Not my first IVF rodeo

Hopeful_mom

@kjones202 thanks so much i need it!

@sleepyrn i've been going back and forth on the what to do next.  i can't sleep so i go over all the other scenarios.  I loved doing a fresh transfer as there wasn't much downtime and the baby train was moving...and it did work..it just didn't last.  i'm still not sold that a baby had issues as they looked perfect just a few hours prior.  I do keep thinking about it!!

liljoy-2

@Hopeful_mom There are no words to say other than we have empathy and we are here to hear you out. 
In terms of next steps, have you thought about PGS as one option? This way you know if they are normal or not beforehand. And if an embryo has chromosomal issues I don't think they can tell without the biopsy. The % of abnormal embryos is so high (I heard 40%-50% after 35). 

sleepyrn

@hopefulmom I hate waiting as well, but after failing the fresh and frozen I'm hoping we'll get more answers with the PGS.  You did have a successful implantation so I'm hoping you get more answers to help you make your decision for the next time.

IfYouCanDreamIt

@hopeful_mom I'm thinking of you  

Joslynj11

@sleepyrn It sounds like you had a great cycle!! I look forward to hearing your Day 5 biopsy and freeze numbers. GL girl, I hope out of those embabies one of them is your baby!

@Hopeful_mom I have you on my mind too girlie!! How are you feeling? Any next steps picked out yet? 

sleepyrn

Only one embryo made it. They won't give me any answers til the 30th and I told them not to bother sending the one for pgs. I'm not paying 2k for one.  I feel destroyed.  

Kp214

@sleepyrn I'm so sorry. Can you have it tested anyway with the option to send more at a later time without paying extra?  Ovation labs let us send 6 for testing and will let us send 2 more at a later time, if we choose to, without paying any extra. Once we go over 8 being tested, it would be $300 per embryo over. I know this is hard. Hang in there. 

JamieH2000

@sleepyrn- I am so sorry. That is devastating. Hoping with all my heart that this one is your one!! Are you doing an FET still even though you aren't doing pgs?

kangastein

@sleepyrn sorry to be cliche but all it takes is one

mtpbadger

@sleepyrn I'm so sorry to hear this! Hopefully that one is a little fighter!

Hopeful_mom

@sleepyrn ugh I'm so sorry! Is it possible any r still growing? Will u think of doing another cycle and do batching prior to the FET?? Sending u hugs, thinking of u!

Hopeful_mom

@sleepyrn how r u?  I kno you were hoping for more but it is true it only takes one, I got 3 in total and was pregnant with twins, of course it didn't end the way i was hoping, but it does just take one.  sorry this road gets tougher with each passing day, you're still in it!

@Joslynj11 Thanks for thinking of me!  Its hard to think of next steps when my body still thinks its pregnant.  I could take a stick test and it would come up positive, how unreal is that.  In my head i'm ready to go again so i can keep up with all my bump buddies, but i don't think my heart will ever be ready.  I honestly dont know how woman do it.  My dr and others keep saying my experience was so traumatic that it will take a while BUT time isn't on my side.  Technically once my body is ready, hopefully in a cycle I will do the estrogen priming antagonist protocol that some of the other ladies on here that have had success...so i thank u ladies for sharing!  Hoping i will have similar success and my body will produce a few more eggs this cycle.  I still need to see if i'll do batching and if i go through with the testing this cycle.  I dont want to but my OH does.  He can't see me going through this again BUT i explained that even a perfect embryo still doesn't mean it'll take.  I hate that everything is such a gamble!!  How are you doing?

AFM: still hurting beyond and will have a D&C tomorrow, can't believe i have to write that, they shouldve done it already instead of letting this pain linger all week.

capps42613

*lurking*
@sleepyrn I'm sorry to hear that only 1 embryo made it, but golden eggs do exist! *TW* Only 2/6 eggs of mine fertilized last year. I transferred both & only 1 took. My "golden egg" is now 7 weeks old. Don't give up hope! Good luck. 

Joslynj11

@sleepyrn I am so sorry to hear that only one embryo made it, please try to remember that it only takes one. Thinking of you girlie.

@Hopeful_mom Thank you for thinking of me and asking of me, especially while you are still going through something so difficult! I am fine, trying to stay out of my own head and stay positive! I'm still waiting on AF to start meds but hopefully she is here soon.

rainbowwishes5

@Hopeful_mom you will get through this. The pain will never truly go away but you will be able to move on, however painfully.

@sleepyrn I only have 2 so I understand how you feel. I cried all day when I found out I only had 2 average grade ones. It's hard. I'm sorry.

Hopeful_mom

@rainbowwishes5 you are correct the pain will never go away...but i did just have the D&C which i never thought i would be so grateful to have as i feel like my body is finally starting to heal!  The cramping is still here but thank the lord is not on the level that it was.  the 2 that you have, are you sending them for testing or doing FET?  I"m looking to the future and i'm very undecided what to do about testing as i produce very few eggs, I was lucky apparently at ER to get the 3 i did.

@Joslynj11 you'll laugh that i'm actually sitting here waiting for AF to arrive too...I first need the regular bleeding to stop, but i just need things to keep moving along, it sucks as i literally wouldve been finishing up my first trimester and now i have to start all over again, its such a tough pill to swallow.  I see that you lost eggs in ur thaw, how upsetting that must be, i'm sorry.  Did you do any testing?  I'm trying to figure out what the next steps are and if I do the testing.  I'm really not for it and want to do the 3 day transfer as that what worked...its scary to mix things up.

@kangastein how are you and lil bean doing?  i hope well!!

@sleepyrn hope ur doing ok...i never sleep so i'm here if u need me

+

Joslynj11

@hopefulmom I am so glad that you are finally out of the in between and can finally let your body heal so you can grieve and move forward. Your loss is still so unimaginable for me but I can only think of how much pain mentality, physically, and emotionally that you have been stuck in. I hope you have the support at home to help you continue to move forward. I continue to pray for you I did not do any testing for either ER as my RE was pretty insistent that we did not "need" it. So we opted not to both times. AF just got here yesterday so I started patches and am officially getting ready for another thaw and transfer. I have a ton of anxiety going in but I am comfortable this time knowing that DH and I have done all we can to create our little embabies. Now I just pray for their strength to make it through that step and safely back inside me. Then once that is over I can pray for the next step to come. Good Luck to you as you work on your next steps and a big hug for you!

Kp214

@Hopeful_mom I am glad you are healing physically and looking forward. I know this is so hard. Please keep taking care of yourself. 

mtpbadger

@hopful_mom I'm glad to hear physically you are healing and hopefully you are hanging in there. I can't even imagine what you are doing through right now.

I'm having a hard time emotionally with my failed transfer last week. This is now 3 failed IUIs and three failed FET's. And my RE is getting stumped at what else to do to try and get my lining thick enough. We are going to try one more time with a different protocol (tomaxofin only) and see if it gets up to a 7.5+ (which I highly doubt since it's never really been above a 6.2) then we would transfer. If not, she highly recommends starting to look into using a gestational carrier since there's not a whole lot that can be done for thin lining. I think that's the hardest thing, knowing that I may never get to experience being pregnant for 9 months, feeling those little kicks, and getting that bonding time. I think it'll take me a little while to feel comfortable with that route but DH is all  gung ho, saying it'll still be 100% biologically our child, but he doesn't get that as a female, being pregnant is such a cool experience (at least to me) that I'll need to grieve losing out on that. Plus, using a gestational carrier is SUPER expensive, holy crap. I did some basic research over the weekend and wow, that was a shock.

JamieH2000

@mtpbadger- I'm so sorry for the failed cycle I haven't had multiple failed transfers, but I can relate to the multiple failures and disappointment. I always feel it's bad luck to have IF at all, but to have repeated failures and a poor prognosis is even harder than just having IF. I think it wouldn't hurt to get another opinion, just for new ideas, while looking into a carrier. I'm kind of in the flip situation where we will look into donor if this fails again, but hopefully I could carry it (but who knows since I have never had a positive). These are things you just never consider until you are in this situation. And not only do we lose something like carrying the child or our genetics, it crazy crazy expensive. It's just not fair. Wish I could do more. Maybe a good friend or family member would be open to being a carrier? If I ever get through all this, I've thought about maybe doing that. Used think about donor any extra embryos but now that's just comical for me hang in there and know we are here are for venting and support!!

emgem819

Hi ladies!  I recognize lots of familiar "faces" on here and it's not my first ivf rodeo as well so I'd love to join you all on here!  I appreciate the support we can all give in knowing this process is never easy but staying hopeful is important.  I had my FET on January 17th and we transferred 2 embies.  Tested today for the first time (6dpt) and it was negative.  I know it might be too early but I've already spent the day crying and feeling like it'll never work.  We have 3 embies left after this but we didn't do PGS testing so they are lower grade.  We really can't afford to do another IVF cycle as we are completely OOP and another 10k would not be possible.  Just feels like I'm getting near the end of the road where kids might not be in my future.  I'm also worried that my BMI is too high and maybe this is a reason why the embryos don't stick.  My RE mentioned this once but said everything rise looks good so she wasn't worried (did have to lower my a1c levels before we tried again).  Sorry for the rant but I'm looking to see if anyone has advice or things I can ask RE to test for if this time ends up not working?

Hopeful_mom

Board has been a Lil quite was checking in to see how all is doing??

natalie4oscar

Hi all, I recognize a few familiar names on this board and hope that you are all doing well and obtaining the support you need from this board, I know that I have in the past.

Since my last failed IVF cycle in November, I have switched doctors and am nervously optimistic and hopeful for round 3.. which begins today.

the nerves are seriously working through my body today and I'm doing everything I can to try and ignore them.. haha

JamieH2000

@natalie4oscar- I recognize you from our board this fall and glad to see you are getting started again!! What protocol does your new RE want to try? I also switched REs for my third try and had so much better results this time. Really hoping that does the trick for you!

natalie4oscar

Hi @jamieH2000 I'm so glad the new RE came with better results.

As I apparently have DOR, he wants to actually reduce my overall intake of meds and just try to nurture the few eggs we can get and get them as healthy as possible.

I'm on 200 Follistim; 75 Menopur and he wants to add HGH

Hopeful_mom

natalie4oscar welcome back and best of luck on your journey, I remember you from our previous boards as well.  Interested to hear how you respond.  Unfortunately I miscarried and will have to start all over again, I'm still healing so probably wont be ready till March which aggravates me too...but at least I can try to get more knowledgeable on what else to try.  At least i know it sort of worked right...
I don't have all the categories of DOR (per my RE) BUT my body acts like I do, so they do treat as that.  My RE has been super aggressive with the meds...other ladies that have low AMH like me suggested to go all out...even though my acupuncturist thinks its best to do lower dosage.  I'm excited for you to get started, best of luck stemming!!  Keep us posted!

natalie4oscar

oh @hopeful_mom I am so sorry to hear about your loss, sending you lots of virtual hugs and yes take time for your mind and body to heal, while I know that you must be eager to start again, some time out will help you get you to where you need to be. Sometimes its more of the mental side of things that take time to recovery.

Sending you lots of good wishes and thank you for welcoming me back to the board.

I don't have all of the symptoms of DOR, but it kind of looks that way, I liked that this doctors approach was different, my old RE was just going to repeat the same aggressive dosage and "hope for the best", sometimes you just have to switch things up a little, because you just don't know how your body can react to some treatments

fingers, toes and everything else crossed for us all

Hopeful_mom

natalie4oscar  thanks so much - its been a tough time indeed!
i get frustrated with the drs as well.  You wonder how they dont know the right protocol that works instead of us being a guinea pig.  I'm not the first one that has these issues, and I'm always super eager to get things started which my RE knows SOOO who knows which protocol really works the best.  I guess i should update my profile huh  But I did an antagonist protocol first which gave me about 4/5 eggs...orginal my RE thought I should get 10, so I was not happy.  Other issues came up and we decided to roll the dice another month.  Was that smart probably not as the luporn microdose gave me one mature follie in the end.  R U FREAKING KIDDING ME WAS MY FIRST THOUGHT!!!  And side note I've been told that the lupron protocol is what people "like me" usually respond best to.  Go figure, i literally had disappearing follies through my stemming cycle which who knew that could even happen.  Back to the antagonist protocol i went. NOW thanks to this board I've learned about EPP and mini IVF, because im getting old, at least my eggs are i can't take time off I need to be ready to go when my body is.  I had a friend do mini IVF and I wish I started that in the beginning of this process, but who knew.

At least the EPP is the antagonist protocol with estrogen priming so we shall see.  I did get some success just didn't make it,,,lets hope i can do it again and make it to the end, so many hurdles to get through during this process.  Its good that you've had some time off, hoping that will help you have a great response!

radmom27

I haven't posted for awhile...just too hard sometimes and I needed a break.  It makes me so happy to see that there's been some success recently on the board.  I'm so sorry to those that are still struggling.
TW
I'm in a strange place right now.  I have been off treatment since September but was late for my period.  I took an HPT on Saturday which was very positive. Unfortunately, yesterday it was negative and today my beta was 7.  It looks like I just had a chemical pregnancy which is a bummer but also happy for me because at least it means that something tried to stick.  END TW
I'm going to try an FET in March so hopefully will see some of you on the March FET boards.  
@hopefulmom I'm so sorry to hear about everything you've been through.  I hope you're recovering and taking plenty of time for yourself.  It took me a long time to feel like myself after my miscarriage.  

Hopeful_mom

@radmom27 Glad to see you've been taking some time for you.  Sorry for the CP that must be so hard too, but exciting that the magic happened it just couldn't find a cozy spot.  When I tried naturally for quite some time it surprised me that we never made any connection...how the magic happens for some so easily and not for others still shocks me.

Did you do any pgs testing?  I still keep going back and forth on it. Hoping that i will be doing something in March as well, have to wait for my body to come back to itself first.  Its hard as i hear that clock ticking i hate it  Thanks for your thoughts, emotionally i'm a mess, and its gonna be that way for a while.  I know they're in heaven but letting go of the future you were dreaming of is hard.  I haven't retrieved many eggs so I"m trying to figure out if I should do batching this next round or not, decisions, decisions.

Definitely keep us updated!

radmom27

@hopeful_mom I haven't done PGS testing and I still don't think I 'm going to.  I just never have enough eggs to test and feel like it's a lot of money to tell me something that I know....I don't have good eggs  My insurance covers IVF which is so nice, but they don't cover PGS nor do they cover a fresh cycle without a transfer.  If money wasn't an issue, I would probably do PGS testing just to have a definite answer.  I had a miscarriage almost two years ago that was tested with no chromosomal abnormality so I feel like it's possible that there's a good one in there somewhere  

natalie4oscar

I did PGD the last two IVF cycles, however my new doctor hasn't been overly pushy with it. One,  because he knows we are now paying out of pocket for most of the expenses, but two, he basically said lets not mess with them any more than we need to, if they are not strong, you unfortunately wont get a positive result as they probably wouldn't take any way. which would suck of course, but I get his point.

Hopeful_mom

@radmom27 thats awesome where do u live?  I wish IVF was covered, just a lil even.  Originally my RE didn't push for the testing and i was more interested in doing a fresh transfer anyway.  And the thing is that the fresh transfer did work and now that the testing came back that the baby did have 46 chromosomes and was perfectly healthy makes me think 2x as well.  DO your RE make you feel like the clock is ticking.  I hate being 40, was excited to know by 41 i'd be a mom ugh!!!!!  Knowing i dont have many eggs left, I need those quality ones asap!!

@natalie4oscar wow thats interesting!!  I'm nervous for the testing to harm a perfectly good embryo - or lose it in a that which can happen.  Trying not to be a negative nelly but weigh all my options too.

I keep going back and forth on it and I have not produced a lot of eggs as well, but is testing better to have done them to miscarry was my original thought BUT i miscarried and did have a healthy baby...problem is that i dont know that baby A was healthy.  I agree they usually say that if the embryo is not good then it doesn't take.  I went in with 3 and came out with 2...so thought i was on my way.

natalie4oscar

its such a difficult thing to know what to do, I'm completely with you. Research does state that PGD doesn't affect the embryo in any way though and both of my REs have stated that, I think my new RE just wants to get it back in its natural environment as quickly as possible to enhance its chances.. if that's even possible.

I don't think one decision is better than the other, its all just personal preference

 

LeFemmeViolette

Popping in and saying "hi" on this thread.

We're currently gearing up for FET #3 on March 1st. This time we're adding in a 'scratch' , increasing progesterone, and transferring two embryos.

radmom27

@Hopeful_mom I'm turning 41 in May (which still is months away), but I feel like every day is a day that my eggs get older.  My RE has been somewhat negative lately and is really pushing me hard to do PGS with my two frozen embryos and with any that I get from my next fresh cycle.  My husband and I have gone around and around about the whole thing trying to decide but we both continue to agree that for us, it's probably not worth it and may not change our outcome anyway.  The fetus that I miscarried two years ago was chromosomally normal so it wouldn't have prevented that and I just never have an abundance of eggs to chose from.  It's a hard decision!!!!!  
I'm in RI where fertility coverage by insurance is mandatory.  I think it should be covered anywhere.  It just seems ridiculous that people continue to be penalized financially for having a medical condition that they can't control or fix without going to great lengths such as IVF. 

@natalie4oscar The PGD/PGS decision is a tough one.  I've heard totally different arguments from different REs that I've gone to...I just don't think there's a right answer.

@LeFemmeViolette Welcome but sorry you find yourself here.  Crossing my fingers that March is your month!!!

Hopeful_mom

@radmom27 we really have so much in common and I feel like I wrote that forever ago too sorry for your loss!! How far along were you? Did your RE have answers for ur loss.  It seems the go to answer is the chromosome theory and when that's proved wrong then what.  Exciting u have 2 frosties, what's your next step? I didn't make enough to get that far, got my 3 and we went with it.  Now it's seeing if I batch and then transfer.  I've always been afraid to do the testing and that doesn't give you a 100% chance either.  If I had so many eggs to narrow down what to transfer maybe... My other thought is I did a 3 day transfer and it worked which makes it a fresh transfer, I'm terrified my eggs might not make it to 5 days.  So many thing to still contemplate as I still wait for my levels to go down. 
Lets not get started on insurance, NY is the worst, and it's disgusting that anyone that has to go through this isn't fully covered.  
And I'm turning 41 too, but mines now right around the corner and I hate it.  My birthday never bothered me until this whole process.

rainbowwishes5

@Hopeful_mom I'm glad you are on the road to recovery. There is hope in that. AFM- I am a poor responder as well and only had 2 blasts from my last FET. If I do this again it will be with micro lupron flare because it's SUPPOSED to give you a couple more eggs. But my dr says they could be of poorer quality. Ugh. I don't even know. It's all a mess but yes I would do testing next time as I've inexplicably TW---- lost the past 4 embryos that stuck--- so wth is going on?? No answers. Waiting for RPL panel results.

radmom27

@Hopeful_mom I was at 11 weeks with my miscarriage a year and a half ago. My RE had no answers about my miscarriage but did say that my progesterone was low at the time.  Could be the progesterone or could be that something was just inherently not right.  It was so hard for me to get over that loss.  My next plan is unfortunately a repeat D and C at the beginning of March.  Ever since my miscarriage a year and a half ago, I've had some strange spotting between cycles.  With nothing working since that time and no answers, both my RE and OB think I should try a repeat D and C to rule out chronic endometritis or small polyps preventing implantation.  That will put me on hold for at least another month.  I'm really conflicted about what to do after that.  With my 41st bday around the corner, I feel like I should probably try another fresh harvest and save my frosties but then again, it would be much easier to try the frosties. Sigh. No easy answers.  
Are you up for another fresh cycle after you recover?  
It took me a long time to get over my miscarriage.  In retrospect, probably a good year.  I never really understood how painful like something like that really was until it happened to me.  

@rainbowwishes5 I'm so sorry about your chemical pregnancies.  I just had one and that's also a gut wrencher.  So much hope so cruelly snatched away.  The lack of answers is horrible. 

mtpbadger

I hate that we are all still here.

@rainbowwishes5 I am so sorry you are going through another CP, I've had three and it is one of the worst things I've gone through. Hopefully the RLP will shed some light on what's going on.

@hopeful_mom I'm glad you are recovering and hopefully your levels continue to go down quickly. I think the inbetween and waiting is one of the hardest parts.

AFM - my most recent FET has been canceled due to thin lining and my follies not doing anything (I was on Tamoxifen and Gonal F to try and do a more "natural" cycle to see if that helped the lining thicken). On estrace for three weeks, going to induce a period with Provera and then try Letrozole to see if my lining responds to that. I'm feeling pretty down since if this doesn't work, I think I'm running out of options trying to get my lining to cooperate and will need to seriously consider a gestational carrier. @hopeful_mom I hear you on dreading birthdays, mine is on Wednesday and I told DH I don't even really want to celebrate b/c it's a reminder I'm another year older and still don't have a baby. I know I still have some time on my side, it's just frustrating to do everything you can and still not get the outcome you want and be told the odds are NOT in your favor.