Deployment, pregnancy, and hating life

mamaspraggie

My husband just deployed for 9 months, and we just found out we're expecting after he left. This has been extremely hard on the both of us. He never wanted to deploy and tried everything he could to stay behind, but in the end we said screw it. Just go. He hates being in the military and just the deployment has put a lot of stress on him. Once he realized this wasn't the lifestyle for him, it was too late. Once we found out about the baby, he lost it and has put himself into a deep depression. He has no motivation to do his job anymore and his mind is not on the mission at all. I've tried everything I can to raise his spirits. He has his heart set on coming home. He has hated the military for about a year before he left, but doesn't want to quit because he knows that would ruin his future if he were to get any less than honorable discharge. He enlisted when he was only 17 and had no goals or aspirations at that point. When he realized his goals and what he feels he's meant to do, it was too late. And now, I feel that he hates his job so much that he could be putting himself and others at risk because his mind isn't where it should be. At the predeplyment FRG meeting they said no one will be coming home for anything other than a death. Even if someone is on their death bed, they cannot go home until after they've passed. So now we have no idea what to do. We're barely into the deployment and he's completely given up. He afraid to talk to his command because he's afraid of the consequences. How can he come home without getting in serious trouble? I desperately need advice. 

adoannie614

Deployment is hard.

I recommend you talk with your unit Chaplain and your husband talk with his Chaplain who is deployed with him. They are great resources that you can count on to be confidential and give non-judgemental advice and counseling. You are not the only one to go through this and it is something routinely seen by Chaplains, but you need more help that can be given in an online support group.

sunshine507

I'm sorry, this sounds like a very tough place to be when you just found out you're expecting!
It sounds like professional help for him might be the way to go. In addition to the chaplains I can think of two other options. If he can access military onesource they can set him up with anonymous counseling. His chain of commend is also obligated to make sure he gets an appointment with behavioral health if he asks for one - if there are offices where he is he should also be able to just walk in. 

Knottie1442286612

I am so sorry. Deployment is so so hard. 

I agree, I think that you should chat with the Chaplain and he should do the same. If you need more help, I recommend cluing in the first sergeant, but know that will likely get the concerns up the chain of command. Try and support him emotionally how you can, and take care of yourself, too. Take it one day at a time. 

Thinking and praying for you and your husband, and for a healthy pregnancy!