you had such a tough weekend and start to your week. The timing with the baptism, FB announcement, and what might be the arrival of AF is rotten. How are you feeling today? 

    @migdala Sometimes I compose snappy comebacks to inappropriate questions about children. I think I'll add yours to the list! It's a good one. 

    Thanks for the support @Mack2342 and @RiverSong15 . It helps more than you know. I'm trying to not second-guess our plan and take it one day, one step at a time so that I don't get overwhelmed by fear, anxiety, and resentment. I figure if I keep telling myself that maybe it will work one of these days! 
  • TScaleiTScalei member
    edited November 2016
    @migdala - that is so inappropriate and rude. I feel like things like massages, manicures etc that used to be a relaxing break for me i now avoid because I don't want to make small talk with people. Since they usually ask about kids and I just don't want to get into it.
  • @migdala ugh I'm so sorry you had to deal with that situation, that was so inappropriate of her to keep pressing when you already gave a more than reasonable response. I agree with @tscalei that relaxing things are now stressful. I get a massage before my chiropractic adjustments every wk and last time I had someone different than usual who only talked about being 5 months pregnant with an "oops" baby, even when I barely engaged in the convo. Needless to say it was not relaxing. 
  • @migdala  @szwill86   Unsolicited baby talk.  Can't handle it.  An "oops"  baby. We are all trying so hard to get an "on purpose" baby.  So frustrating
    ***TW***
    Me: 36  DH:35
    Married: 7/10/2016
    TTC#1 - May 2016
    BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016  
    BFP 5/5/2017  - CP
    IVF #1 - June 2017  - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo.  7/9 Beta #1 - 161 
    <3 Adam <3 Born on 3/18/18




     
  • @kidria I have been charting my BBT and using OPKs for the last year or so of TTC. I'm just so sick of it all. Since I know when I O (give or take a day) we are just going to try to hit EOD and hope something sticks. No point in wasting money on OPKs. I do usually check my BBT around O so that I know that it happened and then just check it at the end to get an idea of when AF is going to arrive. Charting I great for people who don't know if/when they O or if they have any irregularities with their cycles but since I don't I'm not wasting my time anymore. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @stephann85 I'm sorry about the baptism and the insensitive comments. Sometimes I just want to shake people and tell them to stop being so rude 
    DH - 34, Me - 32
    Married 7/13
    TTC #1 since 10/13
    BFP 2/4/15, MC twin boys at 18w3d 5/15
    IUI #1 2/25/16

  • @laeberge3 - I'm so sorry for your SIL's loss, and how difficult that must be fore you. I hope you can be what your SIL needs, but also taking care of yourself. So many hugs to you. 

    @migdala & @MooFish2364  - I agree about going back to work on Monday when I would rather be obsessing about my chart and looking at my Christmas tree. I feel like today is actually more of a Monday than yesterday at work and was excited to come home and crash. 

    @RiverSong15  - I can identify with the academic schedule and how people don't understand. I'm an academic, and I make up for the flexibility of schedule by basically working all the time. It sucks and I'm thinking of leaving. Throw in the money issue & that it's your MIL, and I really feel for you. Good luck!

    @TScalei  Have fun at Disney! I'm glad you're taking some time for yourself and your family. I'm jealous. Have some extra fun for me. 

    @szwill86 @oliveoiljustsuzie- I'm so sorry that you all have to be surrounded by babies during such a hard time. It's so hard to be so sad, when we should be happy.  I recently found out about my SIL's pregnancy on facebook. Plus, I did the math and they would have conceived around the exact time of our MC. It's hard to be surrounded by it and I'm sending hugs. 

    @kidria  - good luck on the move to Australia! And I really hope that this month is the month for a BFP for you and your partner. 

    @Wingless00 - my heart goes out to you and your husband. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you to TTC after the results of your genetic testing. So much love to you

    @stephann85 - hearing about your absolutely terrible day made me tear-up for you. My heart hurts on your behalf. Sending hugs. 

    1. Intro: I'm new here, for the most part. I've posted a few times here or there, but am hoping to learn the ropes and get more involved. Had a MMC at 15 weeks in July, I&D a week later at 16 weeks. It was our first pregnancy after TTC for 12 months and was the result of T21.  We've started TTC again and this is our second cycle. 

    2. TTW, 10 DPO. I feel like I'm about to get AF in the next few days and am starting to lose hope for this cycle. 

    3. Rant: Everything went wrong at work today and on top of that I just know I'm about to get AF. Plus (this is crazy), I volunteered to host a baby shower for a colleague on Friday. Crazy, I know - but I'm the only person in my department that values children or families and so if I didn't do it, it wouldn't happen. Plus, her due date is a week after mine should have been - when I volunteered, I felt like it would be therapeutic - now i'm not so sure.  AF is scheduled to show on Friday too! FML!  Rave: to make up for it, I made brownies tonight after work.

    4. I've asked for a ruby ring - the birthstone for the month my son died and was delivered. 



  • Sorry in advance for the book...

    @Mack2342 , @RiverSong15 , @TScalei , @migdala , and @Wingless00 thanks so much for all the kind words and understanding. Yesterday was a very difficult time and if it weren't for you ladies I don't know if I would have snapped out of my funk as quickly. It is awesome to have somewhere to go where there are such wonderful people that totally get what you are going through.

    @laeberge3 I feel so bad for your SIL. Take care of yourself, I can't even imagine how hard this whole thing is for you and for your SIL. Hugs and prayers sent.

    @Mack2342 Sucks that your family didn't show up, but at the same time I'm glad that you were able to have a relaxing holiday. Hope you didn't already prep a bunch of food before everyone cancelled.

    @migdala Sorry about the temp issues. My temps haven't been awesome lately either, but it doesn't help that my sleep has been super interrupted as of late. And I think my DH would lose the earbuds too.

    @MooFish2364 I'm a little jealous that you are able to stop temping. I think I may try "cutting back", I'm pretty consistent with O between 11- 14 days so I may just temp a couple days before and a couple after until temp rise. Hopefully that will help with my crazy. How is the acupuncture going? Does it seem to be helping?

    @RiverSong15 The TWW sucks big time!! I forgot what it was like while I was benched too. I hope your TWW is well worth it!! :)
    And sorry about the MIL. As someone else said money and family is always a difficult topic.

    @SoonToBeMommaHowe I've been slowly adding to my wardrobe but have purposely bought items that are flowy and can be worn for a while if a BFP should ever arise. And sorry to hear about the BFN cycle buddy. Hopefully we can turn it around this cycle. And BTW I love the tree!!

    @TScalei Disney sounds like fun. I have never been and it is definitely on my Bucket list. A puppy sounds like fun, how old is it?

    @szwill86 Sorry about your mom and all the baby talk. It is so hard to be around anything baby, especially when it hits close to home. *Hugs* FX for H's SA results.

    @oliveoil Sorry about SIL blindsiding you. I definitely know how that feels. Friends of mine did the same thing to me this week. An automatic car starter sounds awesome! I hate getting into a cold car.

    @justsuzie I don't know a tone about ectopic protocol, so I'm curious why can't you take prenatals yet? Sorry that things aren't going so well with the BF. It can be really hard to be happy for people that remind us of what we should have. I hope things get easier/better, even though that is probably easier said than done. Sending creepy internet hugs.

    @kidria Australia sounds exciting! I would love to see it someday. GL this cycle!

    @Wingless00 Wine does sound good... As for clothes, I started buying things that would be good for now and would be able to last a while if there should ever be another BFP. Flowy things are my friend right now.

    @SP128 I hear ya on the horrible charts. Sorry to hear DH is sick but glad it wasn't during FW. FX for you this cycle. I took the basic cake decorating class a while ago. It was a ton of fun.
    *** TW ***
    Me 31, DH 30
    Married: 07/2014, TTC since 12/2015
    BFP #1: 1/1/16, MC 1/14/16 (6 weeks), D&C 2/5/16 (9 weeks)
    BFP #2: 5/25/16, MC 6/23/16 (8 weeks), D&C 6/24/16, 2nd D&C for retained tissue and fibroid removal 9/1/16
    BFP #3: 12/24/16  EDD 09/04/2017
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @stephann85 I'm not sure if the acupuncture is helpin with TTC yet or not. I didn't have any real fertile fluid this month which is weird. I never have EWCM but I usually have watery CM. I did have a strong ovulation yesterday with a high temp rise this morning though...I've been having slow rise patterns post O some my mc. So I guess that's a good thing! I do think it is helping with my stress level so I think that's always good. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @ejrose22 Hello! I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and hope that you find the support you need on this board. The baby shower sounds like a sticky wicket. It's tough when you want to do the right thing but the right thing means putting yourself in a potentially difficult situation. I really hope that Friday isn't too difficult for you. Do you have a plan for what to do to take care of yourself after the shower? More brownies? Cooking and baking help me, too :)
      
    @RiverSong15 I think I forgot to respond to your post about some of the challenges that having a "flexible" academic schedule can pose, especially when family members don't understand.  I'm a grad student (who should be writing her diss instead of sitting on the Bump!) and have encountered this a lot. Like @ejrose22 said, I end up making up the time at 4:00 AM or on the weekend. Wishing you the best with your MIL!
  • @stephann85  I was told not to take prenatals until my HCG is >5.  I have had a long road getting to that.  I finally got an appointment with a Women's Health practice that focuses on homeopathic healthcare for pregnancy. I have a pre ttc apt in 2 weeks.  The wait is going to be excruciating.  But, I'm used to it.
  • RiverSong15RiverSong15 member
    edited November 2016
    @Wingless00 and @ejrose22 Nice to see other academics on the board. I bolted for industry after getter my masters, but I spent several years on a PhD track. My H is in his postdoc now, and it irritates me no end when my MIL says he's "just a student", so he should be available for her 24/7. He works 10 hour days and at least half days most weekends. When he was in grad school, he'd work 12-14 hour days in lab, 6-7 days a week. There's no "just" about it. This is his job - he gets paid to do it. Not nearly as much as he should be paid, but still, he gets paid to do work. This is not like undergrad. She needs to respect that, but doesn't. Argh! Rant over....
  • @justsuzie I'm glad you were able to get an appointment with someone other than that awful ER Doctor. Am I right that you are getting negative HPTs? If so, you're really really close to HCG under 5, if not there already!
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