Why is it any of your mom's business how you feed your child? If my mother had come into my house after my first was born and started making pronouncements about what my baby would be eating, she'd have found herself tossed out posthaste.
I think you ladies are missing the point in what @mmemartinez is saying. Her experience is, she never gave up and was successful, proving the OP wrong. She even said she was grateful for the tough love from her mom. Obviously, she doesn't sound resentful of her mom. We don't know what kind of relationship they have, so why are you all judging?
Anyway, this thread was a hilarious read. OP is definitely right, she's pretty clueless.
@tgortney If her mom actually said 'no grandchild of mine will be formula fed' then it's absolutely rude and overbearing. There are better ways to encourage someone to try again than to make them feel like absolute shit. It's also pretty rude for someone to insinuate that you can parent better than the mother (which grandma did). I agree on the O.p. being absolutely clueless.
Most of the time there is no medical need to formula feed. Sometimes it is difficult. I'm not resentful at all about what my mom did and she would have accepted it had it actually been impossible to breastfeed. Most of the time that is not the case. Most of the time people give up rather than work hard...in many aspects of life, not just breastfeeding. When you're sleep deprived and dealing with something you've never done before, it's very easy to give up. I'm surprised no one here has ever been pushed hard by a coach or parent to do their best with strong words. It was something I wanted for my kid too but I also wanted to take the easy way out and for me it was a reminder not to give in. Everyone's different and entitled to their opinion; my mom's a nurse and she was right. Not a big deal to me, don't be so offended on my behalf.
ETA: if you WANT to formula feed, formula feed. By all means. But if you want to BF and believe that's a better choice then I think it's important to understand it is difficult and requires persistence in some cases, and that some struggles in the beginning are normal, and that if that happens you need to seek outside help to get it done, and not throw in the towel because it is a challenge.
Most of the time there is no medical need to formula feed. Sometimes it is difficult. I'm not resentful at all about what my mom did and she would have accepted it had it actually been impossible to breastfeed. Most of the time that is not the case. Most of the time people give up rather than work hard...in many aspects of life, not just breastfeeding. When you're sleep deprived and dealing with something you've never done before, it's very easy to give up. I'm surprised no one here has ever been pushed hard by a coach or parent to do their best with strong words. It was something I wanted for my kid too but I also wanted to take the easy way out and for me it was a reminder not to give in. Everyone's different and entitled to their opinion; my mom's a nurse and she was right. Not a big deal to me, don't be so offended on my behalf.
ETA: if you WANT to formula feed, formula feed. By all means. But if you want to BF and believe that's a better choice then I think it's important to understand it is difficult and requires persistence in some cases, and that some struggles in the beginning are normal, and that if that happens you need to seek outside help to get it done, and not throw in the towel because it is a challenge.
Yea, that's a rude thing to say. You don't know other mothers' struggles with bf, so don't just ASSUME it's most likely because they've given up and didn't try hard enough. That's crap. Encouraging someone to do their best is way different than talking down to someone to force them to do the things the way you want them to. I'm glad bf worked for you, but don't just sit on your high horse and state that others didn't work hard at it. I had 2, preemie babies that were stuck in the nicu for weeks after birth. Neither could latch and it was Hell trying to get my milk in. We consulted every LC available to us. I drank the nasty tea, ate the cookies, took the fenugreek, pumped as much as I could while holding clothes with their scent and looking at their photos, sometimes even held them, still what little milk I had come in, didn't last long. I spent weeks and weeks stressing and feeling like a I was failing as a mother with needing to supplement because of statements I'd heard and read from people like you. Mommy shamers who just throw a blanket statement out there when they only really know their real struggles, it's ridiculous. Is bfing hard? Absolutely it is and I give great props to those women who stuck with it and keep bfing until their babies are 6 months, a year, 2 years. But those women who struggled and did everything in their power and still had to switch to formula, they deserve recognition as well. It's not something we just decided on like we were ordering a burger. I don't regret my decision to "give up" at all. My babies are healthy, growing and hitting milestones where they should be.
Most of the time there is no medical need to formula feed. Sometimes it is difficult. I'm not resentful at all about what my mom did and she would have accepted it had it actually been impossible to breastfeed. Most of the time that is not the case. Most of the time people give up rather than work hard...in many aspects of life, not just breastfeeding. When you're sleep deprived and dealing with something you've never done before, it's very easy to give up. I'm surprised no one here has ever been pushed hard by a coach or parent to do their best with strong words. It was something I wanted for my kid too but I also wanted to take the easy way out and for me it was a reminder not to give in. Everyone's different and entitled to their opinion; my mom's a nurse and she was right. Not a big deal to me, don't be so offended on my behalf.
ETA: if you WANT to formula feed, formula feed. By all means. But if you want to BF and believe that's a better choice then I think it's important to understand it is difficult and requires persistence in some cases, and that some struggles in the beginning are normal, and that if that happens you need to seek outside help to get it done, and not throw in the towel because it is a challenge.
Yea, that's a rude thing to say. You don't know other mothers' struggles with bf, so don't just ASSUME it's most likely because they've given up and didn't try hard enough. That's crap. Encouraging someone to do their best is way different than talking down to someone to force them to do the things the way you want them to. I'm glad bf worked for you, but don't just sit on your high horse and state that others didn't work hard at it. I had 2, preemie babies that were stuck in the nicu for weeks after birth. Neither could latch and it was Hell trying to get my milk in. We consulted every LC available to us. I drank the nasty tea, ate the cookies, took the fenugreek, pumped as much as I could while holding clothes with their scent and looking at their photos, sometimes even held them, still what little milk I had come in, didn't last long. I spent weeks and weeks stressing and feeling like a I was failing as a mother with needing to supplement because of statements I'd heard and read from people like you. Mommy shamers who just throw a blanket statement out there when they only really know their real struggles, it's ridiculous. Is bfing hard? Absolutely it is and I give great props to those women who stuck with it and keep bfing until their babies are 6 months, a year, 2 years. But those women who struggled and did everything in their power and still had to switch to formula, they deserve recognition as well. It's not something we just decided on like we were ordering a burger. I don't regret my decision to "give up" at all. My babies are healthy, growing and hitting milestones where they should be.
Thanks for writing that @suchaglencoco! I have twins and I tried breastfeeding and even though they were born at 38 weeks they've had A LOT of trouble eating in general. Neither would latch, and one now takes almost an hour to eat 2 ounces of formula. FEEDING my babies either way has been hard, and I resent those who assume I gave up or didn't want to put the work in. I am not ashamed to formula feed, because I know they are fed and are growing and happy. My mom asked me something after I talked with her about how hard breastfeeding was - she asked me that if I was spending so much time crying and feeling guilty because of the difficulty of breastfeeding and didn't get any chance to enjoy my baby or enjoy being a mom, then is it worth it? To me, frankly, it wasn't. To lots of women it is, but to me it just wasn't. I don't think that makes me a bad mom at all. You don't know how hard I worked or what my husband and I dealt with before we made the decision that we did. But it most certainly wasn't because I "just didn't feel like it".
@wmam35, exactly! I was starting to get so upset that I was not enjoying motherhood the way you should. I was disappointed in myself for a few days after I made the decision, but I felt a huge weight off of my shoulders. By that time, I was pumping for over 6 hours a day and only getting enough to give one feeding to each a day. It wasn't worth it. I even spoke with a LC about it before finalizing my decision and she agreed it'd be for the best as I was so stressed at that point, it would only continue to hurt my supply.
So, I gave up when my supply dropped when I went back to work? I can't pump at work but maybe once... in a 12 hour shift. So it was either formula and feed my family, or breastfeed and lose our home.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you made the right decision.
I stopped BF my DD because the ani-depressants I was taking were making her loose weight. My doctor told me I had 3 choices. Go off meds completely so I could keep BF, try one other anti-depressant that would put her at risk for permanent liver damage or switch to FF and stay on my meds. Should have been an easy choice but because of the stigma moms who FF face it was incredibly difficult for me. In the end I choose the best thing for myself and my child.
And btw FF was a hell of a lot harder than BF for me. Financially it was hard, it's difficult to juggle making a bottle while you have a screaming infant and it really sucks running out of formula in the middle of the night. Plus all the extra dishes you have to do to keep the bottles and nippeles clean. Plus My DD hated formula and bottles so it was extremely stressful trying to get her to switch from breast milk.
i FF & i freaking love it. i BF him for a month & cried almost non-stop. the stress of BFing & constantly having him on me was making me almost resentful. i wasn't enjoying motherhood at all. now that i FF i feel 110% better. i don't dread every day & night anymore. i can get help feeding if & when i need it. i feel happy to be a mom now. it really bothers me that sooo many people, mainly other mothers it seems, judge FFing moms for theit choice to switch. it isn't "giving up", it's doing what's best for yourself & for baby.
I struggled hard with Bfeeding, both the pain in beginning (undiagnosed tongue tie and then lazy latch) and not enjoying it combined with some serious post baby blues. I have both ends of the argument, DH seriously urged me to keep trying, and my mom was urging me to give up and FF. Im glad i stuck with bfing due to convenience as it is easier at night, however i think i may have recovered quicker if i switched to FF. A happy mum is JUST as important as a fed baby, and as long as mum is happy with whatever decision she makes, thats all that matters. I seriously feel for the mothers that wanted to bfeed and cant for whatever reasons, i feel both blessed and a bit guilty that i have the choice when so many others dont. People need to be careful with generalisations as you never know someone elses story.
I find it kind of ironic that you feel these boards set women up for failure by not providing accurate, real life information and experiences yet in the same breath you say formula fed babies sleep better than bf babies as though it's a fact. Talk about setting someone up with unrealistic Information and expectations. Think of that mom who stops BFing for whatever reason who is now looking forward to baby sleeping so much better (based on your great advice) only to find out formula fed babies often still need to eat every 2-3 hours the first weeks sometimes even months. My DD woke every 3hrs to feed like clockwork the first 2 months and she was formula fed. Plus sterilizing bottles, mixing formula and warming them at 3am is hard too IMO. Babies are hard no matter how you feed them and as a FF mom (I tried BFing and milk never came in so I have experience with both as many moms do) I resent the implication that switching from BFing to formula is going to suddenly make your life magical and easy. Also your personal experience has zero bearing on how motherhood will be for other moms on here, I'm sure a woman in her 3rd trimester has done her research and is prepared and if she isn't she'll quickly figure it out without your unsolicited advice.
@PugLoveBug if that works for you great, what I do works for me, I didn't intend to make it sound like my method of formula prep is universal and reflects everyone experience, sorry if it came off that way. My point was babies are hard regardless of what you do and no one needs anyone else to tell them that. Also however anyone else feeds their baby is awesome for them. Whatever works for your family - fed baby = happy baby and happy family.
I'm bummed because I thought this post would be a really interesting "here's what you were encouraged to buy and here's what you probably realistically need in the first 10 weeks of life". Not some diatribe on how hard breast feeding was (every class, book, nurse, lactation consultant, former parent will tell you that feeding a new baby is hard no matter what method you use) and that every one is bound to fail.
Now I would love to read a post by some new moms who could say: this is how my first 12 weeks of life with a newborn went. And STM and TTMs could kick in with their memories. THAT would be insanely helpful to read and help prepare me for what's to come in the next 8 weeks. It doesn't have to be all sunshine and unicorns either. Hopeful no one is delusional enough to think that having a newborn at home would be easy.
Although, what I can gather from OP, you were home alone and trying to do it all by yourself. Which does suck. Even my breastfeeding class encouraged every one to have at least one support with you in the first few weeks to cheer you on, help you out, etc. I'm sorry the transition to parenthood was made that much more difficult for you.
I'm sorry I can't get over you saying "and feeding a baby every 2 hours just isn't possible". I find it hard to believe that you are that ignorant. What did you think the fairy milk mother was going to float in every 2 hours breast a spraying to feed your child? Or did you hope your LO would wiggle to the fridge and heat up some left overs whenever they were hungry. Heads up lady, my little man is 4 months old and he still eats every 3 hours. You are in for a rude awakening.
Re: Some baby item advice from FTM with 10 week old
I am all about support, but that is ridiculous.
Anyway, this thread was a hilarious read. OP is definitely right, she's pretty clueless.
I agree on the O.p. being absolutely clueless.
ETA: if you WANT to formula feed, formula feed. By all means. But if you want to BF and believe that's a better choice then I think it's important to understand it is difficult and requires persistence in some cases, and that some struggles in the beginning are normal, and that if that happens you need to seek outside help to get it done, and not
throw in the towel because it is a challenge.
I'm glad bf worked for you, but don't just sit on your high horse and state that others didn't work hard at it. I had 2, preemie babies that were stuck in the nicu for weeks after birth. Neither could latch and it was Hell trying to get my milk in. We consulted every LC available to us. I drank the nasty tea, ate the cookies, took the fenugreek, pumped as much as I could while holding clothes with their scent and looking at their photos, sometimes even held them, still what little milk I had come in, didn't last long. I spent weeks and weeks stressing and feeling like a I was failing as a mother with needing to supplement because of statements I'd heard and read from people like you. Mommy shamers who just throw a blanket statement out there when they only really know their real struggles, it's ridiculous.
Is bfing hard? Absolutely it is and I give great props to those women who stuck with it and keep bfing until their babies are 6 months, a year, 2 years. But those women who struggled and did everything in their power and still had to switch to formula, they deserve recognition as well. It's not something we just decided on like we were ordering a burger.
I don't regret my decision to "give up" at all. My babies are healthy, growing and hitting milestones where they should be.
And btw FF was a hell of a lot harder than BF for me. Financially it was hard, it's difficult to juggle making a bottle while you have a screaming infant and it really sucks running out of formula in the middle of the night. Plus all the extra dishes you have to do to keep the bottles and nippeles clean. Plus My DD hated formula and bottles so it was extremely stressful trying to get her to switch from breast milk.
End of story
TTC #2: Oct 2017, BFP 12/19/17, CP 12/22/17
BFP 2/20/18 - EDD 10/31/2018
Now I would love to read a post by some new moms who could say: this is how my first 12 weeks of life with a newborn went. And STM and TTMs could kick in with their memories. THAT would be insanely helpful to read and help prepare me for what's to come in the next 8 weeks. It doesn't have to be all sunshine and unicorns either. Hopeful no one is delusional enough to think that having a newborn at home would be easy.
Although, what I can gather from OP, you were home alone and trying to do it all by yourself. Which does suck. Even my breastfeeding class encouraged every one to have at least one support with you in the first few weeks to cheer you on, help you out, etc. I'm sorry the transition to parenthood was made that much more difficult for you.
@suchaglencoco ducking dying. That was amazing.