grandparents sleepover

sslager

i need some advice on how to handle a situation i'm in. 
my daughter will be a year old end of march and she hasn't had a sleepover at grandmas house yet. reason being i'm not ready and i feel shes too young yet. so I've made dinner plans for my birthday next month and asked my MIL if she could babysit. she said that my LO should sleep over cause it would be easier. I told her shes too young for that and i'm not ready. then i get from both my husband and my MIL "you said when shes a year" which i didn't i said over a year. then they go off now how i'm being to clingy wit her and need to let go and once the second baby comes i'll be leaving him/her with them at 3 months (not likely). My husband support my MIL and told me that he sees nothing wrong with it. also she went off on how my LO doesn't like the word no and that if she keeps up being upset she'll stop saying no and letting her have whatever she wants (which she does at their place). so that really doesn't make me want to leave my LO with them! My nephew lived with them for a few years and hes a huge brat who at 14 still throws temper tantrums! 
what do i do? I've explained how I feel to them but its like talking to a wall. i just feel so alone.. 

Sarcasm101

sslager said:

i need some advice on how to handle a situation i'm in. 
my daughter will be a year old end of march and she hasn't had a sleepover at grandmas house yet. reason being i'm not ready and i feel shes too young yet. so I've made dinner plans for my birthday next month and asked my MIL if she could babysit. she said that my LO should sleep over cause it would be easier. I told her shes too young for that and i'm not ready. then i get from both my husband and my MIL "you said when shes a year" which i didn't i said over a year. then they go off now how i'm being to clingy wit her and need to let go and once the second baby comes i'll be leaving him/her with them at 3 months (not likely). My husband support my MIL and told me that he sees nothing wrong with it. also she went off on how my LO doesn't like the word no and that if she keeps up being upset she'll stop saying no and letting her have whatever she wants (which she does at their place). so that really doesn't make me want to leave my LO with them! My nephew lived with them for a few years and hes a huge brat who at 14 still throws temper tantrums! 
what do i do? I've explained how I feel to them but its like talking to a wall. i just feel so alone.. 

You and you husband need to get on the same page with this. And then present a united front to your MIL. The fact that your H is siding with his mom, and driving a wedge between you two, is a huge red flag.

If your MIL will only babysit if your LO can sleepover, then be prepared to find another sitter or cancel your plans.

FWIW, I don't think a sleepover when your LO is one year old, is an unreasonable request. Why do you feel its too young? Does she not sleep well? Still breastfeeding?

Your nephew has no baring on this situation.

SmrBrd2012

I agree with PP on all fronts. It's really frustrating that your H is siding with his mom, esp if he's doing it in front of both of you. However, I also think there's no reason she couldn't do an overnight with grandma. She's not going to become spoiled overnight and honestly grandparents do spoil grandkids. It's what they do! At the end of the day, you have to do what you are comfortable with, but I think you should be a little more open minded about letting LO stay overnight. It might be a nice break to spend the time with your H.

Bigboobsmcgee

SmrBrd2012 said:

I agree with PP on all fronts. It's really frustrating that your H is siding with his mom, esp if he's doing it in front of both of you. However, I also think there's no reason she couldn't do an overnight with grandma. She's not going to become spoiled overnight and honestly grandparents do spoil grandkids. It's what they do! At the end of the day, you have to do what you are comfortable with, but I think you should be a little more open minded about letting LO stay overnight. It might be a nice break to spend the time with your H.

This. I will GLADLY send my kids to my moms! How long you want to keep them mom?!

But seriously, yes it sucks that your husband isn't on your "side" but if he doesn't see a problem with an overnight at his mother's house then I understand him siding with her and not you. There are a lot of things in parenting that DH and I don't agree on but I wouldn't say that is a "red flag" like PP said above. I just have stronger beliefs about certain things and my DH is more laid back.

crpsebride

If you're not ready for her to spend the night then you're not ready and they should respect that. If you're not going to be comfortable with her gone overnight you're not going to be able to relax and enjoy it anyway. Don't let them rush you into something you're not ready for. She's your child and MIL should respect the decisions you make in parenting her. And you need to sit down with hubby and explain to him how you feel. It doesn't sound like you're completely against overnights, you're just not ready, which is completely understandable. I don't think you're being clingy, she's your baby, and I think it's normal and perfectly fine that you don't want her away from you for a whole night. Just do what makes you comfortable and try to get hubby to see your side and how you feel. Either way don't feel bad about any decision you make. Hell my dad and stepmother didn't leave my 2 younger brothers anywhere over night for 7 YEARS!! because she wasn't comfortable with it. So I think you not wanting to leave your 1 year old for that long is perfectly reasonable.

kjones115

My daughter will be one on March 31. She just recently spent her first night out at my parents and honestly it was great. Weird but great. You and your husband totally need to be on the same page but a little time apart is good, even healthy. And it's not like your baby will be living there, it's just one night. Go and enjoy your birthday and have a baby free night. It's liberating. I'm planning the next sleep over in my head as I type this.

ginger819

Our LO is 10 months and she started having sleepovers at around 4 months at my parents. My mom stayed with us a lot before that though and so I completely trust her. I think it has to be whenever you are ready, but I think over a year (barring a special circumstance such as breastfeeding) you should think about taking a night for yourself.  However, if there's a reason to worry about your child's well being (besides being spoiled for a night) then by every right you should keep her from spending the night. My MIL hasn't had DD overnight yet because we simply don't trust her (and she smokes in her house which is a deal breaker for us).

veetveet

My daughter is 5.5 YEARS  and just that her first sleep over last weekend at the inlaws.   My kid- my rules!  

babym0mma52

My daughter is 10 months old and has had 4 or 5 sleep overs (1 with my parents, the others with my inlaws). She didn't start having nights away from me until she was very consistent with her sleep (first one was at 4.5 months where she was just having one waking at 4 or 5am). I would never have done it though if I wasn't comfortable. I don't think you should feel pressured to leave her overnight. I understand where your husband is coming from, but I don't think it's kind of him to side with your MIL publicly. Privately, fine - but I think it's important that he not blame it on you to his mom, making it seem like you're the bad guy.

Personally, I would have no problem leaving a one year old with my inlaws. I trust my inlaws implicitly though - I know my MIL will dote on my daughter more than I will, and will take just as good of care of her. If it weren't that way, I wouldn't leave my baby with her. I wouldn't worry about your daughter being spoiled by her grandparents. That's what they're for! Kids are pretty good at understanding as time goes on that just because G&G let her do something doesn't mean it's how it'll go at home.

Bottom line. Think about your reasons for not wanting the sleepover yet, try to relax a little about it - really consider if you're just not ready yet or if you're being stubborn (I'm not saying you are, I'm just saying think about it). If after giving it good consideration you still don't want to, then I don't think you have to. But I would talk to your husband about not telling his mom that you're the reason it's not happening.