TTC After a Loss

** November Benched Thread**

This is the thread for those of us on the bench for medical, emotional, or other reasons to commiserate and vent about life as bench warmers. Feel free to comment/update as needed. 

1. If you're new, introduce yourself.

2. How is life on the bench treating you? Need to vent? Feeling OK?

3. GTKY - Favorite Thanksgiving food. What's the one thing you HAVE to eat at Thanksgiving or the holiday might as well be cancelled? Apologies to the Canadians on the board - but hopefull you'll still share.  :) Bonus Points for recipes.
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Re: ** November Benched Thread**

  • 1. Not new, but I (unfortunately) see new faces around here. MC#1 in Dec 2015. MC#2 in April 2016. Benched since for testing and then emotional health reasons.

    2. Feeling pretty good mostly. The long break has been good for me to feel like "myself" again. We'll hopefully be TTC once CD1 shows up this month. I'm simultaneously excited and feeling a little hesitant. The last MC really knocked me on my ass hardcore, and it's taken 6 months for me to start to feel "normal". I'm afraid a third MC will send me back to the really dark place for a long time. I like feeling OK right now. But then I see mothers with babies and just feel like I need to have a baby ASAP, and I'm sad that my due date for my first pregnancy will pass by again before I (hopefully) give birth to my rainbow. Confused, is what I am. 

    3. I absolutely have to have my grandmother's stuffing every year. If we go to a Friendsgiving at someone else's house, I'll make stuffing the next day because it's just not Thanksgiving without that particular stuffing. It's nothing fancy, but it reminds me of my childhood. For my H, he looooves making jalepeno corn grits. He should have been born in the south. Lol.
  • @RiverSong15 Thanks for your thoughts about your extended stay on the bench; I related to a lot of what you said. I was on the bench for medical and emotional reasons for 6 months after my MC in February. The limbo and waiting was hard but I think that the time off was good for both me and DH. It's hard to grieve as a team and I think we've learned a lot about how to support each other if we ever have to go through a MC again. Even though we are doing really well now, we decided to go to couples therapy (first appointment tonight) to make sure that we are talking. I also have experienced the back-and-forth between feeling "normal" (or what is the new normal) but then getting triggered by my EDD or seeing pregnant women or anything really. It's hard to sit with all the feelings and sometimes (most times really) having a baby is all I can think of. Thinking of you and hoping for the best!  
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  • 1. If you're new, introduce yourself.  I'm Jennifer and I've been around, but not usually on the bench much.  I saw an REI on Monday and I guess I'm benched until we get a slew of test results and have a plan going forward. 

    2. How is life on the bench treating you? Need to vent? Feeling OK?  Well, I just found out about it so haven't had time to adjust much.  Sucks because I was supposed to ovulate this weekend and my first wedding anniversary is next Monday, so we had an 'us' weekend planned that would include some sexy fun times.  :)  Guess we'll just have to use protection.

    3. GTKY - Favorite Thanksgiving food. What's the one thing you HAVE to eat at Thanksgiving or the holiday might as well be cancelled? Pie.  I love pie.  We make tons of pies for Thanksgiving and it's awesome!

    MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
    MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
    MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
    RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
    MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
    RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
    MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)

    RE #3: More testing 2023. 
    Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
    Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
    Lupron Depo March 2024.  Benched 3 months.  Hopefully FET after that.

    #BitterHagPartyOf1

  • @dpjennifer - I am glad you got in to see an RE - what tests are they going to run? Even though I am sorry you are going through this again I hope that you get some answers with an RE like I did. Take care of yourself.
  • @Wingless00 Thanks! This board has been a lifeline for a lot of us to not feel so alone, I think.

    @dpjennifer I'm glad you got in to see an RE and that they are running tests for you! You're OB definitely sounded like they were operating on old info and weren't too compassionate. Hoepfully you're just on the bench for a month while you wait for results. FX you get good news!
  • @RiverSong15 Thanks for starting this post.  It's been depressing lurking in the wto and tww threads.  I am sorry you are still here, but love that you have a positive attitude right now.  Seeing that other poeple are making it thorugh this difficult process gives me hope.  And, jalepeno corn grits sound amazing.  

    @dpjennifer The protected sex is the worst for us.  I haven't had to use a condom with my DH in god knows how long!  I had mini vegan pumpkin pies last weekend.  Love strawberry rhubarb. I hope the RE gives you answers that you are searching for.  Best of luck.

    afm
    Suzie, newish.  9/23 ectopic.  HCG currently @ 2500 (but had my blood draw today.  FX for triple digits when results come in.)

    2. Ugh.  I feel like I have been waiting forever for my HCG to drop and I still have a long way to go.  Being older (36.5) I know I don't have tons of time, especially because ectopics increase chances of future ectopics.

     I was wondering about this magic 3 month wait time after ectopics and I researched a bit.  I found that apparently your egg takes 3 months to mature and form and that is why they have you wait 3 months after your MTX shot....They want to make sure that the 3 months doesn't include any MTX effects.  And, of course folic acid needs to build back up.  Has anyone learned anything else about this? I am worried 3 months is not enough time.  

    3. GTKY - Favorite Thanksgiving food. I am vegan, so thanksgiving is tricky for us.  We aren't really into fake "meat".  I love all side dishes at thanksgiving but every year I MUST have butternut squash soup.  Love it.  We are spending Thanksgiving in Orlando this year so I doubt we will be filling our bellies with delicious Thanksgiving vegan food, sigh.  
  • RiverSong15RiverSong15 member
    edited November 2016
    @justsuzie FX for much lower HCG! I don't know anything about methotrexate, unfortunately. Maybe you could ask your OB if you get in to see the one you originally had an appointment with? In general, I think doctors tend to be conservative about things like this and anything that could affect a growing baby. 
  • @riversong15 hug. Sorry you have had an extended wait. I can relate to your feeling that you feel like you need to have a baby now and that edd brings all those feelings and sadness back.

    @dpjennifer I hope the re can give you answers or at least recommendations. It helped give me piece of mine after all the test that it wasn't anything chromosomal but the wait is frustrating. 

    @justsuzie I hope your hcg drops quickly. 

    Things are okay. Feeling a little emotional my first edd is tomorrow. Waiting sucks. I am trying to work on being more positive. I feel like the last few months I complain more, are more irritable, and think of the worst outcome for things. I am going to work on focusing more on good things. 

    Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays (my birthday is near it). I really love my moms turkey. She stuffs it with sage dressing. With mashed potatoes and gravy are my favorite meal. I am hungry just thinking about it.  :)

    sending positive thoughts to all to all of you ladies. 


  • @Hopefulmommy1980 Sorry to hear about the EDD. Being on the bench on an EDD is really hard and I'm thinking of you today! 

    @dpjennifer and @justsuzie Condoms suck. The first time we had to put one one after the MC was a reminder of all the sadness. Talk about adding insult to injury! 
  • @Hopefulmommy1980  Well, it's very difficult to have a super positive outcome when you end up in the "unfortunate" percent of those who miscarry.  :(  It's great that you are trying though. 
  • RiverSong15RiverSong15 member
    edited November 2016
    @Hopefulmommy1980 Hugs for the EDD. They're always hard. Take care of yourself. ❤️
  • @justsuzie I'm sure every doctor is different, but my OB said we only had to wait one cycle. We did not try again though because we wanted to wait until after we got married.

    @Hopefulmommy1980 Hugs today.
    **TW - Loss & Child mentioned**
    Me: 40  DH: 47
    Married: 10/2015
    DSD: 17
    BFP #1: 6/2/15, ectopic, metho 7/15
    BFP #2: 12/4/15, cp 12/7/15
    BFP #3: 8/5/16, MMC discovered 9/1, Misoprostol 9/19
    BFP #4: 5/10/17, EDD 1/20/2018
    Baby boy born January 12, 2018, 6 lbs 3.3 oz, 20.5 in.

  • RiverSong15RiverSong15 member
    edited November 2016
    @NewMommyCoop I can't see siggys because I'm on mobile, but did you have methotrexate? If not, waiting one cycle (or not at all) is totally fine. With methotrexate, I've never seen a doctor stray from the 3-month rule. Methotrexate is a serious drug - it's primarily used in chemotherapy because it halts cell division, partly by inhibiting an enzyme that processes folic acid. That's why it works so well for ectopic pregnancies too, but it's also why it's really important to give your body time to build folic acid back up and make sure there are no more effects of the drug in your system before TTC again.
  • @RiverSong15 I did have two shots of methotrexate (one in each upper cheek/lower back) at the same time.
    **TW - Loss & Child mentioned**
    Me: 40  DH: 47
    Married: 10/2015
    DSD: 17
    BFP #1: 6/2/15, ectopic, metho 7/15
    BFP #2: 12/4/15, cp 12/7/15
    BFP #3: 8/5/16, MMC discovered 9/1, Misoprostol 9/19
    BFP #4: 5/10/17, EDD 1/20/2018
    Baby boy born January 12, 2018, 6 lbs 3.3 oz, 20.5 in.

  • @NewmommyCoop. Huh. That sounds.... Unpleasant! I'm surprised then that you were told there was no reason to wait. I've never heard of that before on these boards. 
  • NewMommyCoopNewMommyCoop member
    edited November 2016
    @riversong15 I didn't even know that methotrexate did anything to your folic acid. All I was told was that it "kills" fast growing tissue. Very interesting and concerning.

    Edit to add @ and fix spelling
    **TW - Loss & Child mentioned**
    Me: 40  DH: 47
    Married: 10/2015
    DSD: 17
    BFP #1: 6/2/15, ectopic, metho 7/15
    BFP #2: 12/4/15, cp 12/7/15
    BFP #3: 8/5/16, MMC discovered 9/1, Misoprostol 9/19
    BFP #4: 5/10/17, EDD 1/20/2018
    Baby boy born January 12, 2018, 6 lbs 3.3 oz, 20.5 in.

  • Thanks for the positive thoughts today ladies. 

    @newmommycoop my doctor also told me had to wait three months after I took methotrexate. They said in part bc of the folic acid and baecuase it would stay body for that long. Two shots sound painful 
  • HCG 1057....Triple digits are taunting me!
  • @justsuzie I know it's not what you were hoping for, but on the brighter side, your numbers did drop 1500. FX next draw is significant.
    **TW - Loss & Child mentioned**
    Me: 40  DH: 47
    Married: 10/2015
    DSD: 17
    BFP #1: 6/2/15, ectopic, metho 7/15
    BFP #2: 12/4/15, cp 12/7/15
    BFP #3: 8/5/16, MMC discovered 9/1, Misoprostol 9/19
    BFP #4: 5/10/17, EDD 1/20/2018
    Baby boy born January 12, 2018, 6 lbs 3.3 oz, 20.5 in.

  • Hope they continue drop quickly
  • 1) Hi everyone....I'm new here. MC#1 October 2016 so I'm benched till we know everything is back to 0.

    2) So far so good. I'm going to get more test results tomorrow so we will see how that goes. Hopeful for some good news or at least some answers. Ready to get back on the horse and try again.

    3) I have a super yummy sweet potato casserole thing that is my favorite. I'm also a Mac n cheese fan so trying new Mac n cheese recipes is always fun!
  • 1- Hey everybody, I'm new here, though I've lurked off and on for a few months. I had a mmc at 11 weeks October 2015, and unfortunately just had my second mmc this time at 8 weeks October 2016. I had my D&c last Tuesday and will be benched until next cycle pending when AF comes back. We are getting chromosomal testing done this time and I'm not sure if my ob will have us wait any longer, but I want to get right back to it if possible. I hope to participate here when I can - this group is full of wonderful supportive women and I'm sorry we are all here. 

    2- I'm actually doing OK. I wasn't as shocked the second time around, but the next month will be tough. My SIL is pregnant and it just sucks. I know many people have been there :/

    3- don't hate me but thanksgiving food is not my favorite. :lol: I do like pumpkin pie though!!  

    Me.30 DH.31 
    Est.8.2006
    BFP 8/28/15 mmc @ 11 weeks (d&c)
    BFP 9/28/16 mmc @ 8 weeks (d&c) - trisomy 5
    BFP 2/3/17...edd 10/13/17 <3

  • I am very sorry for your loss @Rk4047.

    @Uhlease13 So sorry for your losses. I hope your stay here is short and you get the answers you need.
    **TW - Loss & Child mentioned**
    Me: 40  DH: 47
    Married: 10/2015
    DSD: 17
    BFP #1: 6/2/15, ectopic, metho 7/15
    BFP #2: 12/4/15, cp 12/7/15
    BFP #3: 8/5/16, MMC discovered 9/1, Misoprostol 9/19
    BFP #4: 5/10/17, EDD 1/20/2018
    Baby boy born January 12, 2018, 6 lbs 3.3 oz, 20.5 in.

  • @RK4047 I'm sorry for your loss. Hopefully you get the answers you are looking for. 

    @Uhlease13 I'm sorry for your losses. Hopefully the test results bring you comfort and closure. And welcome to the board, even if you don't like Thanksgiving food  ;)

    @justsuzie At least your HCG is dropping, and that was over a 50% drop. FX for continued decreasing numbers!
  • @rk4047 and @uhlease13 I am sorry for your losses. 
  • Thanks everyone...unfortunately looks like I'm benched for a while. Results were that it was a partial molar pregnancy so now we wait and pray that it doesn't try to turn into cancer. Going to another doc for a second opinion on Wednesday...not expecting that to change the results but hoping to get a better game plan for moving forward. 
  • I'm so so sorry @Rk4047. Sending all my good thoughts your way. Hopefully all your numbers keep going down and it doesn't turn cancerous. Hugs. 
  • Thanks ladies. I hope we all make it out on the other side soon :) 

    @Rk4047 I'm sorry to hear that, I think a second opinion is a good idea just in case, but thinking good thoughts for you <3

    Me.30 DH.31 
    Est.8.2006
    BFP 8/28/15 mmc @ 11 weeks (d&c)
    BFP 9/28/16 mmc @ 8 weeks (d&c) - trisomy 5
    BFP 2/3/17...edd 10/13/17 <3

  • @rk4047 I am so sorry to hear that. I am sending positive thoughts your way

  • 1. If you're new, introduce yourself. I'm new, had a MC back in March (day before my birthday). It took a while for DH and I to start thinking about trying again (he took it really hard). I've been lurking on the TTCAL board for about a week. I thought we would be able to start trying this month but my doctor wanted me to get an MMR shot before TTC so I'm benched for the next 4 weeks.

    2. How is life on the bench treating you? Need to vent? Feeling OK? I'm mostly ok. I was actually feeling a lot of anxiety about trying again. Found out my grandmother had 3 MC between my father and my aunt and I'm nervous that is what is in store for us. At the same time every month we wait is so hard. But it's been 9 months (Sunday was my EDD) so I guess I can wait for 1 more.

    3. GTKY - Favorite Thanksgiving food. What's the one thing you HAVE to eat at Thanksgiving or the holiday might as well be cancelled? Apologies to the Canadians on the board - but hopefull you'll still share.   Bonus Points for recipes. I love green been casserole! I know a lot of people think it's boring but I think it's delicious! 
  • starfish827starfish827 member
    edited November 2016
    @RiverSong15 FX for this cycle and the WTO wait 

    @Uhlease13  I'm sorry about both of your losses. I had my D&C on 9/28 and I got AF on 10/29 so hopefully you dont have to wait too long for AF.

    @Rk4047 I hope the second opinion today brings some answers and some peace of mind!

    @It'sSunnyInCali (I cannot get your tag to work :) ) I've been through the MMR shot wait. I hope these 4 weeks go super fast for you. I'm sorry about your MC and your EDD. Sending you positive vibes! 
    Me 29, DH 32
    Married: 03/2014
    BFP: 08/20/16, Blighted ovum 9/26/16 (8 weeks 4 days), D&C 9/28/16 (8 weeks 6 days)
    BFP: 12/16/16  => DD born 08/27/2017
  • Hcg levels at 5.9. Nurse said it was lingering and to come back on a week. Blah 
    ***TW***
    Me: 36  DH:35
    Married: 7/10/2016
    TTC#1 - May 2016
    BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016  
    BFP 5/5/2017  - CP
    IVF #1 - June 2017  - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo.  7/9 Beta #1 - 161 
    <3 Adam <3 Born on 3/18/18




     
  • edited November 2016
    @endo_mom Thanks for the positive vibes! I just changed my tag so hopefully this one will work.... 

    edit: didn't work! I'm trying to change it to SunshineDays in case I manage to figure it out in the future :)
  • @SP128  UGH! 5.9? Almost there though! Maybe by next week at this time you will be at 0. Positive vibes your way. 

    I just went in for a blood test today and I get my results Friday.  The wait is excruciating. I was at 1057, so hoping I will be below 500 this week.  We leave for florida in 2 weeks and I'd really love to be in double digits by then.  I make these ridiculous meaningless number goals with these damn HCG levels just so I can begin to see some light at the end of the tunnel.  Honestly I just want to be able to stock up on that folic acid!  And, my "2 cycles" benched is seeming like it's going to be forever.
  • @justsuzie fx for you.  I think double digits before Florida is doable. It's only been a few weeks for me and it feels forever already.
    ***TW***
    Me: 36  DH:35
    Married: 7/10/2016
    TTC#1 - May 2016
    BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016  
    BFP 5/5/2017  - CP
    IVF #1 - June 2017  - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo.  7/9 Beta #1 - 161 
    <3 Adam <3 Born on 3/18/18




     
  • Good news and bad news. 

    The good- HCG levels are already totally negative...yay! 

    The bad news- second opinion agrees with first but says only a 6 month wait is necessary. I still may decide to say screw it and try earlier than that....maybe 3 or 4 months depending on how it goes. 

    In other news...I have never been more pissed off in my entire life than when I was at second on office yesterday. We were discussing the game plans and I was saying that I was just really disappointed and she made a comment about "so was the election" and then continued to finish what she was saying. 

    Im what world is that acceptable to compare my dead baby/miscarriage and your political views when you are supposed to be giving me a professional second opinion? Just floored that someone would say that. Absolutely not appropriate in that situation...regardless if I agree with her (which she has no way of knowing because she doesn't know me...) or not absolutely not ok.
  • @Rk4047 Wow, that is so unprofessional and wrong. I am so sorry you had to go through that. Great news about the HCG though!
    **TW - Loss & Child mentioned**
    Me: 40  DH: 47
    Married: 10/2015
    DSD: 17
    BFP #1: 6/2/15, ectopic, metho 7/15
    BFP #2: 12/4/15, cp 12/7/15
    BFP #3: 8/5/16, MMC discovered 9/1, Misoprostol 9/19
    BFP #4: 5/10/17, EDD 1/20/2018
    Baby boy born January 12, 2018, 6 lbs 3.3 oz, 20.5 in.

  • @rk4047 that was really insensitive of your doctor to say that.  Sorry they are recommending you wait six months. Waiting is hard. But good news on your hcg 
  • @Rk4047  speechless. 

    Anyone know if af would show if my levels are still at 5.9 or if I can still ovulate ?

    i know it's possible since the nurse told me to wait til 0 to ttc. Just wondering the probability of it. 
    ***TW***
    Me: 36  DH:35
    Married: 7/10/2016
    TTC#1 - May 2016
    BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016  
    BFP 5/5/2017  - CP
    IVF #1 - June 2017  - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo.  7/9 Beta #1 - 161 
    <3 Adam <3 Born on 3/18/18




     
  • @Rk4047 wow so unprofessional! And I'm sorry, waiting sucks. :(

    @SP128 I wish I knew, sorry. I would think it's possible for sure just don't know the probability 


    Me.30 DH.31 
    Est.8.2006
    BFP 8/28/15 mmc @ 11 weeks (d&c)
    BFP 9/28/16 mmc @ 8 weeks (d&c) - trisomy 5
    BFP 2/3/17...edd 10/13/17 <3

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