June Benched Check in

chloe97

This is where those of us who are waiting for medical/personal/emotional reasons to get pregnant after a loss can check in and vent about our current situation.

1.) If you're new, introduce yourself.

2.) How are you feeling (physically and/or emotionally)?

3.) Why are you benched/ how long are you benched for?

4.) Rants/Raves/Questions?

GTKY In honor of our new lab/terrier puppy Ernie- tell me about your fur babies.

rainbowturtles

Thanks for starting this @chloe97 and EEEEE!!! I'm sooooo excited for you that you're getting a puppy and I LOVE the name Ernie

2.) How are you feeling (physically and/or emotionally)?
Physically I'm feeling ROUGH but it's just because I've been painting for four days (today will be five) straight and my body really isn't used to it so I just feel depleted and fatigued and in pain but also a sense of accomplishment; show DH what I can do when it's important. I know sometimes he worries it will be hard for me to take care of our baby because I have some health issues so I like to show him I can get 'er done lol

3.) Why are you benched/ how long are you benched for? 3 more months! I still worry about DH changing his mind and wanting to wait longer but lately it feels like he's more on board than ever, which is a good feeling  

4.) Rants/Raves/Questions? One rant I forgot was that we got broken into where we're living now at Easter and then we were up working on the new place on the weekend and we have stuff up there already and DH comes in and tells me we've been robbed! They stole his brand new chainsaw, a weed eater, axes, machete, and all his pruners!!! It's a big property and we need all that stuff for yard maintenance and fire wood for the house! This city is getting so brutal for theft but I thought that place would be safer because it's quite far from the downtown core It's just been one thing after another since January for us

BUT for my rave, I've gotta say this kitchen is gonna look great I have never chosen a color to paint a room so I was really nervous but I'm in love with it! It's kind of a mermaid green I'll post pics when it's more finished!

GTKY In honor of our new lab/terrier puppy Ernie- tell me about your fur babies.
Okay, best GTKY ever!!! ☺️
We have 3 dogs! Wilbur is my black pug and he's almost 11. I mentioned recently that I got him about a month before my first mc and he's been a great help to me in all my life's endeavours since (tho it was hard when ppl who didn't know about my loss would ask "how's your new baby??!!" in the beginning when he was still just a pup and my wounds were fresh ). He's a grumpy little stinker and I love him!
Penelope is a Boston/Frenchie cross and I got her from Craigslist about five years ago and the sellers completely lied to us about her age and the fact she'd had pups (I could tell the pups thing but not her age). She recently had to have surgery for an infected uterus and the vet said she's probably about 8 or 9. She is the biggest suck on the planet and I love it lol She likes to sleep UP my shirt or sweater, right against my chest and it's precious
Janna is a husky/retriever cross that DH rescued a couple years ago. She goes with him to work most of the time and one of the first things I fell in love with about DH is how he babies that dog and spoils her rotten lol She sheds like mad but she is the sweetest, best behaved dog and I love her, too. 

rainbowturtles

The pictures didn't post with my message but here they are lol Wilbur, Janna, and Penny (Penny is all about that heat and steals my heating pads, too lol)

chloe97

@rainbowturtles Your puppies are so cute! It's very encouraging to hear people say that a new dog helped them through a MC. I'm scared to death that the dog will make it worse by cramping our style.

2.) I'm a freaking mess still due to rebalancing hormones, major anxiety/hypochondria/ a week long migraine attack and for some reason my boobs hurt like hell now. They felt fine during my 13 week pregnancy, but now they have to hurt and remind me I'm not pregnant. Awesome. 

3.) Im benched for the summer. I have my post D&C Dr's appt tomorrow. Im hoping to at least get cleared for sex (the MFM dr said 4 weeks, but for my last D&C it was 2). DH is not coming with and I'm worried I will be a wreck. The plan is to ask my OB about REs. I'm a bit concerned bc the RE we met with before we found out I was pregnant is a new practice and was ready to jump into injectables + IUI with me even though we got pregnant RIGHT away and it had been 2 cycles of trying. I want to go through RPL testing and figure out if my imbalanced hormones are the reason for the bad eggs I'm ovulating. I'm not sure I'm ready to jump to medicated cycles yet. Which leads 
me to my question.,,,

4.) Does anyone else have major qualms about starting Clomid or IVF because of risks of cancer or autism/special needs? I get pregnant very easily. I probably am super fertile. All I need is a good egg, but it seems like now at 37- they are hard for my body to come by- I feel utterly selfish increasing my child's risk of autism or other disorder and my own risk of cancer (and being taken early from my child) because I don't want to go through miscarriages. I try talking to DH about this and he thinks that we should just listen to what the RE has to say. He doesn't understand that the RE is going to tell us what will get us pregnant with a baby that I carry to term fastest, not what's best for my health/our child's health.

GTKY:Meet Ernie our new lab/terrier mix. He's 13 weeks old and so so sweet. We pick him next Monday!!

BornReady

lurking....Hope you don't mind my reply!

@chloe97 I had my IVF consult last month and asked about this and it was also covered extensively in the informed consent portion of the meeting. From my RE's perspective the cancer aspect is a "what came first the chicken or the egg" thing. She identifies the higher risk of cancer in patients who receive fertility meds/treatment, but also speculates that we don't know whether women who suffer from infertility are inherently more prone to reproductive cancers anyways (ie. HPV, Endo, environmental exposure etc.).

As far as the autism concern, that is mostly noted in multiple births (multiple embryo transfer). In the research I've read it looks like the rates of autism in single embryo transfers (especially frozen embryos) are equal to the general population. I was also told that the correlation between birth defects, autism, schizophrenia etc. also need to take into effect the people who are seeking out IVF (age, social status, infertility history etc.). But there is concern about the manipulation of the embryo especially with ICSI and PGD/PGS testing. It's still all so relatively new, I'm sure we'll learn more as we go along.

I think you are smart to question all of this, I know even though some of the info freaked me out, I was glad I knew it and could go in prepared with questions and making the best decision for myself/family/future baby. For us we have an MFI issue that makes natural fertilization unlikely, so IVF/ICSI is the most realistic choice for us getting pregnant and in a reasonable amount of time (we have conceived 2 x naturally on our own). It's definitely a pain-staking choice and full of hard decisions, way more than the general public might think on the surface. I hope your RE is able to guide/support you to making the best choices for you and DH!

yolandamunoz

2.) How are you feeling (physically and/or emotionally)?
I think I am getting better. My vacation (staycation) is over this week and I feel ok
about going back to work. It is not a dreadful thought any more. I am still doing blood work scans and doctors appointments, but I am handling it well. Tomorrow my husband is getting his sperm test and hopefully we can bring results to the OBGYN on Monday!

3.) Why are you benched/ how long are you benched for?
benched until further doctor's orders, after checking the tests results. On Monday I will have feedback from my OBGyN

4.) Rants/Raves/Questions?
I posted a special thread about diabetes and MC, maybe I can re-direct you here?

GTKY
My fur baby is a 3yo white miniature poodle called Luke Skywalker. He is a
loving cute little baby dog, spoiled but well behaved, and very helpful when in need of comfort. He knows when I'm upset and lies next to me, gets worried when I cry and tries to kiss my tears away... I am so thankful for his support during MC. That's why I am so glad that @chloe97 is getting a new puppy. I believe it would be so helpful for you and your DH.

Let my try to post a pic..

chloe97

Thank you for this @bornready This is what I was looking for. I had my D&C followup today and my Dr wants to test for ovarian reserve and quality blood tests and she said if that is okay that we don't NEED to go with the RE. Knowing that our baby had Triploidy helps because it was just as my Dr says "Shitty luck". Triploidy is due to an egg not releasing correctly and not a chromosomal abnormality in the egg itself.

My issue right now is that I'm 37 and by the time I'm ready to TTC again, it will be a year since we conceived our 1st baby. I have to this point conceived easily, but my body also holds on to bad pregnancies a long time. I really need this next pregnancy to be my take home baby because I just can't waste the time. So do I do everything in my power to get a good egg through interventions and increase my risk or do I cross my fingers and try again naturally? I'm sure my OB would say one thing and the RE another, so we're going to have to make this decision and it's a tough one!

rainbowturtles

That sounds like a really tough decision but hopefully you will be able to be at peace with what you decide and can move forward

this is probably inappropriate but I really want to see a pic of Ernie and I don't think it posted... 

chloe97

Ha!! Sorry!

Wishilivedinflorida

Lurky lurking just for this. 

@chloe97 OMG. Like seriously, OMG. 

dubcompanion

@chloe97 Another guilty lurker just for this! ERNIE IS SO ADORABLE. And my heart just melted into my lap. 

dpjennifer

@chloe97 totally lurking here.  Your new puppy is adorable!  What kind of puppy is it?  

chloe97

Thanks guys! He's a lab/terrier mix. We pick him up next week!!

Spartanrd4

Aww Ernie! I love his name and he's so cute. I think you are making a good decision, I hope he will be a wonderful addition to your family

RiverSong15

1) Not new, but I've stepped back a lot lately for personal reasons. 1st MC in Dec at 7 wks with unknown cause. 2nd MC in April because of a blighted ovum. Discovered on sonogram at 7wks, MC complete at 10 wks.

2) physically fine, emotionally I'm up and down. We just spent the long holiday weekend with friends who have a toddler and a 2-month old. I was surprisingly OK while there - I only had to excuse myself once when other people told us "you look good with a baby". I know we look good with a baby and would make damn good parents, but my body has other ideas. I'm more upset about it now that I'm back in our empty apartment and back to our regular life. I guess that's what has surprised me the most post-loss - being around babies doesn't bring pain while I'm holding them, but it hits later on when I'm home and feel the emptiness.

3) Self benched while we wait for test results and due to work travel this month. It's hard to TTC when I'll be out of the state for all of the most likely fertile week. As far as tests go, the saline sonogram was normal, which rules out structural issues. I never suspected that as a cause though, so I'm anxiously waiting for the bloodwork results. It's been two weeks already.... Come on lab! And my OB's office wants to wait to release all results together. I know karyotyping takes a while, but I'm grumpy about waiting. We are holding off on scheduling an RE appointment until we get the results. 

4) Took a look at the calendar and realized that with our bench time, the earliest we could get a take-home baby would be April 2017. Cue shock and sadness. That means if we don't get pregnant again first try or MC again, I'll be at least 34 before I have a kid, and I JUST turned 33 in May. WTF. This wasn't supposed to be this hard.

GTKY: @chloe97, looks like you and I have similar thought processes. H and I are also getting a puppy. The day after we found out the second pregnancy wasn't viable, we mailed a deposit to a breeder we had met with. We had been wanting a dog for a long time, but I was holding back because of TTC. It's 100% to fill the void, but it's the one thing I'm looking forward to this summer. BTW, Ernie is freaking adorable!!! 

rainbowturtles

OH MY DOGGGGGGG!!! Ernie is precious!!!

yolandamunoz

Oh my dog indeed! Ernie is so cute!' I am so glad you girls are getting dogs :-)

lyndam1

2.) How are you feeling (physically and/or emotionally)? Physically, I'm actually feeling really good! Today, I put in a solid 8 hours at work, first since this weekend's unexpected bleeding! I don't feel as tired and I'm enjoying it. Emotionally, I'm better too. I had a dream last night in which I had a tiny baby and he was in the NICU. However, in my dream I broke him out of there and took him to fair! It was strange, but it seems like my subconscious is still processing feelings and thoughts. Overall, better.  

3.) Why are you benched/ how long are you benched for? Benched for approximately 5 1/2 months now after termination of a cervical ectopic pregnancy. 

4.) Rants/Raves/Questions? Rant - My HCG is down to 306 as of yesterday! I feel like I'll get somewhat back to normalish soon! Question: has anyone had to replenish their blood/hemoglobin supply? If so, what did you do? I'm currently on a iron supplement, taking vitamin C and trying to eat lots of spinach and red meats. Anything else?

GTKY In honor of our new lab/terrier puppy Ernie- tell me about your fur babies. We have three furbabies! First came out dog, Polaris. She's a husky/border collie mix and is such a sweetheart. Smart and stubborn, just like us!  Then came Scooter, our first cat. He's such a troublemaker, but he clearly loves us! Then came Riley, our second cat. He's the typical Garfield-type cat: orange and fat, though he doesn't eat people food. He's just a sweetheart too. 

@chloe97 Seriously, Ernie is adorable! I just can't stand that face!!!

Here's my pup, the cats are less photogenic. 

ETA: the photo  

amberruka

Hello benched ladies!! Amber from OR

Benched until next endocrine appointment 7/22/16 due to thyroid issues arising from my MC.

R/R: @chloe97 I feel similar, I'm generally a healthy person but trying to silence the voice going, "you're almost 38 and it took you 8 months to get KU the first time!!" 

GTKY: this is my girl Pooka!! (Or, my crotchety old lady/attention whore). She's 11, I found her at 5 weeks when she crawled into my car engine and I started it. This is a few weeks ago pre and post her annual summer buzz cut (which she loves and we love for not having all the white tumbleweeds!). Otherwise, she's still got that ferile-ness in her and apt to run and hide for 3 days if you look at her funny....

EDIT: not sure why her buzz cut pic is at the bottom...

RiverSong15

I need to vent about my OB's office.... My RPL test results aren't back because the karyotyping takes 4 weeks. But my office didn't bother to tell me that, I had to call and ask. Then, I also had to ask about my husbands karyotyping. They said the the lab wouldn't have even sent them his results unless they call to tell them that because he's not my OB's patient. Then why the F@$& did they give us a lab work order for him instead of telling us do it through our PCP?

To top it off, they want me to make an appointment to discuss results with my OB (which has me freaking out about the results that HAVE come back.... Wouldn't they just tell me things are normal over the phone if nothing was wrong?) And the only day they have open this month is a Friday when my OB is on call (read: could be running HOURS behind). Otherwise I'd have to wait until the end of JULY for an appointment!!!! I can't wait that long for answers, sorry. And I can't wait that long to start fixing any problems.

 If this was what they wanted, they should have had me set up an appointment 3 weeks ago when I got the bloodwork done.... Not wait for me to call about it. Thank god the one opening is on a day I'm in town. I'm traveling for work two weeks out of four this month. Argh!!!! I love my OB but I HATE her office staff and nurse. So disorganized! Thanks for letting me rant ladies... If you got through that, you deserve a cookie.

chloe97

Ugh @RiverSong15 I'm so sorry! I understand how anxiety provoking that must be! 

SoonToBeMommaHowe

Hi ladies! @chloe97 Ernie is precious!! I don't know how I would've gotten through this past year without my fur baby so I think getting him was a fantastic idea.

2. Emotionally I'm feeling much better. Three weeks ago we hit the one year since MC mark and I think that has brought me a sense of peace somehow. Physically I'm finally back at the gym and focused on my diet...trying to get back to my former collegiate athlete self. My problem is I want insta results so I'm hoping I don't lose motivation after two weeks if I don't see any changes, but I am already down 2lbs after a week!!

3. I'm not sure how long I'm benched, I have decided that at least for the summer I don't want to take Clomid/Letrozole to ovulate I want to try to get my body back naturally. So who knows how long it will actually take me to have an ovulatory cycle.

4. Rave - My hubby's coming home today from a weeklong work trip in CO!! Rant - currently on CD 44 and was really hoping diet and exercise would shorten my cycle a little (last one was 50 days)..starting to run out of time for a shorter cycle.

GYKY - I LOVE this question! Here's my baby Wyatt, a two year old pit mix that we rescued two weeks after our miscarriage. 

Maymac18

1.) If you're new, introduce yourself. Hi all, my name is Macey, I am 35 and live in Florida. 

2.) How are you feeling (physically and/or emotionally)? Rollarcoaster best describes it. Good moments, bad moments. All of my dearest friends live far away and my husband doesn't 'get it' fully. I'm overwhelmed. Physically I just stopped bleeding red two days ago (2 wks, 2d after d&c) and have only had light brown discharge and today it's turning more normal-thank goodness!! Hoping this means no tissue was left behind. 

3.) Why are you benched/ how long are you benched for? Just diagnosed with a partial molar pregnancy after my D&c path report came back. It is rare and most haven't even heard of it. Benched for a MINIMUM of 6 months, but my hcg has to go to 0 for three weeks bf
the 6 month wait starts and since my preg test just popped positive yesterday, I know I won't be 0 at my blood draw Tuesday. 

4.) Rants/Raves/Questions? I'm just dwelling on this really and reading everything I can get my hands on.  Just typing here helps me vent bc it's all I am thinking about. 

rainbowturtles

@SoonToBeMommaHowe I hear ya on the frustration of not seeing results right away. I had a health crisis several years ago and now have certain limitations but am finally working myself up to some pretty decent workouts but it's taking a LOT of dedication and telling myself that this is GOOD FOR ME even if I'm not seeing results right away. I hope it goes well for you  

fiorip

Hello all! I'm dying over your furry babies, so adorable!!! 

2. Physically I'm doing great, I've lost 4 pounds already and continue on my diet and exercise regimen. Emotionally I'm still struggling with the fact that there's nothing that can be done to prevent a future loss. 

3. I've been given the green light by my doctor but I've benched myself for a while, I don't know how long, I need to work on my body for a while and make peace with the fact that it may or may not happen again. I just have to trust it won't. 

4. Question. How did you know you were ready to try again? How long did it take? 

5. We have two fur babies, Hiro is a Pekingese/chihuahua mix and Aaron is a German Sheppard. Hiro is a fiery little beast and Aaron is just the sweetest monster ever, he's so big. 

I'm over sharing pictures I know, I couldn't pick, they are so adorable. 

SoonToBeMommaHowe

Thank you @rainbowturtles!! I'm glad you were able to stick it out, hopefully I'll be the same way! I figure I'll take any progress (shorter cycles, weight loss, less depression, increased libido, an ovulatory cycle) as a positive

rainbowturtles

@fiorip your puppies made me smile so much!!! I'm sorry you're not feeling ready but it does make sense and only good can come from trying to make peace with your body before trying again Just know that I think there will ALWAYS be some fear due to what we've all unfortunately had to face I'm using meditation to try to let go of as much of that fear as possible but know it will always be there


I'm just chiming in because I have EWCM and wish I wasn't "wasting" it. Had a hard day emotionally, due to a number of factors

Amdogger82

I love everyone's photos!

1.) If you're new, introduce yourself.
Hi, I had a MMC at 8.5 weeks and found out at my 12 week scan 2/25. I had a D&C 5/27. 

2.) How are you feeling (physically and/or emotionally)?
I'm still really up and down. I'm just feeling a little lost. I can't TTC, I can't think about our future baby and I don't really know how to express how I feel. All weekend after the D&C I barely spotted, and then I went for a run last Tuesday (Dr. said I could go back to activity whenever I felt like it, minus sex) and since then I've been bleeding steadily. 

3.) Why are you benched/ how long are you benched for?
I am waiting one cycle. Although my Dr. didn't even give that as a hard and fast advisory. 

4.) Rants/Raves/Questions? Nope.

GTKY We have two dogs, Tula and Maya. They are part reindeer and can shoot laser beams from their eyes.

fiorip

@rainbowturtles thank you! My dogs have gotten me through the toughest times, their unconditional love is heart warming. You're right, the fear will always be there, I won't ever be able to enjoy being pregnant. 

rainbowturtles

@fiorip I wouldn't say necessarily that you'll NEVER be able to enjoy it, I just think there will be more competing fears involved than someone who hasn't had a loss, probably. We will all have to try a lot harder to not stress, worry and to try to relax. Personally I'm still really looking forward to being pregnant, but I know I'll be needing some MAJOR coping techniques going in to each scan and probably in between each scan, too! I believe there will still be room for joy, though. We'll just have to work harder at making space for it

yolandamunoz

Hello ladies

an update on my adventures.

So far I discovered I have some insulin resistance (diabetes heritage) and I have to go on a diet (grrrrr) and probably metformin after that. Nutritionist visit due on Friday.

my DH sperm tests said that there is a rather low % of healthy sperm, so if we are TTC we should try to fix that. We have an urologist appointment this Friday.

TW ******** losses ********


I still wonder... The 2 times I was pregnant I got PG really fast.. My problem is staying PG longer than 6w. My doctor did say that high insulin could cause repeated pregnancy loss, even though mine is not that high anyway.

still benched until my insulin is normalized. Trying to see the positive things... The silver lining.

BornReady

@yolandamunoz Glad you are getting some answers as you begin some testing. My DH has a sperm issue as well, giving us an MFI diagnosis. What I've learned about semen analyses is that they can be wildly different from test to test due to various factors. My DH has had 3 and we were shocked at the variation. Glad he will get to see the urologist and maybe rule some stuff out.

My RE recommended my DH take a multivitamin and Ubiquinol (a version of CoQ10) to improve things.

yolandamunoz

Thank You for sharing your experience @BornReady this is his first test and we didn't know what to expect. The doctor said they are cyclical and that this numbers can change from test to test. But it's better to get things to the best numbers possible so that we maximize our chances.

yay for vitamines!

fivetimesnoluck

Totally lurking from the TWW thread. Had to see all the pet pics! Love them. 

Wanted to add @chloe97 if you don't want to jump to IUI and injectables right away, then don't! I definitely understand your interest in being efficient and not wasting any time, but if you don't address underlying causes of RPL, it may be a waste. I know what feeling desperate is like, but make sure you have an RE who is going to do the research on you and your specific case before diving in. If they don't seem invested in the WHY, then it may be a sign they're not a great match. 

I am so hoping you to get more answers. Good luck! And congrats on Ernie! (We already had three dogs, but after our cat passed away suddenly in May and then we had our 2nd mc In August, we totally adopted another cat for comfort and distraction.)

ladipale

Howdy - I'm Laura. Had a MMC discovered at 13 weeks at end of Feb that required 2 D&C procedures to get taken care of. 

How are you feeling (physically and/or emotionally)?
Feeling mostly good physically - I'm holding onto a bunch of extra weight that has me feeling uncomfortable in my skin. Husband and I just got back from a weekend away for a wedding. it was a nice time away but we were with a bunch of pregnant people, one that is due just 1 week after my original due date in September so emotionally I am a bit of a mess. My due date is quickly approaching and I hate, hate hate it.

Why are you benched/ how long are you benched for?
Benched because, well, I don't really know. At this point, its all mental. I am traveling for the next 6 weeks and do not want to be in my first trimester while I am away from husband and doctor. I'm actually seeing my OB this week so I'll talk to her some more about when to try. I may also wait until September to try again because I LOVE teaching the class I just taught so if I can teach it again next year that would be great. Its such a hard hard decision. 

srnj3

1.) If you're new, introduce yourself.

Hi, I'm new to this board. I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. We found out at our nuchal ultrasound at 12 weeks. My D&C was Memorial Day weekend. This would have been the first baby for my husband and I.

2.) How are you feeling (physically and/or emotionally)?

Physically, I feel fine. I have been trying to workout more. I feel like I am making up for the time I didn't work out during my pregnancy because I felt so fatigued. I don't feel summer ready because I was expecting to be pregnant over this summer. I feel very self conscious about my body right now.

Emotionally, I am still a wreck. I have some ups but a lot of downs. I'm a planner so these feelings of not having control are eating me up. I feel useless at work because I cannot stop thinking about the events of the past few weeks. I have so many fears about TTC again but I want a baby so bad.

3.) Why are you benched/ how long are you benched for?

I just finished bleeding post D&C this weekend. My physician advised to a wait a cycle before TTC again. I may wait two cycles to become more familiar with what my new cycle will be like.

4.) Rants/Raves/Questions?

My cycles were very routine before I got pregnant so having to wait for it to come is making me anxious.

GTKY - No fur babies for us. I am a cat person. My husband is a dog person.  I don't know if we'll ever agree on what type of pet we want but we do know we want a human baby first.

Amdogger82

@srnj3 I have so many of the same feelings. I also had my d&c Memorial Day weekend and finally just stopped bleeding too. I had really mostly stopped exercising during my pregnancy too, and now I feel like my body isn't the one I had and it's not the one I'd been hoping to have, and it does a number on your heart/mind because it's a constant reminder of what's happened. All around it's difficult, but I hope it's a comfort to know others are feeling the same and you're not alone in this!

srnj3

Amdogger82 said:

@srnj3 I have so many of the same feelings. I also had my d&c Memorial Day weekend and finally just stopped bleeding too. I had really mostly stopped exercising during my pregnancy too, and now I feel like my body isn't the one I had and it's not the one I'd been hoping to have, and it does a number on your heart/mind because it's a constant reminder of what's happened. All around it's difficult, but I hope it's a comfort to know others are feeling the same and you're not alone in this!

Absolutely! I have been finding a lot of comfort on the Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss board. I personally don't know anyone who has suffered a miscarriage so I feel very alone at home among family and friends. It has been relieving to read everyone's posts because I relate so much to your feelings. Thank you for your kind response!

RiverSong15

Welcome @srnj3 and @ladipale. I'm sorry you find yourselves here, but this board is full of awesome ladies.

As for myself, looks like we may be benched longer than I really wanted. All our loss testing came back normal, including ovarian reserve (yay!!!), except for one APS antibody, which was above normal but in the "indeterminate" range. I need to have it retested in 12 weeks. We're also having trouble getting my thyroid stable, which sucks. It seems like every time I get pregnant, my thyroid just gets worse and worse. I have to up my dose again, and my PCP wants to wait 2-3 months to see if it's stable. I have an appointment with my OB on Friday to discuss everything so we'll see what she says. I'm mostly concerned that I have a lot of minor factors (thyroid antibodies/fluctuating TSH, Antiphospholipids, possible mild PCOS, inflammation) that on their own are not seen as a big deal, but put together may increase my chances of a MC a lot. We'll see.

As much as I hate the idea of waiting for September, my instinct tells me it's best to wait for my body to be in better shape. It's a hard pill to swallow though, because it means it'll be 34 before I have a baby next May or June  at the earliest. And I just turned 33! Ugh.

ETA: I AM grateful that most things came back normal, really. It means our chances of carrying to term eventually are good. 

chloe97

@srnj3 and @amdogger82  I'm feeling the same way re: my body and TTC. I had lost 15 lbs before TTC in preparation for my wedding and all the weight is back! I also stopped exercising outside of walking during my 13 week pregnancy and so I'm just getting back in the habit of running. I lost my appetite during my pregnancy, so I let myself eat whatever I wanted because I needed the calories. Well, guess what the appetite came back and I am still eating whatever I want! I gave myself a month of reprieve, but it is time to get back in to the good habits! I have to keep telling myself that I need to eat health and workout to keep my cycle regular so that I can actually get pregnant again when it's time. It's really hard to motivate myself though.

prayingforbabyh

1.) Hi everyone! I'm Jana, I am 28 and from California. I had a d&e at 21 weeks on April 21st after our baby girl was diagnosed with Triploidy. She was our first pregnancy, we conceived her naturally after being diagnosed with DOR and have been ttc for 3 years.

2.) How are you feeling (physically and/or emotionally)?

Physically...I have signed myself up for a boot camp class I attend 4 days a week to help lose some pregnancy weight. It is hard seeing my body after baby, but not having my baby. My stomach still tends to swell, and my linea nigra is a constant reminder of the loss my body and I have both gone through.

Emotionally, I have my good days, and then I have my very bad days. If I see a pregnant women, I have to look the other way. Thursdays are hard for me, as that was when my pregnancy week began. So every Thursday, I think of how far along I would be. I have her crib in her room, along with paint samples, clothes, blankets, moccasins, head bands, and picture frames that I have not put away, nor do I plan to anytime soon. My husband and I sleep with her baby blanket her great grandmother made for her. I now have anxiety and get extremely nervous going around people. I have had someone ask how I was feeling and commented that my bump was small, at first I thought they were checking on me to see how I was doing, then realized they thought I was still pregnant. I told her I was no longer pregnant and out of reaction I rubbed my own belly to show her my flat stomach, to which she then commented "waiting for the bump to grow?" and I walked away. I don't know if and when it will ever get easier, I'm just learning life goes on no matter what you are going through, and I am taking it day by day.

3.) Why are you benched/ how long are you benched for?

The dr who did my surgery said I should wait 6 months since I was half way through my pregnancy so my body can heal, but my MFM dr told me 3 cycles. I have had 1 cycle, so August we can officially start trying, although my husband and I both want to try now, but we will wait. I have a appointment with my MFM to ask him whatever questions I need to and pretty much finalize this pregnancy. I have had my HCG testing done and my level is back to 0.

4.) Rants/Raves/Questions?

I have a lot of rants, but today, I want to keep it positive. I want to tell everyone I am so sorry for all of your losses, and not to lose hope. I hope to be pregnant again soon, and the same for all of you. This journey can put us in a extremely dark place, and while we do deserve time to grieve and feel our pain and no time can be put on how long that "should" be, don't forget to be positive and live. Don't stop living. I was cooped up in my house and I stopped living, and I became very depressed, alienated myself from everyone and was negative. I struggled with infertility for 3 years, and I caught myself falling into the same dark place I struggled with then, and I knew I needed to get myself out of it because I need to be in a healthy state mentally and physically when we begin ttc again.

GTKY - We have 2 black labs, Ziggy is almost 10 years old and Kona is 5. They are my best friends and have helped me through the worst times of my life. Not sure how I would have gotten through this without them. I would like another dog, but want to wait til we have a baby in our arms, then get a puppy so they can grow up together. I will be busy, but my heart will be full.