How can I comfort my boyfriends 19 yo

kristenlauren

My boyfriends 19 year old went to the ER with heavy bleeding and found out she had a miscarriage.  They said the pregnancy was 2-3 weeks so I believe at that point it's a chemical pregnancy?  Either way she is just destroyed.  The guy it would have been with is her total loser ex bf who was in jail for the last year that they've been talking, and when he got out of jail they spent a week together and then he completely ignored her afterwards.   She's going through this on her own,  and hasn't told her dad. She wants to tell him but is worried about how she can tell him or what his reaction will be.  I told her to let me know if there is anything she needs, but I just don't even know how to comfort her at all.  I'm pregnant so I know it makes it even harder because I just had my shower and there is baby stuff everywhere.  This only happened a few days ago and she already got a tattoo memorializing her baby.  Shes soooo upset.

kristenlauren

I mean I am thinking about getting her like an angel teddy bear or something she can hold or a necklace that is symbolic that she can wear but I don';t know if that would make her feel any better or just worse.

bai-by2019

@kristenlauren I had a CP recently and it was really devastating. The things that I found the most comforting were people telling me they were sorry and asking how I was feeling and what I was feeling...and then just listening and hugging me. I was hesitant to tell family for reasons different than her's, but when I finally told certain people I was really glad that I did. They wanted to provide support. And it helped them understand why I hadn't been myself the preceeding few weeks. I'm really sorry this happened to her. You're so sweet to come here to ask for ways to help her. Good luck!

fiorip

First I wanna say that you are doing the right thing already, just offering your support is enough, that's what really helped me the most, there's only so much you can say and do, she needs time to heal and maybe open up about it when she's ready, specially in her situation, she doesn't have a supporting partner and that makes everything twice as hard.

I think it would be a nice gesture to get her a keepsake, you mentioned a necklace, that'd be nice or a simple figurine, a friend got me a tiny pendant that I keep with me all the time. Good luck!

momma mb

I agree with the other posts, just let her know that you're there for her if she needs a shoulder to cry on.  Just say you're sorry... there isn't too much else you need to do.  Everyone heals/grieves differently, so as long as she knows there's someone available to listen, that's a good thing.

Cmckenzie

I agree with pp. letting her know that you are there is the biggest thing you can do, and little keepsakes are really helpful. They can be subtle or not subtle at all. Another big thing is give her time! People want to rush grief, don't! There is not a time limit on how long she will be sad and grieve. Just be there!

BrightenMySky

I think just being there--offering support, don't assume you know how she's feeling (not saying you would do this, of course).  She may want alone time, which is of course fine, although you could say that you will be back to bring her some food, at which point you are happy to stay with her or leave again, that sort of thing.  Since it sounds like things are complicated w/telling her dad, maybe you could offer to support her however she would like in that--being there, helping her talk to him, etc.  

I think getting her a keepsake would be nice.  I bought myself a bracelet with an inscription that I never take off.  A friend who had a loss gave me an angel pin (she had gotten a similar one at a support group).  Sympathy cards meant a lot to me as well.  

kristenlauren

Thank you everyone for all of the replies!  I ended up getting her a little teddy bear with a bouquet of really pretty flowers that were pink purple and yellow.  I thought they were perfect. She absolutely loved it.  She lives at home with us still so I keep asking her if she needs anything, etc.  I am just not bringing it up unless she does, but being sure to let her know that I'm there if she needs anything.

bai-by2019

@kristenlauren
That sounds perfect!