Intro & Recovery Question

ejrose22

Hi, All,
I delivered my baby boy at 16 weeks. This was our first pregnancy and it was a long and traumatic loss with multiple steps. We received a positive screening test at 13w5d for Trisomy 21 and begun our grieving at the point, but over a different kind of loss.  When we arrived at 15 week appointment the US showed congenital abnormalities in the heart and digestive system, as well as fluid around the heart. They then told us his heart had stopped - with the abnormalities in his heart, it wasn't able to beat against the fluid surrounding it. We don't know when he died, as he showed signs of growth restriction overall. I was told I had to deliver (I was told I had the option of a D&E, but in the end I couldn't find a doctor to perform it in my town due to politics) and was induced at what should have been 16 weeks. It took 18 hours using cytotec and pitocin. Delivering a lost baby was the hardest and darkest moment of my life. It was devastating and has left me emotionally broken.  At first I did not think we would ever try again, but now that it has been a little while I want to try again quickly. I'm 34 and terrified that with each year, my chance of this happening again go up. 

The problem is that I'm not sure if I'm fully recovered. I thought it was all over with finally after the delivery, but I bled heavily for 2 solid weeks. At my follow up, the US showed remaining tissue and I was put on another drug to expel tissue and control bleeding. I then had about another week of spotting and discharge. My OB was confident that the drug worked based on follow up US. Two weeks later I got what I thought was my period and felt relief that this horrible experience was over. I bled heavily for 8 days and now have been having brown and pink discharge for another 6 days. The discharge is very similar to that which I had after delivery and I am having minor cramps. I'm getting worried that this is not actually over and that I should call my OB, but I have a mental block and I just can't make myself do it. Sounds crazy, but I just don't want to hear the hold music & talk to the same people that I've been talking to constantly over the last nine weeks or so since this all started to unfold.  This is my first pregnancy and first miscarriage so I don't know what to expect. I would really appreciate your thoughts and advice. 

and13b

Hugs to you.    
I admire your strength for getting through a delivery like that. I can't even imagine how you must have felt/still feel. My heart hurts for you. 

I'm currently having the same issue with the bleeding, just not sure if it is my period or if there are other issues. Everything makes me feel paranoid now.
I couldn't do the phone call either, i asked my husband to make the phone call for a follow up appt, and will probably have him call if I need another one... 

Mack2342

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Thoughts and prayers are with you ladies.  

Hopefulmommy1980

I am so sorry  

Sugargirl1019

I have no good suggestions other than to make an appt..

I am so so sorry. My heart broke for you reading your story. You are so strong. All the hugs to you   

JessyKV

I'm so sorry for your loss.  You have been so strong through this hard time.  Sending you hugs.

cinderin

I am so sorry

fiorip

I'm so so sorry, my heart breaks for you. The only advice I have is to call your OB, as hard as it is. 

lp81502

I do not have advice, other than to call your OB, but just wanted to say I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.  Thank you for sharing your story with us - I hope you can find support and peace through this community

EmilyP524

I'm so sorry. I lost my son at 18 weeks. After delivering him I delivered part of the placenta but part of it was retained so they had to take me in for an "emergency" D&C. After delivery and surgery I bled for a week. I then had no bleeding for a week and then bled again for another week. 3 weeks after that I got a period. It was extremely confusing and draining emotionally and physically. I also lost a ton of blood in the hospital which made it so much worse.

I would suggest to try to start temping to track your cycles and keep track of when you're bleeding so you can share with your doctor.

justsuzie

So sorry this is happening to you.  It's shitty situation.  Maybe the peace of mind knowing what comes next will help you? I feel like the not knowing what is normal and what to expect is the worst part.   My thoughts are with you.  

Breesy14

**TW siggy**

I'm so sorry for your loss.  You are an incredibly strong person to have to go through such a traumatic event.  It is likely that your uterus is cramping slightly to return to normal size.  I think it is important to do what you feel is right despite your age.  If you need a few more months to grieve or just process what you've experienced, then take it.  It's more important for you to be emotionally ready than physically in my opinion.  I am 32 and recently experienced a loss at 11 w though baby stopped developing at about 8 w 3 d.  It's surreal and I don't think I've fully processed it yet.  It seems that my body is as traumatized as my mind and it sounds like you can relate.  Maybe after this first cycle things will feel more normal again. 

My thoughts are with all of you. 

ejrose22

Thank you all for all of your thoughts and support. I did end up going back to my OB, but only after I passed a piece of tissue the size of a tampon. My OB was not sure if it was placental tissue or abnormal endometrial lining, but after I passed the tissue the bleeding stopped and my cycle has since regulated. Turns out I also had an ovarian cyst burst in the middle of this all, which made the situation worse. I swear! This whole thing has been a nightmare - with one thing after the next. The good news is that my body has now returned to normal, which has allowed me to focus my energies on the grieving process rather than worrying about my health. I find myself crying more regularly, but the anxiety and fear are lessening with each day. Thank you, again, for all of your responses and your support. It is very helpful for me to hear from people who understand. I'm so sorry we're all in this community together, but I'm also so grateful to not be experiencing this alone.    

SP128

@ejrose22  So sorry to hear about your loss.  I'm glad that your cycle is regulated now.  I am also grateful for this community.  Take care of yourself.