Babies: 0 - 3 Months
faithish
member
First time mom breastfeeding blues
faithish
member
Hi all - I'm a new first time mom to Peter, who is 11 days old. I started out wanting to exclusively breastfeed, but it was rough going due to my son's strong latch - he all but destroyed my nipples, and the nurse gave me a nipple shield and some gel pads to help. Apparently I still wasn't getting it right, though, because he would cry after every feeding and wasn't gaining weight. He was born at 7 lb 14 oz, and as of his last visit to the lactation nurse was about 7 lb 5 oz. and dropping. The nurse said that he wasn't getting enough milk, which was in turn causing my supply to go down, so they rented me a pump to help bring it up. I've noticed increased amounts of milk in the pump, and just based on what comes out when he nurses, I think my supply is increasing, but I'm still struggling like crazy when I try to feed him. Most of the time, he'll nurse for 2-3 minutes and get drowsy. I do my best to keep him awake by playing with his feet, touching his face, giving him a gentle jiggle, changing positions, swapping breasts, etc. etc. etc., but it doesn't help much. I feed him for 15-20 minutes on each breast, and he always falls asleep and appears content, but the minute I try to move him, he starts crying. We've had to supplement with formula, but it was supposed to be a temporary measure just while we waited for the milk to come in. The milk is in, but it seems like he's still not getting enough, because I always need to give him 2 oz. of formula to keep him happy after I've fed him. Every time my son is in my arms, he's crying. It's heartbreaking to think that I can't make him happy no matter what I do. I spend a good 40 minutes or so at each feeding (I don't let it go any more than 3 hours between each feeding), then it takes me roughly 20 minutes to pump, then I have to clean the supplies from the pump, and by the time all that is done, it's almost time to feed him again. I feel like all I do is feed, pump, and wash. It's exhausting.
My other concern is that he sleeps a ton. He only spends a total of a few hours awake each day, and that's mostly for diaper changes and feedings. He doesn't seem to be sick, just very sleepy most of the time. Sometimes it's a lot of work to wake him up for a feeding. I just feel like the only time he's awake is when he's crying, and I just feel awful about it. I want to have a happy baby, not for my sake, but for his. I don't know what to do.
My other concern is that he sleeps a ton. He only spends a total of a few hours awake each day, and that's mostly for diaper changes and feedings. He doesn't seem to be sick, just very sleepy most of the time. Sometimes it's a lot of work to wake him up for a feeding. I just feel like the only time he's awake is when he's crying, and I just feel awful about it. I want to have a happy baby, not for my sake, but for his. I don't know what to do.
Re: First time mom breastfeeding blues
My goodness you basically described my first child! Nearly everything you said was exactly what I went through with my son so I feel your pain!!!
I had to strip my son down to his diaper and put a cold can of soda on his body. I wasn't making enough milk, he was dropping weight AND he had jaundice pretty bad so feeding was critical and he wasn't eating enough. Eventually the nurse who came out to our house everyday (for his jaundice) saw me crying on the couch with my baby crying on my lap and she opened a can of formula and asked if she could feed him. My life and my son's life drastically improved from that point on.
Once I got over the initial disappointment of breastfeeding not working out, I was SO much happier without the stress of it all. I'm NOT saying to give up but I am saying this is the hardest time for breastfeeding and you need to make a decision about whether you want to push through, or give formula instead.
As far as being tired goes, that's pretty normal for an 11 day old. They sleep a ton BUT you do need to make sure the Pedi is aware of this and he/she isn't concerned about your LO's health. With you not producing much milk, he might not be eating enough or getting enough nutrition so make sure to call the Pedi.
Being a FTM is incredibly difficult and I understand what you are going through but believe me when I say it does get so much better. Good luck to you OP.
We have an appointment with the lactation nurse this afternoon. I'd like to keep the pump a bit longer (I started out renting it for one week to increase the supply, but it's convenient for prepping). My hospital is really big on pushing breastfeeding - they recommend that babies be breastfed for the first year, or six months at the very least. I'm going to make six months my goal, because I know how crucial the benefits are for him, but I'll be honest, six months seems like a very, very long way away at this point.
I think that's a great plan...just don't beat yourself up for any decision you make. Your LO will be just fine. Hang in there. You are in the thick of it and it isn't easy one bit.
On the other hand, the nurse heard my concerns, and I wasn't hugely thrilled with her suggestions. She did say that it'd be a good idea to undress him to his diaper while feeding (I'd heard this before, but it seemed like kind of a hassle, and no WAY am I doing that for his overnight feedings), which helped to keep him more alert while we were there, and she said he was getting plenty of milk and that I really didn't need to supplement with formula, and she didn't think I needed to pump anymore, since my supply was up (although again, I'm doing that partially for convenience). The one part I really wasn't thrilled about was that she told me I should feed him every 1.5 to 2 hours instead of every 2.5 to 3 like I'd been previously told. I asked her what I should do if I fed him 15-20 minutes from each breast as I've been doing and he didn't seem satisfied, and she said I could just switch back to the first breast again. This would mean spending at least 45 minutes to 1 hour on each feeding, and getting maybe an hour break before I go back to it again. Maybe I'm selfish, but that just doesn't seem realistic to me. I won't be able to get anything else done, which is all well and good at the moment because I've got my mom and my husband here helping out until next week, but after that she'll be headed back home (across the country) and he'll be going back to work during the week. Up to this point, I've been taking pretty much all my cues from the doctors and nurses, which naturally have mostly been against formula and breastfeeding. But one home health nurse who came by when Peter had jaundice had a good piece of advice for me - as a mom of two young children herself, she said that sometimes you've just got to trust your gut and do what works best for you and your family. I'd like to think I have enough sense that I'd never do anything that would inadvertently put my son in any kind of jeopardy, so I think I need to be a little less afraid to try a few different things to find what works best for us. As Knottie4978096 mentioned, most of our generation (myself included) were formula fed, and we seem to be doing all right.
Thanks again for your support, ladies. I can't tell you how comforting it is to me.
If if it doesn't work out for you, as PPs said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with formula feeding. I was formula fed and I'm fine! There's not shame in doing what's right for you and baby
a few tips I learned:
you don't have to wash the pump parts after each use! Put them in a ziplock bag or sealed container and stash them in the fridge between uses. Wash once a day.
often sleepiness on the boob indicates that the work of suckling is not being reinforced with getting milk. My girl had a tongue tie. She couldn't get the milk out of me, so she would just dose off. Once we corrected the tongue tie she can bf like a champ. Has your little been evaluated for ties?
You ultimately have to do whatever works for you and preserves you and your family's sanity. Just nurse a few times a day and give bottles the rest if you need a break. As my lactation consultant says, the goal is to keep you in the breastfeeding game as long as possible because in time it almost always gets easier.
i just want to share my experience with you.
DD was born 3 weeks early and wouldn't latch or stay awake for feedings. Around 7 weeks I discovered her lip tie which might have contributed to her struggles as well as her size.
I started pumping right away to build and keep a supply but still struggled through attempting to nurse her. At my lactation appointment we discovered she wasn't getting any milk (not your problem since I saw your baby is getting enough) and the LC noticed she had jaundice. I ended up supplementing for two+ weeks. I also continued to exclusively pump because DD was not successful at breastfeeding and pretty much gave up trying to nurse.
After 5 weeks of struggling DD finally managed to successfully nurse and by 7 weeks she was exclusively breastfed.
I think it's good that I kept trying for so long because I think she was just too small and weak to be successful at breastfeeding and once she was bigger and stronger she started to get it. She's about to be 12 weeks and sometimes it's still hard but I remind myself that's she's almost 6 weeks behind on nursing. It helps that I'm a SAHM so I do have the time to do it. Our nursing sessions started out being over an hour each time but have slowly but surely gotten shorter. We're nursing for 45 minutes or less at a time now.
If you're able and willing, keep trying- it might just click and start getting better. It might not and that's okay. You could also think about exclusively pumping or switching to formula.
As for the pump, does your insurance cover one? If not, you could try looking into WIC- I've heard they lend out breast pumps.
With bottle feeding and worrying about him taking too much- you should look into pace feeding. It's a way of bottle feeding slowly so babies have time to realize they're full and don't overeat.
I don't know if it has helped with moving between bottle and breast but when we started introducing bottles husband and I agreed only he and I would give them and I end up giving most of them.
Breastfeeding your baby is stressful, period!!! I was able to nurse my daughter for 2 years exclusively, but mostly because she has such bad food allergies that I felt like formula wasn't much of an option. I feel like I had so many different chances that I would have quit. We battled a bad latch, nipple shields, her weight loss, allergic reaction to formula, colic from my diet, and a nursing strike, plus working full time for her first year and pumping. I figured out I had PPD for a lil more than a year but never connected the dots. I think breastfeeding contributed to it because I felt that I always had to be supermom since we didn't do formula and I had to do everything myself. I was worried about being away from her when i wasn't at work and if she had enough pumped milk in the freezer so I never had me time. Once we got everything figured out and was able to get my head out of the PPD cloud, I loved the connection more than the nutritional aspect of it all. If you supplement or formula feed, your taking care of your baby. Don't let your baby starve because you don't want to use formula. But it can be stressful regardless if you are able to continue it or switch to formula.
A lil tip: I kept my daughter on a slow flow nipple the whole time. I never changed it, even when she was 2 years old, so it mimicked nursing.
- Lanolin. I smeared this on thickly after every feeding and it helped a lot with pain so that LO could latch without a shield. My nipples were in bad shape the first month or so, but this really helped. Babies can drink more efficiently without the shield.
- Limiting feedings to 10-15 minutes per breast. My baby was also extremely lazy, and the LC recommended this to help him learn to be more efficient. I was spending like 1.5 hours per feeding...ain't nobody got time for that. At first this meant I was feeding him more often, but he really did start to get more efficient when he was put on a time limit. Yes, sometimes he was still hungry, but that helped him drink better next time.
- Pumping after each feeding. I did this while he was an ineffective sucker so that we had enough milk to feed him from the bottle later, if necessary. At first it was. But only for a week or so because he got so much better at breastfeeding. My LC suggested 10 to 15 minutes of pumping, and only after day feedings, because otherwise you won't get much rest.
Those 3 things helped so very much. We went from almost exclusively feeding the baby formula at 2 weeks old to a 100% breastfed baby by 5 weeks old.