Pregnant after a Loss

PGAL Check in 10/17

Because @waterfall213 is probably spending time with her brand new rainbow baby, I thought I'd give her a break and post this myself. (If you want us to have someone take over now, @waterfall213, let us know). 

How far along are you? 

How big is baby? 

Appointments this week? 

Symptoms?

Rant/Rave/Questions? 

GTKY: Is there someone in your life who's an anchor during PGAL? (SO/DH, mom, friend, doctor/midwife, etc.) If so, share about how awesome they are here! If not a person, what's your go-to mantra? 

Re: PGAL Check in 10/17

  • How far along are you? 16w 4s

    How big is baby? Avocado

    Appointments this week? Yes, Wednesday. Just a regular OBGYN appointment

    Symptoms? Some tightness if I'm standing / walking around too much but that's all. Feeling pretty good. 

    Rant/Rave/Questions? 

    GTKY: Is there someone in your life who's an anchor during PGAL? (SO/DH, mom, friend, doctor/midwife, etc.) If so, share about how awesome they are here! If not a person, what's your go-to mantra? Totally my husband. I'm super pessimistic and he is so optimistic and laid back. A lot of times I keep my thoughts to myself and will start to feel sad, once I open up to him he is always super understanding and puts me at ease. I've always been really difficult to calm down, he's the only person I've ever met who can slow down my racing thoughts. 
  • How far along are you? 14 weeks. 

    How big is baby? Peach 

    Appointments this week? Not until next week. 

    Symptoms? Off and on nausea. Not daily anymore which is nice. Aversions still. Bloat making me look pregnant but baby hasn't popped yet. Insomnia. 

    Rant/Rave/Questions? Bleeding a tiny bit after sex now that I've lifted the sex ban on DH. Freaks me out but it's gone in a few hours. Still, wish I could just have sex without worrying about seeing spotting. It messes with PGAL brain. 

    GTKY: Is there someone in your life who's an anchor during PGAL? (SO/DH, mom, friend, doctor/midwife, etc.) If so, share about how awesome they are here! If not a person, what's your go-to mantra? My mom and my husband have been great. DH is still unsure what to think or do since this will be our first if we carry to term so he doesn't know how to connect with a pregnancy really. But I have one friend I've never met in person but whom I met online fifteen years ago when we were teenagers who I've gotten to know via Facebook. She had a loss last year and had her rainbow baby this year, and has been kind enough to answer any questions I've had, walk me through some freak outs, and encourage me. She's been a huge help. 
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  • Thank you @HGRich! Yes if someone else wants to take over posting the check in that would be great. I'll still hop on and check in on you ladies though! 

     

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  • How far along are you? 5w1

    How big is baby? A BB

    Appointments this week? Beta Wednesday and early scan Thursday 

    Symptoms? Sore boobs. Weird ute sensations. Mild nausea 

    Rant/Rave/Questions? Did anyone ever have panics out of nowhere that you were convinced the worst is going to happen again. My betas have all improved appropriately but my RE keeps saying how they are the low end of normal so I have a constant fear. 

    GTKY: Is there someone in your life who's an anchor during PGAL? (SO/DH, mom, friend, doctor/midwife, etc.) If so, share about how awesome they are here! If not a person, what's your go-to mantra? my DH is usually and anchor. If he's a ball of nerves this time. My group of best girl friends from the age of 12 are all being amazingly positive this time so they help
    BFP #1: 1.22.16                 MMC: 2.29.16 ( tetrasomy 11, partial deletion 1, XXX) D&C: 3.2.16
    BFP #2: 4.14.16                 CP: 4.17.16
    BFP #3: 6.10.2016             CP: 6.17.16
    RE appt: 6.27.2016- saline sono all clear
    Progenity: + carrier Tay-Sachs, Gaucher's, hemachromatosis. DH: carrier Alpha 1 anti-trypsin
    PCOS, hypothyroid, MTHFR, hx of LEEP in 2006
    Clomid + TI Cycle #1: 50mg Trigger 8.24.2016- BFN
    Clomid 75mg + IUI#1 9.25.2016- BFP #4 10/6
    Beta #1 15   Beta #2 38    Beta #3- 71     beta #4 171   Beta # 5- 21  Natural MC 10/21
    HSG- clear
    IVF Jan 2017
    Egg Retrieval 1.22.17: 32 eggs retrieved,29 mature, 24 fertilized, 14 to blastocyst for biopsy
    PGS results: 4 PGS normal 2 XX, 2 XY
    FET: 3.13.2017 for 2 PGS embryos
    Beta#1: 3.24.2017......... 78; Beta # 2 241; Beta #3 4198
    Baby BOY due 11.29.2017






  • @DungeonTrollMel I did have some panic attacks in the first few weeks. I was in intense pain on the right side of my uterus and the doc thought it could be ectopic. It was a horrible few days until lab results came in. And I panicked at my first ultrasound. Which was not helped by the fact that I was so bloated they couldn't see anything. Fortunately I had a kind ultrasound tech who knew I was freaked and did not hesitate to whip out the vaginal wand and pop it in in seconds. Haha! That helped. But I kept reminding myself it was a new pregnancy and the chance of the same thing happening as before was small. 

    Then in week six I had daily pink spotting that freaked me out. But it eventually went away and a few days after I got my ultrasound and they saw no bleeding. It hasn't come back. And then finally I lost my nausea and breast tenderness in weeks 8 and 9 and panicked. My doc kindly gave me an extra a ultrasound and all was fine. Then the nausea came back times ten. 

    All that to say, yes. Several panic moments that kept me really pessimistic. It wasn't until week 11 I think that I really calmed down. I'm still nervous but it's starting to feel easier. 
  • How far along are you? 6w6d

    How big is baby? A sweet pea

    Appointments this week? 10/23 is my first appointment 

    Symptoms? HUNGRY for everything. Like, I can eat a full meal every few hours.

    Rant/Rave/Questions? I am envious that other people have check points. My loss was so late that I don't really get to have those. And I know that's a shitty thing to say, but I wish there was a time when I would feel more secure.

    GTKY: Is there someone in your life who's an anchor during PGAL? (SO/DH, mom, friend, doctor/midwife, etc.) If so, share about how awesome they are here! If not a person, what's your go-to mantra? 

    My my hubby is the best, and so is my mom. They remind me that I have two kids and am an awesome mom. My other go to people are the 62 women left from my DD's BMB. They are amazing.
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  • How far along are you? 16w 2d

    How big is baby? 

    Appointments this week? I have an ultrasound on Friday. I'm terrified beyond belief. 

    Symptoms? I threw up this morning, but I had been feeling less sick. My belly is growing 

    Rant/Rave/Questions? I'm so nervous and anxious I can hardly focus on anything. 6 months ago, I lost my baby at 21 weeks and I'm so worried it'll happen again. 

    GTKY: Is there someone in your life who's an anchor during PGAL? My support group and an online community. My husband is helpful but doesn't totally get how anxious I am.

    A

    2010: son born 9/1 

    2013: 2 miscarriages + d&cs, both at 10 weeks: April & July

    2014: son #2 born 6/29

    2016: Baby girl stillborn at 21w6d 4/29 and baby boy stillborn at 20w 3d 11/16

  • 8w2d

    large raspberry

    yes-appointment tomorrow morning. First I meet with the prenatal nurse to do bloodwork, medical history and get the run down on what to do and not do (which I'm actually happy to do since it has been 5 years since I was pregnant with my daughter- I'm sure some things have changed?) Then my followup ultrasound with OB.   I'm beyond nervous. I keep running different scenarios through my head driving myself crazy! Praying for good growth and a strong heartbeat! 

    Symptoms: nausea seems better this week which is freaking me out of course. Sore breasts come and go. Less low cramping in last week too. Food aversions are awful right now. Fatigue seems a little better and shortness of breath too. 

    R/R/R/Questions:   Just freaking out about my appointment tomorrow. I feel so frustrated sometimes that our experience with my ectopic pregnancy has taken almost all the joy out of this pregnancy so far. Instead I'm full of anxiety. I don't feel as connected to this baby as I feel I should- I think I'm trying to guard my heart- just anticipating the worst so I don't dare get attached. And that makes me sad. 

    GTKY:  my DH has been my rock.  The ectopic rocked us in a way we never imagined. We've made a point to go through everything together even though we grieved in different ways and now are anxious about this pregnancy in different ways. He gives me a reality check when I need it and comfort when I need that instead. Sometimes I feel frustrated when he's seemingly so calm about everything but I know I need that. Also this board! And 3 close friends who check in frequently to see how I'm doing. 
  • @amwangel will be thinking about you Friday! 

    @DungeonTrollMel the panic hits me seemingly out of nowhere too sometimes. With feelings of just dread that something bad has happened. I hate it. Yoga has helped me some. 

  • @DungeonTrollMel, YES  freakout happen. I had multiple ones during the first trimester, especially around my milestones. Then at 13 weeks I had a bleeding episode after a BM, I was sure I was losing the baby (this time in the second trimester!). Turned out to be hemorrhoids. Never be afraid to call the doctors, they will get you checked out if you are ever worried. Now, I worry if I don't feel her move briefly, so I pay attention all the time. Freak-outs do subside though (you have less of them) and the excitement takes over.

    How far along are you? 
    33 weeks 1 day

    How big is baby? Size of cauliflower/ferret, she measured 4.5lbs last week!

    Appointments this week? Nothing this week, but we are in the biweekly appts now, so next week!

    Symptoms? Third trimester in full force-feeling very large, acid reflux, waking up to pee, nesting like crazy.

    Rant/Rave/Questions? Rant: I am losing my patience at work, I am working on transitioning the work to a temp, but I am mentally checked out....
    Rave: I packed my hospital bag yesterday AND having my baby girl beat me up from inside!

    GTKY: Is there someone in your life who's an anchor during PGAL? (SO/DH, mom, friend, doctor/midwife, etc.) If so, share about how awesome they are here! If not a person, what's your go-to mantra?
    I had two mmc (9 & 10wks), after the first I was very cautious who I shared my pg news, so only DH knew about this third pg early on. I relied on him a lot! Not sure if it was because he was the right person or because he was the ONLY person haha. But he did great and got me through end of first trimester when I started sharing it with others.
    ******TW******Siggy warning
    BFP1 04/24/2015 EDD Dec 2015 MMC 10W5d;
    BFP 2 09/25/2015 EDD June 2016 MMC 9wks; 
    BFP 3 03/22/2016 EDD Dec 6th 2016 

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  • @1inthehopper I totally feel you on the frustration of not being able to enjoy. I'm stuck now feeling like I still can't quite enjoy this pregnancy but we've told people now and they expect me to be excited and I don't know what to feel. Hang in there! Hopefully it really will get better. 
  • 1inthehopper1inthehopper member
    edited October 2016
    Update:  Great news from my follow up ultrasound this morning!! Baby only measuring 3 days behind now (was 5 behind last time), strong heartbeat and could see some movement! What a relief! God is good!! Keeping my due date according to LMP of May 28th. I'm 8w3d today. 

    Last night i was really struggling with my anxiety about today's appointment and as I was driving I saw the most beautiful rainbow! I know it sounds cheesey but it calmed me about this rainbow baby. I teared up.  I'm hoping now I can relax a little more and enjoy this pregnancy- of course I'll be on edge until I get out of 1st tri at least but I'm feeling much more positive now. I can't keep something bad from happening nor can I jinx anything so I need to try to relax and enjoy the fact that today I'm pregnant. Thank you everyone for your thoughts and well wishes during the wait from my last ultrasound!! 
  • @1inthehopper that's awesome! So good to hear about good growth. Also glad to hear you're feeling a little better about it. 

    Not cheesy at all! A friend of mine said she saw a rainbow over the hospital as they were on their way to deliver their rainbow baby. How amazing is that. Love that and your story. God is good. 
  • @1inthehopper Yay for a great US! 
  • @1inthehopper I saw so many rainbows when I was pregnant with my rainbow baby. Such a comforting sign! 

     

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  • @amwangel will be thinking about you Friday! 

    @DungeonTrollMel the panic hits me seemingly out of nowhere too sometimes. With feelings of just dread that something bad has happened. I hate it. Yoga has helped me some. 

    Thanks, @1inthehopper! Glad to see you had a good ultrasound. Mine is this afternoon and I'm so incredibly anxious for the bad news I feel is inevitable!

    A

    2010: son born 9/1 

    2013: 2 miscarriages + d&cs, both at 10 weeks: April & July

    2014: son #2 born 6/29

    2016: Baby girl stillborn at 21w6d 4/29 and baby boy stillborn at 20w 3d 11/16

  • Hi, I'm new to this board so thought I would introduce myself. My name is Natalie and I am 36 years old. After a lifetime of infertility I got pregnant 5 years ago without any assistance. I lost the baby at 8W5D. My husband at the time and I divorced a year or so ago and I met my amazing fiancee. We started trying 3 months ago and I got a BFP on OCT. 4th. and about 12 other positives after that. My EDD is June 10th. I am so excited but so so scared. 

    Of all the boards I am on I feel like I need the support of you ladies the most. How do I let myself be hopeful and enjoy this miracle of a pregnancy? I'm so scared to let myself get excited in fear that if something bad happens I won't be emotionally prepared. 

    OCT. 27th we have our first ultrasound, i will be about 7w5days so hoping to see heartbeat. 
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  • Welcome @NatalieGentry. I'm so sorry for your loss but excited for you and your hope of a new family! Pulling for you. Let us know about the ultrasound. You may feel better after your ultrasound or after your loss milestone but most of us don't feel safe or excited even then. But we will be pulling for you here on this board. 

    For myself, there's a mental difference between excitement and hope. I hold on to hope because hope is powerful and it's a gift I give this little one. But excited? No, not yet. And that's ok. 
  • Welcome @NatalieGentry , I'm sorry for your loss. Congratulations on your new pregnancy! There are only a handful of us who are active on here but there's great support- I've learned that in the short time I've been here! 

    Thinking of you today, @amwangel
  • @nataliegentry Congratulations and welcome! Oct 27th is just around the corner. Hopefully, that will be the first step in feeling more compfortable with the pregnancy. Keep us posted!
  • How far along are you? 6w 3d

    How big is baby? lady bug

    Appointments this week? 10/31 second scan but hoping to get in early this week with my MFM 

    Symptoms? tender breast, extreme exshuation and some nausea this week which has turned into the stomach flu :(

    Rant/Rave/Questions? I always wanted to be pregnant and have that big belly and just enjoy it as long as i had it and now i just want to get to 38 weeks and deliver a healthy baby, i feel like my pregnancy joy was robbed if that makes sense.

    GTKY: Is there someone in your life who's an anchor during PGAL? (SO/DH, mom, friend, doctor/midwife, etc.) If so, share about how awesome they are here! If not a person, what's your go-to mantra? my husband and my mother/father... really my whole family give me hope and were so supportive during both our losses, I try to trust in god and pray for strength for what ever is to come.
  • @NatalieGentry welcome, it looks like we might be a few days apart!!
  • Hi, I'm new to this board so thought I would introduce myself. My name is Natalie and I am 36 years old. After a lifetime of infertility I got pregnant 5 years ago without any assistance. I lost the baby at 8W5D. My husband at the time and I divorced a year or so ago and I met my amazing fiancee. We started trying 3 months ago and I got a BFP on OCT. 4th. and about 12 other positives after that. My EDD is June 10th. I am so excited but so so scared. 

    Of all the boards I am on I feel like I need the support of you ladies the most. How do I let myself be hopeful and enjoy this miracle of a pregnancy? I'm so scared to let myself get excited in fear that if something bad happens I won't be emotionally prepared. 

    OCT. 27th we have our first ultrasound, i will be about 7w5days so hoping to see heartbeat. 
    We're due two days apart! This will be my rainbow after a loss at 37w4d. We can be in this together because PGAL brain is so real. Congrats on the engagement! ❤️
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  • NatalieGentryNatalieGentry member
    edited October 2016

    semicolon I have ultrasound in the morning, I can't wait.  I actually was guessing on my EDD based on my LMP but I am not sure when I ovulated.  I could be anywhere from 6 weeks to 7 weeks, guess we will find out tomorrow! I will let everyone know how it goes.

    I am so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine losing a baby at 37 weeks and that is full term, how sad for you. My heart hurts for your loss, I so hope this pregnancy and delivery go smoothly!

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  • ssnova, sure does! Have first ultrasound in the morning, so excited but so scared. My fiance is sooooo excited, he has so much faith and hope it is infectious, but I am still so very cautious. I don't know why, its not like being cautious would prevent me from being completely destroyed if I ended up losing this pregnancy.
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