March 2017 Moms

Things NOT to say to pregnant women

24

Re: Things NOT to say to pregnant women

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  • @aerie_star Re: the male coworker - Gross! I'm going to be absolutely mortified if any male other than my husband comments on my fertility/family planning. Sorry you have to deal with that in your workplace.
     If he so much as mentions it again, I am totally just going to HR. The whole day was awkward and weird after that. 
  • @aerie_star Yes, definitely report comments like that to HR. Not appropriate, ever. 
  • Can we add in the comments after baby??
    2 days after I had my son 8 weeks early at 5 lbs, as I was riding the elevator to the NICU at the hospital a man asked if I was pregnant with twins. I wanted to cry
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  • @danibanani16 the craziest part about all this is that she is pregnant too! I honestly don't think she is trying to/knows how horrible she is being, I think it's more of just her thinking that she knows all things about being pregnant since she's 7 months along (this is her first, just like me). She's kind of become the pregnancy police also. I tried to take a bite of my husband's taylor ham, egg and cheese sandwich and she freaked out and told me I couldn't because you're not supposed to eat taylor ham while you're pregnant. This coming from the same person that eats cold cuts a minimum of 3 days a week. She is generally a lovely person so I'm hoping this is all just hormone related and she goes back to normal soon. Even still, she has been hurting my feelings lately.
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  • People (outside of family and close friends) asking why I'd have another C-section instead of a VBAC. Does it really matter?? Nope. Plus I don't need to explain to those people that I tore internally during my first CS so VBAC would be especially dangerous. I just go with "I'd have to change doctors", which is also true. 
    Omg! Yes to this!
    my first two were emergency csections. My second was a trial of labor that ended in an emergency Csection because of cord prolapse (baby's heartbeat disappeared) and, I literally am not allowed to labor at any hospital unless I want to drive through 2 hours of traffic to get to BC women's hospital in Vancouver. 

    After telling my friend this, she says, "yeah but you must be so disappointed to not get to at least try. Did you cry about it when you found out?"

    i said, "no, I'm thrilled that I get a planned Csection" 
  • edited September 2016
    People (outside of family and close friends) asking why I'd have another C-section instead of a VBAC. Does it really matter?? Nope. Plus I don't need to explain to those people that I tore internally during my first CS so VBAC would be especially dangerous. I just go with "I'd have to change doctors", which is also true. 
    Yes I've found everyone has an opinion of csections and vbacs - and it's usually that if you end up with a csection that it's somehow a terrible thing.  There's a "business of being born" movie about vbacs that was on Netflix not too long ago - in addition to the original (which makes it sound like if you need a csection you are the victim of a hospital scheme to cheat you out of the natural birth you need to have *eyeroll* )   I honestly think people watch those and think that they have the equivalent of a medical degree in obstetrics and are therefore qualified to give out unsolicited advice. Me? I'm just glad that modern medicine gives me an option where my babies and I are still both alive at the end of the day. 
    Perfect response @littleSkittle14
    (the part about modern medicine, I will say that next time!)
  • I really hate when people tell pregnant women they look like they are going to "pop." To me, it conjures an image of a zit being squeezed and is rather unpleasant.
    I agree that the "was it planned?" comment is extremely insulting. We're in our 30s, not teenagers, and we know how to control that shizz. That was literally the first thing my MIL said to me when finding out about this little one and I wanted to cry.
    When I was pregnant with my daughter I went to a family party (DH's family) when I was just around my due date. Some of these people were distant relatives that I never met before. One lady asked me if I was dilating yet. What I should have said to her was "Well, if you're so interested, why don't you reach up there and check???" Seriously, I just met you. Why do people feel like a pregnant woman's nether region is a proper topic for dinner conversation? 
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  • @gracie4400 just one question.... why is this person still a "friend"?
    This was my thought exactly!
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  • I had my first potentially insensitive comment yesterday while getting my blood drawn for the sequential first trimester screening. The lab tech said to me, "Congrats! You're pregnant? You don't even look it!"

    I'm 12 weeks along with my first, and I am still wearing my usual attire. I wasn't offended at the time because let's face it, I'm not as far along as those well into their second trimester. Still, I've got a little bump now that's visible in clingy clothes. I hope that it pops out early though, or my PgAL brain is going to start questioning things!
  • @dubcompanion I can't imagine the scenarios my brain would come up with if I were PGAL, but I'm 16 weeks and can still fit into my skinny jeans. I look a bit like a busted can of biscuits, but they technically fit. Baby is the size of a lemon, it's normal not to really be "showing."

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  • @DrillSergeantCat Yep, you are very right. I will have to tell myself that over and over again for at least the next few months or until it's safe to say that the bump is glaringly present!
  • I actually had a co worker say so many things in one day that were offensive, that when I told the story to my boss she went straight to HR. 

    "You eat SO much! And you've gone to the bathroom like 5 times today!" 

    "I don't know why women keep having babies, but apparently it's what they do.."

    "I don't know why this place keeps hiring pregnant women" 

    and my (LEAST) favorite one from someone else:

    "are you going to schedule this birth"? 

    EXCUSE ME?!
  • @C25 wow. Your boss did the right thing. 
  • @dubcompanion no worries - with my first, people didn't start noticing (and commenting) until I was about 23 weeks. It takes a while.
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  • @C25 Can you please tell me where you live and work so I can drive over and punch this person? What is wrong with people????
  • @C25 - Absolutely rediculous!! Good for you for talking to your boss, and yay boss for actually doing something about it!!
  • This wasn't something that was said to me, but definitely sent the wrong message:

    At my first prenatal appointment, I got a bag of paperwork and a copy of "Birth Control" magazine. 
  • @dubcompanion I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they meant to put in a pregnancy magazine (I got one prior to one of my losses.). Maybe they usually give "Birth Control" out for new paps?!
  • @Wishilivedinflorida I suppose.... *side-eyes your clinic all the same*
  • last pregnancy I had a man ask me if I was going to have a vaginal birth.. ok buddy since I'm pregnant I guess my vagina is up for discussion?!? I don't go around asking guys when their last prostate exam was..

    This pregnancy I already look 5 months pregnant so I can't wait to hear all the old lady comments on how big I am for my due date 
  • last pregnancy I had a man ask me if I was going to have a vaginal birth.. ok buddy since I'm pregnant I guess my vagina is up for discussion?!? I don't go around asking guys when their last prostate exam was..

    This pregnancy I already look 5 months pregnant so I can't wait to hear all the old lady comments on how big I am for my due date 

    That should be your response next time it happens. "I'm thinking vaginal. BTW, how is your prostate? Getting an exam soon?" 
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  • My sister just texted me what to name my kid. Number 1: she just gave birth a month ago and not once did I tell her what to name her third child, in fact I told her, "it's your kid, name him something you like". Number 2: I haben't asked for help/advice on naming my kid from her
  • I wasn't pregnant when this happened (but I think it still counts). My best friend commented twice that my belly jiggled when I laughed. This was while I was still in the hospital after having my daughter!!! She sincerely just noticed and commented (no filter) and never said another word when I called her on it, but I was still fairly horrified!
  • My sister just texted me what to name my kid. Number 1: she just gave birth a month ago and not once did I tell her what to name her third child, in fact I told her, "it's your kid, name him something you like". Number 2: I haben't asked for help/advice on naming my kid from her
    My husband's aunt sent us names every couple of weeks when I was pregnant with my first. She still occasionally comments about how we didn't choose her babe and how nice it was.  :p
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  • SandiaLiz said:
    I wasn't pregnant when this happened (but I think it still counts). My best friend commented twice that my belly jiggled when I laughed. 









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