Enjoying Life Before Having a Baby

yesileos

Hello everyone! I just wanted to introduce myself to this community. I feel I need to be part of a group of women who understand how I feel (I love telling my husband everything, but let's be real, women understand women better). I am newly married, going on a year soon, but I have wanted to be a mom since I can rememeber! Just about two months ago my husband and I decided to start giving it a shot. I know it hasn't been long at all, but I am already starting to feel frustrated with planning pregnacy, tracking ovulation, making time for the baby dance at the right time (and it seems thats always the busiest week of the whole month), and then playing the waiting game. The last few times AF shows up I start balling or just get really disappointed. Like I said, I know it has only been a few months for me, but I am sure you know the feeling. I am trying not to focus on the fact that I am not pregnat yet and rather enjoy the time I have as a young wife; living life with my best friend. This past month has been better and I found myself less depressed, but its hard to focus when literally EVERYONE I know is pregnat (or at least it seems that way). My Facebook is flooded with preggo bellies, little babies, ultrasound photos, baby showers, women talking about all their symptoms, etc. I am happy for them, yet I can't help but wnat to tell them to shut up sometimes. I just want to live each day and enjoy it and just let things fall into place when they are meant to, but I need to stay focus and not get jealous of others. How have you overcome this problem? I would appreciate if you share your experience or just to know I am not alone and crazy! Haha.

MrsFL2015

Welcome!  A few words of advice before getting started, please read the newbie thread and post in the intro section.  Also,  these types of questions are generally discussed in specific threads because this is a common frustrated among all the ladies here on the board.   

Anyway, I think we can all relate to you.  My best advice (and this pertains to all aspects of life, not just getting TTC) is to stop comparing your life to everyone else.  I did this for years and it was a waste of time. I was always upset with myself (and others) when people reached milestones that I wanted.  One day, I finally stopped caring and starting being happy for people.  You'll be a happier person when you start concentrating on you own life.  I can finally say I'm at the happiness point in my life. Yes, TTC is frustrating and sometimes overwhelming, but it's also exciting and fun too.   Try to stay positive.   These boards are a fun distraction from the frustrations we all face with TTC. 

Edit:  I also wanted to add that while you're upset/frustrated/envious of all these people with babies, remember that they too could have struggled with TTC, infertility, losses, etc.  So, why you feel like you might want to "tell them to shut up" (and I get that), they might have walked in your shoes at one point too.   That's why it's best to stop comparing because you truly don't know what struggles another person has been through.  

Good Luck! 

Basherbaby

yesileos said:

Hello everyone! I just wanted to introduce myself to this community. I feel I need to be part of a group of women who understand how I feel (I love telling my husband everything, but let's be real, women understand women better). I am newly married, going on a year soon, but I have wanted to be a mom since I can rememeber! Just about two months ago my husband and I decided to start giving it a shot. I know it hasn't been long at all, but I am already starting to feel frustrated with planning pregnacy, tracking ovulation, making time for the baby dance at the right time (and it seems thats always the busiest week of the whole month), and then playing the waiting game. The last few times AF shows up I start balling or just get really disappointed. Like I said, I know it has only been a few months for me, but I am sure you know the feeling. I am trying not to focus on the fact that I am not pregnat yet and rather enjoy the time I have as a young wife; living life with my best friend. This past month has been better and I found myself less depressed, but its hard to focus when literally EVERYONE I know is pregnat (or at least it seems that way). My Facebook is flooded with preggo bellies, little babies, ultrasound photos, baby showers, women talking about all their symptoms, etc. I am happy for them, yet I can't help but wnat to tell them to shut up sometimes. I just want to live each day and enjoy it and just let things fall into place when they are meant to, but I need to stay focus and not get jealous of others. How have you overcome this problem? I would appreciate if you share your experience or just to know I am not alone and crazy! Haha.

Hello and welcome! I second what PP said about reading the newbie guide. I am new here too and it took me a little while to get the hang of the community structure.

But, to reply to your post: It can definitely get frustrating when it looks like everyone else is pregnant and you're not. Have you tried tracking your cycles by temping, using OPK or monitoring CM? I started doing that and it has made the waiting experience more bearable. Knowing what is going on in your body can help ease the stress of TTC. You get to look forward to "happy sex week" and then you can look forward to testing in two or so weeks. Just my 2 cents. Good luck and stick around!

edited because I suck at words

weareturtles

MrsFL2015 said:

Edit:  I also wanted to add that while you're upset/frustrated/envious of all these people with babies, remember that they too could have struggled with TTC, infertility, losses, etc.  So, why you feel like you might want to "tell them to shut up" (and I get that), they might have walked in your shoes at one point too.   That's why it's best to stop comparing because you truly don't know what struggles another person has been through.  

This! I know DH and I just started TTC, but we were have a bunch of friends and family members who have been open and honest about their struggles to conceive (infertility, losses, etc). I am so grateful for them and their honesty because that is the side of TTC that people don't like to show but it is real. If not for these people, I may have been affected by the posts I see on FB too, but I don't mind them. Some of them endured years of trying to get their LO and it makes me happy to know that something they've wanted and tried for for so long is finally happening!

yesileos! Hopefully we can be a supportive group for you as you TTC.

LadyMillil

MrsFL2015 said:

Edit:  I also wanted to add that while you're upset/frustrated/envious of all these people with babies, remember that they too could have struggled with TTC, infertility, losses, etc.  So, why you feel like you might want to "tell them to shut up" (and I get that), they might have walked in your shoes at one point too.   That's why it's best to stop comparing because you truly don't know what struggles another person has been through.  

Good Luck! 

The bolded is something to keep in mind. Since I've been in school until recently and starting a new job I know people will assume that if I get pregnant in the next year I must have gotten pregnant right away because it seems like the perfect time in life to have a baby, without knowing that we've been struggling for over a year and have a combination IF diagnosis.

I try to keep in mind 3 things:
You don't know what everyone has been through to get or stay pregnant.
There is not a finite number of babies, so someone else getting a baby doesn't mean that you won't get one
It is possible to be happy for someone else while being sad for yourself. It can be incredibly difficult to put your sadness aside some days and that is okay. It is also okay to tell your friends or family that while you are happy for them you are having a rough day and would prefer if you could talk about non-pregnancy/baby things.