Went for 12 week ultrasound but my baby stopped growing at 9 weeks

Knottie69717311

Hi everyone. I'm having a really hard time coping when my loss. This was my first pregnancy and I've longed to be a mommy for as long as I can remember.  When I went for my 12 week ultrasound my sweet baby was only measuring at 9 weeks, there was still a heartbeat. A few days later I ended up in the ER. Blood levels dropped and no heartbeat was detected on the ultrasound. My best friend just had a baby, my other best friend and my sister in law are bothdue 2 weeks before I was due. They both find out the genders of their babies this week. My other sister in law is due in 6 weeks. I just feel so defeated and crushes. None of my friends  have experienced this (nor do I want them orAnyone to experience this) It's just hard to talk to them.  
I keep praying and praying for a healthy pregnancy. 

jdebaie

I am so sorry for your loss. I've only been on this board for about a month but it has helped tremendously with my healing.  It hits me harder when I see someone that is pregnant as well.  Hugs to you.

Sugargirl1019

I'm so sorry, it feels absolutely terrible and I cried several days in a row. I kept wishing I could make my baby's heart beat again. Cry, and cry often. Your SO may not react how you want or expect him to, but he's grieving in his own way as well (even if it's joking around and trying to have sex, like mine).

 I found a lot of support here on The Bump, and it really made things.. more concrete as I typed things out and actually told people things. It helped me cope. Strangely enough, I'm glad I had people to tell - like my sister and and my small group. I was forced to keep busy by traveling and being around people and also returning to work, and that distraction helped me from spiraling down into a bad place for my health.

I encourage you to cry, mourn "silly" things that are tangible to you right now (like my announcement picture I can't use anymore) and keep busy. Don't isolate yourself all the time. 

I know it's hard to be around women in your life who are pregnant or have babies, and I'm so sorry seeing them hurts. Hugs, hugs and more hugs.

Knottie69717311

Thank you ladies for your responses. I'm so sorry for both of your losses. Thank you for all the advice. Just reading your responses give me comfort. Just when I think I have no tears left, I'm proven wrong.

I feel like a terrible person for seeing pregnant women and wanting to cry. Saturday is my sister in laws baby shower. Just need to get through that without a breakdown in front of everyone.

I'm staying busy and much as I can. My students are great!  I'm slowly getting back into my workouts. 

I can't wait to start trying again!

Hopefulmommy1980

I am so sorry for your loss. It has been over a month since my loss and I still cry. It is nice to be able to post on here and to find out you are not the only feeling the way you feel or similar. It has been easier for me to talk to people on here than in real life at time, bc I am afraid of making people feel uncomfortable. Be sure to take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve. 

Glitter

I and many others definitely know how you feel. I was an emotional mess, I still am but most days Im ok now. It was hard having no one to talk to in real life but I was lucky enough to be on here during my experience and am so thankful for all the ladies here. I still get sad seeing pregnant women, its something I will get over, I have to but It will always trigger the sadness. Ill never forget my angel babies but I hope to one day get to hold a child of my own in my arms. 

@Sugargirl1019 I know exactly what you mean when you said you mourn your announcement picture. We had all these plans, we had all these ideas and wants for our pregnancy. This is the dumbest thing but about 5 days before my mc I ordered preggy pops, well the day after my d&c they arrived. Im sure I looked hilarious crying over preggy pops candy but I was heartbroken. We all have those lil moments and Im sure Ill have more. We are grieving more than the loss of a baby, which that alone is hard, but were grieving the life it would of had, our chance at holding our babies, placing them in their nursery, their first words, all that. Those lil moments i break down allow me to function the rest of the day. We will be stronger from this, and our babies are waiting for us. 

HLD3194

It is hard, no getting around that. I cancelled a lot of plans during that time with people who were expecting. I was happy for them and wish them well but knew I couldn't sit there and small talk with them. I think most people would understand. Are you sure you want to attend this baby shower? Are you able to slip out if it becomes too overwhelming? If you feel up to it go but I avoided baby related things up until recently (it's been 11 weeks since my loss) and still limit my baby related activities. I hope you find comfort from this community because I surely have. We are here for you and feel free to vent/cry/yell whatever you need to do whenever. Best of luck to you 

Knottie69717311

Thank you ladies. You have all brought me so much comfort. It's been a tough week, my sister is having a girl and best friend is having a boy. They were so excited when they told me. I hung up and cried, and cried and cried.
I feel like I have to go to my sister in laws (brothers wife) shower on Saturday. This is their rainbow baby. When they went for their 18 week appointment they found out their baby's heart stopped beating. It makes me feel horrible that they lost a baby and I have the jealousy feeling when I see her. What is wrong with me?!

Hopefulmommy1980

Nothing is wrong with you. I think we can feel happy for others and still sad or jealous for ourselves. Hug

BrightenMySky

Absolutely nothing is wrong with you. This sounds totally normal.  What they have been through on their journey  does not change how you are allowed to feel about your own journey.  I understand that you feel like you have to go to the shower, but can you go late and/or leave early?  Take breaks to give yourself some space as you need it?  Be gentle with yourself.  

Knottie69717311

I almost made it through the whole baby shower without any breakdowns. Then towards the end of the shower someone looked at me and said..."now, we are just waiting on you..." 
I told them my story and had to take a little break..

as of now, I'm laying in bed with horrible cramps.  I'm feeling like it's my AF coming (almost 4 weeks after D&C). 

rainbowturtles

I'm so sorry; that must have been so hard

Sugargirl1019

Ugh, in my hurt spirit, I hope that person who said that now feels like a shitty person. I hope that even these bad situations are opportunities for you to find healing. Thinking of you, and praying AF is on her way because ..I know it may not make things any easier, but at least things will continue forward.

BrightenMySky

@Knottie69175313 sorry about that insensitive comment.  Glad the shower is behind you.  Sending you hugs.